# Chapter 31
Doha sent a letter to himself using harsh words. Jaei, who had snitched on Doha’s actions to Doha, shrugged his shoulders and added coyly.
“That’s when I fell for him.”
“What? Why?”
“Well. Because he treated me carelessly?”
Doha was shocked by the level of Jaei’s shocking statement and his shy expression. And with a face that said ‘this is a big problem,’ he asked Jaei.
“Was that crazy guy your first love?”
Jaei nodded with a playful smile on his lips. At Jaei’s dangerous confession of preference, alarm bells were ringing loudly in Doha’s head. It was natural that he would imagine Hong Duyoung treating Jaei carelessly. As a man who loved Lee Jaei, he showed him a red card.
“Hyung, no. Don’t date anyone from now on.”
“Why? I would like it if someone else treated me carelessly again.”
“What are you saying right now! No, how can you fall for someone who throws things at you!”
Jaei, enjoying the sight of Doha waving his hands with a bewildered expression, buried his head in his shoulder and laughed out loud. Then he stopped laughing and blinked slowly. He held back the tears that welled up as he reminisced alone about memories that only remained with him. He couldn’t cry in front of Doha twice in one day. Stroking Doha’s head with both hands, he spoke as if confessing his heart to him.
“I was wrong that day. I’m really sorry.”
Doha closed his mouth, looking at Jaei’s expression, which seemed like he might burst into tears at any moment. Actually, while diligently reporting posts from people spreading rumors about Jaei, he had previously obtained information related to his first love.
The reviews written online by Jaei’s former classmates were half nonsensical stories and half plausible ones. There were those who fabricated reviews saying Jaei was a delinquent student during his school days, and there were those who refuted their claims.
It’s true that he was sensitive and picky, but he was kind and nice. Good-looking kids kept approaching him, but he never hung out with them, and he always stuck with his one best friend.
Below the post containing such content was the following comment:
RE: I remember too. You’re talking about that friend who died in summer vacation of middle school first year, right? Except for when he couldn’t come to school for a few weeks after that friend died in an accident, he was always diligent and nice.
After Jaei publicly interviewed about losing his first love, people who were interested in Jaei pieced together the information they knew and gossiped, spewing various stories as they pleased.
-I was a classmate, and the dead kid was a boy. But Lee Jaei really likes girls. He’s lying by changing his experience of his friend’s death into his first love to cover up his complex heterosexual relationships.
-Isn’t it just that his first love was a man and Lee Jaei is gay? Then it’s true that he’s dating Director Hong Duyoung.
That’s when Doha naturally learned that Jaei’s first love was a man. Until then, he had vaguely imagined Jaei’s first love as the opposite sex.
Fortunately, as actor Lee Jaei entered his seventh year since debut, he became someone who said “Thank you so much for your attention” to those who devoted their precious time to unnecessary words. He occasionally hummed while looking at his bank account, saying that thanks to them, he was maintaining a decadent image that appealed to both men and women.
And at this moment, there was only one thing Doha wanted to say to Jaei. He gently held Jaei’s hands and persuaded him in an affectionate voice.
“Hyung. If you must date someone, couldn’t you get my permission about who it is?”
“Why? Are you worried about my taste?”
“Yes. I don’t know about a woman treating you carelessly… But if you really like men, that kind of person is not okay. You’ll get hurt. So I think it would be best to meet someone like me. I’m strong but gentle. And I do everything you tell me to do.”
He didn’t miss this opportunity to promote himself while concealing just one flaw—that he was young. He had heard that people in sales shouldn’t be shy. This kind of shamelessness was a virtue that actors also needed to have. Jaei, brushing off Doha’s self-PR, smiled broadly with tears in his eyes. And he cupped Doha’s face with his dry hands.
“I’ll tell you about what happened that day with the person I liked. Listen carefully.”
Jaei described to Doha, at a very slow pace, the memory of the day they first met. He explained the color of the sky that day, the air, and the sweet smell that brushed his nose. He confessed all of his wrongdoings without holding anything back. He only omitted describing the child’s outfit and the specific location where the eye fight occurred.
“Do you think you wouldn’t be angry with me in that situation? I made you angry.”
For the first time, he confided in Doha about that day’s memories. He shed a few tears as he continued speaking. Doha wiped away the tears flowing down Jaei’s cheeks with his finger and answered with a calm expression.
“I wouldn’t say bad things to you. I wouldn’t throw snow at you either.”
“We were only eight years old then. We had just met, and you didn’t know what kind of person I was.”
“No. But I definitely wouldn’t do something like that. Because I’d surely regret it later.”
The present Doha, who had always given the same answers as the past Doha without fail, gave a different answer for the first time. And for the first time, he used force without permission to sit Jaei on his thigh and tightly embraced him with both arms.
“I will never do anything that would hurt you and make me regret it.”
He declared firmly, as if there was no need to give room for thought. Jaei, who had been resting his chin on Doha’s shoulder quietly, finally couldn’t hold back and cried with a choking sound.
Doha laid the exhausted Jaei, who was worn out from crying, on the bed and lay down beside him. Jaei, lying on his side, traced the line from Doha’s handsome nose bone to his jawbone with his fingertip. This magnificent line was something that hadn’t existed before.
“Aren’t you curious about yourself?”
“…”
“If all your memories are real.”
If the beginning of his life was truly at eight years old, on the untrodden playground of Haesung Elementary School.
Lying face to face with Jaei and surrendering his face to his touch, Doha answered in a low voice with a lazy smile.
“If Hyung says you’re an angel, then you’re an angel. I’ve believed that all my life.”
“If you appear on TV, people who know the days you don’t remember might show up. You don’t know what you’ll hear. It will confuse you.”
At Jaei’s words, a small light flickered in Doha’s eyes. As he had grown older and developed a sense of reality, he had consistently thought that his past was suspicious. But because he was so happy at this moment, he hadn’t particularly paid attention to it.
Only now did he begin to take an interest in his own identity and past. He even had dramatic imaginings that there might truly be an enormous secret hidden about him. For instance, being the child of a wealthy family who suffered amnesia in an accident, or perhaps the hidden son of a famous actor.
“Sounds interesting.”
“Really? Then how about debuting under your real name? As Ryu Doha. That name is more memorable too.”
“Sounds good. Suddenly I’m so excited and looking forward to it. So much that I want to debut quickly because of this.”
Doha, lying straight on his back looking at the ceiling, placed both hands on his chest with a bright smile. Jaei, biting his lip, forced a smile following him and firmly gripped his hand.
“I’ll do my best to ensure you can work safely without getting hurt or sick. If a director or colleague bullies you, I’ll solve everything with the law and money. And soon, you’ll have that kind of power too.”
Doha knew very well the powerful influence Jaei wielded. When Jaei moved, large amounts of capital moved with him. It was power gifted to him by the many who loved him, and it protected him. And Jaei was someone who didn’t use that power to unjustly attack others.
Feeling proud of him as Lee Jaei’s fan and experiencing a sense of being overwhelmed for no reason, he interlaced his fingers with Jaei’s and playfully said.
“There is one person who’s bullying me right now.”
“Who? Do I know them?”
Jaei urgently asked, moving his body closer to Doha. Doha, with sparkling eyes, stared at Jaei without answering. From this gesture, Jaei could guess the only being who was bullying Doha.
Nimbly, he intensified the bullying by forcefully squishing Doha’s rice-cake-like cheeks with both hands. Doha, crushed under Jaei’s grip, smiled happily like a fool and cutely entrusted his large body to Jaei’s small embrace. Jaei, who burst into laughter just like Doha, hugged him so tightly with both arms that he might burst and shouted.
“Let’s burst Lee Doha!”
Doha, pressed under Jaei’s strength, squeezed his eyes shut and burst into laughter like a baby. Jaei, showering kisses on the crown of his head, continued.
“Don’t hide your pretty face and let’s show it to people. Do everything you want to do, receive lots of love, earn lots of money, and live well with your head held high, Doha. I’ve hidden you for too long.”
There were words left to say, but he closed his mouth. Stroking his hardened back, he continued speaking silently in his heart.
Someone who sees your face and your name will feel fear, and for the first time in over 10 years, they’ll bring out the guilt they haven’t had, and every time they turn on the TV, walk down the street, see you on billboards, and encounter you, they’ll live a hellish life day by day. Just showing your life that has begun again is revenge, Doha.
* * *
Three days into preparing for his audition, aspiring actor Lee Doha realized he had been scammed by Lee Jaei, the CEO currently managing Lee Doha’s personal management. Jaei, who had affectionately said he would give him everything he wanted, unlike the verbal contract, began to manage Doha under strict control and surveillance like a drill instructor.
Doha received the hellish plan directly produced by Jaei via messenger. It seemed like a compressed version of a year’s academic schedule for a university acting major. Added to that were exercise and sports massage for physical and body shape management, and various professional care for appearance management. Plastic surgery was the only thing prohibited, but all beauty treatments optimized for the camera were also systematically included. A diet that takes care of balanced nutrients and reduced calories also arrived.
