# Chapter 78
People who don’t know Lee Jaei well easily say these things. With his exceptionally beautiful appearance and innate talent that brought him great success as soon as he debuted, how easy and comfortable must his life be? Born as the only son of a wealthy family, succeeding at everything he does and lacking nothing, he must have only pleasant and happy experiences.
If Jaei were to say here, “No, even if I added up all my happy days, they wouldn’t amount to half of the life I’ve lived,” that would be considered deception. So Jaei rarely spoke of his unhappiness and struggles. He actually thought his worries were those of someone with a full stomach. Nevertheless, whenever he encountered someone who overestimated his happiness, he couldn’t help but fall into deep thought.
I was sad for so many days. Until I turned eight, every stimulus in the world painfully stabbed my body. I was disliked by friends, and there were days when I was afraid to go to kindergarten. From the age of fourteen, I lived wishing for death every day. I took medication to overcome depression for a really long time and couldn’t sleep properly. Only recently did I finally become happy.
When a celebrity reveals their unhappiness while still alive and breathing, it becomes deception, but ironically, once that person’s life is completely ruined beyond repair, quite a lot of people seem to find comfort by comparing their lives to his.
‘With all that money, with such great success, after all, you’re more unhappy than I am.’
Sometimes it felt terrifying to know that one’s unhappiness could comfort someone else. It meant that someone was desperately waiting not for Lee Jaei’s “incomplete happiness” but for his “perfect unhappiness.”
Jaei instinctively began measuring the weight of people who rejoiced in Lee Jaei’s happiness against those who rejoiced in his unhappiness. The former still felt much heavier. Especially Ryu Doha, who carried a substantial weight. As a human who wanted to be loved, he inevitably felt sad whenever the latter grew heavier.
At this moment, Jaei was shamelessly hoping that Seo Eunho wasn’t someone who prayed for his unhappiness. If he did wish for Jaei’s unhappiness, Jaei felt he would have no choice but to understand and accept it.
But contrary to Jaei’s concerns, the next day Seo Eunho very calmly said:
“Ah, has Doha recovered all his memories? That was faster than expected.”
“Yes. So let’s just talk honestly without any deception.”
Originally, Jaei was three years younger than Seo Eunho, but now he was ten years older. Since the hierarchy was ambiguous, they decided to use formal speech with each other and the same forms of address. Seo Eunho spoke:
“I like Lee Jaei-ssi. That day too, I went out of curiosity, the day Jaei-ssi threw garlic. What reason would I have to dislike Jaei-ssi?”
“Then why did you lie about being in a relationship with Doha?”
“That wasn’t a lie. Doha must be the one who lied. Despite how he looks, he’s surprisingly good at lying.”
“Okay, let’s say that’s true.”
He didn’t want to discuss this at length. Jaei said with a sense of responsibility that he wanted to help him reunite with his sister and uncover the truth about his unjust death. He also offered to recruit him as an actor in the entertainment company where he served as CEO, promising to take responsibility for his activities.
However, he calmly rejected all of Jaei’s offers. He said that after reincarnation, he had different goals he wanted to achieve, and he had no interest in any of Jaei’s proposals. He even said he had no desire for revenge against Hong Duyoung.
Then he asked Jaei:
“But you don’t remember me, right? We met when we were young.”
“When we were young? At what age?”
Jaei tilted his head.
“Never mind. I expected you wouldn’t remember.”
Seo Eunho looked at the top of Jaei’s round head and continued.
“I really like Lee Jaei-ssi. But there’s a soul sitting on top of your head that hates you. I guess it’s because you’ve taken and enjoyed so many things from others. You’ll need to stay strong.”
At that moment, Jaei’s shoulders slightly shrank. With his senses on high alert, Jaei, feeling as if he was hearing hallucinations, rubbed his ears and rolled his big eyes around.
Just how long would he have to bear punishment for crimes associated with Hong Duyoung?
That afternoon, Jaei’s human talisman Ryu Doha, with a recovery ability close to that of a superhero, was discharged a day earlier than scheduled and returned to the set. Doha, who met Jaei behind his large car, linked arms and bent at the waist to match Jaei’s eye level. He closely observed Jaei’s eyes, which kept rolling around restlessly.
Jaei, on edge and highly strung with fear, reacted sensitively to even small sounds and firmly gripped Doha’s school uniform sleeve. Then, with a voice full of guilt, he murmured:
“Should I retire after this project…?”
“Honey, what’s wrong?”
Jaei was quite startled by Doha’s sudden “honey attack” but pretended not to be affected at all and returned the same attack.
“But if I retire, what about our company employees? Can you support the company alone, honey? Should I recruit more actors before retiring? Honey, don’t you think Kim Ilhun isn’t quite right?”
“Baby, try to calm down.”
Jaei almost burst into laughter at the ridiculous “baby attack” from the baby, but he managed to hold it back by tensing his nose and the corners of his mouth. And he maintained his sad emotional state consumed by guilt.
“Knowing there are more victims besides you, it was too shameless of me to think I could continue my activities.”
Doha’s gaze instantly turned cold, and he asked in a frigid voice:
“What did you do wrong? Explain it to me clearly.”
Jaei, who had deeply contemplated and explored his sins, answered in a thoroughly deflated voice:
“Beauty that enchants people… outstanding acting skills… flawless character… natural star quality…”
Only his voice was deflated; objectively, his self-assessment was extremely accurate. Hearing Jaei’s voice, Doha blinked and smiled.
“You really know yourself well.”
After looking around, he embraced Jaei’s body and gently patted his buttocks. Doha, looking down at Jaei with upset eyes as he trembled with anxiety after hearing unpleasant words from Seo Eunho, placed his large hands on Jaei’s round head and said:
“Jaei. Did you really believe what he said about a soul being on top of your head?”
“Was that a lie?”
The moment Doha nodded, Jaei peeled off the Ryu Doha bear sticker he had secretly attached to his elbow as a temporary talisman. Doha exhaled, “Hoo.” Seo Eunho’s words were just nonsense, nonsense. How could he see anything when they had all been reincarnated as the same human beings?
Besides, those who have gone to the other world aren’t as diligent as one might think. Only someone like Ryu Doha would hurry back to try living once more; about 95% are resting, having ended their exhausting lives. Seo Eunho was quite an unusual case too.
“I should take back the bravery trophy I gave to Jaei.”
With just one sentence from Doha, Jaei’s auditory hallucinations, headache, and neck stiffness all disappeared. He looked at Doha with embarrassed eyes and then grinned. Faced with the crisis of having to return his award, Jaei clenched his fist and replied:
“I think it’s because I can’t eat carbohydrates, Doha.”
For Doha, this was a perfectly understandable explanation, so he canceled the trophy retrieval. A person’s mind and body can weaken when they only eat salad for three meals, two times a day.
After finishing his shooting scene first, Jaei left, and Doha went to find Seo Eunho who was waiting. Since Doha and Seo Eunho also had an ambiguous hierarchy situation, they decided to speak informally to each other.
“It must have been hard coming back.”
“It was hard enough to make me respect you, Doha. The most difficult part was when someone suddenly rushed in to claim an empty body the moment I detached my soul.”
Nodding in empathy with his difficulties, Doha didn’t beat around the bush and continued with what he wanted to say.
“If you’ve been given another chance at life, just live happily. Make sure I don’t have to attack you.”
“What are you suddenly saying?”
“You and I are in similar situations. I’m saying I don’t want to have to throw punches at you. The one who did wrong was Hong Duyoung, but I can’t tolerate your vengeful feelings being directed at Lee Jaei.”
Then Seo Eunho replied in a bewildered voice:
“Do I need to explain to you too? You seem to be seriously misunderstanding something, but I don’t dislike Lee Jaei. I like his acting and his face. I watched almost all of Lee Jaei’s works in just a few days while preparing for this role. I understand why Director Hong was so obsessed with him. Even when the director was teaching me, he always talked about Lee Jaei.”
At that moment, Doha felt sincerity in his words. It was like feeling a kinship with a fan who shared the same favorite. This signal definitely wasn’t lying.
“My… role model.”
Seo Eunho murmured in a small voice. Doha looked at him with suspicious eyes and asked:
“Which of Lee Jaei’s works do you like the most?”
“Fruit Bat.”
Suddenly, it felt strange. Instead of hating Lee Jaei after watching a film that even contained his own death, he liked him more? While Doha was feeling confused, Seo Eunho continued, fidgeting with his phone.
“So I want to have Lee Jaei.”
“Ha, what?”
For a moment, Doha chuckled as if in disbelief. Was lying about being in a relationship with him an intention to break up him and Jaei first? Dumbfounded by the unexpected words, Doha took a moment to organize his thoughts, then smiled broadly and extended his hand for a handshake.
“Well, that’s even better. I’m too nice to make a pitiful guy like you unhappy. But I’m really grateful that you’ve allowed me to consider you an enemy without reservation. Go ahead and try all you want. He won’t be taken from me.”
Seo Eunho, holding Doha’s hand, smiled meaningfully.
* * *
They sat with the Go board that the head of the household had bought between them. Doha, who began developing his brain by countering Jaei’s white Go stones with black ones, engaged in deep contemplation even during the game. Jaei had reported to Doha all the conversations he had with Seo Eunho without omission, and Doha was preoccupied with figuring out the intentions of Seo Eunho, who had boldly declared to him “I want to have Lee Jaei.”
He understood that Seo Eunho genuinely found Jaei attractive as an actor. It would be fortunate if his feelings toward Jaei were purely affectionate. However, Doha couldn’t quite understand the flow of his actions and emotions from the moment he appeared.
Assuming he lied to drive a wedge between Jaei and himself, is he positioning himself as the male lead who bothers and troubles to make a strong impression on Jaei? By the way, when did he know Jaei? Was he earlier than me? And is it possible for someone who died because of Hong Duyoung to feel affection for Lee Jaei? It’s possible. Ryu Doha is living proof. But still, the flow of his actions and emotions.
Doha was endlessly going around a Möbius strip. At that moment, Jaei, sitting with his legs spread in a circle with the Go board between them, spoke in a happy voice:
“Doha, Doha. I have three in a row.”
“Congratulations. Jaei, you really are a growth-type genius.”
Doha, who had given the first game to Jaei because he was lost in thought, was planning to give him the second game as well. And he continued his previous thoughts.
I like his acting and face. My role model. I want to have Lee Jaei.
Seo Eunho’s words kept echoing in his ears.
“It keeps bothering me strangely…”
“Is my genius Omok play bothering you, Doha?”
