# Chapter 46
## 2-3
A large platter of seasonal assorted sashimi consisting of spring flounder, gray mullet, red sea bream, halibut, and striped jack was placed on the spacious table in the private room occupied by Tae Igyeol and Mo Eunje’s family. Surrounding the large sashimi platter were various additional seafood items and mulhoe (spicy raw fish soup) that they had ordered. The menu was similar to yesterday evening’s, except that instead of soft drinks, bottles of alcohol now occupied the table.
“So I was thinking of going to New Orleans this summer instead of a resort, partly to visit your grandparents. What do you think? I heard Iden can join us this year.”
Han Seola asked Tae Igyeol and Mo Eunje their opinions while accepting a drink poured by her husband, Mo Yeongwoo. Every year, the two families went on vacation trips together once in summer and once in winter, but if schedules didn’t align, Tae Iden had no choice but to miss out. But it seemed he had coordinated his schedule for this summer.
“I’d love to! Every time I video call with Grandma, I wish I could teleport to see her right away.”
“I’d like that too.”
Tae Igyeol agreed and put two pieces of halibut fin into his mouth at once. There were only a few pieces of halibut fin, and most had gone into Mo Eunje’s mouth, but Mo Eunje had placed two pieces on Tae Igyeol’s plate before Mo Yeongwoo and Han Seola’s chopsticks could reach them.
“Oh right! But aren’t Grandma and Grandpa coming to Korea this year?”
“Mom heard about it from Auntie too. Father is on the verge of homesickness, apparently. So I was thinking we could visit them first and then bring them back to Korea.”
“Oh. I guess I’m really my mother’s son after all. I said the exact same thing to Grandma when she told me.”
“Looks like our son has grown up. Having such a thoughtful idea.”
“I’ve always been mature, you know? Where else would you find such an admirable son?”
“Sitting right next to you—a son who’s admirable just by existing. Igyeol, eat more. If it’s not enough, we can order more.”
As Han Seola reached for the alcohol bottle, Tae Igyeol quickly emptied his glass and held it out. Sometimes, he wondered if her parents would still shower him with this kind of unconditional affection if they found out that he was in love with Mo Eunje.
“Goodness, anyone watching would think Tae Igyeol is the biological son of this family. How sad for the illegitimate son.”
“The illegitimate son should have a drink too.”
“Oh mother, I prefer a somaek (soju and beer mix)!”
Though grumbling verbally, Mo Eunje looked very happy. That made sense—Mo Eunje was the kind of person who found happiness in eating delicious food, was grateful for time spent with people he cared about, approached his writing with the utmost seriousness and dedication, shone brightly when talking about his work, and lived in the present, enjoying every moment.
“Here, have a somaek mixed by your father.”
“Father, I’m overwhelmed by your generosity.”
When Mo Yeongwoo handed Mo Eunje a mix of soju and beer, Mo Eunje stood up, bowed exaggeratedly at the waist, and received the glass with both hands. A bit late, Tae Igyeol withdrew his hand that had been reaching for the beer bottle and discreetly moved aside the glass that had only soju in it. He thought he could add beer to it after Mo Eunje emptied his glass.
“But why aren’t you two dating anyone?”
I’d love to start right now, but I don’t know how Eunje feels yet.
…He couldn’t possibly answer like that. His rational mind knew too well that the point of Han Seola’s question wasn’t that.
“At your age, it’s a privilege to laugh and cry over love, trapped in the illusion that it has to be this particular person or no one at all, and creating embarrassing memories.”
“Who says it has to be a particular person? You can always meet someone else. What’s so privileged about making embarrassing memories?”
Mo Eunje replied in a rebellious tone, as if he couldn’t agree. But Tae Igyeol, on the contrary, couldn’t agree with Mo Eunje’s opinion.
Because it had to be Mo Eunje.
Because he had never even considered anyone else.
Because even if it meant creating embarrassing memories, it had to be Mo Eunje.
Because he’d rather be alone for life than be with anyone other than Mo Eunje.
“If it were that easy, would people spend their youth crying and wailing over love? The heart doesn’t follow one’s own wishes.”
“Crying and wailing over love, wow… Just thinking about that emotional drama exhausts me. There are so many other things to dedicate your youth to besides dating.”
“Don’t you remember what you said earlier?”
Tae Igyeol interjected, probing as if wanting to know Mo Eunje’s true feelings. The casual, offhand comment Mo Eunje had made at the beach was still lodged in his heart like a dagger. But seeing Mo Eunje’s wide eyes blinking rapidly beneath his thick, long eyelashes, it seemed he didn’t even remember what he had said.
“What I said earlier? What did I say?”
“Something like, ‘It’s spring, maybe I should try dating again…’ I think.”
“That was just a stream of consciousness. I find hanging out with you way more fun than dating anyone.”
Then let’s hang out and date at the same time. I’ll make it much more fun than it is now, beyond comparison.
“Haah…”
He wondered when he might be able to say such things openly to Mo Eunje.
“Eunje, you must take after me. Back in the day, I found hanging out with Yeonhwa much more fun than dating your father, but as we kept meeting together, our husbands became friends too. For you two, it’ll be your wives who become friends.”
“That’s right. When you both start dating, you can go on double dates, and like us, get married a day apart and go on your honeymoons together.”
Mo Yeongwoo picked up on Han Seola’s comment, took a shot of soju, and elaborated further.
“I’m telling you this only because it’s you two, but definitely go on your honeymoons together. Once you’re on a honeymoon, it’s impossible not to fight at least once, and just having comrades nearby is a great comfort.”
“Hey, why are you telling the kids such unnecessary things? Kids, going on honeymoons together is nice. You can take photos of each other. You know photos are all that remain, right?”
Though he understood the advice, it was unnecessary for Tae Igyeol. He would definitely go on his honeymoon with Mo Eunje just the two of them, there would be no wives to become friends, and though it was somewhat true now, once they officially started dating, he planned to give in to Mo Eunje on everything, so there would be no fights.
If only he would accept me, what wouldn’t I do for him…
Though he was still anxiously trying to figure out the right timing for a confession, his thoughts stretched endlessly. He felt frustrated not knowing how to confess in a way that wouldn’t make Mo Eunje feel uncomfortable and would make him think positively. Having the same thoughts several times a day and helplessly watching time pass, Tae Igyeol had no way to manage his bitter feelings except to down his soju.
“Igyeol.”
Mo Yeongwoo gave Tae Igyeol a subtle nod. It was a signal to go smoke a cigarette. Han Seola and Mo Eunje were still engaged in a heated debate, throwing around words like love, dating, experience, youth, and privilege. Tae Igyeol quietly stood up and followed Mo Yeongwoo.
Stepping out to the smoking area outside the building, the warm spring night breeze refreshed his chest. After lighting Mo Yeongwoo’s cigarette, Tae Igyeol put a white stick in his own mouth and lit it. He had first tried smoking at eighteen, the day Mo Eunje got his first girlfriend, and now he was smoking together with the person who had first noticed and scolded him severely for it.
“Igyeol. Is something bothering you?”
“Pardon?”
“Your expression seems worse than before. I was going to ask yesterday, but thought it might just be my mood, so I observed for a day, but hmm…”
Mo Yeongwoo exhaled a cloud of white smoke, pausing briefly as if choosing his next words. If Tae Hyunseok was like a playful, cheerful friend of a father, Mo Yeongwoo was like a thoughtful and experienced adult uncle. Despite being more careful with his expressions since arriving in Busan, he hadn’t escaped Mo Yeongwoo’s radar.
“Are your investments not going as planned? Or is Hyunseok pressuring you to come to work?”
“No, that’s not it. Father isn’t the type to do that.”
“That’s true. He’s the type who prefers to let things be, not the kind to force you if you say no. But he still calls you to the company occasionally, right?”
“Yes, when there’s work. And I don’t mind doing it.”
“Then what’s troubling you, casting a shadow over your face? Is it a problem too difficult to discuss with your uncle?”
At the warm voice, Tae Igyeol hesitated briefly. Even when he was caught smoking, though Mo Yeongwoo had scolded him fiercely and made him sign a pledge not to smoke until he became an adult, he never told Tae Igyeol’s parents.
If his parents had known then, Tae Hyunseok might have let it slide, saying “it happens,” but Song Yeonhwa would have been very upset and disappointed. Since Mo Yeongwoo was an adult who showed such consideration, Tae Igyeol felt he might try leaning on him for advice just this once.
“It’s just… I’m getting impatient with unrequited love.”
“Unrequited love… That won’t be easy.”
“Yes. They don’t even know I like them.”
“Changing a relationship isn’t easy. When your aunt first entered school, I fell for her at first sight, but I couldn’t confess and just pretended to be a good senior while nursing a one-sided love for half a year. Each day felt so frustrating and difficult.”
The days of frustration and difficulty had passed long ago. Rather, now, even as he was grateful for having Mo Eunje by his side, unmanageable desire would surge up unexpectedly. Though he worried about losing control at some careless moment, he still wanted to keep Mo Eunje as close as possible, at least to look at him, trusting his own self-restraint—though in truth, he wanted to betray that trust, pretending not to know.
