“What kiss, just because you were curious…… Haa.”
Hyung-nim pressed his forehead as if he was going crazy. At that appearance, as if he was at a loss for words, a sense of injustice suddenly reared its head.
“……I’m an adult now too, so I wanted to try it.”
Why was I curious about this kind of thing? Actually, everything I asked Choi Jihwan about was all because of hyung-nim. If I didn’t need to be curious, I wouldn’t have even tried.
Because, probably, I would never be able to kiss hyung-nim in my life.
“Because you’re an adult?”
Of course, that wasn’t all of it.
I wanted to experience it even through someone else. You need to try it to imagine anything at least. But there was no way I could tell him my honest feelings.
That I wanted to try it with hyung-nim—how could I dare say such a thing?
“Hajin-ah, does that mean you grab just anyone and ask them to kiss you? As soon as you become an adult?”
“What? It’s not just anyone, it’s a friend.”
I hurriedly added.
“And it’s not right after becoming an adult! I’ve been an adult for three months……”
“Three months after becoming an adult, with a friend you’ve known for less than a month.”
“……”
“The person you grabbed and asked to kiss you.”
Hyung-nim spoke quietly and twitched his eyebrow.
“And the reason for all those actions is just, because you were curious?”
I bit my lip as if it would burst. Come to think of it, Jeongwoo hyung-nim wasn’t someone I could win against in words.
“Hyung-nim, I’ll be honest with you.”
At times like this, it was better to be honest instead.
“I was curious, but also, I heard that if you actually try it, it’s no big deal, so I was just going to try it once……”
When I answered, hyung-nim seemed at a loss for words once again.
“You look so well-behaved, and now this……”
His mouth hung open, and his wide eyes continued to stare at my face in disbelief.
Instead of making excuses, I shrugged my shoulders. Because from my conversation with Jeongyeon the other day, I had genuinely come to think that way.
“Who said that? Who said that kind of thing was no big deal? Who on earth instilled such twisted sexual values in you?”
“……”
Unlike earlier, his voice was gradually rising. Moreover, hyung-nim now seemed genuinely curious. Just where the source of the strange things I was saying came from.
“Answer me. When did you, who grew up so nicely in Seoul going through the English kindergarten course and all, develop such a flippant mindset?”
But I couldn’t say it was your younger brother, hyung-nim. If I did, Yoo Jeongyeon would probably end his dormitory life in less than a month.
“Th-that’s just, kids these days all think like that.”
Getting scolded by hyung-nim made me a bit confused. Had I really acted that recklessly earlier? Come to think of it, Jeongyeon was this household’s troublemaker, and even from my perspective, there were aspects of Jeongyeon’s words that shouldn’t be taken at face value……
“H-hyung-nim, you’re not a kid these days…… so you might not know.”
“……”
Unlike my momentum in immediately talking back out of defiance, my voice lacked conviction.
Still, if I had no interest at all, that would be one thing. But if I had tremendous interest like I did, couldn’t I try it as an experiment?
Even now, hyung-nim remained silent with his mouth closed.
Of course, listening to hyung-nim’s words made me lose my conviction too, but something inside me was still seething. I couldn’t understand why I was being scolded by hyung-nim like this.
Not everyone lived like sexually conservative scholars like hyung-nim.
“I heard from another friend you don’t know, hyung-nim, and they also kissed someone for the first time recently with someone they’d just met not long ago. Honestly, what’s so special about my lips…… I don’t understand what I did wrong, at least regarding this issue, hyung-nim.”
Why was hyung-nim interfering so much when he wasn’t even interested in me anyway? I thought hyung-nim would understand the full story at this point.
But that was my huge mistake.
“You’re so small yet you keep spouting nothing but wrong things.”
I flinched without realizing it. That was a fairly emotional word choice for hyung-nim, who usually didn’t get excited easily.
Hyung-nim let out an incredulous laugh and from then on, properly began his lecture.
“Fine, you can be curious. Who would criticize the curiosity you have in your vigorous youth? But kissing is something you do with someone you love, Hajin-ah.”
“……”
“If you’re going to ask someone, at least ask someone you’ve known for a long, long time. Not some alpha bastard you’ve only known for a month or two like that guy earlier. Okay?”
I couldn’t help but roll my eyes at the nagging that continued like a Joseon-era schoolmaster.
Honestly, how pure was hyung-nim himself? Scolding me this much when he wasn’t even going to do it for me.
“No, honestly, I can’t understand why you would ask anyone such a thing. No matter how much you throw a tantrum, this isn’t okay. Even if I try to let it slide because you’re cute, there’s a limit. I don’t even want to think about what would have happened if I’d come home even a little later.”
And it was the moment I thought that.
“Huh?”
Hyung-nim, who noticed my unusual look, raised his eyebrows.
“Lee Hajin, are you Yoo Jeongyeon? What’s with those eyes?”
I didn’t back down. I put strength in my eyes and stared directly at hyung-nim.
“Kid, won’t you open your eyes properly?”
“……”
To even say that thing I hated most. Despite hyung-nim’s threat, I continued to furrow my brow without yielding.
Then hyung-nim visibly flinched. See, that’s right. I’m also a scary person when I’m angry.
Soon after, hyung-nim shook his head as if he’d made some kind of decision, glanced around at the empty air once, and took his time.
“I was going to try to handle it myself up to drinking without knowing your limit and coming home late, but you’re really not going to work.”
Then, he finally said triumphantly.
“I’ll have to discuss this with your parents. I need to fix your bad habits.”
“Ha.”
Good heavens. How cowardly to threaten to tattle to mom and dad. I shouted in frustration.
“Then hyung-nim should do the kiss for me! Since we’ve known each other for a long, long time!”
To me, with my difficult-to-fulfill unrequited love, it seemed far more rational to try it when the opportunity arose like Jeongyeon did, rather than saving my first kiss for someone I loved.
“……What did you say?”
And right now, I was going to die having only known the person I loved for a long, long time without even being able to kiss them.
My circumstances and such—hyung-nim wasn’t even interested in them…….
“Are you calling that words right now? Who do you think you’re-.”
At my recklessly thrown-out words, hyung-nim’s face immediately became even more fierce.
“See? When you’re not even going to do it anyway.”
“Can’t you even distinguish between what you can and can’t say to other people?”
I knew it would be like this. I was completely offended.
So I thought ‘hyung-nim is totally like a boomer’ only in my head, but it seemed to have slipped out of my mouth.
“What, boomer?”
“Uh……”
I thought the alcohol had completely worn off, but it was all a delusion.
How dare I say such a thing to hyung-nim? My heart raced like crazy for a moment.
“N-no, that’s not what……”
“Then try it.”
But hyung-nim’s answer was unexpected.
“……What?”
“If you’re so right about everything you say, try kissing me right now.”
I stared blankly with my mouth open.
“If you have the confidence to handle it, do it. But taking responsibility tomorrow after you sober up is on you.”
It felt like I couldn’t breathe. It was so surreal that I had to keep mulling over whether what I heard was real.
Was he just threatening me? I was confused whether he meant it as ‘just try it and see what happens.’
But it was difficult to read the meaning behind hyung-nim’s expression. Vaguely, it seemed like a slightly mocking smile. As if saying ‘you can’t do it anyway.’
“Hurry up and try it, Hajin-ah. The person who carried you on his back and raised you is saying he’ll let you kiss him.”
Now hyung-nim’s eyes were slightly curved. Then that meant he was smiling. What did it mean to smile after being angry?
Did the alcohol give me courage? Somehow, even though I felt like hyung-nim’s anger had reached its limit, I didn’t want to back down.
If I hesitated here, I felt like I’d hear him say that if I couldn’t even kiss him, I shouldn’t even think about doing it with some person I’d never seen or heard of before.
“……Hyung-nim, I’m really going to do it.”
And probably, the opportunity to kiss hyung-nim that would never come again in my life would be gone forever too.
I reached out and grabbed hyung-nim’s collar.
“I really can do it.”
I felt defiant. I wanted to show him that I could do it too.
A moment later, I pulled on his collar and stood on tiptoe at the same time.
