“I told you earlier. That I was invited.”
“You didn’t tell me, Xie Wei. And that doesn’t explain everything.”
His tone suggested why he’d done such a dangerous and stupid thing. If he traced the cause, it was all the fault of the Baeksa Faction that had pushed him, but being treated as a careless person by Ray Jun felt unfair. But there was no way he could explain those circumstances.
“…That’s all. He kept calling persistently, telling me to come, so I had no choice.”
“How was the party?”
“Played some poker at first, then later they drank and partied. I stayed out of it the whole time though.”
“Who else was there?”
“Feng Tao’s friends. I don’t know what they do. They just seemed like unemployed trust fund kids similar to Feng Tao? And there were also men and women that Feng Tao called…”
“Those people didn’t touch you?”
Ray Jun asked while gently stroking Kang Siwon’s face. The touch was so gentle, like handling something precious, that Kang Siwon felt awkward for no reason.
“Yeah, nothing happened.”
“That can’t be. Those guys are famous for being bad quality. You didn’t see them causing trouble frequently while coming and going to Sovereign?”
“Is that so? Well, birds of a feather, so those guys are probably similar to Feng Tao. But at the party they were busy chattering among themselves, so they had no interest in me?”
“What were they chattering about?”
“I don’t know, I couldn’t understand half of it. Something about a prince…”
“……”
The hand that had been fiddling with his cheek stopped. Then Kang Siwon unconsciously rubbed his face against his palm. Soon Ray Jun’s touch continued again.
“What did they say about the prince?”
“Um, well…”
Should he relay this kind of story to Ray Jun? Worried he was running his mouth too much, Kang Siwon hesitated for a moment. But if it was important enough information to keep confidential, they wouldn’t have talked about it in front of him. Besides, hadn’t their tone been that everyone who should know already knows?
“Something about ‘year 25’ being next year. They were also saying whether it’s a prince or a bastard, didn’t he already die a long time ago.”
“What do you think?”
“I have no thoughts. I don’t even know what that means. Don’t you know?”
“It’s not that I don’t know.”
What a strange way to say he knows. But Kang Siwon didn’t bother to pry. Right now there was a more urgent problem.
“…But I’m really okay, right? I don’t need to go to the hospital, right?”
“Why, is it up again? Should I use my hand this time?”
“No, that’s not it! What if the drug’s effects remain in my body and cause some disease!”
“Haha, you’ll be fine. Even if that happens, I’ll solve it for you.”
“Oh thank you so much, you bastard.”
“Don’t mention it.”
Ray Jun giggled and hugged Kang Siwon. The skinship was as natural as with a long-time lover, making Kang Siwon quite flustered. He had no intention of accepting Ray Jun’s confession, but it seemed like he kept letting him cross the line.
His expression of intent hadn’t been vague either, but this was all because of Ray Jun, who like a cunning snake burrowed in whenever he showed any gap.
“…Why are you so good to me, I feel bad.”
Not showing his face, he muttered taking advantage of the darkness, and a refreshing response came back.
“Because I like you.”
“…I told you I don’t like you.”
Being loved by someone is difficult, but it seems rejecting that love is also not easy. Kang Siwon was learning this fact thanks to Ray Jun. It was quite an excessive realization for his fate.
“That’s a lie.”
“How do you know if it’s a lie or not…”
“Would you let a man you don’t even like suck your dick?”
“……”
“Ah, of course some people do that. But you’re not that type.”
Kang Siwon distorted his face. He couldn’t refute it. It was fortunate ten thousand times over that the surroundings were dark. Even he didn’t know what expression he was making, so he didn’t have to show that face to Ray Jun.
“If you really didn’t like me, you wouldn’t be in my arms like this either.”
At those words, Kang Siwon pushed Ray Jun away as if burned. But the strong arms wrapped around him didn’t budge. Ray Jun hugged Kang Siwon even tighter and whispered in his ear.
“Admit it. Even if you don’t love me, you don’t hate me either.”
“…That’s not true.”
“Actually you like me quite a bit.”
Kang Siwon clenched and unclenched his fists. He should respond that it wasn’t true, but what would be the point? He knew Kang Siwon liked Ray Jun, and now he knew it too.
As he said, he didn’t love him. But he didn’t hate him either, and if he had to express the degree of his feelings, it was closer to favorable. He who had never even experienced unrequited love for a woman never imagined he’d feel such emotions toward a man—it felt like he’d been in a traffic accident.
“Xie Wei, you seem to be overly serious about everything.”
“What does that mean now?”
“Should I say you think about everything too hard? Anyway, you’re all tensed up. You said earlier that roommates shouldn’t do this, but actually the world won’t end just because roommates suck each other’s dicks. If you like each other you can have sex, and if you feel it doesn’t work out, you just return to the relationship you had before.”
Of course we have good chemistry so that won’t happen, Ray Jun added. Kang Siwon listened to that sophistry blankly while held in his embrace.
From beginning to end it was nonsense, but on the other hand it seemed to make sense. In today’s world, men dating men—yeah, maybe it’s not a problem. Setting aside for now that he wasn’t gay and that he avoided office romance even between men and women.
The problem was that Kang Siwon wasn’t ‘Xie Wei.’ From the name Ray Jun knew to his nationality, everything was fake, so there was no way they could have a deep relationship in this state. He was even someone who would leave Macau in 2 years and 5 months. In this state, it was difficult to even be friends, let alone lovers.
“What I said about thinking of me as a sexual relief tool, that wasn’t a joke.”
As if reading Kang Siwon’s thoughts, Ray Jun said.
“I have no intention of forcing you to date me. I’m happy just continuing like now.”
“Are you… really satisfied with that?”
“Yeah. Is there a reason not to be?”
“……”
He now understood that Ray Jun’s proposal was sincere. All that remained was the direction of his own heart. Kang Siwon exhaled a long breath.
“I don’t really know. Honestly, half of what you’re saying sounds like bullshit.”
“And the other half is tempting?”
“No. But that one thing about me being overly serious about everything, that seems right.”
Looking back, he’d had his shoulders tensed up the whole time since coming to Macau. It was an environment and status that warranted it, but there must have been moments when he could have relaxed.
“It’s all because you’re principled and diligent.”
“I don’t think so.”
“That’s why I want to tease you more.”
As if proving his words, Ray Jun fiddled with Kang Siwon’s earlobe. Anyway, he was someone who burrowed in like a water droplet at the slightest gap. They say you don’t notice your clothes getting wet in a drizzle—he finally understood the true meaning today.
“If you need to, you can use me as much as you want, Xie Wei.”
“……”
“Because that’s my pleasure.”
Kang Siwon wasn’t naive enough to believe those words at face value. Beings that approach with sweet talk as bait are always affectionate and seductive. In fiction, demons who coax by promising to grant wishes were like that, and in reality, scammers who dig into desperate hearts were like that.
Nevertheless, Kang Siwon somehow wanted to lean on Ray Jun.
Because if there was someone he could rely on even a little, it seemed like he too could finally release the tension in his shoulders.
* * *
The next day, Kang Siwon left the dormitory 30 minutes earlier than his usual commute time and headed to the underground parking lot. It was because he’d been summoned by Ju Xiang from the morning.
Originally he was someone who disliked being seen by others and minimized meetings, but seeing how urgently he called the day after the party, the information must be quite desperate.
“Hello.”
“How was the party? Was it good?”
As soon as he got in the passenger seat, Ju Xiang asked. Kang Siwon answered dully.
“There was nothing good about it.”
“Why not? I saw he called you to a fucking expensive penthouse. You drank only good stuff, didn’t you?”
“It tasted bad.”
Just thinking about that problematic alcohol still made him seethe with anger. Whatever ulterior motives aside, when you invite someone to a party, offering wine laced with sleeping pills—what country’s manners was that? Since he’d passed out anyway, he should have slapped Feng Tao’s cheek once before leaving.
“So you did drink. Fuck, I’m so fucking jealous.”
“If you’re that jealous, should I introduce you to Feng Tao?”
“Bullshit. As if that kid would be happy if I introduced an old man like me. That gay bastard has ridiculously picky tastes for someone like him. Only looking for young, handsome guys.”
Ju Xiang had solid self-awareness in strange areas. Well, he himself had gotten physical with someone because Ray Jun was a handsome man at that level—if it had been an ordinary man like Ju Xiang or Feng Tao…
“Urgh…”
“What? Why are you retching like that? If you throw up in my car, I won’t let it go.”
“A bit of a hangover from the wine I drank yesterday… I’m fine now.”
Kang Siwon quickly erased the disgusting imagination. Ju Xiang, who clicked his tongue as if pathetic, got to the main point.
