# Chapter 08.
August 8th was Jaei’s birthday. Jaei, who had only been doing occasional photo shoots and advertisements while taking a break from acting projects, was away from home that day due to a fan meeting schedule. He imposed a no-going-out rule on Doha, who was on summer vacation. No hagwon, not even going to the supermarket in front of their building was allowed.
Instead, Doha’s friends came over to spend time with him. Jaei made video calls once every hour to check on Doha’s whereabouts. Doha had no reason to break this promise, so he willingly complied with the verification.
In the evening, he ordered delivery food with his friends using the credit card Jaei had left him. Shortly after his friends left, Jaei returned home after finishing his birthday party cum fan meeting. He was drunk after having dinner with the staff. He was cradling boxes of cake he’d received as gifts, which, including those his manager had brought for him, totaled fifteen.
Doha, struggling to support the staggering Jaei with his young body, bowed politely to the departing manager.
Jaei, with half-glazed eyes, pushed away Doha’s chest and stepped backward as soon as he straightened his body.
“Sorry, don’t come close. I drank alcohol. I feel… I feel too…”
“Do you feel bad? Or do you feel good? It’s okay even if you smell like alcohol, come closer. Let’s eat cake quickly.”
It was already 10 PM. Although he only had two hours left, Doha placed great significance in the fact that Jaei always returned to him after finishing his busy day. No matter what he did outside or who he met, Lee Jaei’s destination was ultimately Lee Doha.
Doha, who had placed his gift on the dining table, secretly put candles on the birthday cake he had bought with his friends when they went out, and lit them. He put the party hat they had bought together on Jaei and held out the cake in front of him, saying:
“Hyung, happy birthday. Blow out the candles and make a wish.”
Sitting in the dining chair, Jaei looked at the candles wistfully, blinking his moist eyes, then pursed his lips to blow out the candles with a “whoosh” before putting his hands together to pray. However, under the influence of alcohol, he boldly and loudly blurted out what he had always thought only to himself.
“I wished for this earlier too, but my wish is the same! Please let me have a short life! Short life! If I succeed in having a short life, I’ll leave all my wealth to Lee Doha!”
“What? A short life?”
Doha shouted in surprise at the shocking statement. Even with poor grades in Chinese characters, he knew what “danmyeong” (short life) meant. Wasn’t it saying he wanted to live a short life and die? Even if it was nonsense mistakenly blurted out while drunk, there was a limit. Thinking that Jaei had been living with such sad thoughts to himself, Doha felt a pain as if his chest was being cut with a knife. He rushed at Jaei, crying sorrowfully like a young beast.
“How can you wish for something like that on your birthday? You want to die soon?”
Whether aware of his anger or not, Jaei, whose mood had improved due to the alcohol, was cutely twisting his body while wearing the pink paper party hat. Doha, unable to contain his anger, pulled the elastic of the party hat that was tightening around Jaei’s chin about 3cm and then let it snap back.
“Ah, that stings!”
Jaei, who had momentarily lost his senses and was acting cute, was able to regain his composure in front of his younger brother only after being hit by the elastic. Doha, who had committed an unfilial act against his beloved hyung with the elastic, collapsed on the floor and cried for a while.
After his anger subsided, what followed was worry and sadness. Could it be that such thoughts were due to the sharp criticism and malicious comments directed at actor Lee Jaei? Was his work as an actor burdensome because, being naturally sensitive and delicate, the size of the emotions he had to endure was greater than others?
Jaei stood quietly looking down at Doha, who was sitting on the floor crying, for a long time. After scanning Doha from head to toe with rolling eyes, he lifted him up with both arms and pulled him into an embrace. After patting his back to calm him down, he sat back in the chair and placed Doha’s now quite large and heavy body on his lap. Then, as if possessed by something, he slowly began to tell a story he had never mentioned before.
“The first person I ever liked was an eight-year-old kid with white skin and very black eyes. Ah, don’t misunderstand. I’m not a weird person. I was also eight years old then. We were the same age.”
Doha almost mistook who Jaei was talking about. Had he not added that explanation, Doha would have thought Jaei was talking about him.
“I met them before entering elementary school, and I continued to like them even after entering middle school. I liked them, and they liked me.”
“…”
Since Jaei is now twenty-one, this happened an incredibly long time ago. Although bringing up his first love wasn’t very pleasant, Doha could still listen since it was about childhood. Jaei blinked sadly and continued.
“But seven years ago today, that child died.”
“…on your birthday, hyung?”
“Yes. On my fourteenth birthday. A child who was only fourteen years old. My birthday is the anniversary of their death.”
His first love had died. Doha opened his eyes wide at the shocking story that followed. Could Jaei’s first love be the ghost that used to visit his room every night? Thinking about how Jaei had lost someone he loved at the same age as him, he started crying again, tears that had just barely stopped. Although it had already been six years since meeting Jaei, he had never once shown any signs of distress in front of Doha.
Jaei quietly shed tears while watching Doha, then cupped the child’s small face with his long hands, examining every corner – eyes, nose, mouth, eyebrows, forehead. Then, with a confused look, he stared intently at Doha’s pitch-black eyes and continued speaking as if explaining something to Doha and seeking confirmation.
“We promised to meet again even if we parted briefly. Whether I followed them, or they returned to me.”
At that moment, Doha exhaled with difficulty due to unbearable pain. What tormented Doha was the fact that Jaei still loved them and would continue to love only them forever.
Lee Jaei had a separate destination. Lee Jaei was living each day waiting for the day he would meet them. Lee Doha was just Lee Jaei’s younger brother, he couldn’t be the purpose of his life. Wiping away the flowing tears with the back of his hand, he asked gruffly:
“Is that why you wished for a short life? To follow them?”
“Yes. But if they were to return… if they had already returned…”
Jaei’s mind was filled only with thoughts of meeting them. Right after learning about Jaei’s love, Doha realized that this terrible pain he felt was love. Not only that. His daily life and habits, all of it was love.
Jaei, like someone whose main job was housework and acting was just a side job, mechanically tidied up the kitchen, washed up, and fell asleep holding Doha in his arms. The next morning, as he woke up stretching his arms toward the ceiling, he rubbed Doha, who was at his feet, with his instep.
“Did our baby sleep well? Did you eat cake last night?”
“No, I didn’t. I thought I might get indigestion.”
“What’s with the formal speech? What kind of joke is this?”
Jaei, who had been buried in the blankets like a newborn poodle with his eyes barely open, suddenly opened his large eyes wide and stuck his face out from under the blanket. Doha, who had changed clothes and neatly combed his hair, was sitting on the bed wearing a white t-shirt and black training pants.
Jaei rubbed his eyes once with his finger and looked at Doha again. Had he suddenly grown up overnight? Somehow, Doha was giving off a completely different vibe than usual.
Doha turned his head, glanced at Jaei, and replied:
“I’m going to speak formally from now on. Because it seems like you keep thinking of me as your real brother.”
Surprised by Doha’s cold tone, Jaei jumped up and came down to the floor in front of the bed, crouching in front of him. He firmly held Doha’s not-yet-fully-grown hands and looked up at his face. His face definitely looked different with the changed expression. If he had been a child until yesterday, now he looked like a boy in the literal sense. A boy who had just begun preparing to become an adult.
“What’s wrong? Did something happen? Are you angry? Did I do something wrong? Did I put you in a headlock again and flatten you like hotteok? Did you feel your life was threatened? Hotteok, I told you to just hit me and call 112 in such situations!”
“Don’t you remember what you said to me yesterday?”
“Hmm~? What could I have said~?”
Jaei answered glibly, rolling his eyes from side to side, and nervously bit his finger. He couldn’t remember any of the nonsense he had said the night before. The only thing he was sure of was that there were many things he should never say to Doha.
Doha, with his lips tightly closed and his round eyes fiercely open, was lost in thought for a moment, then bluntly spat out the words that had congealed in his chest overnight.
“You said your first love died on your birthday and you’re going to follow them. You said you’ll have a short life.”
“Ah, yes. Is that all?”
Jaei asked with a slightly impertinent voice, fluttering his eyelashes like a fan. At that moment, Doha clearly read the emotion expressed in his face. It was a look that said, ‘Eh, that’s nothing.’ Jaei, who had sighed in relief and stroked his chest, smiled brightly and rubbed Doha’s modeling clay-like cheeks with his finger.
“Wow, that was really immature and mean. How could I say I want to die soon in front of my little brother? I’m crazy, right? But that’s all just a concept. I have a bit of an affection deficiency, so I like getting attention from people. Can’t you tell? Not showing it is also part of the concept.”
“Concept?”
