# Chapter 18
Doha and Jaei, who lived in apartment 1002, actively dated under the pretense of studying as they frequented the library and study rooms in the apartment community facility. They never actually studied properly even once, but only faithfully loved each other.
Around the beginning of summer, a young man appeared before Doha and Jaei who were selecting a movie DVD at the library in the community center. He was about 180cm tall with a slender body, and had a clean but strangely gaunt appearance. While Doha couldn’t recognize who he was, Jaei greeted him with great joy.
“Teacher! Did you move here?”
His name was Hong Duyoung, and his occupation was film director. He was someone whose name had recently begun to appear frequently in news articles after receiving an award at a prestigious international film festival at the young age of thirty. Doha, who preferred dramas to movies, didn’t know much about him. He had seen just one of his films, but it was too dark to be a style he particularly liked. In contrast, Jaei often rewatched his films to practice acting.
It wasn’t that surprising that Jaei knew a film director. Jaei had many cool uncles and aunts. Among them were film producers, celebrities, and musicians. He was often taken out to meals, held in the hands of parents who boasted an impressive social network. Despite this, Jaei always named Doha’s mother as his favorite aunt.
Hong Duyoung was a director but had been acting since high school and occasionally appeared in his own works as an actor. Seven years ago, before gaining fame as a director, he worked part-time teaching acting to child actors at an acting academy while attending university. Jaei was one of the students who learned acting from him at that time. Jaei was seven years old then.
Even after Jaei quit the academy, Hong Duyoung consistently maintained contact with Jaei’s parents. Hong Duyoung was more proactive than Jaei’s parents in this regard. Despite his advice that Jaei should start acting immediately, Jaei’s mother didn’t rush and cherished Jaei carefully. She replied that it was enough just to have confirmed his talent.
Hong Duyoung took Doha and Jaei to a restaurant in front of his house and treated them to lunch. Although Doha didn’t like Hong Duyoung’s works, he still felt honored to be in this situation as someone who dreamed of becoming an actor. He also thought that having this opportunity was all thanks to Jaei.
Having heard roughly about Jaei’s growth process from his mother, Hong Duyoung observed the behavior and speech patterns of both Doha and Jaei for quite some time, looking at them alternately. During the meal, he learned that Doha’s future dream was also to become an actor, and he brought up an eye-opening topic to both of them.
“I need a child actor for the male protagonist in my new work. The role isn’t that big. Not many lines either. It’s not enough to hold auditions, so I’m thinking of finding someone directly from my circle. Could you both practice with the script?”
At this moment, Jaei seriously thought, ‘I want to appear in Director Hong Duyoung’s work.’ But he was worried about his mother’s opposition. On the other hand, Doha thought, ‘I want to quickly get a job and earn money.’ It didn’t necessarily have to be with Hong Duyoung.
A week later, Doha and Jaei met Hong Duyoung at his house. Jaei diligently taught Doha, who had never once done any acting before.
Doha naturally thought that Jaei would be selected, but he prepared for the test together to gain experience. Jaei thought that if he passed but couldn’t appear due to his mother’s opposition, the good opportunity could go to Doha. In fact, Jaei felt that Doha had talent for acting.
Hong Duyoung wasn’t originally just a kind type. He didn’t hesitate to harshly criticize even children. In particular, he most frequently said, “You have no talent at all, so tell your mother to quit the academy immediately.” Among the students attending the academy at that time, only Jaei escaped his harsh criticism. He always highly praised Jaei with sweet words like, “Your emotional acting is really delicate even at this young age, you will grow into a great actor.”
Doha’s test began. Hong Duyoung watched Doha’s acting with a smile. What came back to Doha was unexpected praise.
“I didn’t expect anything, but you’re better than I thought. Good atmosphere too.”
Doha also hadn’t expected anything at all. After bowing deeply and turning around, Doha tilted his head toward Jaei and shrugged.
Jaei’s test followed. Hong Duyoung’s expression darkened drastically. Having learned acting from him before, Jaei knew what the expression he was making now meant. However, he had never made such an expression toward him. So Jaei was very scared.
“Lee Jaei, why have you changed so much? Your mask grew as I thought it would, but the atmosphere doesn’t follow it at all. All the talent you showed when you were young has disappeared.”
He mentioned the names of legendary actors and went on about how he thought Jaei would become such an actor. The harsh criticism continued.
“You’ve never lost anything while growing up, right? Even something very small that can be experienced at your age. That desperately shows in your flat and shallow acting. I feel your limitation as an actor. On the other hand, Doha seems to know what loss is.”
The comparison with Doha continued for quite some time after that. Doha was very embarrassed and held Jaei’s hand. Of course, he hadn’t shown better acting compared to Jaei, and being praised in this way wasn’t pleasing at all. With tears welling up in his eyes, Jaei kept his mouth shut, forced a smile, and bowed deeply.
“Thank you, Director.”
Jaei’s way of addressing Hong Duyoung changed from “Teacher” to “Director.”
Doha was carefully choosing his words, not knowing what to say to Jaei. He was having all kinds of thoughts, worried that Jaei might have severely hurt his pride, or might feel resentment toward him, and felt like his hair would fall out at this rate. He really didn’t like that man who had unnecessarily instilled a sense of rivalry between them.
Jaei, who had been silent, only expressed his emotions after returning to the room and locking the door.
“Hee. I’m so embarrassed.”
He lovingly laughed while abruptly hugging Doha’s waist and resting his face on his shoulder. Doha hugged his beloved tightly with both arms and shouted:
“That man is weird! What kind of nonsense is he spouting!”
Jaei burst into tears, receiving comfort from Doha. Doha kissed his pretty cheeks, nose, and eyelids abundantly to soothe his crying. Feeling that Doha’s skinship was much stronger than usual, Jaei took advantage of this opportunity and cried even more sorrowfully.
That night, a message arrived on Doha’s phone from Hong Duyoung saying he had passed the test. Doha, who was preparing to sleep with Jaei tucked into his side on the bed, snorted and deleted the message.
“Not going, not going. I’d rather deliver milk to earn money.”
Jaei, who had kissed Doha thirty times and shaken off his gloomy mood while receiving affection from him, nuzzled his soft cheek against Doha’s cheek, who was trying hard for him, and said:
“Don’t worry about me. Why would you miss an opportunity like this? I really want Doha to do it.”
He meant it sincerely. He loved him so much that he had never once felt anything like inferiority toward Doha. Pulling Doha into his arms and trapping him, he showered kisses on his crown and whined affectionately:
“Succeed and take responsibility for feeding me! Hmm?”
***
The next day, Doha visited Hong Duyoung’s house to decline his casting offer. The reason he went in person instead of responding by message was because he had a lot to say to him. Hong Duyoung, who had served peanut tea to his young guest, explained his own creative philosophy without being asked.
“I turn things I’ve actually experienced into works. For things I haven’t experienced, I sometimes test if they’re actually possible before making them into works. Even if it seems like just a made-up story, I need to confirm that it can happen in reality.”
“Ah, I see.”
Doha nodded while yawning impertinently. He preferred unrealistically beautiful love stories rather than Hong Duyoung’s films that peered into the dirty and obscene inner workings of humans. Among movies, he liked hero films where the protagonists carried cool shields and defeated villains.
Hong Duyoung continued to explain his philosophy to explain why he had chosen Doha.
“The same goes for actors. Pretending emotions you don’t know yourself is all fake. That’s why Jaei is lacking as an actor.”
How great of an art do you think you’re making… Doha muttered this to himself, then started saying what he wanted to tell him with a smirk.
“I’m quite dull, but that doesn’t mean I’m insensitive. Director, you’re not really interested in me, are you?”
“…”
“Especially, I’m really good at distinguishing between people who like Jaei and people who dislike him. And Director, you’re someone who likes Jaei.”
It was an ability he had diligently cultivated during the past six years of dating Jaei. He needed to distinguish this accurately to protect Jaei safely.
“I researched about you diligently before coming to take the test. I watched all your movies and interviews. I don’t particularly like your works, but I did it because it’s the right thing to do.”
Hong Duyoung kept his mouth shut and listened to the bold boy’s words. Doha continued:
“You keep talking about having lost something as a virtue for an actor, but I’m poor yet don’t really know about frustration or feelings of loss. Can’t you figure that out after talking to me for just 10 minutes? No one around me fails to understand this aspect of my personality. But you keep talking about loss and such… Does someone with difficult family circumstances always have to know such emotions?”
Hong Duyoung started laughing out loud as if his inner thoughts had been exposed. Then Doha, with his large eyes wide open, clenched his fist and asked:
“Although I’m still young, I could tell just by watching two or three films you’ve made. The type of actor you like is Jaei. A child with a sensitivity that seems like it would break at the slightest touch. But why do you keep deliberately scratching and hurting Jaei? I came to ask this. I’m really curious about the reason.”
Hong Duyoung smiled while rubbing his teacup at Doha’s analysis, which was sharper than expected. After taking a sip of black tea, he soon gave a detailed answer to what Doha was curious about.
“I’ve heard through Jaei’s parents what role you’ve played in Jaei’s growth. But from my perspective, you’re causing great harm to Jaei.”
Doha’s expression instantly twisted with shock. He thought that Jaei’s happiness and contributing to Jaei’s emotional well-being was his reason for existing in this world. Therefore, what Hong Duyoung was saying now was destroying the very existence of Ryu Doha. Hong Duyoung put down his teacup and continued:
“As long as you’re by Jaei’s side, Jaei will never be able to become an excellent actor. He’ll just remain an actor with a handsome face. Ah, of course, he might be able to play mediocre roles, but most film directors, including myself, won’t seek out Jaei. Who would cast a flower without fragrance?”
“…”
“You’re completely wearing away his delicate and sharp sensibility, that talent he was born with like a blessing. Making him round without any sharpness, comfortable and dull. Well, as an actor, that’s the worst.”
Doha, who had firmly believed that he could stand up to and fight even adults, was still a child who was shaken to the core by an adult’s words.
