We haven’t grown up yet. We’re really immature, weak-willed, a bit stupid, and we’re sorry for being Fort who repeats fighting and making up like this.
But we wanted to show you that this is the kind of people we are. We thought you should at least know what kind of thoughts the people you like have and what kind of people they are.
Leader Kang Juno, Moon Hamoon, Go Yoon, Lee Robi, Cha Hohyeon. The five of us will continue to be together from now on.
So can you accompany us once more? We can’t promise to only show you smiling faces anymore, but we hope you’ll accompany us in the process of being able to smile.
We love you, love you, and love you.
-Moon Hamoon, Go Yoon, Lee Robi, Kang Juno
Ps. Hohyeon-ah, I miss you. Is it so nice there that you don’t even appear in my dreams? There are many voices, photos, and videos you left behind, so I can look them up if I want to see them. But it feels strange. Even though there are many things you left behind, I can’t have a conversation with you, I can’t hug you.
December twenty-first, Cha Hohyeon.
You’re stopped forever at that time. You were born in winter and especially loved winter, so I guess you’re happy to stay in winter for life now. Even if you like it, couldn’t you have gone a little later after blowing out the cake candles?
How was your birthday in heaven? Our Hohyeon loves cake, did the angels prepare cake well for you? You’ll be loved so much even there. Hyung will have to live well and go to heaven to see you.
Hohyeon-ah. We were going to disband, but Yoon said let’s sing. He said let’s try to reach you by singing to you, so we’re going to try too. So make sure to listen to our songs there and wait for us.
Hyung has so many things I want to say, but when I try to write like this, only tears come out so I can’t write…… Hyung will live long until my black hair becomes white roots! If I go there then, don’t tease me for having white hair lol!
I love you. More than words can express.]
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Five years: Our angel Hohyeon!! It’s like you became an angel too quickly because we called you an angel every time. So I’m really sorry.
And Hamoon, thank you so much. If you had just said you were okay, we would have been sadder. Thank you for sharing your feelings without hiding them. We don’t have to be happy. We didn’t become fans to always see you happy. Actually, if it’s too hard, it’s okay to disband. That doesn’t mean we’ll ever hate you.
If it’s hard, it’s okay to quit. Still, we’ll always support you and continue to support you. My singers, I’m so proud of you. I love you and will always accompany you.
* * *
“Abyss live broadcast in 15 minutes!”
As soon as the staff’s words echoed, the waiting room became chaos.
“Checking magic paper and lighter!”
“Checked!”
“Cards! What about the cards?!”
“The handcuffs are here. I’ll check again!”
“No, why is the flower color like this?”
“It’ll be fine under the lights!”
The staff moved busily in the back. The simple sub-title track without magic performance was pre-recorded earlier, but the title track that needs to be done live now has a magic performance, and there are more than one or two props, so they need to check carefully.
And in the waiting room that had become chaos, Ka Jerim, who had already finished preparing, sat alone on a chair looking at his phone screen.
Park Eden, who discovered Ka Jerim pale as a sheet, thought it was because of nervousness and approached to ease his tension, but soon stopped walking and froze.
“Je, Jerim-ah.”
Doun, who appeared late, also had a stiff expression and flailed his hands as if not knowing what to do.
“Why? Jerim?”
Onseol also appeared tilting his head, and Seon Hobeom also poked his head out and was shocked.
“Ka Jerim is crying?!”
In an instant, all the staff’s gazes gathered on Ka Jerim, and Ka Jerim lifted his gaze from his phone. Fortunately, the makeup was waterproofed because of the rough choreography, but Ka Jerim’s eyes were bloodshot, the area under his eyes was red and swollen, and tears just kept dripping down.
“Jerim-ah, what’s wrong? Are you nervous?”
Like the saying that it’s sadder when someone comforts you, Ka Jerim tried to maintain his expression at Onseol’s gentle words comforting him, but soon distorted his face and burst into tears like a child.
When he came home late yesterday, his face was swollen as if he had cried, so they questioned him, but he didn’t answer until the end, so they were already very worried. But seeing him cry like this, the members were so flustered they didn’t know what to do, and the makeup staff in charge rushed over and hurriedly did touch-up makeup.
‘Actually, Fort was going to disband today.’
As Go Yoon’s voice from yesterday rang in his ears, Ka Jerim soon hiccuped and covered his mouth. It’s a live broadcast, if he does this his voice will get hoarse. Please stop crying. He hoped the crying would stop, but his body had already lost control.
‘It happened because of me. I’ll stop the disbandment somehow.’
‘How on earth did such a decision come about? By the way, to Robi hyung, Hamoon hyung, and Juno hyung……’
‘Don’t worry because I won’t tell them.’
“Jerim-ah. Loosen your throat, quickly.”
At Onseol’s touch bringing water and patting his back from the side, Ka Jerim’s crying gradually stopped. And Ka Jerim, who finished the touch-up makeup, stared blankly at the mirror then looked at the ceiling to avoid shedding tears.
‘But when you gain courage, please tell me then.’
‘……’
‘We’ll try hard.’
At the same time, he recalled the post Hamoon wrote that he had just seen.
[Hohyeon-ah. We were going to disband, but Yoon said let’s sing. He said let’s try to reach you by singing to you, so we’re going to try too. So make sure to listen to our songs there and wait for us.]
Thinking about it made him feel like crying again. He clicked on the search rankings without thinking, and didn’t expect to see such a post. Ka Jerim kept taking deep breaths, and smiled with difficulty at the members looking at him with worried faces from the side.
“I’m okay. It’s because I’m nervous.”
“Ha. I was really startled. I thought something happened.”
As Seon Hobeom said while clutching his heart, Ka Jerim laughed. Park Eden, who was concerned about the area under his eyes and tip of his nose that were red from crying, carefully held Ka Jerim’s hand from the side.
“Tell me.”
Ka Jerim’s eyes met Park Eden’s, who was staring at him. Then Park Eden hesitated and spoke.
“Of course not now. Later, when you want to talk.”
“……I will.”
Really, am I not very blessed?
“Abyss, going in!!”
“Yes!”
“Oh, we’re going in!”
Both the connections from when I was Cha Hohyeon, and the connections from when I am Ka Jerim. All the connections are so lovely and warm that it’s hard because it’s not easy to let go of those hands.
The members lined up in a row. Through the handcuffs clanking on his wrist, Seon Hobeom interlocked fingers with Ka Jerim’s hand and squeezed tight as if to cheer him up, then let go. Ka Jerim, who had been staring at Seon Hobeom’s back, let out a small laugh. Ma Doun, who was standing behind Ka Jerim, briefly placed his chin on Ka Jerim’s crown as if comforting him, then removed it.
[Today a new rookie group has appeared! The group that captured people’s attention with their magic teaser, A-B-Y-S-S!]
Like that, not as Fort’s Cha Hohyeon, but as Abyss’s Ka Jerim.
[We are Abyss!]
He took his first step.
* * *
As soon as I stepped onto the stage, I habitually looked at the fan seats right away and went ‘oh no.’ When I got on stage, I used to look at the fan seats first rather than the stage, so it was an action that came out naturally without thinking.
‘Orange was really pretty.’
But I can’t see the fan seats dyed orange like that time again. I won’t be able to hear the fans calling Cha Hohyeon either.
Thinking about it made me a little sad, so I smiled bitterly, straightened my head, and diligently moved my feet with Seon Hobeom toward the back of the stage.
“Why are you sweating so much?”
After standing in formation next to Seon Hobeom who was moving with stiff steps, holding hands, I tilted my head and whispered to him.
“Right. I’m not going to drop the cards because of sweat, am I?”
Seon Hobeom’s hands were drenched with sweat, probably because he was very nervous. Normally he would have told me not to talk nonsense at my words, but he was so nervous that he kept pouring out worries. Meanwhile, the backup dancers busily found and stood in their places. The dancers had to put the lighters and magic tools we used into boxes and push them to the side of the stage.
“When you pass between us later, you need to quickly hand over the handcuff keys too.”
“Yes.”
Hobeom and I nodded our heads.
After finishing the rehearsal, the movement suddenly changed so I’m a bit anxious.
Originally, Hobeom and I were supposed to hold the keys in our hands, and as soon as we unlocked the handcuffs, put the keys in our suit pockets and join the formation, but when we actually wore suits and did the rehearsal, the suit pocket material was slipperier and shallower than expected, so the keys kept falling out of the pockets.
In the end, we lost the keys several times, so we decided to go through the movement of handing the keys to the backup dancers before joining the formation.
“Are you okay?”
Onseol, who had just positioned himself between us, looked at Hobeom and me with a quite worried face. Seon Hobeom grinned at Go Yoon as if telling him not to worry.
“I’m totally fine.”
“Hobeom-ah, your mouth muscles are twitching.”
Hearing Onseol’s joke trying to ease the tension, Seon Hobeom made a disgusted expression and said “Ah, come on!” while making his mouth into a ‘ㅅ’ shape and wrinkling his nose. Onseol giggled at that sulky face, and Seon Hobeom, who looked Onseol up and down, made an envious expression and muttered.
“I want a jacket too……”
