# Chapter 46
Doha sat with his back against the headboard, holding Jaei wrapped in a large towel in his arms. Jaei, folded into a small shape and completely captured in Doha’s broad and large embrace, felt the ultimate comfort in his own space. As his tension loosened, sleep overwhelmed him.
All the chronic pain he constantly lived with subsided. He got back the parts of his body and soul that had been severed. The collapsed background of his world stood upright again. He had finally become a complete Lee Jaei. Perhaps this current state, with Ryu Doha and Lee Jaei bundled together as if they were one, was his true form.
Jaei touched and felt Doha’s body, which had become an adult much later than himself. The thick bones and firm muscles were definitely those of an adult.
“Doha, you’re so amazing…”
Until ten minutes ago, Jaei would shrink and curl up at the mere touch of his fingers on his skin. The one who had made all his senses hypersensitive was now causing the exact opposite effect. Jaei rolled his cheek against the cheek of his beloved. He laughed heartily, whispering words of love with his lips overlapping Doha’s. In that state, he unknowingly dozed off.
Doha removed the towel that had been wrapped around Jaei’s body and laid down on the bed while still embracing him. Throughout his second life, until now, holding Jaei in his arms while sleeping had been to help him sleep comfortably. But not anymore. Unfortunately, Ryu Doha, who could sleep well anywhere and anytime, had become someone who regularly experienced nightmares.
He was experiencing fear that couldn’t be resolved with medicine. He desperately needed Jaei.
Tonight, too, Doha had returned in his dreams to the moment his previous life ended. August 8th, sometime after 11:50 PM, fourteen-year-old Ryu Doha. That boy died as if a game had ended with the player’s death.
It wasn’t because he was really stupid that he didn’t call 119 even though he had a phone. Nor did he intentionally fail to alert Jaei to the emergency because he wanted to become the male protagonist of a tragic drama. At that time, Doha wasn’t alone.
“H… help me…”
An adult dressed in black wearing a black mask was sitting down, staring at him intently from the darkness.
“I’ll call an ambulance.”
A familiar voice. It was the voice that had been ringing loudly in his ears until about 3 hours ago. Although he couldn’t confirm with his eyes, he heard the man’s urgent voice calling for an ambulance from the darkness.
Doha wanted to live. But he thought he might die while being taken to the hospital in the ambulance. Lying face down on the cold floor, Jaei’s birthday was passing by. So Doha used his remaining battery for Jaei. With all his remaining strength, he conveyed birthday wishes and final greetings. That’s how he fulfilled his duty.
He felt death approaching his nostrils, but if possible, he still wanted to survive. He prayed for an ambulance to appear like a hero and save his life. However, what Doha heard in his ears was not the sound of sirens, but only the excessively calm voice of the adult.
“Haesung-dong. A high-end new apartment complex and a demolition area coexist with a crosswalk between them. A city that has started redevelopment is too attractive a space for a director. You can see completely different pictures in one frame.”
As always, he started to ramble about stories that weren’t asked for and continued.
“This area is a CCTV blind spot. There are no parking spaces, so there are no black boxes to coincidentally record the accident scene. Both houses and shops are about to be demolished, so there’s no light and no people. Why would a child deliberately pass through this area every time he returns home?”
Doha felt a great doubt. How did this person know that he returns home through this path? And why hasn’t the ambulance arrived yet? The adult who had instilled fear in Doha continued speaking.
“Do you know the characteristics of someone who doesn’t sense danger? They mistakenly think they are brave. But they’re just insensitive and dull. They’re calling danger to themselves. It’s essentially an act of suicide.”
It’s true that he was insensitive, but he wasn’t arrogant. It was just a shortcut he had chosen to reduce the time it took to return to Jaei, even by a little. He wanted to return to Jaei, his destination, as quickly as possible. He had lived his entire life that way.
If he added the taxi fare he received to the money he had saved, he could buy several of the fragrant soaps that Jaei liked. He couldn’t take a taxi because he needed to add money to the birthday gift, but at least he could reduce the time it took from the metro bus stop to home with his own two feet. Today, moreover, he hurried his steps even more, fearful that Jaei’s birthday would end.
“But the motorcycle that hit you and ran away would have been caught on the CCTV at the crosswalk at the west end, and the crosswalk at the north end. So don’t feel too wronged.”
After stretching out both arms to point in different directions, he left Doha and departed. Like someone who knew perfectly the locations of installed CCTVs, he disappeared as if escaping a maze.
The ambulance never came. Ryu Doha’s first life ended like someone’s game being terminated.
He woke from the dream, sweating and moaning. He slowly opened his eyes to the gentle touch stroking his eyelids. Jaei was holding him in his arms, looking down at him with worried eyes. Doha caught his breath and tried to act cool as he apologized to Jaei for waking him.
“I’m sorry. I must have tossed and turned and woken you up. I never used to have such bad sleeping habits.”
“Ryu Doha, tell me everything you know.”
Jaei, more serious than ever, firmly stopped Doha’s apology. Jaei grasped the hand of Doha, who was gasping for breath with difficulty, and kissed each knuckle. He urged for an answer while rubbing his cheek against the back of Doha’s hand.
“You mentioned the director. In your sleep.”
“It’s nothing… I was dreaming about filming a drama. It was summer then, so it was hot…”
“Doha, I’m your guardian. I’m older than you. Even though you’ve regained your memories, this hasn’t changed.”
Jaei spoke as if he knew everything. Doha finally showed tears at the voice of his dependable lover who had been his guardian for as long as 12 years. Jaei, who seemed older yet was the same age, and the same age yet seemed older, embraced Doha and showered kisses on his head.
“Don’t create secrets. How can you keep secrets from me? Every time you hide something, it’s a 10-point penalty.”
“Ah, I hate penalties!”
Doha, who had a trauma about penalties, was alarmed and grabbed Jaei’s hands, briefly revealing part of his memories. Since he wanted Jaei to sleep comfortably right now, he only shared the story about seeing Hong Duyoung in his final moments. He planned to share the detailed story gradually in the future.
Actually, the most infuriating part was that he received 120 penalty points in the afterlife for calling Jaei instead of 119 when he sensed his end was near. He had gone through so much trouble to erase those penalties.
After receiving confirmation from Doha that Hong Duyoung had been present at the scene, Jaei calmly collected his thoughts. As a guardian, he didn’t want to show an excited appearance to Doha. He knew that Doha, with his exceptional empathic abilities, often had emotions transferred to him from Jaei. If he remained calm, Doha would also remain calm.
While gently stroking Doha’s back as he was breathing heavily, Jaei spoke firmly.
“I’m going to get revenge. I’ll make sure he takes responsibility for what he did. But revenge shouldn’t be the reason for our lives. I know I have no right to say this, but…”
Jaei knew how desolate a life filled with only hatred and vengeance could be. He had lived with his heart full of anger after losing Doha. He had been filled with thoughts of killing Lee Jaei who had let Doha go that way. Ironically, his purpose in life had been death. Knowing that pain, he was also afraid that Doha, who had grown up innocently and brightly in his second life, would recover his dark memories.
He buried his face in Doha’s palm and kissed it deeply.
“Let’s hate with all our might. Instead, let’s love twice as much.”
Doha fully understood what Jaei meant to say. He nodded his head, agreeing with Jaei’s words.
“I didn’t come back for revenge in the first place; I came back to love.”
It was early morning when Jaei, who had fallen asleep as if passing out, regained consciousness. After falling into a deep, dreamless sleep and waking up, what had happened in the early dawn felt like a past life. He sluggishly moved his body and crawled out from under the blanket. He was properly dressed in pajamas, top and bottom, the spot next to him in the bed was empty, and the floor was clean. There was no trace of having spent time with someone in the room. Feeling something suspicious, Jaei left the room.
“Hyung, why are you up so early?”
As soon as he opened the door and went out, Doha’s cheerful greeting could be heard. Doha was wearing a school uniform and standing in front of a full-length mirror, fixing his tie. Their eyes met in the mirror. Unlike Jaei, whose face turned red as soon as their eyes met in the bright place, Doha talked brightly about the remaining school schedule with an infinitely pure expression.
“The closing ceremony is next week. Graduation is next month. I can graduate with all the required attendance days, even excluding the two months of sick leave.”
“Why are you so polite? You weren’t polite at all at night.”
Jaei anxiously asked, crossing his arms and rubbing his forearms with his hands. Doha had become a baby again. He wasn’t the adult he had seen before falling asleep. It seemed like he had returned to how he was before regaining his memories. What was going on? Wasn’t Doha supposed to have returned? Was it all just a dream?
Doha, with his eyes wide open, tilted his head and spoke as if he had never regained memories of his previous life.
“I was impolite to you, hyung? Please explain exactly when and in what way I made you feel that way.”
“When we were showering!”
But he couldn’t describe the shameless act Doha had committed in detail with his own mouth. After pausing for a moment and clenching his fists, Jaei asked with a sulky, tearful voice.
“Why are you talking as if it was all a dream?”
“Hyung, it seems you had an interesting dream. They say dreams are the opposite. It means I’m actually super polite in reality.”
Everything had truly returned to how it was before. As always, the lovely baby Doha slung his heavy backpack over his shoulder, put his hands together at his navel, and politely bowed to the head of the household.
“I’m off to school.”
In front of him, Jaei pitifully collapsed and began to make sorrowful sounds. Rookie actor Ryu Doha, on his second day as an adult, who had been trying to trick Jaei and go to school, knelt down on both knees in front of the great actor who was responding to his act with a sobbing performance.
“Jaei, at this rate, you’ll soon win an Academy Award too!”
He grabbed Jaei’s face with both hands, lifted his head, and urgently sought his lips. Jaei, who had been wailing with dry eyes without tears, chewed on their locked lips and pounded Doha’s back with his fists.
Doha, who had brightly lifted Jaei into his arms, kissed him repeatedly under his eyes, and while blinking, whispered affectionately.
“If you’re fully awake, want to walk to school with me?”
“Yes, I’ll take you until the closing ceremony. Let’s walk slowly. Let’s leave an hour early tomorrow.”
“Okay, let’s do that. I wanted to go to high school with you. It was my wish.”
“Me too. When I was in high school, I always imagined going to school with you every day.”
