Chapter 1
Actor Lee Jaei had a cold, impassive face. To put it bluntly, he looked like someone with such a prickly personality that approaching him would be difficult. Metaphorically speaking, if you were casting an angel and a devil, he’d be cast as the devil every time. Not as some horrific demon, of course, but more like a beautiful incubus who seduces humans.
He debuted in the popular teen drama series “Private School—The Fifth Story” as a taciturn, sensitive aspiring piano major. He played the role of the guy sitting behind the female lead, glaring at the blackboard with an artist’s intensity as if to split it in two, making viewers’ hearts flutter by pressing piano keys with his beautiful hands during every music class scene. His lines appeared maybe twice per episode, with a maximum of four syllables. “Hello.” “Be quiet.” “It’s noisy.” “Are you okay?”
But objectively speaking, he was a dignified and brilliant background character, which earned him a spot on real-time search rankings just three weeks after the show aired. This noble background character, who had no personal storyline, eventually received a script covering his own episode in the latter part of the series, and demonstrated outstanding acting skills while playing the piano himself for two full episodes. After the drama ended, Jaei mentioned in an interview that the character’s “sensitive artistic temperament” was similar to his actual personality.
For his next project, he immediately landed a leading role. His first starring role was in the thriller drama “Eight 8,” which recorded a 13% viewer rating. He played a maniacal psychopath. Jaei portrayed absolute evil in accordance with the production’s intent, but unfortunately, viewers forcibly extracted a tragic backstory from his beautiful face and sorrowful gaze. Having made evil understandable through his natural appearance and acting skills alone, Jaei learned he should be more careful when taking on villainous roles.
Striking while the iron was hot, Jaei entered the film industry the following year and rose to top star status with the movie “The Servant.” He played a servant who coolly pursued pure desire. After its release, he was honored with the title “The World’s Most Beautiful Man While Mopping.”
Jaei learned this happy news through a congratulatory call from his younger brother during his schedule. He expressed his gratitude to his brother, who asked him to come home and mop the floor.
Due to his appearance, Jaei mainly took on cynical and sensitive roles, performing every character excellently with his distinctive low voice and precise pronunciation. However, in reality, he wasn’t someone who spoke coldly and dispassionately like he did in his projects. Rather, he spoke slower than others and tended to slur his words, occasionally using clumsy vocabulary. If Jaei had to be defined in one sentence, it would be “a fool who memorizes scripts well.”
During a promotional interview for the movie “The Servant,” when a reporter mentioned that his way of speaking was very cute, Jaei smiled innocently and replied that it was “because he lacked education and stayed away from books.” After rumors spread about him seeming somewhat simple-minded—contrary to his on-screen image—he inevitably began maintaining an air of mystery when facing the public.
Like a great actor, he soon learned adequately elegant and graceful manners to moderately deceive the public. However, his core hadn’t changed. Those who truly loved Jaei found his foolish authentic self extremely lovable.
That’s why Doha could immediately recognize that the new photo shoot interview of Jaei he was currently reading consisted of sentences freshly born from the editor’s fingers. There was no way they’d written down Jaei’s words verbatim. He doesn’t speak in such a resolute tone. Still, the content in the interview wasn’t a lie. From beginning to end, it was a story Doha already knew everything about.
Ryu Doha was one of many people who loved Lee Jaei.
Q. Have you ever fallen in love with a co-star in real life?
A. Absolutely not. When I was young, I experienced losing someone I loved. What was always within my grasp and hearing disappeared without a trace, yet that child’s gym clothes, diary, and backpack remained in my room. I still keep the last message I received from them. That child was truly a part of me. After going through something like that, I became unable to fall in love even as an adult. But I can act out passionate longing and love because of the wounds I received when I was young. Even that is something that child left behind for me.
Q. That’s unexpected. The rumors were rampant.
A. In my rookie days, groundless malicious rumors always followed me because of my decadent image. I consulted with my company and changed my styling several times. I even went for a consultation at a plastic surgery clinic. I almost got a procedure to correct my sanpaku eyes, but gave it up because I would lose too much as an actor. Now I don’t mind. In reality, I live like a monk. I’ll stake all the stocks I own on that oath.
Q. How’s your return on investment?
A. I don’t know much about stocks. I’m not interested either. I bought them under pressure from my CEO, and they’re currently at -55%. I deleted the stock app while getting my makeup done earlier. As my contract expiration approaches, I’m thinking of ending my relationship with my CEO. (Laughs)
Q. Staking stocks with a 55% loss. Are you really living like a monk?
A. I apologize. If it’s hard to believe, I’ll stake my car. The vehicle provided to me as an automobile ambassador would be fine too.
Q. Do you have a bucket list?
A. Dying young? Disappearing from the world leaving only a young and beautiful image behind. Haha. It’s just the pretension of a young man who admires legendary actors. I’m just talking like this but will live a long and healthy life. Oh, is this why rumors about me being addicted to drugs and alcohol spread?
Q. I’ve seen many young actors struggling with their innate sensitivity. When I met them again after several years, they had become dull. Time heals.
A. It’s really just a joke, so don’t worry. I am sensitive. Complicated inside. Overthink things. Have mood swings. For an actor, sensitivity is a talent. But I dislike sensitivity that harms others. I’m trying to become less sensitive to avoid troubling those around me.
He threw the magazine he was reading onto the bed. Jaei’s pretty face, decorating the cover with his characteristic sorrowful yet fatal look, crumpled unattractively.
Whenever Jaei jokingly said “my future aspiration is to die young,” Doha felt a rage like fire burning in his chest. The only person who could make the naturally positive and composed Ryu Doha this angry was Lee Jaei.
“How long are you going to keep saying this nonsense!”
Five years ago, when these words first flowed from Jaei’s lips, Doha couldn’t overcome the shock and fell face-first onto the floor, bursting into tears. He was a fourteen-year-old adolescent boy at the time. It was a period when his sensitivity was extremely acute, so he cried for an hour and eventually collapsed from exhaustion, falling asleep in his guardian’s arms.
Shocks received during childhood often become severe traumas. Since that day, even if just the syllable “die” from “dying young” came out of Jaei’s lips, it caused him respiratory distress. Really.
Once, Jaei appeared on a variety show to promote a drama and played a modified word chain game. The words progressed in order: ginseng → hemp cloth → Vietnam → Namdong Industrial Complex, and as if by divine prank, it was Jaei’s turn next.
At that time, Doha was waiting for a chicken delivery, so he couldn’t possibly collapse from respiratory distress. To keep his promise to the delivery person, he had no choice but to temporarily turn off the TV. Only a week later did he confirm through an article that the word Jaei had shouted was “maple leaf.”
It was also at the age of fourteen that he realized his love for Jaei could never be mutual. The middle school boy who had failed in love stopped eating and fell ill, then reminded himself that he was currently in his growth phase. With just the desire to catch up to Jaei’s height, he got out of bed and bravely scooped rice from the rice cooker. While crying and stuffing plain rice into his mouth, chewing sluggishly, he realized something: that even giving up love requires energy.
From then on, he consumed a balanced diet of the five major nutrients to store energy for farewell. He also made a plan for successfully ending his one-sided love. According to the plan, he started each week by pledging not to love Jaei every Monday. For the most part, he successfully kept that pledge for about one day. He also tried to love someone else. After spending Monday like that, he loved Jaei like a madman for the remaining six days of the week.
The realization that came afterward was that he couldn’t stop this love on his own. Also, that one-sided love was quite happy—more than he had thought. Doha grew to the age of nineteen by loving Jaei with an anxious heart day by day.
Now he considers Jaei’s “dying young” remarks as a form of blackmail. Blackmail to treat him well while he’s here so he won’t leave. Blackmail asking to keep looking at him, caring for him, and loving him like a demanding plant, so there won’t be regrets later.
If Jaei were not a human but an animal, he would be a fox with about fifteen tails. He knew how to stir up people’s hearts and hold them captive. The wounds and vulnerability that Jaei himself revealed became nutrients that made the love toward him grow. The anxiety that came with loving him was the driving force that kept the love from stopping.
Perhaps because he didn’t waste unnecessary energy on giving up love, Doha’s height grew robustly to 189cm. Tall enough to look down on Jaei, who was 182cm according to his profile but 178cm in reality, when standing face to face.
