If Onseol buys mozzarella cheese, I should sprinkle it on top of the Fire Chicken Stir-Fried Noodles and microwave it. That would be delicious.
I was thinking such thoughts while waiting for Onseol to arrive, and eventually, the one I’d been waiting for appeared.
“I just need to tear all of this up and put it in, right?”
But there wasn’t just one mozzarella cheese. My pupils shook restlessly at the sight of the heap of cheese in both of Onseol’s arms.
“I only need one though?”
“Then eat them over time.”
He brought over an armful of cheese boxes and pressed them into my hands. Where was I supposed to use all these mozzarella cheeses? Of course, I do like cheese, but this is a bit much……
While I was frozen in bewilderment at this unexpected situation, Onseol busily stuffed cheese into both my pockets and even my back pocket. Seeing me with all my pockets filled with cheese, Onseol laughed loudly and then ruffled my hair.
“I want to have a son like you.”
“……A cheese ghost?”
“Pffft.”
He burst into laughter with snickering sounds.
“I’ll eat well.”
“Next time, let’s go eat something even more delicious.”
I continuously marveled at the Fire Chicken Stir-Fried Noodles and cheese that I was eating after such a long time. Perhaps because I had quite a bit of accumulated stress, my mouth felt like it was dying from the spiciness, but my insides felt refreshed. However, later when my eyes became teary to the point of welling up from how much pain I was in, the thoughtful and quick-witted Onseol swiftly bought milk and handed it to me.
“Are you an angel?”
“Jerim-ah, you shouldn’t follow just anyone who buys you food. If I were an angel, that would be big trouble.”
“Pardon?”
What does that even mean? While I was tilting my head in puzzlement, Onseol poured all the milk and brought it to my mouth. No, you really do seem like an angel though!
Thanks to that, I was able to continue my meal comfortably. Onseol, who had been watching me eat with a steady gaze from the side, turned his gaze to his phone to look at the news, saying he wouldn’t disturb me anymore since I seemed somewhat uncomfortable with his staring.
As the meal was coming to an end, Onseol let out a low sigh and said,
“POT declared a suspension of activities. Go Yoon sunbae-nim still hasn’t woken up……”
My chopsticks stopped moving.
“Kang Juno sunbae-nim collapsed from crying and is in the hospital room next to Go Yoon sunbae-nim…… Anyway, they say Cha Hohyeon sunbae-nim’s memorial altar will be set up soon. It’s so heartbreaking. Come to think of it, Jerim-ah, do you have a group you like―”
Onseol, who had been continuing to speak with his gaze fixed on his phone, turned his head to look at me when I didn’t answer. But my gaze wasn’t on Onseol, but on the phone Onseol was holding.
[Entertainment News] POT Member Yoon (Go Yoon) Still Unconscious…… POT’s Agency – ‘Will Suspend Activities for the Time Being’
The letters looked so blurry. Why do they look so blurry, I want to read them properly…… It became frustrating that the letters weren’t appearing clearly. That’s when Onseol stammered and asked me.
“Why, why are you crying?”
Onseol urgently rubbed his fingers against my face. Only after seeing the damp moisture on his fingertips did I realize I was crying. Ah, I was crying. My vision cleared because of the tears, then became blurry repeatedly. The tears continued to flow down crazily and showed no signs of stopping.
“Wait just a moment. I’ll go get some tissues.”
Eventually, Onseol put down the phone he was holding and hurriedly went to the counter to get tissues. I just sat there in a daze and thought.
The members I know, my Fort member hyungs, are good people. So naturally, they would be sad about my death. But as Jerim’s life and various matters overlapped, I unconsciously locked away thoughts about them for a while.
“Jerim-ah, what’s wrong? Are you hurt somewhere? Come to think of it, I think you said you collapsed yesterday…… Should we go to the hospital?”
“N-no. I’m fine.”
It felt like my heart was being torn out. The fact that the hyungs are suffering because of me, but I can’t do anything about it, and remembering that they’re spending each day like hell because of me―it was so agonizing that it felt like I would die.
If emotions could turn into physical wounds and harm a person, I felt like I would have died right then and there. It hurt that much. This heavy guilt was eating away at me, leaving scratches on my heart.
‘Did you only try to be happy? Your hyungs became unhappy because of you. You really are trash.’
To my hyungs, I was a sin. In the endlessly continuing depressing thoughts, I kept the news headline on the phone screen at the edge of my vision. Then, seeing me like that, Onseol tried to comfort me and said,
“Are you by chance a fan of Cha Hohyeon sunbae-nim? Is that why you’re crying when I brought that up? Then when the memorial altar opens this time, let’s go together……”
I immediately turned pale upon hearing Onseol’s words. I was even breathing heavily, and surprised, he shook my shoulders, while I just buried my face in my palms and sobbed.
The thought of me going to my own memorial altar made me nauseous just imagining it.
The thought of seeing fans mourning the dead me and crying for me was too frightening.
“I, what do you mean. I’m not qualified to go. I’m not qualified to do that.”
I wasn’t qualified.
* * *
[Today’s OMA grand prize for Best Artist goes to- Congratulations, it’s POT!!]
Along with a roaring cheer, we jumped to our feet. We first bowed our heads toward the fan seats, waved our hands, and responded with smiles. The fans’ cheers were so loud that my ears throbbed as if they would burst.
“Let’s hurry and go!”
Ha Moon hyung put his arm around my shoulders with an excited face. Normally it would be natural to push off this annoying and heavy hyung, but still, well…… it’s a good day today. I looked at Ha Moon hyung’s excited face and chuckled. He was the oldest, yet the most childlike hyung.
“Thank you, thank you.”
“Wow! POT won the grand prize again? Congratulations!”
“Thank you, sunbae-nim!”
Even Kang Juno, who doesn’t usually smile much, was smiling brightly while receiving congratulations from fellow singers.
“Wow, our Juno and Yoon look so handsome when they smile.”
“Hyung, am I handsome, or is Juno handsome?”
Lee Robi looked at Ha Moon hyung with a sullen face. Lee Robi particularly had a rivalry with Kang Juno, and since Ha Moon hyung also knew this, he giggled saying, “Robi is the best in the world~”
Like that, while receiving lots of congratulations, we stood in a row in front of the microphones on the stage filled with fervent heat.
“Fort! Fort! Fort!”
Confetti was flying in the air. The world was shining, and at that beautiful and familiar sight, I swallowed for a moment.
This is the third time seeing this scenery. The place where OMA selects the Best Artist.
When we won the award for the first time, I really cried a lot. Actually, I didn’t even know I was crying then, but later acquaintances sent me photos of me crying, so that’s when I found out. The day we won the award for the first time, and the day we won it for the second time―as memories of those days passed by, I smiled.
Go Yoon, you’ve become full. You’re not even crying anymore. But the applause that didn’t know how to stop, the roaring cheers, and as I looked back at our members’ brightly smiling faces…… somehow I felt a sense of déjà vu and gradually lost my smile.
“Thank you! This is our third consecutive time-“
Leader Kang Juno, holding the bouquet, now continues the acceptance speech skillfully without stammering. While watching that scene, I looked at Ha Moon hyung.
“Ha Moon hyung.”
“Hm? Why?”
When I called Ha Moon hyung, even in this noisy space, he somehow recognized my voice and turned to look at me. Lee Robi, who was standing next to us, also turned to look at me. But……
“Where’s Hohyeon?”
“What are you talking about? Hohyeon is right here.”
Ha Moon hyung blinks and looks at me, and Lee Robi also tilts his head in puzzlement.
“What do you mean Cha Hohyeon is here? Right now there are only four of us on stage without Hohyeon.”
“Huh? Oh, then was Cha Hohyeon not here originally?”
“What?”
“Who was Cha Hohyeon?”
It’s strange, too strange. First saying he’s here, then saying he’s not, and now saying they don’t know. With those faces genuinely looking confused and asking where Cha Hohyeon is, who he is―I was at a loss for words.
“What are you talking about? Hohyeon is our member. And we were just sitting over there together with him……”
I was pointing to where we had been sitting just moments ago when I stopped. There, Cha Hohyeon was sitting there all alone, looking at us.
“What the hell. Why didn’t Hohyeon come?”
“Yoon-ah, where are you going?”
“I’ll go bring him.”
The feeling was eerie. My heart started to beat crazily at this very bad feeling. As if I would lose Cha Hohyeon forever if I didn’t grab hold of him right now, I kicked off from my spot and quickly descended the stairs.
We were always five, so why are you sitting alone as if that’s not the case? Why don’t the fans find it strange that you’re not there, and why do the members say they don’t know you?
And why are you.
[Hyung.]
Smiling sadly all alone like that?
Everything was full of questions.
Like that, Cha Hohyeon, who had been watching me descend the stairs like a madman, called out to me. There’s no way Cha Hohyeon’s voice could be heard clearly among the noisy sounds, yet somehow, Cha Hohyeon’s voice was clearly audible to me.
[Yoon-i hyung.]
Kang Juno still speaking his acceptance speech as if nothing happened, Lee Robi and Ha Moon hyung staring at me with faces that didn’t understand what was going on.
This entire situation where no one was paying attention to Cha Hohyeon felt so alien and bizarre. This creepy anxiety stabbed at my solar plexus like a well-sharpened blade. The more that happened, the faster I tried to approach Cha Hohyeon.
But at that moment, you said to me.
[Don’t.]
We were always together, so why are you suddenly telling me not to approach you now?
