# Chapter 19
That summer, Doha began filming for Director Hong Duyoung’s new movie. He played the child version of the male protagonist, a role where he falls in love with the child version of the female protagonist. Doha’s parents were overjoyed but extremely worried about not being able to be with him at the filming location.
Doha forced a smile and declared to them, “He’s a famous director so there’s nothing to worry about. I’ll earn a lot of money, so please don’t worry about anything anymore.”
Jaei was happier about Doha’s debut than anyone else. Perhaps even happier than Doha’s parents. However, that happiness didn’t last very long. Doha had begun to change from the moment he decided to appear in Hong Duyoung’s work. And now, Jaei and Doha were gradually growing apart. Of course, Jaei thought this was just him being hypersensitive after letting Doha out of his domain.
Although the number of times they made eye contact and chatted had decreased, although messages sent weren’t getting proper replies, although all these changes were clearly confirmed by the numbers, still, when night came, Doha put Jaei in his arms and carefully lulled him to sleep just as before.
In the darkness, he meticulously kissed Jaei’s temple and cheek, and gave three small kisses on his lips. And then, as if making a wish that would be difficult to come true, he spoke into Jaei’s ear as Jaei gradually fell into sleep.
“I want to become a high school student with you. I want to go to the same university and have the same job. I want to be together for all the time except for the 7 years we couldn’t meet.”
“……”
“That’s what I want to do, Jaei.”
To Jaei, his voice somehow sounded ominously like a final farewell.
The ominous feeling soon became reality. Doha moved rooms, using the excuse that it was hot when the two of them were in one room. Jaei, returning home after finishing hagwon, stared helplessly at Doha who was removing his belongings from Jaei’s room. There was no reason to feel hot since they had air conditioning. And it was too absurd an excuse to say that suddenly this year it was too hot to share a room when they had spent half their lives in one room.
However, Jaei didn’t bother to stop Doha’s actions. He just let him do what he wanted. All he had to do was follow Doha and move rooms himself.
“I told you I would follow you around wherever you go, right? If you run away, I’ll just chase after you! Silly.”
Doha, who was organizing his things in the new room, was extremely flustered when Jaei suddenly appeared in his room with a pillow in his arms, and he waved his hands.
“Can’t we stay apart for a bit? You know I get hot easily. When it’s not hot anymore, I’ll come back to your room.”
As he backed away from Jaei, his back soon hit the wall. Jaei easily ignored Doha’s completely incomprehensible plea and marched toward him like a general.
“I don’t want to~ I’m going to follow you around for life~”
Hiding his hurt feelings, Jaei playfully smiled and pressed his body close to Doha. Jaei was silent for a moment. Biting his lips tightly, he painfully held back what he wanted to say, then finally managed to smile on a face that looked like it would burst into tears at any moment, and offered the most refined expression from his heart.
“This really hurts my feelings. You know I’m scared to sleep without you.”
While speaking, a wave of sorrow rose and choked him up. His lips trembled, his teeth gritted, and finally he burst into tears. Even though he was watching Doha gradually change before his eyes, there was nothing he could do except cry.
Since Doha currently felt like he was interfering with Jaei’s life, he didn’t dare hold and comfort him. With sad eyes, he looked down at his palm as if it were something pathetic. Jaei sobbed loudly and revealed the feelings he had been holding back without speaking.
“It feels like you’re constantly moving away from me. I guess I’m being overly sensitive again, right?”
And at this moment, the answer that Doha should have given was predetermined.
No, it’s a misunderstanding that I’ve grown distant. It’s because you’re sensitive. How could we grow apart? That’s impossible.
But the crybaby Ryu Doha only shed tears with a face full of guilt without giving Jaei the answer he wanted. Jaei felt as if his limbs were being torn off. Doha had directly acknowledged that the ominous feeling he had been experiencing lately was not wrong.
“Get out of my room.”
Ryu Doha was very clearly growing apart from Lee Jaei.
* * *
Now when Doha came home after finishing filming, he headed straight to his own room. Since it was the summer vacation period, there was hardly any chance to run into Doha. Even when messages were sent, he didn’t reply at all. While Jaei thought he had completely fallen out of Doha’s area of interest, he still held the expectation that Doha would return once filming was over.
However, shortly after, Jaei was able to hear shocking news from Hong Duyoung whom he met in the apartment elevator.
“Doha is really adapting well. When I ordered him to actually love his counterpart, he really tried to do so. It seems he’s dating the opposite actress now. Maybe because he’s young, he’s quite fast.”
“What did you say?”
At that moment, Jaei experienced symptoms of acid reflux. It was extremely difficult to accept the fact that Ryu Doha, who had lived as a one-plus-one combo product with Lee Jaei for the past 6 years, had suddenly become someone else’s.
But Lee Jaei had been Ryu Doha’s dedicated puppy, ceaselessly following behind Ryu Doha since he was eight years old. So it was nothing for him to go directly find Doha wherever he was and whatever he was doing, to turn around his changed heart.
Using his acquaintance with Hong Duyoung as backup, Jaei proudly visited the filming location and sent a message to Doha who was filming, saying “I’m outside now, please come out to see me.” The playboy Ryu Doha, who had gotten a new girlfriend without settling things with Lee Jaei, rushed out of the countryside house where they were filming in less than 3 minutes. Doha asked with wide eyes. At least at that time, Jaei felt there was love in Doha’s voice.
“What are you doing here?”
“I told you. I’m going to follow you wherever you go.”
Jaei answered brightly, trying to smile as if nothing was wrong.
“Doha, you’ve been working hard to make money, so I wrote you a letter.”
Jaei rummaged through his bag and handed out a letter that was close to a formal petition. It was a desperate plea saying, “Our kind and cute Doha seems to be a bit too immersed in acting, but I still love you, so come to your senses and come back.”
Even though he knew Doha had carelessly settled their relationship and was dating another noona, he couldn’t even get angry with him like a fool. Since Doha hadn’t officially said they should break up, on his side, they hadn’t broken up yet.
Doha appeared to be receiving the petition with a moved face. However, at that moment, Director Hong Duyoung and the actress playing Doha’s counterpart appeared together. Doha, who crumpled up the petition that Jaei had spent five hours writing, changed his tone of voice to be cold.
“This is annoying.”
Receiving such cold treatment from Doha for the first time, Jaei felt his breath catch, and he grabbed his chest and coughed. Then, in a small voice that was barely audible, he asked with difficulty.
“Doha, are you perhaps fake-dating for movie promotion? If that’s the case, send me a carrot emoji on messenger.”
“What are you talking about? Don’t joke around.”
In an instant, Jaei’s eyes filled with tears.
“Then just tell me this. If I don’t bother you and wait quietly at home, will you come back to me? You said no matter where you go, you’ll eventually come back to me.”
“No, I won’t come back. My feelings have changed from then to now.”
Jaei bowed his head deeply and hugged his arms. It was difficult to breathe. All his nerves were on edge, and even clothes and wind touching his skin made his body hurt. Hong Duyoung vanished first, and the noona who had been waiting for Doha from a distance spoke in a loud voice.
“Doha, the director says filming is starting, so come quickly.”
“Yes, noona. I’ll be right there.”
Doha was using the affectionate voice he used to give to Jaei, with her. Doha’s voice came like pain, making his whole body feel like it was being torn apart. But Jaei couldn’t hate him. Because he had never learned how to hate Doha from anyone, he didn’t know how to hate him. Looking at him with eyes that couldn’t withdraw their love, he muttered in a small voice that only Doha could hear. A laugh also escaped like a fool.
“You started dating without saying you wanted to date, and now you’re breaking up without saying you want to break up. This is good because it’s consistent. There’s at least one thing that hasn’t changed.”
Doha didn’t answer and turned around. Jaei, who grabbed Doha’s wrist, finalized the relationship himself, speaking to Doha’s back.
“I won’t meet anyone I like as much as you again. But in the end, you’ll be the same. I’m certain.”
“……”
“You and me, even if someone swapped our arms and legs while we were sleeping, we wouldn’t know. Because you are me, and I am you.”
“……”
“But let’s end it for now. Otherwise, I think I’ll keep following you around and bothering you.”
The special relationship that Ryu Doha started at age eight was ended by fourteen-year-old Lee Jaei.
* * *
Obviously, Jaei couldn’t spend this year’s birthday with Doha. It was the first birthday since age eight that wouldn’t be celebrated by Doha. Still, he thought that since Doha would remember the date, it would be nice if Doha would think of him even just once during the day. Jaei, who hadn’t had a good night’s sleep for the past week, fell into a sleep close to fainting after crying.
Jaei woke up to the sound of a loud bell. It was a call from Doha. It was a time when there was less than 10 minutes left until his birthday. What could be happening with Doha, who hadn’t properly replied even when messages were sent? Doha spoke in a strained voice from across the phone.
“Happy birthday……”
“……”
“It was a lie…… What I said back then……”
“Why are you suddenly like this?”
“If I had known this would happen…… I wouldn’t have said hurtful things……”
“What is this? I guess you already broke up with that noona? Judging by your voice, it seems you called me after fighting and crying.”
“Still…… If this can be…… a gift I can give you……”
“This is a birthday gift? I don’t like it at all. I don’t want to hear your voice right now.”
At the words that he didn’t want to hear his voice, Doha immediately went quiet. Jaei hung up the phone just like that.
