Instinctively knowing they were going outside, Dongtae was wagging his tail gently and smiling widely. His red tongue swayed every time he panted.
“You won’t get rained on.”
“Right? Ah, I’m good at anything I do with my hands. Farming isn’t something achieved overnight.”
Giggling and rolling up the vinyl a little to continuously stroke Dongtae’s head and cheeks, Yoonjo picked up the leash he had put down beside him. At that action, Dongtae wagged his tail fiercely and kept circling in a figure-eight shape around the door as if saying let’s go out already.
“Then I’ll be going!”
Yoonjo, wearing a yellow raincoat just like his own, smiled so brightly that his teeth showed white. He was the only clear spot that suddenly rose in the gloomy weather.
“I’ll be right back!”
Yoonjo, who spoke vigorously, walked out under the rain-pouring sky with Dongtae. The rainfall moved energetically as if it wouldn’t be even a slight obstacle on Yoonjo’s path. Only after the footsteps occasionally heard beyond the gate completely subsided did Seonwoo close the front door and organize the dishes.
The clattering sounds tangled together with the raindrops falling from the sky. The gloomy sky was nothing but ominous. On days like this, bad visitors were bound to come. Seonwoo endlessly watched the rain falling pitter-patter beyond the small window leading to the kitchen. Then he finally came to his senses at his phone vibrating insistently.
With the dishes neatly placed in the sink, he turned around and hesitated his finger for a moment at the familiar number that appeared on the phone screen. Then he pressed it as if brushing across it.
– …….
When Seonwoo answered the phone without saying anything, the other party also responded with silence. The murmuring that seemed to be heard from not too far away indicated that the signal hadn’t been cut off and was going well.
– Seonwoo.
In the end, it was the other party who raised the white flag. The low, pleasant baritone voice stuck wetly to his eardrums. Seonwoo sat on the sofa and moved his lips.
“What.”
– Are you doing well? How’s your body these days?
“I heard you were cast in Director Jang’s film. Looks like you’ve done the crank-in.”
– Ah… yeah. I’m at the filming site. Today’s the first shoot.
“Congratulations.”
– Is that… all you have to say? Seonwoo….
It was a reproachful tone. Seonwoo let out a hollow laugh without realizing it. Nevertheless, no answer came back from the other party.
“Focus on your acting.”
– Seonwoo, I…!
When he pressed the end button, the thin thread that had been connected seemed to snap abruptly. Seonwoo fumbled through the gap of the roughly cut sound, then soon gave up.
Wind flowed in through the crack of the window left slightly open. Along with it came a fishy yet damp smell that the rainfall seemed to fully embrace and then release.
He felt feverish. The afterimage of the past that had been firmly pressed down finally boiled over along with the fishy water smell. At the temperature rising without knowing its peak, Seonwoo finally closed his eyes.
The crack came at some point.
‘Why do I have to keep hearing this? Tell me, Ki Seonwoo. What did I do wrong!’
The fault was not his but Seonwoo’s. Being caught up in gossip from time to time, being disparaged even for trivial small matters—all of it was Seonwoo’s fault.
‘I, I don’t know why I have to be treated like this. I don’t know!’
The voice filled with resentment, the crying that seemed like wailing—these were emotions Seonwoo didn’t know. Seonwoo was just drawn to his shining appearance. He was simply happy being together. Each time their fingertips occasionally brushed, happiness gradually took shape. Round and round, and he thought they would connect to each other without a single rough edge.
But it seems the place they were walking was above the clouds. He couldn’t see below, so he just thought he was flying and didn’t know he was falling. Even when thrown down to the ground, Seonwoo believed he could rise again. He believed without a doubt that the person within reach would grab him. He had such faith.
It was a raining day. Autumn rain fell drizzling and the gray sky covered the world. People took out colorful umbrellas and strolled the streets.
‘I can’t stand this treatment anymore. Why on earth do I… why do I have to hear this? Seonwoo, please save me just once…. Please save me….’
He wanted to be together. He wanted the glimmer of the unpolished gem to show more greatly. That’s why he made that choice…. What came back was the world’s condemnation. Rumors that a sponsor was attached continued day after day. None of it was true, but the public easily said such things seeing an unknown actor with nothing getting cast in major productions one after another.
It’s not like that….
Red liquid falling pitter-patter on the floor, stains gradually spreading while soaking the carpet. Resentment flowing down like sticky tar.
It was a raining day. The cool air of the cloudy evening and the damp air, the fishy smell all tangled together. He opened his mouth to breathe, but what permeated was wet air.
All the cracks came that day.
‘Hyung! Get a hold of yourself!’
Seonwoo barely opened his eyes at the voice calling him. His ears felt stuffy as if submerged in deep water. The sounds he heard were quite dull, as if his eardrums, unable to withstand the high temperature, had finally torn.
White lighting like pale sunlight stabbed his eyes. Only after blinking several times could he also see something pitch-black. He occasionally heard barking sounds from nearby.
Through the hair getting closer and closer, he saw eyes set slightly upward, and in the cold-looking pupils, the sea rippled. Only then did Seonwoo reflexively pushed the other person away, feeling the trembling breath nervously touching the tip of his nose.
“Wow, hyung woke up. Wow, that was close. Anyway hyung! Take your medicine. They said you have to take this and sleep. Ah, quickly!”
At those fussy words, Seonwoo blinked stupidly and opened his mouth. As if waiting, bitter and stuffy powder poured out abundantly and a water bottle was pressed into both his hands.
“Drink it all! Quickly!”
Without realizing it, he moved his hands to put the water bottle to his mouth and gulped it down. Lukewarm water smoothly brushed past his throat. Bitter medicine remained throughout his mouth, but there was no time to care about that. Seonwoo narrowed his eyes thinly to secure his vision. Naturally, deep wrinkles formed between his brows, but they were soon straightened by someone’s hand.
When he exhaled hot breath and flopped down again, a thin blanket covered him up to his neck. A fishy smell came from somewhere. However, it wasn’t the fishy scent of rain or soil that Seonwoo knew well, but a salty smell resembling the sea.
Along with the cool air, stuffy wind touched his cheeks.
“Seo Yeongyeom….”
The name that leaked out between feverish breaths was Seonwoo’s guilt.
***
“…njo. Yoonjo.”
“Grandma… I’m sleepy…. Just a little….”
Yoonjo mumbled. Someone seemed to be trying to brush his hair aside, making his ears tickle. Yoonjo, thinking it was grandmother’s touch, turned his face slightly toward the palm as if acting cute and rubbed against it.
“Just one minute….”
The hand paused for a moment, then stiffened as it was. Yoonjo was consumed by the cool yet soft touch and moved his mouth.
I have to go out to the field today…. No wait, they said not to come out in the morning. Why did they say not to come out…. Because hyung collapsed from being sick….
Yoonjo, who opened his eyes wide, was startled by the appearance of a man right in front of his nose and waved his hands fluttering. As if he hadn’t been up for long, the fatigue that couldn’t be completely erased was fully revealed on the man’s face. Yoonjo flailed his arms trying to step back, then turned his head at a “kkaeng” sound. It was Dongtae.
Only then did Yoonjo recall that he had given Seonwoo medicine the night before and fallen asleep with Dongtae on the living room sofa. Dongtae’s fluffy fur was touching his fingertips. Yoonjo looked at Seonwoo who was awkwardly extending his hand in front of him, then suddenly jumped up from his seat as if remembering something.
He took out a syrup from the refrigerator and also took something out from a large black pot on the gas range, then pressed them into Seonwoo’s hands. One hand was warm, the other was cold.
“Hyung, eat that first.”
The warm one was ssanghwatang. Seeing how damp it was, it seemed to have been continuously kept in heated water. The temperature that had cooled just right was neither hot nor lukewarm. The gentle heat naturally melted into his body temperature.
As if not fully awake, when Seonwoo blinked his eyes slowly, Yoonjo refreshingly uncapped the syrup and ssanghwatang bottles, then made a gesture as if telling him to drink quickly.
When Seonwoo barely swallowed the medicines down his throat, Yoonjo reached his hand toward Seonwoo’s forehead. Yoonjo also placed his hand on his own forehead, then changed to the back of his hand, and changed back to his palm several times. Before long, a sigh of relief flowed from Yoonjo.
“Thank goodness. The fever’s all gone. Do you know how startled I was? Hyung, yesterday your fever was burning so hot that wow… I thought I was cleaning up a corpse on a rainy day. But it’s all gone now, so that’s fortunate.”
“…Thank you.”
“Hyung really has a lot to thank me for. At this rate, won’t I just be doing hyung’s farm work all the time?”
Yoonjo, who giggled and laughed, plopped down in front of Seonwoo. At that sight, Seonwoo realized this wasn’t a dream. It was a smile too vivid for a dream.
“…My condition usually gets bad when it rains. Maybe because of the atmospheric pressure difference…. Before, I was always alone, but now that someone’s next to me….”
He didn’t understand why he was saying such things. That Seonwoo fell ill and woke up like this every rainy day was a story even his manager didn’t know. At most, about two people knew. When he was in Seoul, he didn’t meet anyone except the housekeeper who came once a week, so it was natural.
Quite careless. Looking at Yoonjo’s eye area with eye boogers still stuck on, Seonwoo gently brushed there with his thumb.
“That’s nice. My body feels much lighter. Did you go buy medicine too?”
“Uh… yes…. I went to town…. Yesterday….”
“Thank you.”
Seonwoo, who had been brushing Yoonjo’s eye area, soon pulled his hand away. Roughly brushing off his rustling fingers, he gently pulled up the corners of his mouth and smiled.
“Thank you, Yoonjo.”
At that one trivial remark, Yoonjo’s heart clattered again. Without realizing it, he pressed his chest area firmly and nodded his head. Yoonjo’s ear tips were already tinged pink.
