It was close enough that we were almost touching. I could even feel hyung-nim’s breath and body heat.
The scent brushing past my nose was a mixture of subtle cologne and cigarette smell.
I knew he’d quit smoking long ago after taking the bar exam, so why would he smell like it now? I remembered that earlier, hyung-nim had pushed me into the room and came in a little later.
“Hyung-nim, you smell like cigarettes.”
Did he smoke one then? Because of me.
Hyung-nim gave no answer to my muttered words.
Suppressing my trembling heart, I brought my lips to his. I felt a soft sensation. My lips had touched hyung-nim’s.
The fingertips gripping his clothes trembled coldly, and my heart pounded beneath my ears.
My first time taking the lead in a kiss was far too clumsy and a complete mess.
As expected, my lips trembled against my will. My breathing poured out irregularly, and my hands, not knowing where to go, only gripped his clothes tightly.
While I moved my lips, hyung-nim didn’t even stir. He was simply staying still, receiving me. That indifferent attitude made me even more anxious.
Our breaths mingled as our lips clumsily overlapped. Trying to hide my trembling only made my body shake more. And then, it was the moment hyung-nim’s head moved slightly.
Hyung-nim’s tongue, holding my lips, lightly licked my lips. In that moment, it felt like electricity was flowing through my body.
My face burning hot, I instinctively pulled my lips away.
“Hah, I can’t…”
But the words didn’t continue. Hyung-nim’s lips came down on me again.
When the briefly brushing tip of his tongue swept across my lower lip again, my body instinctively flinched. It was like I’d completely forgotten how to breathe and couldn’t do it properly.
Jeongwoo hyung-nim’s fingertips lightly supported my chin that couldn’t find its bearings, and he kissed me again. This time it was slower and more certain. When I turned my head, hyung-nim delved deeper.
With the heavy energy approaching, a sense of pressure as if a wall was touching my back rushed in. It felt like I couldn’t escape anywhere. And that’s when it happened.
“Hngh…!”
I let out a short, suppressed moan.
Huk. As soon as that sound leaked out, both my eyes flew open. And hyung-nim’s expression wrinkled strongly.
It was as if the moaning sound I’d just let out had touched something in him.
I hurriedly tried to lean back, but I couldn’t because I was trapped in hyung-nim’s embrace. During that brief moment, hyung-nim’s lips slowly pressed down on my lips, then finally quietly fell away.
I continued to gasp for breath, heated. It felt like I’d barely escaped after being submerged in water.
All that remained was my breath hot with heat and hyung-nim’s dry expression as if nothing had happened.
The sensation wouldn’t disappear from my lips that his wet tongue had swept across, as if they were on fire. I pressed my lips with the back of my hand.
Hyung-nim’s face was right before my eyes. A rigidly hardened expression, an unmoving gaze. I couldn’t read any emotion in those pupils.
No, looking again, hyung-nim still seemed angry.
Because I’d actually caused trouble after those words he’d thrown out with the sentiment of “let’s see how far you’ll go.”
I hurriedly withdrew the hand I’d placed on his chest and tried to steady my breathing. The air in the room had sunk heavily, and my chest was still in turmoil.
Glancing at hyung-nim’s face, I eventually lowered my gaze. It was because I suddenly remembered what hyung-nim had said before kissing.
“Then try it.”
“…Pardon?”
“If everything you say is so right, try kissing me right now.”
So that’s what he meant.
In the brightly lit room late at night, I was facing hyung-nim who had a colder expression than ever before.
It was a cold expression. It seemed like even the remaining affection had completely dropped away because I, whom he’d watched since childhood, had done such a thing purely out of curiosity.
I kept my gaze lowered and just breathed. My wet lips stung, and my shoulders and spine felt unpleasantly damp as if soaked with sweat.
And as expected, hyung-nim still didn’t move.
Silence flowed. I don’t know how long it was, but to me it felt like eternity. Hyung-nim’s gaze felt heavy.
“Sleep here.”
At hyung-nim’s low voice, I reflexively lifted my head. I stared blankly as if I’d heard wrong.
“What about you, hyung-nim? I’ll go to my room—”
“Don’t say you’re going outside in that state.”
For a moment, hyung-nim’s eyes pointed downward. I also lowered my head following his gaze, and my heart sank with a thud.
…Ah.
Of course my pants were stiffly bulging. I hurriedly pulled down my t-shirt, but it was already too late.
This is why I said I couldn’t do it in the middle.
“I guess you won’t say you want to try it anywhere anymore.”
My face burned hot at his sharp gaze. After that, hyung-nim turned his back without looking at me again.
In the suffocating silence, the door closed quietly.
Only then did I plop down on the bed. Even though quite some time had passed, my face was still hot and it felt like sensation remained on my lips. I still couldn’t believe what I’d done.
“…I’m really screwed.”
Left alone in hyung-nim’s room, I muttered quietly.
I’d had my first kiss with Jeongwoo hyung-nim, which I’d imagined and comforted myself with for ages. And after waking from being drunk on that dream, an unexpected reality was waiting for me.
Hyung-nim’s ice-cold reaction like this… was something I could never handle.
***
Tap tap tap tap.
The sound of a small child running quickly tickled his ears from afar.
Jeongwoo, who was about to open his reference book, looked toward the door and listened for a moment.
Knock. Knock.
Sure enough, contrary to the rushing momentum, a very small knocking sound was heard. The little child living next door was a well-mannered child.
“Hyung, can I come in? I have important business.”
Important business. Those were words somewhat incongruous coming from a child’s mouth.
It was all because Hajin’s mother, Han Myeongsuk, had educated him over and over that Jeongwoo hyung was busy studying, so he absolutely must not disturb him unless it was “important business.”
“Important business…”
What could be the important business that arose for the child today? Each time he heard that grown-up expression that didn’t suit him, it made him chuckle. He got up and opened the door.
“Hyung! They say when I enter elementary school now, I’ll wear a uniform too. Like you, hyung. I’m going to be a hyung now too!”
After five more sleeps, he wouldn’t be a kindergartener but would become an elementary school hyung. He’d rushed over this busily as soon as he heard that news.
The words that began with the child’s characteristic excited breathing continued for quite a while after that.
“That’s right, Hajin’s becoming an elementary school student too, huh? You won’t be able to talk with those kindergarten babies anymore.”
After matching the child’s eye level and listening quietly, Jeongwoo suddenly frowned slightly. As if sensing something strange while pouring out words, Hajin opened his rabbit eyes wide.
“Hyung, why?”
“You’re going to be an elementary school hyung, didn’t you forget something?”
Looking at the surprised eyes, Jeongwoo playfully raised the corners of his mouth.
“Huh? Forgot something?”
“You didn’t greet hyung.”
While saying that, he tapped his own cheek twice, tok tok.
“Ah, right…!”
Then Hajin, his cheeks turning pink, pressed his lips chu right to that exact spot Jeongwoo had pointed to. Only then did Jeongwoo smile with satisfaction.
“When you go to elementary school, you’ll learn how important greetings are. As an elementary school hyung, you have to kiss more diligently from now on.”
“I see…”
“Oh, greeting kisses are only for hyung, except for mom and dad.”
Jeongwoo quickly added, realizing this belatedly. This child might hear his words and grab just anyone to kiss them as a greeting.
“…Yes!”
Hajin, who paused a bit, seemed to have a blank face as if thinking strange thoughts again this time. The child was often like this.
Jeongwoo ruffled Hajin’s hair like that.
After the fifth night passed. On the day of both children’s elementary school entrance ceremony, the families were twice as busy.
“Oh my, look at them. They look like twins in their uniforms.”
“Really, they’re so cute!”
Hajin and Jeongyeon met in front of the house wearing newly tailored private elementary school uniforms that were big on them. The adults had been busy taking pictures from the moment the children came out of the house.
“Why does Hajin look so down? Aren’t you happy to become an elementary school hyung?”
“…I’m happy.”
It was a hectic yet happy and exciting day, but Hajin had a particularly gloomy expression. Especially when they took pictures on the grass field, the corners of his mouth were pulled down.
Jeongyeon was hopping around holding a bouquet as big as his body, and all the other children were smiling with their families too. The only child not smiling was Hajin alone.
“Hajin seems to be more shy with strangers than we thought.”
The adults who muttered worriedly tried their best to comfort Hajin, but the child had his own reason.
It was because no matter where he looked around, Jeongwoo hyung, whom Hajin most wanted to see, was nowhere to be seen.
