# Chapter 40
Jaei looked at Doha and pleaded with an affectionate voice. Doha felt pity for Jaei’s pitiful appearance but expressed his feelings in the most firm and cold tone possible.
“I don’t think I’m your first love’s brother either. This is probably just the most convenient excuse to explain my identity to people.”
“Ah… I see. I thought you were misunderstanding. Right, you’re not Seungha. I know how the real Seungha is living now.”
Jaei placed his hand on his chest and let out a sigh of relief. He was glad that Doha wasn’t harboring unnecessary misunderstandings. It seemed like Doha had found the right path and returned to him. He thought the time would soon come when they could compensate for all the pain and loneliness they had endured, and rely on each other. Jaei closed his eyes tightly as he listened to Doha’s next words.
“So who I am is…”
“Yes, tell me.”
“A clone of your first love.”
Lee Doha had read too many science fiction movie scripts while learning to act. Jaei narrowed his eyes and surveyed every corner of Doha’s face with a deflated expression of dissatisfaction.
“What?”
“After the cloning laboratory created me, they placed me on the playground. Did they drop me from a helicopter onto the snow? There were no footprints, from what I remember.”
“Try to reduce your imagination a bit, Doha. You’re not participating in a science fiction writing contest.”
But Doha, with his round eyes narrowed into triangles, glared fiercely at Jaei and continued.
“What does it matter? Whether I’m really a clone of your first love Ryu Doha, or a doppelgänger, or a Ditto, or his brother like others say. Whatever I am, what difference does it make?”
What was making Doha crooked right now was the fact that Jaei’s love for him was refracted through a person called Ryu Doha. The fact that it wasn’t love directed entirely at himself was too sad and painful. He honestly revealed this pain without hiding it.
“Whatever the truth is, I’m sad, not happy, and I feel insignificant. Because I’m not that person anyway.”
Jaei felt deflated that Doha’s final conclusion was “I am not the Ryu Doha you loved.” He looked at Doha with a tired face and asked.
“Do you really think that?”
“Should I be happy instead? Should I say, ‘Thank you for making me be born with the same face, voice, and personality as your first love’?”
As Doha retorted, tears welled up in Jaei’s eyes. Despite Jaei’s tears, Doha didn’t stop his harsh words.
“It seems like you want to believe that I’m your first love, but no matter what, I can’t be that person. I don’t have any of the memories that you share with that person. I can’t replace him. Listen carefully, Lee Jaei. I am not a substitute for your first love!”
Tears also welled up in Doha’s eyes as he poured out harsh words to Jaei. He didn’t hide the resentful feelings filling his chest, revealing them completely to the bottom.
“For the past 11 years, I’ve never once been loved by you. What you loved wasn’t me but that dead person, and you’ve been testing me all this time. Contemplating whether to accept me as your first love or not. In all my actions that you found pretty and loved, you were actually looking for that person.”
“Doha.”
“What.”
With trembling hands firmly gripping the blanket, Jaei gritted his teeth and said.
“If that’s what you think, I can’t help it. This isn’t a problem I can solve. I think you’re the real Ryu Doha, but if you say you’re not, then you’re not. The only person in the world who can tell me my conviction is real is you, and since you’re saying this, I’m alone in the world again.”
Jaei, who started to shed tears, felt deeply hurt by Doha and hid his face in the blanket. Then he slowly turned his body and lay with his back to Doha. After sobbing for a while, he eventually spoke in a voice of resignation.
“Fine, whatever your identity is, since the memories only remain with me, how could you be the same person as him? Even if the dead Ryu Doha came back to life as I thought, it would be the same as not being the same person.”
“I’d like us to take some time. I need time to sort out my feelings too.”
“No, there’s no need for that. What time do you need? If that’s what you think, I’ll go to Ryu Doha in heaven. *sob sob sob*…”
Hearing the sudden artificial crying sound, Doha rubbed his eyes with his fingers and checked Jaei’s buttocks. Fifteen chubby fox tails were swishing constantly from his bottom, which was peeking out from under the blanket.
“You promised not to threaten with your life anymore!”
“Threaten~? I decided that if Ryu Doha doesn’t come back to me, I’ll follow him. I’m just saying I’ll keep the promise I made. If you claim you’re not Ryu Doha, I’ll go find Ryu Doha.”
With tears streaming down both cheeks, Jaei looked back and spoke in an incredibly delicate and fragile voice. Though his acting skills were excellent, befitting a top actor, he couldn’t hide his ambition to gain the upper hand in this emotional battle.
Jaei buried his face in the pillow and began to wail loudly as if his pent-up sorrow had burst. If Jaei was going to use such childish methods, Doha had no way to counter. Thoroughly angered, Doha forcibly flipped Jaei over and gave him a stern warning.
“Why are you really acting like this? If you behave this way, I could be Ryu Doha!”
Having blurted out something completely different from what he was thinking, Doha instantly pulled Jaei’s thin body into his arms. Holding the small face drenched in tears, he alternately kissed both cheeks and declared.
“If that’s what you want, I’ll do it for you! That damned Ryu Doha!”
Then Jaei, with his fingers curled into small fists, pounded Doha’s shoulders repeatedly and cried out miserably.
“You said you’re not Doha. You said you’re not Ryu Doha. You are Ryu Doha, so why do you say you’re not? I know it, why don’t you?”
Watching Jaei cry as if his heart was breaking, Doha instantly copied his emotions and began to shed tears as well. Doha felt like he had been “had” by Jaei again, but he couldn’t stop his tears. He wiped away the tears falling on Jaei’s cheeks with his thumb and tried to soothe his crying.
“Why are you crying so pitifully? You’re really good at acting. As expected from the man of Cannes.”
“This isn’t acting. I’m not crying pitifully; I’m just a pitiful person who’s crying.”
Jaei, with his eyes and nose turned bright red, pitifully began to hiccup. Only then did Doha feel the sincerity in Jaei’s tears and retracted all the harsh words he had said to him, pulling the small head tightly into his arms. Like soothing a crying baby, he showered kisses on his forehead and crown, lightly patting his body. And finally, he uttered “those words” that he had vowed never to say aloud.
“Hyung, I’m good at being a substitute. I was born to replace your first love, wasn’t I?”
At those pathetic words, Jaei’s crying intensified. Jaei waved his hands from side to side and desperately pleaded.
“I love you because you’re not a substitute but the original. You’re the real Doha. Can’t you believe me? Let’s do a DNA test! I still have Ryu Doha’s DNA on my belongings!”
“Even clones have the same DNA.”
“What?”
Jaei, whose final weapon had disappeared, grabbed his own hair with both hands. But Doha, whose heart had opened to Jaei’s sincere voice, decided to seriously listen to Jaei’s opinion. After a brief kiss on his moist lips, he wiped away his tears and asked.
“Then, what’s your reason for thinking I’m the real Ryu Doha?”
Jaei, who had finally stopped crying, hiccupped as he presented evidence for judging Doha as the genuine article.
“So. After. Doha died, I met Doha’s ghost. It was when I was going to a psychiatric hospital. There really was Doha’s ghost. And what Doha’s ghost said to me was…”
“Uh… I see. So that’s what happened.”
Doha answered with a pitiful expression as he patted Jaei’s buttocks. Seeing Doha’s expression, which didn’t seem to believe him at all, Jaei started to sob again. Doha, who had crumpled Jaei into his wide embrace, swayed his body from side to side like a cradle to soothe him.
“Yes, yes, Jaei. That’s right, I am Ryu Doha, Ryu Doha. I’ve come back. I’m your childhood friend and I’m twenty-six from today. Jaei, we’re the same age.”
Doha contacted his mother and asked her to take care of Jaei, who had fallen asleep after crying. He had to go to the company right away. He was told that a visitor was looking for him. The visitor had been granted permission in advance by CEO Lee Jaei, and since they had traveled a long time from the provinces, Doha needed to meet them today.
On his way to the company, he took time to reorganize the “101 Origin Myths of Lee Doha” that filled his head. In fact, Doha was quite strongly considering the theory that “a children’s clothing mannequin from a department store that loved Lee Jaei stole Ryu Doha’s face and became human.”
For some reason, Doha’s dull intuition kept telling him that his identity was a children’s clothing mannequin. He felt strangely immersed in the mannequin’s feelings. He didn’t mention it aloud for fear of scaring Jaei.
Doha had selected Jaei’s current claim, the “Ryu Doha Reincarnation Theory,” as “The Most Absurd Hypothesis #1.” The “Ditto Theory” took the title of “The Most Ingenious Hypothesis #1.”
However, Doha too desperately wished that he was the reincarnation of the dead Ryu Doha. If that were really possible, that is.
