# Chapter 47
“With barely enough time for my studies, I wanted to impress your aunt so much that I’d stay up to help her study, get exam papers, assist with practical training. Back then, I did all sorts of things just to score points.”
“Why didn’t you just confess to her right away?”
“Your aunt only thought of me as a good senior. I was afraid that if I confessed and got rejected, she wouldn’t even meet me anymore. I didn’t have the courage because I was scared of losing her.”
“Ah…”
Come to think of it, his situation was similar to mine. The act of confessing itself wasn’t difficult. It was what came after that was frightening. Tae Igyeol knew clearly. That catching the right timing creates opportunity, but catching the wrong timing creates crisis. That’s why he needed to stay alert and not let his guard down.
“You know that Eunje’s maternal grandmother passed away from pancreatic cancer, right?”
“Yes. I’ve heard about it in passing from aunt.”
“Heaven can be so cruel. After spending her whole life suffering because of a husband who fooled around, just when she divorced him and was about to live for herself, she was diagnosed with terminal cancer.”
Even though he didn’t believe in God, sometimes he doubted whether a deity existed. If God truly existed, such things wouldn’t happen. The notion of good being rewarded and evil being punished was a thing of the past; this was a world where strangely enough, evil people lived better, more comfortably.
“She hid her illness at first because she didn’t want to interfere with Seola’s studies, as she was determined to send her to medical school. She refused when I offered to lend money because it pained me to see Seola working multiple part-time jobs to pay for hospital bills. So I just camped out at the hospital and took care of her mother.”
“That couldn’t have been easy for you either…”
“I thought a lot about it. Since she rejected financial help, I wondered what I could do for her. I grew close to her mother that way, and later I heard that her mother told Seola not to let go of Yeongwoo if she wanted to live without heartache. She said I wasn’t the type to make someone I love suffer. That’s when she started considering me as a man for the first time.”
“Grandmother had a good eye for people.”
Mo Yeongwoo laughed candidly at Tae Igyeol’s concise, retrospective comment as he stubbed out his shortened cigarette butt in the ashtray. Tae Igyeol discarded the butt and took out one more cigarette.
“I’ll just smoke one more before going inside.”
“Sure.”
“…”
“…But Igyeol.”
“Yes, Uncle.”
Mo Yeongwoo remained silent for a moment, just staring at Tae Igyeol with an expressionless face. Tae Igyeol silently endured that gaze until the man who was like a father to him spoke again. Soon, a fragment of affection seeped into Mo Yeongwoo’s expressionlessness.
“What do you think are the chances of two people falling in love at first sight simultaneously, without even a one-second difference?”
“Well… Almost none, I’d say.”
In movies, dramas, novels—virtually all stories dealing with love—there’s almost always a progression where one side likes the other first. Reality shouldn’t be any different. Thus, when asked if people could fall in love simultaneously, Tae Igyeol was skeptical. Mo Yeongwoo nodded slightly in agreement and spoke in a heavy voice.
“In the beginning, all romances start as one-sided love.”
“…”
“One person likes the other first, expresses their feelings, and the other person must agree with the same feelings for a relationship to begin. Even if mutual feelings develop around the same time, there’s always someone who falls in love first, even if just by a second. You’re courageously taking that first step.”
Mo Yeongwoo gazed at him with deep eyes, as if he knew everything. Somehow, it felt like he could see right through to who Tae Igyeol’s heart was directed towards. Tae Igyeol managed his expression to hide his throbbing heart.
“Igyeol. When you feel like you’re standing at the edge of a cliff, send an SOS to uncle. Whatever it is, without any explanation needed, uncle will take your side.”
Mo Yeongwoo, who had soothed Tae Igyeol’s tattered heart with warm eyes, gripped his shoulder firmly once before turning his back. With stinging eyes, Tae Igyeol put the cigarette he was holding to his lips. After lighting it, he slowly blinked and raised his head.
A half-empty waning moon floated lonely in the pitch-black night sky. It looked like his own self, hoping to fill the empty half of his heart with Mo Eunje’s heart. But the waning half-moon was destined not to be filled, but to gradually lose its light, emptying into a fingernail shape.
Somehow… it was a night that made him want to cry.
&
When they arrived home from Busan, it was just past 6 PM.
“You’re really so smart. How could you think of shipping right there?”
Mo Eunje said the same thing for the sixth time as he got off the elevator and entered the door code. Mo Yeongwoo and Han Seola had tried to send all the famous Busan delicacies they had bought, and Tae Igyeol, who wanted to protect Mo Eunje’s light hands, came up with the shipping idea at just the right moment.
“Isn’t it foolish to carry all that when there’s a convenient method available?”
As soon as Tae Igyeol entered the hallway with his sports bag, he headed for the utility room. After putting the clothes to be washed into the washing machine, he quickly finished organizing by placing the remaining small items in their original positions. His phone rang loudly several times, and when he checked, it was, without any particular twist, a group chat notification.
Skimming through it, he learned the unnecessary information that Gye Minho’s blind date, arranged by Mo Eunje, would start in about 45 minutes. Despite investing time intensively in inter-university club activities, paid classes, study groups, and more while preparing for his literary debut, Mo Eunje ironically maintained these connections well even though he rarely went out. Judging from the messages that followed, this blind date seemed to have been arranged by one of the friends from the external club activities.
He glanced sideways. He could see Mo Eunje, who became one with the sofa without even changing clothes upon arriving home, rolling around holding his phone. The conversation in the group chat continued.
Gye [First blind date in 4 years, I’m so nervous ㄷㄷㄷ]
Gye [No joke, I’m really freaking out]
Gye [(Photo 1 of outfit laid out on bed)]
Gye [(Photo 2 of outfit laid out on bed)]
Gye [(Photo 3 of outfit laid out on bed)]
Gye [What should I wear?]
6:17 PM
Eunje [I vote #1]
6:18 PM
Ban [I vote for 1 too]
Ban [Why does it hurt my pride to have the same opinion as Mo Eunje? ㅎㅎ]
6:18 PM
Eunje [It’s proof that your taste has become more sophisticated]
6:18 PM
Ban [(Emoticon of someone holding their stomach, crying with laughter)]
6:18 PM
Gye [Enough from you guys..]
Gye [I’m curious about Tae Igyeol’s opinion]
6:18 PM
6:18 PM [3]
Tae Igyeol, who looked at the photos half-heartedly without even zooming in on the original photos, answered with just one number. Whether he examined each photo carefully or just glanced at them, most of Gye Minho’s clothes were similar, so it was better to choose the cleanest and most modest outfit. Option 1, which Mo Eunje and Ban Hajun chose, was unique in style but would be too much for Gye Minho to pull off.
Gye [Okay, #3]
6:18 PM
Eunje [Then why did you even ask?]
6:19 PM
Ban [Why don’t you just have a private chat with Tae Igyeol?]
6:19 PM
Eunje [That’s what I’m saying]
6:19 PM
Ban [Just in case, try on both 1 and 3]
Ban [Please send a photo wearing them]
6:19 PM
Gye [No time]
Gye [I need to leave now]
Gye [Going with #3 bang bang bang]
6:19 PM
Eunje [Don’t just be a headcount]
Eunje [Don’t just be wallpaper giving reactions]
Eunje [Get something substantial]
6:20 PM
Gye [We exchanged photos first, and there’s definitely one who’s my ideal type]
6:20 PM
Ban [The moment you get greedy with jokes to gain their favor, it’s doomed]
Ban [Better to do nothing at all]
Ban [You have a decent face when you keep your mouth shut]
6:20 PM
Eunje [Agree]
6:21 PM
After reading the well-intentioned lies and encouragement as if it were their own business with indifference, Tae Igyeol grabbed his cigarettes and lighter and went out to the rooftop terrace.
He lit a cigarette and leaned his arms on the rooftop railing. Looking at the cherry blossom petals falling and fluttering from the trees, he called Han Seola.
– Yes? It’s Aunt, Igyeol.
“Yes, Aunt. I’m calling to let you know we arrived home safely.”
– How do you two always stay so consistent? Eunje hasn’t given a peep since we parted at the ribs restaurant, as if his fingers were broken.
“No, Eunje asked me to call on his behalf because he’s showering.”
– You don’t need to shield him. Do you think Aunt just met you boys yesterday?
There was laughter in Han Seola’s voice. Whether it was Tae Igyeol or Mo Eunje, they rarely contacted their own parents but were relatively affectionate to each other’s parents. Today, since they had returned from Busan, Tae Igyeol made the call, and last week when they went to the family home, Mo Eunje had called Song Yeonhwa to say they had arrived safely.
– You must be tired, so rest soon. When you receive the package, make sure to put the seafood in the freezer immediately unless you’re eating it right away.
“I will, Aunt. Thanks to you, we had a comfortable and enjoyable visit. We’ll come again next time.”
– Yes. Visit often. Make sure to eat properly.
“I will. Please go inside.”
It was a brief call where he just conveyed the essentials, compared to when Mo Eunje called Song Yeonhwa after arriving home last week and talked for over 15 minutes. Even then, after nearly 4 hours of continuous conversation between Mo Eunje, Song Yeonhwa, and Tae Hyunseok at the family home, he was amazed that they still had things to talk about for over 15 minutes when they got home.
This is why Tae Igyeol minimized calls with his mother, Song Yeonhwa, and relatively took the initiative to contact Han Seola. Especially when making calls, he appreciated Han Seola’s clean and concise conversation style.
“…”
A sigh escaped through the acrid smoke. He had only revealed his sexual orientation so far, but it had been almost a month since he had let Mo Eunje into his home. Although he thought they should go slowly to minimize resistance and allow acceptance without shock, he couldn’t help feeling impatient and anxious.
He questioned whether letting Mo Eunje stay longer at his house was the right decision. Since the one stolen kiss, he had felt deep conflict every time Mo Eunje was asleep. The first time might be difficult, but if it became habitual, he would eventually get caught once, and he was forcibly enduring because he didn’t want Mo Eunje to discover his feelings that way.
But he didn’t know how long he could hold out. Not being able to release his accumulated desires was also a problem. Since Mo Eunje rarely went out, Tae Igyeol could only relieve himself once in the morning and evening when showering, which made him feel like he might have a serious accident soon.
