# Chapter 68
“The casting director asked if I’d be interested in being an advertising model instead of acting.”
“That person has a pretty sharp and accurate eye.”
“I prefer taking photos rather than being photographed.”
“What are you saying? Being an ad model isn’t just about getting your picture taken.”
“Whether it’s photos or videos, being an image model is the same thing.”
Tae Igyeol had also been thinking about the possibility of Ban Hajun as an advertising model, but he never mentioned it because he knew exactly how Ban Hajun would react. He had no intention of giving unsolicited advice about someone else’s life, even a friend’s. That’s why he had held back his words two weeks ago when Ban Hajun came crying. He definitely did that, but seeing him stubbornly insist on only one path while ignoring the various opportunities before him, Tae Igyeol’s mouth moved on its own.
“How can a person only do what they like in life? You do what you like, and you also do things you like a little less.”
“Why can’t I live doing only what I like? Mo Eunje said it himself—life is just once, so do whatever the hell I want.”
“Since when did you listen so well to what Mo Eunje says?”
It was frustrating and absurd that Ban Hajun only brought up Mo Eunje in situations like this. But Ban Hajun had his reasons.
“He’s read the most books among us.”
“What does that have to do with anything?”
“Do you know what my parents said to me most often when I was young? ‘The answer lies in books.’ But since I wouldn’t be able to find those answers even if I read and I don’t even like reading books, I listen to Mo Eunje instead, who’s read a lot.”
“…So if Mo Eunje told you to quit acting, would you listen to that too?”
“As if, with his personality. He’s the kind of person who wouldn’t say such things, if only to avoid taking responsibility for his words. He knows better than I do.”
Tae Igyeol nodded slightly in agreement with Ban Hajun’s assertion.
Mo Eunje was talkative, but regardless of whether he was drinking or not, he tended to say things that didn’t really matter whether they were said or not. He avoided saying anything that would come with responsibility, and if forced to speak in an unavoidable situation, he would choose to be vague.
Because of this, he was sometimes called shallow or cowardly, but he didn’t care about such comments, and Tae Igyeol didn’t agree with them either. It wasn’t that he was shallow or cowardly; it was a wise and clever strategy to avoid getting entangled in unnecessary matters.
“So. What are you going to do about the advertising model offer?”
“What do you mean, what am I going to do? I’ve never even thought about it. I’m already frustrated with only getting small non-speaking image roles, and now they want me to deliberately keep my mouth shut? Do they think just anyone can be an advertising model?”
“The casting director isn’t someone who would recommend something without an alternative. That person usually doesn’t even make such recommendations.”
“…I know they’re paying extra attention because of you and Mo Eunje. They even said they would introduce me to a specialized agency if I agreed, but I still don’t feel like it.”
This wasn’t an issue that could be resolved through persuasion. And Tae Igyeol had no desire to persuade him either. He felt he’d done enough, and since the choice was Ban Hajun’s, he kept quiet.
“What about you? Any progress?”
“Sigh… You’re curious about that at a time like this? Why don’t you do something about those fish-like eyes of yours?”
“What does me failing the audition have to do with your unrequited love? That’s that, and this is this. It’s been over a month since you said you like men. Are you still in the same state?”
Ban Hajun was clearly trying to change the subject intentionally. Not wanting to talk about his own bleak reality, he brought up someone else’s bleak reality. Knowing this, Tae Igyeol still willingly played along.
“…I told him I have someone I like unrequitedly.”
“Ohhh. That’s a lot of progress. I thought you’d only show a hint when you became a hunched-over old man. But he doesn’t think it’s him, does he?”
Instead of answering, Tae Igyeol sighed again and rubbed his face with dry hands. The more he thought about it, the more he couldn’t understand Mo Eunje’s way of thinking and thought structure. If the situation were reversed and Mo Eunje had said he had someone he liked unrequitedly, Tae Igyeol would have first suspected that he might be the candidate.
“He’s usually so damn quick-witted, but he’s strangely dense about this.”
“I don’t know if that’s fortunate or unfortunate.”
“It must have been fortunate until now, but it’s unfortunate from the moment you decided to confess. The most absurd thing is that he doesn’t even suspect it might be him.”
“…”
“Huh? I think the steamed crab is here.”
The doorbell rang, and Ban Hajun went to the intercom. Even though it had been barely an hour since he left home, Tae Igyeol had a hallucination of Mo Eunje appearing before his eyes. He missed him. He decided he should stop by the gym or fitness center before going home.
And he thought that when Mo Eunje had some peace of mind after his new work was somewhat prepared, he would have the conversation he’d been putting off.
&
“Ugh…”
Mo Eunje, who let out a painful groan, took off his glasses and rubbed his eyelids. After staring at nothing but text all day except when sleeping, his eyeballs felt so dry they seemed about to fall out. Due to his tendency to blink much less when concentrating, his dry eye syndrome had worsened.
He opened the disposable artificial tears Tae Igyeol had bought and put some in both eyes. His eyeballs stung and felt cold, probably because they had become quite dry. He blinked several times and then added a bit more artificial tears. After repeating this a few times, he finally felt better.
Two days ago, on Saturday, he returned 18 books he had borrowed from the library and this time borrowed a total of 12 books using only Tae Igyeol’s ID. The problem was that the more he researched and studied, the more he felt like he was sinking into a swamp.
While human emotions are said to be vast and branch out in tens of thousands of ways, it was just surprising that there were so many different textures to the single emotion called love. He wondered how many people on Earth accurately understood the emotion of love, or if such people even existed.
Mo Eunje interlocked his fingers and stretched his arms high. He stretched his neck from side to side, loosening his tight muscles. After sitting all day, his neck and shoulders were so heavily stiff that he wished he could replace his body with a new one if possible.
“I wonder if he’s comforting him well…”
He checked his phone, which he had placed face down and set to silent. He saw that Ban Hajun had sent a photo of steamed crab a few hours ago, bragging about what he was eating. Though Tae Igyeol had been grumbling with a sour face before leaving home, it seemed he was doing a good job of comforting Ban Hajun once he got there.
Now that he checked, it was already close to 8 PM. The ginseng chicken soup he ate after waking up around 11 AM, washing up, and seeing the sunrise before collapsing into bed was all he’d eaten today. These days Tae Igyeol had been living like someone obsessed with exercise and was planning meals focused on nutritious foods like ginseng chicken soup, grilled eel, and loach soup. Sometimes he would go out and buy them himself.
“Ah, I’m completely starving.”
He hadn’t even realized he was hungry, but once he knew the time, a sudden hunger overwhelmed him. Perhaps because he’d seen the photo of plump steamed crab, he also wanted to eat steamed crab, but if Tae Igyeol ate steamed crab again after having it with Ban Hajun, he might be tired of it, so Mo Eunje needed to think of another menu.
But no matter how hard he wracked his brain, he couldn’t think of anything he wanted to eat other than the steamed crab that was strongly imprinted in his mind. Judging by the fact that Tae Igyeol hadn’t come home yet, he might still be drinking soju with Ban Hajun, so it seemed better to call first. If Tae Igyeol said he’d be coming home late, Mo Eunje planned to order steamed crab for himself and enjoy it immensely.
“Hey.”
“Where are you?”
“On my way home from the gym. I’ll be there in 5 minutes.”
“Ah… So you’re not still with Hajun.”
His dejected voice was filled with disappointment. His ambitious plan to have a crab party alone had been completely shattered.
“Why would I still be with him?”
“I thought you might be drinking since you weren’t home yet.”
“I left their house around 5. I’ve been at the gym the whole time.”
“Yeah, I see… So, what about dinner?”
“I’m bringing something home now.”
He was even deprived of his choice of menu due to his roommate’s quick action and implementation. Right now, if it wasn’t steamed crab, Mo Eunje became depressed, feeling that no matter how delicious the food was, it wouldn’t go down his throat.
But he couldn’t ignore Tae Igyeol’s thoughtfulness and order steamed crab again when he’d already bought dinner. If only he hadn’t bought anything, Mo Eunje would have insisted that crab doesn’t get tiring even if eaten for two or three consecutive meals and would have ordered it.
“Are you done with work?”
“I was planning to stop for today. The more I dig, the more I feel trapped in a labyrinth… Well, it seems meaningless to continue in this state anyway.”
If he had known this would happen, he should have gone to Ban Hajun’s place with Tae Igyeol instead of just sending him. Why had he stayed home, overwhelmed by anxiety and impatience, unable to overcome his urgency, all for that work? He wanted to smack the Mo Eunje of a few hours ago.
If he had gone together to comfort Ban Hajun, he would have at least eaten steamed crab…
He was on the verge of tears, filled with regret and disappointment. But regret is always too late.
“I’m in the parking lot. I’ll be up.”
“Yeah, okay…”
All motivation had disappeared. Mo Eunje went to the living room sofa and lay sprawled out, staring at the ceiling. The image of meat-filled steamed crab lingered. He wanted to hold a crab leg, poke out the plump meat with a fork, and put it in his mouth.
“I wonder how delicious it would be…”
While muttering to himself without even realizing he was speaking aloud, he heard the sound of the keypad being pressed. Still, out of respect for the person who had thoughtfully brought food, he decided he should react happily, jumping up and down as if he had seen steamed crab, regardless of what the menu was. As he was getting up from lying down, the inner door of the entrance opened and Tae Igyeol came in.
