# Chapter 15
Deeply moved by Doha’s action, Jaei didn’t refuse and entrusted his body to Doha’s small back. Though Doha had only been carried on adults’ backs and had never properly given anyone a piggyback ride himself, he began to walk energetically carrying Jaei like a protagonist in a drama, despite having weak and young legs. He was the type who would first verbalize what he wanted to accomplish and then do his best regardless of whether it was possible or not.
After spending the past 8 years peeking and watching the dramas his mother watched, he had observed that even when two protagonists liked each other, if they didn’t honestly express their feelings, their relationship would go awry. If the timing was even slightly off, love wouldn’t be realized. Doha didn’t want Jaei to misunderstand his feelings because of poor timing. So, as a commemoration of completely cooling the heat on his cheeks, he calmly told Jaei his true feelings.
“It feels good that you say you like me the most.”
“Really? I thought you disliked me because I was begging you to like me.”
“Jaei, you’re… pretty and…”
Jaei inhaled sharply at Doha’s words. Though he had been told he was pretty at least ten times a day since birth, this was the first time Doha had ever said such a thing. So he had thought that until now, he didn’t appear very pretty in Doha’s eyes. While he was excitedly flailing his legs, Doha continued. Jaei had two or three other good points besides being pretty.
“Kind, and, um, also. Cute.”
However, Lee Jaei was a rare child who objectively recognized his own flaws.
“Is it okay that I’m stupid? Dad always calls me a stupid cat. He says I’m a stupid cat that gets hit by its own tail and gets startled.”
While that was indeed a very accurate description, Doha was doing his best to package Jaei as “a kind baby fennec fox who came to live in the city because of its love for humans.” Nevertheless, he couldn’t bring himself to tell Jaei he wasn’t stupid. In reality, Jaei was indeed stupid. It wasn’t just once or twice that he had fallen after being startled by his own footsteps or screamed when his own hair tickled his cheek as it blew in the wind.
However, Doha too had one truth that he had been desperately hiding from Jaei. In order to share his feelings sincerely with Jaei, he decided to honestly reveal that secret.
“Jaei. I have a secret.”
“What is it? If you have a secret, tell me everything without leaving anything out.”
Doha, dragging out his words, revealed a truth he hadn’t wanted to disclose.
“Actually… I’m stupid too.”
Jaei tilted his head at Doha’s shocking confession.
“You didn’t seem like it.”
“I’m stupid, but I’ve been pretending to be cool in front of you.”
However, Jaei, who only believed what he could see, refused to accept the truth. Having failed to establish a sense of commonality, Doha had no choice but to share a shocking anecdote that would deal a critical blow to his image.
“When I was in kindergarten, I ate marimo food. I thought it was for people to eat.”
“Really? Did your stomach hurt?”
“It didn’t hurt. Mom and Dad say I wouldn’t feel pain even if I ate poisonous mushrooms.”
“Wow. You really were stupid!”
Jaei, happy to learn he wasn’t the only stupid one, flailed his legs again. With each movement Jaei made, young Ryu Doha, carrying someone of similar size on his back, breathed heavily with difficulty. He stopped for a moment, turned his head to look at Jaei directly, meaning for him to get down now.
But Jaei had no intention of getting off Doha’s back. Now that he was being carried, he was determined to be carried all the way home. Lovingly rubbing his soft cheeks against Doha’s round back of the head, he asked:
“So now has the person you like changed to me?”
“No, that’s not it.”
“Tsk.”
Jaei, who had been smiling widely, suddenly became dejected and stuck out his lip. Doha, who readjusted Jaei on his back and began walking again, summoning the strength from his formula-drinking days, stared at a red sign visible in the distance. A wise thought occurred to him that could naturally overcome this crisis.
The plan was to carry Jaei on his back only as far as the snack shop under the pretext of eating tteokbokki, then rest while sitting down, simultaneously stockpile energy by eating tteokbokki, and then carry Jaei on his back to home again.
Regaining his smile, Doha gazed at the words “Angel Snack Shop” with distant eyes and confessed his love.
“It didn’t change. There was no one but you.”
* * *
Jaei, who liked cute and round things, would occasionally visit the aunt even before Doha’s sibling was born and talk to the baby through her belly. “Baby, hello? I’m Jaei! Your stupid older brother!”
In autumn of that year, Doha’s younger brother, Seungha, was born. Unfortunately, Jaei didn’t get the chance to see the baby. He couldn’t visit the hospital for fear of burdening the aunt who needed urgent recovery, and the baby left for home in his father’s arms. Instead, Doha, who had gone to the hospital to greet his brother, shared a real-life review of the baby.
“When I first saw him, he was wrinkled and ugly. But after sleeping a few nights, he became pretty. Mom and Dad say he looks just like my twin when I was born.”
“He must be super pretty and cute!”
Jaei clasped his hands together and his eyes sparkled. My goodness, two Dohas in the world. Moreover, a Doha smaller than the already cute Doha. Just imagining it was so adorably chilling that it made his chest tingle. But since Doha’s father was taking care of him, it seemed unlikely that there would be an opportunity to see Seungha for the time being.
* * *
Doha, whom Jaei had met at eight, had become like air to thirteen-year-old Jaei. From first grade in elementary school until now, approaching graduation from sixth grade, Doha had been by Jaei’s side every single day without exception. Now, Ryu Doha and Lee Jaei were natural presences beside each other.
Jaei, who had fallen ill for a week after traveling to Jeju Island with his parents on a plane when he was five, couldn’t imagine himself becoming someone who could leave home to travel. Perhaps without Doha, he would have struggled greatly on the school trip, unable to adapt to the changed sleeping arrangements and bedmates. Although they were in different classes, with the teacher’s understanding, he was able to sleep comfortably with his attachment person, Ryu Doha, in his arms.
Doha was like a totem that made Jaei comfortable anywhere and anytime. Since he slept well, naturally his hypersensitive nerves were more stable when awake, and consequently, the number of friends who liked Jaei increased. He still heard, saw, and felt things well, but compared to before, he endured better, was less startled, and felt less pain. Spending such days, Jaei became truly much happier.
Doha achieved what his parents couldn’t. Jaei considered it an inexpressible blessing that Doha existed during his formative years. He had gained something that couldn’t be converted into any material value. He didn’t know how to repay what he had received from him.
All he could do was to give him gifts that wouldn’t make him uncomfortable while maintaining boundaries, and to love and cherish him abundantly with a sincere heart. That was all.
Hugging his bag to his chest and sitting on the stands, Jaei was quietly waiting for Doha, who was playing soccer with his friends after school. Although he had become much more resilient since he was a baby, he still wasn’t strong enough to enjoy sports where balls flew over his head. He endured severely during class hours, but he had no intention of participating in a non-mandatory game by taking time out. Just watching Doha kick the ball was enjoyable enough.
While quietly watching Doha and wiggling his feet, their eyes would meet periodically. It felt good that Doha kept checking on him even while concentrating on soccer. At that moment, a friend who attended the same piano academy approached Jaei.
“Jaei, aren’t you going to the academy?”
“I plan to go a little late today. I’m waiting for a friend.”
“I see. Eat this.”
“Oh, wait. Then I’ll give you something too.”
The academy friend who sat next to Jaei offered him a stick snack, Ppippiro. Jaei’s bag was also full of snacks exchanged with friends today. He couldn’t give away what he had received, but he had an extra one among those he had brought to give to friends.
Perhaps by coincidence, at that very moment, Doha walked to the stands to take a break from the game for a while. Doha, with his white face flushed red and his jet-black hair sticking to his forehead with sweat, approached Jaei who was in the middle of exchanging snacks with his friend. With his kind eyes coldly lowered, he picked up the bottled water Jaei had been looking after and gulped it down.
Jaei looked up at the handsome Doha and smiled shyly. In fact, he hadn’t given Doha a snack yet. This was because he planned to give Doha a specially wrapped snack today and officially confess, asking him to date.
For six years, Doha had not asked Jaei to date him. Jaei had thought Doha would ask when he gave him a snack in the morning, but it wasn’t to be this time either. So with middle school entrance approaching, he decided to take courage first. That’s why he was waiting for Doha instead of going to the academy.
Doha, who had collected enough snacks from the entire school to open a mart for the day, was in a very twisted mood because he hadn’t received a snack as a gift from the one person, Jaei. Taking the water bottle from his mouth, he looked back and forth between Jaei and his academy friend and asked grumpily:
“What are you two doing?”
Sensing that Doha might greatly misunderstand at this moment, Jaei instantly stood up, clutching his bag to his chest. Leaving a goodbye to his friend, he dragged Doha behind the command post. Doha, with eyes full of disappointment, was sticking out his lips like a baby duck. He looked thoroughly sulky at a glance.
After turning his head to confirm that there was no one within a 10-meter radius in all directions, Jaei rummaged through his bag and pulled out an incredibly cool giant stick snack. A small, cute polar bear doll resembling Doha was hugging a large snack. Jaei happily watched as Doha’s pupils dilated and his mouth opened round. The Prince of Haesung-dong, Lee Jaei, clenched his fist and confessed coolly:
“Ryu Doha. Let’s date.”
In that moment, Doha deeply furrowed his brow. Jaei, who hadn’t at all thought that he would be rejected by Doha, quickly added words to defend against his rejection.
“You’re not worried about family issues, are you? That’s adults’ business. It has nothing to do with us.”
He had heard that Doha’s father still had a lot of debt and his health had deteriorated, incurring hospital expenses. He also needed money for Seungha’s child support, so the family’s financial situation was still very poor. Even though he tried not to pay attention to adults’ circumstances, he inevitably knew everything because he could hear too well. However, Doha shook his head.
“No, that’s not it.”
To prevent words of rejection from springing from Doha’s mouth, Jaei began an iron wall defense. He didn’t want to give him even a slight opening.
“Then what don’t you like? Is it because I’m a boy? What does that matter? Is my personality okay as a friend but not as a dating partner? I’ve changed so much, but if you still don’t like it, I’ll change again! What more should I change?”
Doha, who had been listening to Jaei’s rapid-fire defense, asked with an expression of disbelief:
“Weren’t we already dating?”
“Really? Since when? Since when have we been dating?”
“Since first grade! The day I carried you home on my back! You stupid cat!”
