Because of that, the only times I was reminded of the fact that I was an omega were when I went to the hospital to fill out identification information, and occasionally when I masturbated thinking of hyung-nim.
Choi Jihwan, with whom I’d just had a conversation, also didn’t seem to care at all about my trait. I felt relieved that even after coming to university, I’d be able to get by without much worry as usual.
Actually, in this day and age, aren’t things like traits meaningless? Same with pheromones.
A memory from not long ago suddenly came to mind. Even hyung-nim had been so indifferent despite keeping me, an omega, by his side all that time, so perhaps thinking that way might at least be self-consolation…….
That’s why I suddenly became curious.
If I went into heat, what would happen? Would hyung-nim perhaps react to my pheromones too?
‘Hm?’
A phone screen suddenly entered my vision as I was blankly staring at my desk. Something was written on it, so I slowly read the small text.
I heard there’s a freshman welcome party after class today, wanna go together?
“……”
I slowly raised my head and looked at Choi Jihwan. Obviously, I could look very well into the eyes of people other than Jeongwoo hyung-nim.
Jihwan was an alpha, but I didn’t feel any special sensation or emotion. It was only natural. We weren’t beasts, and before being alpha and omega, we were just classmates who met at the same school.
The reason I could look at other people’s eyes without any problem was also because I had no feelings.
Just like hyung-nim, who that morning had casually talked about childhood stories even while exposing his genitals through his loosened robe in front of me.
Looking at Jihwan mouthing ‘How about it?’, I nodded.
Freshman welcome party. Since drinking with Yoo Jeongyeon in January, alcohol tasted so bad I hadn’t even touched it. So even if there was such an occasion, I wasn’t particularly interested…….
“Then give me your number.”
At the words I heard softly from beside me, I took Jihwan’s phone. As I slowly pressed the keypad, I had a strange feeling, as if I were taking my first step out into the world.
When I looked at Jeongwoo hyung-nim, the whole world shook, and I could only see hyung-nim, so there were many times when I was too scared to dare look at him.
Perhaps if I too experienced the outside world to my heart’s content, I might be able to look at hyung-nim with a comfortable gaze like I would at other people.
“Right, you come home early at night. If you get cocky just because you became an adult, you’ll get scolded by hyung.”
Moreover, the conversation I’d had with hyung-nim in the morning also stimulated my competitive spirit.
“A little kid is a little kid.”
The thought of whether hyung-nim would really only see me as a little kid forever made me move.
I was now a university student who could even drink alcohol every day. The fact that I was facing death for the first time in my life gave me great courage.
I didn’t even know when I’d die, so I couldn’t die without enjoying even this.
Having lived my entire school years as a boring model student, there were so many things I was curious about.
Because of that, that day I got drunk on alcohol for the first time in my life and went home on Choi Jihwan’s back.
The person who discovered the two of us swaying at the front gate was hyung-nim.
***
In fact, hyung-nim was once a very scary person.
The current hyung-nim has quite a gentle disposition, but in the past it was a little different.
Yeongyeon says that hyung-nim’s personality at the time was ‘a control freak and exceptionally dog-like,’ but I tend not to agree with that. He was just a bit more prickly compared to now.
However, it seems his personality was a bit peculiar, as the older girls his age would all easily develop a liking after seeing hyung-nim’s face, only to quickly give up on their feelings.
Still, to me, hyung-nim was always kind. According to Mother, apparently the young me had such a cute appearance that anyone could see, so I received special treatment.
Of course, hyung-nim’s somewhat shameless and dirty personality softened as he became an adult. Moreover, his reputation around him improved as he walked the elite course of law school and becoming a lawyer.
Furthermore, hyung-nim’s trait of being a dominant alpha shone even more after he became an adult. His attitude, which could seem somewhat sharp and arrogant, made hyung-nim, a dominant alpha, stand out even more attractively. I didn’t think so since I’d seen him from such a young age, but people who met him outside would all see hyung-nim as being in the position of a predator.
So the current hyung-nim was such a mature and wonderful adult that I couldn’t dare aspire to reach him.
On the other hand, I was just a greenhorn who had just entered university with no talent worth showing off.
While I had merely aged by the time I turned twenty, during those years hyung-nim had become such a wonderful person I couldn’t even reach.
Even if I became the same age as the current hyung-nim, it seemed I could never get close to him. Then I had no choice but to watch from afar.
As the neighbor from next door who had watched him since infancy.
“Coming home in that state at almost midnight, are you in your right mind?”
And now was a moment when I felt the gap between hyung-nim and me even more starkly.
“Who taught you that doing whatever you want is what it means to be an adult? That’s not being an adult. It’s what kids like you do. Understand?”
In the middle of the night, I stood before the person I had a one-sided love for and answered in a shrinking voice.
“I’m sorry, hyung-nim……”
“Does being sorry after causing trouble fix everything? Do you remember it was just this morning that I told you to come home early?”
A sharp voice immediately pierced my ears. I hunched my shoulders even more with my hands clasped together. I didn’t know how pathetic I must look, but right now being scared of hyung-nim came first.
Hyung-nim, who discovered me in front of the gate, immediately carried drunk me on his back. Then he brought me to my room and gave me a long speech.
I think the last time I was scolded like this was in my third year of middle school, what a humiliation this was…….
But deep down, I liked this situation. After becoming aware of my one-sided love, I’d always maintained distance from hyung-nim and been careful with my actions and words, so I hadn’t been scolded like this.
Seeing hyung-nim so angry because of me made me feel as if I’d returned to the past. Like those times when he cherished and cared for me more than his own younger sibling.
Because of that, impudent thoughts began to gradually creep in without me realizing it.
The thought that being scolded could feel good depending on the timing…….
“You’re not focusing on what I’m saying.”
“……!”
At hyung-nim’s growling voice, I widened my eyes that had been about to go limp.
Come to think of it, I was in the middle of being scolded. That thought just now was absolutely something that shouldn’t be caught by angry hyung-nim.
“But hyung-nim, Mom and Dad didn’t say much……”
“That’s just a convenient interpretation for you. Don’t you know it’s because they’re soft-hearted?”
How long has it been since hyung-nim was this angry?
“How worried must they have been for them to even call me. Do you even know how wrong you were today?”
“But! Jeongyeon said he always drinks and comes home late too.”
Sorry to Jeongyeon, but I sneakily dragged my friend down too. I knew it was impossible to win against hyung-nim with words anyway, but I felt wronged too.
“I heard when you go to university, everyone does this, even the adults said so……”
If it were the usual me, I would never talk back to hyung-nim, but my current state was a bit different from usual.
The alcohol I shared with Yoo Jeongyeon in my room as soon as I became an adult on January 1st was only a bottle of soju. Even that was so bitter that we couldn’t even finish half of it together, saying we absolutely couldn’t drink it.
But when I went to today’s drinking party, I realized that the alcohol I drank then wasn’t even alcohol.
The university students’ drinking party I attended for the first time was much more fun than I thought. As the alcohol went in, I relaxed and could become friendly even with people I’d met for the first time, and I felt like I’d already become best friends with Choi Jihwan who sat next to me the whole time.
“Who said such a thing? Was it Yoo Jeongyeon too?”
“No? That was Jihwan……”
“Who the hell is this Jihwan? That bastard from earlier?”
Oops. I quickly shut my mouth.
Since Jeongyeon was hyung-nim’s own younger sibling, that was one thing, but there was nothing good about bringing up another friend in this situation. Moreover, hyung-nim’s aggressive term of address was not normal.
I couldn’t make my newly made friend look bad to hyung-nim, whom I liked the most, from the very start.
“N-no. That’s…… Jihyeon.”
“Jihyeon? That alpha bastard’s name is Jihyeon?”
“……”
Don’t tell me he already looks bad? The friend I newly made today had already become ‘that alpha bastard’ to Jeongwoo hyung-nim. I gulped down dry saliva.
In that brief moment, how did he know Jihwan was an alpha?
At hyung-nim’s sharp gaze, I unconsciously gulped down dry saliva.
Come to think of it, Choi Jihwan seemed to have been frightened after encountering hyung-nim earlier, so I’d have to explain well to him tomorrow when I go to school. I nodded quickly, hoping my clumsy lie had worked.
“That’s right…… Jihyeon.”
Even so, hyung-nim stared at me with narrowed eyes as if suspicious.
