# Chapter 71
## 3-1
Whoosh. A strong stream of water poured from the bathroom sink faucet. Mo Eunje, who had been standing in a daze with his toothbrush in hand, slowly raised his gaze. In the mirror, his eyes met those of a man with a plain expression who seemed to know nothing. If he’d maintained this expression all along, at least Tae Igyeol wouldn’t have discovered that he had noticed.
After taking a deep breath and exhaling slowly, he squeezed toothpaste onto his brush. Even as he mechanically moved his hand to brush his teeth, he couldn’t gather his thoughts due to the chaos filling his mind. If he continued like this, he might unintentionally hurt Tae Igyeol without even realizing it.
No way…
Suddenly coming to his senses, Mo Eunje hastily stripped off his clothes and entered the shower stall. He placed the showerhead against his chest, moved the lever all the way to the end, and lifted it.
“Argh! Hoo, that’s disgustingly cold…”
He’d turned on the cold water to snap himself awake, but nearly froze to death before his mind could clear. Lately, whenever he entered the bathroom after Tae Igyeol showered, there was no warmth left—probably because Tae Igyeol showered with cold water. It was impressive that he hadn’t turned into a frozen human after showering with such frigid water.
Mo Eunje, remembering that he showered with lukewarm water even in the peak of summer, quickly turned the lever. This time, instead of recklessly placing the showerhead directly against his chest, he carefully checked the temperature with his hand.
While showering, he tried to organize his chaotic thoughts, but even after finishing shampooing, he couldn’t think straight about anything. Events from ten years ago randomly surfaced, and complicated thoughts mixed haphazardly in his mind.
“Ah…”
As he dried himself off and was about to leave the bathroom, he realized he hadn’t brought fresh underwear. His mind must have been incredibly scattered to forget such a minor, habitual action. He couldn’t even clearly remember how dinner had concluded or how they had tidied up the rooftop.
If he’d known this would happen, he should have showered in the ensuite bathroom. It was a mistake to enter the living room bathroom when he’d only intended to brush his teeth. Not wanting to put on the underwear he’d been wearing, Mo Eunje briefly considered asking Tae Igyeol to bring him fresh underwear, but instead wrapped a large bath towel around his waist. Whether he went out wearing just a pair of drawers or with a bath towel wrapped around him, he’d get scolded either way.
After slapping his cheeks a couple of times with both hands, Mo Eunje composed his expression and opened the bathroom door. Tae Igyeol, pressing buttons on the remote control while sitting on the living room sofa, merely glanced at him once without uttering his usual nagging comments. Lately, Tae Igyeol’s nagging had subtly decreased.
Holding the knotted portion of the towel firmly to prevent it from coming undone, Mo Eunje spoke to Tae Igyeol.
“I’m going to bed first?”
“Already?”
“I haven’t slept well lately, so I’m completely exhausted. I think the tension’s finally eased. I was so sleepy I almost fell asleep standing up in the shower.”
He casually observed Tae Igyeol’s reaction while spouting unnecessary words. Tae Igyeol tilted his head and spoke with concern in his voice.
“Still, I think it would be better if you let your food digest a bit before sleeping.”
“Look who’s talking nonsense again. I’m telling you, sleep helps digestion. And don’t watch movies too late—go to bed early, you movie-obsessed guy.”
After speaking nonchalantly, he entered the bedroom. He grabbed underwear and sweatpants from the dressing room and applied skin lotion to his face in the powder room located between the bedroom and dressing room. Despite falling into a massive chaos that upended his known world, his face in the mirror looked as calm as usual. He realized anew that he had a style where emotions didn’t easily show on his face.
After roughly drying his hair with a hairdryer, he laid a fresh towel on his pillow and lay down. This was because Tae Igyeol despised it when he put his head on the pillow with even the slightest bit of moisture remaining. And yet, they washed the pillow covers with every laundry load and changed them daily, as if they were in a hotel.
“Haah…”
He bit his lip while fiddling with the circle pendant around his neck. Though he was lying in bed, there was no way he could fall asleep. Despite averaging less than five hours of sleep per day for nearly two weeks, which should have made him pass out instantly upon lying down, his mind remained painfully alert.
When scrapping a work-in-progress, he usually needed a few days of doing absolutely nothing to clear his head. Just as one must let go of what they’re holding to grasp something new, he needed to go through the process of emptying his mind to come up with fresh ideas. But far from emptying, his mind only grew more confused. Judging by his upset stomach, it seemed the delicious king crab stew they’d eaten was sitting heavily.
“This is driving me crazy.”
Mo Eunje remained motionless in bed, not even mentioning his indigestion for fear of worrying Tae Igyeol. If only he could fall asleep—when he woke up, his stomach would likely feel better. But sleep showed no sign of coming. This wasn’t a problem he could consult with anyone about. Sighing heavily, he pressed firmly between his thumb and index finger.
Normally not easily affected by trivial matters and able to empathize without becoming emotionally swayed, this situation was far from trivial, and he had no idea how to handle it. The foundation he had solidly built over years had collapsed in an instant.
Whoever Tae Igyeol had feelings for was his own business, and not something to be casually judged. No one has the right to deny another person’s feelings. The problem was that when he himself became the object of those feelings, he wanted to deny them.
This wasn’t why they had maintained a relationship closer than family, the most intimate of connections. Even after learning about Tae Igyeol’s sexual orientation and that he had someone he loved unrequitedly, he may have unconsciously drawn a line, considering it Tae Igyeol’s own personal life.
So what should he do now?
Once he firmly concluded that he was the object of Tae Igyeol’s unrequited love, all the kind and considerate words and actions Tae Igyeol had shown exclusively to him suddenly made sense. It was difficult to distinguish what stemmed from friendship and what crossed that boundary.
Because they were friends like family, because they were as close as blood brothers, because they were more intimate than family, because they understood each other better than anyone else, because being together was more natural and familiar than being alone…
All the reasons he could come up with seemed unconvincing in the face of the powerful reason: “because he’s the object of unrequited love.” Unable to accept Tae Igyeol’s feelings, and believing he shouldn’t be the object of his unrequited love, he tried to think rationally without being swayed by emotions. Now was the time to calm down and maintain composure. It required cool-headed, razor-sharp, and rational judgment.
Countless memories with Tae Igyeol chaotically filled his mind, but thinking carefully, they could just be viewed as a slightly special friendship. The evidence was too weak to hastily conclude that he was the object of unrequited love. Perhaps he had unwittingly been influenced by the conspiracy theory that the tactless Gye Minho had unfolded during the birthday party. Mo Eunje tried desperately to rationalize.
‘…Not you.’
Tae Igyeol had clearly said it wasn’t him. Though his eyes told a different story, that was merely Mo Eunje’s own perspective and judgment, which left room for misunderstanding and misconception. As a result, despite no explicit revelation that he was the object of Tae Igyeol’s unrequited love, he wondered why he was trapped in his room, unable even to get indigestion medicine, anxiously ruminating over their earlier conversation.
‘Aren’t you going to ask… who it is?’
Instead of running away then, he should have pressed on and asked, receiving a definitive answer. Even at the risk of fighting like in the old days and not seeing each other for a while—a worst-case scenario—he should have gotten a clear answer…
…But that was what frightened him.
After that hellish month when they were eighteen, he couldn’t imagine even a moment of his life without Tae Igyeol, no matter how brief. He didn’t want to cause even the slightest damage to the stable, peaceful, and moderate relationship they had carefully maintained. Tae Igyeol was a part of himself, his daily life, and the only person he wanted by his side for the rest of his life. It was a friendship he could never give up.
So he needed to pull himself together.
Having made up his mind, Mo Eunje threw back the blanket and jumped up. Issues like this tend to make relationships awkward and uncomfortable if not clarified when they arise. Running away out of fear could lead to misunderstandings and deepening emotional rifts.
If it turned out that he was indeed the object of unrequited love, he would have to reconsider then. Just as Tae Igyeol’s feelings belonged to him and Mo Eunje had no right to interfere, Mo Eunje’s feelings were his own, and if he clearly rejected Tae Igyeol, then Tae Igyeol would have to accept it.
But sincerely, he hoped it wasn’t true. He didn’t want to become awkward with Tae Igyeol or grow distant from him.
He couldn’t lose Tae Igyeol over such an absurd reason.
