Chapter 10
We stood there for a long time, staring at each other. Then, a voice called out to Woosang from behind him. Without a word, he turned and walked out of the alley.
I couldn’t reach out or make a sound. My heart beat as usual. It was strange. I could smell his scent. At least, I thought I could.
Slowly, I fumbled for my phone in my back pocket and turned on the screen. I wondered if there might be something from him, but there was no message from Woosang.
“Ah…”
Only a cracked voice escaped my lips.
Unable to comprehend the situation, I blinked a few times and checked my reflection in the darkened screen. I was wearing my work glasses with black-tinted lenses. The dim lighting of the alley, combined with my usual clean but unremarkable work clothes, made my eyes look more sunken than usual.
He probably didn’t recognize me. It was a dark alley, and we weren’t in Paris. And if it had been Woosang, he wouldn’t have pretended not to see me.
After rationalizing the situation, I forced myself to calm down and contacted my partner, telling him I was heading back. My partner didn’t seem pleased that I was leaving without finishing up, but he only sent a brief reply:
“Got it.”
“Hah…”
The tension left my body, and a sigh naturally escaped my lips.
I returned to my lodging, removed my lenses and glasses, and booked a flight.
“Do you have the earliest flight to Paris?”
“Paris? Yes, of course. Should I book it for you now? There’s one leaving in an hour.”
“……”
“Or there’s one in three hours. Which would you prefer?”
“Book the one in an hour.”
The staff member confirmed my request, booked my ticket, and wished me a pleasant trip. Flights from Spain to Paris were plentiful. Normally, I would have taken a budget airline, but this time, I just wanted the fastest flight available.
With only a single bag as luggage, I checked in without any issues. After that, I couldn’t remember how I ended up returning to Paris. The anxiety kept growing. I couldn’t bear it. It was unbearable—so suffocating that I couldn’t stand it.
***
When I got home, I lay on the bed without moving. This bed, which usually brought me no thoughts at all, now felt like the best refuge. I even thought that if I closed my eyes, I might just die here, peacefully, in this warmth.
The memory of Woosang’s face as he looked at me made my stomach churn. When he appeared in my dreams, it never felt like this. Being with Woosang, I seemed to experience new sensations every time. Trembling affection. And maddening fear. These were all things I had never known.
Just then, my phone vibrated lightly. It was a message from Woosang. The time was already 2 AM. Spain wouldn’t be much different. Why was he awake at this hour? Or had he not been able to sleep at all?
Attached to the message was a single photo—of the evening sky in Spain, painted with sunset hues.
“I took this because the sky was beautiful.”
It was an ordinary message. Normally, I would have happily replied right away, but today, I didn’t feel like it. The anxiety rising in my throat made me reluctant to respond. I turned off my phone and recalled his blank stare. I realized I would never be able to escape those eyes. My head throbbed incessantly.
***
Two weeks had passed since I returned from Spain. I hadn’t turned on my phone once since coming back. Somehow, I felt that if I did, I would see something I didn’t want to.
Woosang hadn’t confirmed it was me, and I didn’t think he had recognized me. But I wasn’t sure. Maybe he thought I was a stalker. That seemed like the most reasonable conclusion. I tried to imagine Woosang hurling accusations at me, but nothing came to mind. Yes, Woosang wouldn’t try to pin me down, no matter what. But that fact only made me sadder now.
Woosang had said he would return in two weeks, so he would likely be back in Paris soon. I still couldn’t understand why I felt this anxiety. I had never felt such deep unease in my life. Not when Hund abandoned me. Not even when my parents abandoned me before that. Yet here I was, trembling with anxiety.
The reflection in the mirror felt unfamiliar, so I avoided looking at it when I went into the bathroom. Sitting blankly on the sofa, I heard the doorbell ring. Since the other residents in the building were always busy, no one was usually home during the day. As a result, I often ended up receiving all the deliveries for the building.
Without even turning on the intercom, I opened the front door and waited for the delivery person to come up.
Thump. Thump.
The footsteps sounded different from usual. It didn’t sound like a delivery person. Curious, I looked up and saw Woosang climbing the stairs—not a delivery person at all. I blinked in surprise.
How had he found this place? Then I remembered—just a few weeks ago, he had visited my place several times. The fact that someone who knew me had come to my space—this simple truth struck me like a bolt of lightning.
Before I could say anything, Woosang spoke first.
“Teo, have you been well?”
“……Yes. I’ve been… well.”
“I couldn’t reach you, so I got worried and came right over.”
Woosang said this and lifted his carry-on to show me. Had he come straight here after returning from Spain? Why?
I just blinked a few times and closed my mouth again.
“Can you help me? It’s a bit heavy.”
“Ah… yes.”
I hurried over, took his carry-on, and brought it into my place. The door shut with a thud. I couldn’t believe Woosang was in my space again and shook my head a few times. Watching me, Woosang smiled as usual and began taking things out of his luggage. It looked like souvenirs from Spain.
“Teo.”
“……Yes?”
“Why didn’t you answer my messages?”
“……That’s…”
His voice carried an oddly pressing tone, and I tensed up. My throat tightened, and my voice wouldn’t come out properly.
“I thought we had become quite close.”
Woosang looked at me seriously. I thought so too. I wanted to say honestly that I considered him not just a friend, but something more. But I couldn’t say it.
“I… I…”
The smile that had been on Woosang’s lips was now gone. He looked at me with a worried gaze, as if he knew the pain I couldn’t put into words. He got up from where he was sitting and came to sit beside me. Then, tilting his head slightly, he looked at my face, demanding some kind of answer.
I didn’t think I could give him the answer he wanted. But in truth, I wanted to give it to him.
I repeated Woosang’s words in my mind.
We had become quite close.
I didn’t know if he truly felt that way, so I couldn’t bring myself to respond. The short time we spent together hadn’t just been meaningful to me—it had meant something to him too. That was a relief. But now, that relief felt like misery.
I had thought I was nothing to him. I had always believed that only I was clinging to our relationship. But the title of friend was already more than I deserved. I felt like such a fool. We weren’t special lovers or bound by deep affection—just friends—and yet, that single word filled me with such overwhelming emotion.
Still, the fact that I remained somewhere in his heart was what mattered. Nothing else did.
For some reason, I felt like tears might spill. I didn’t understand these emotions. Noticing my reddened eyes, Woosang came closer and gently brushed his fingers over them. Startled by the sudden touch, I grabbed his hand. Our eyes met.
“I still prefer your original eye color. The black lenses… they feel unnatural.”
“……”
“Did you always wear glasses?”
“……What?”
“You were wearing them that time. They suited you.”
Woosang smiled and slowly lowered his arm. I couldn’t respond to his words.
Woosang had known it was me back then. That realization shocked me. Deep down, I had suspected he might know. But if he had known, why didn’t he acknowledge me? Perhaps he had been afraid. He must have been terrified to see me standing there in the dark alley, looking like I was plotting something.
But just now, Woosang had called me a close friend. My chaotic mind raced, trying to grasp what was important, but it wasn’t easy.
“I thought about it carefully. For those two weeks when I couldn’t reach you, I thought a lot, but I couldn’t come up with a proper conclusion. So this might not be the right answer…”
“……”
I didn’t understand what he was saying. What did he want to say?
“Teo. Whatever the answer is, I wish you would tell me.”
“……W-What do you mean?”
Woosang fixed his gaze on me, not blinking once, as if he were absorbing my image into himself. I didn’t know why Woosang’s usually unfamiliar expressions felt so provocative today.
Then, with a strange smile, he said:
“Do you… like me?”
A series of disconnected thoughts swirled in my head. It was as if I had heard something incomprehensible. I couldn’t give any answer to that subtle question.
