‘Joachim!’
Rattle rattle. The door shook.
I was hiding in Mother’s room. Rilke was trying to come in.
‘Bring the key, and you stay here and guard. Watch if Joachim comes out!’
I hid in the secret passage.
Sitting on the cold floor, I huddled anxiously. From inside the magically sealed passage, I anxiously observed the situation outside.
‘You were guarding it, right? Why is it empty!’
Eventually Rilke entered the room. After sending out the attendant, Rilke, who had been examining for a while, suddenly lifted their head with certainty.
‘I knew it… you’re still here, aren’t you?’
That child smiled and circled around the room once. Seeing that smile made the roughly healed burn scar on my cheek throb.
‘Why did you run away? Why did you run!’
Rilke was shouting. As if I had to hear it wherever I was in this place, that child’s voice was loud and clear.
‘Were you that against telling His Highness the Prince your feelings? Could it really be true?’
How dare you? Are you hurt in your pride? Is that it? Is that why? Rilke was circling the room, speaking to every corner.
‘Don’t move and wait. Here, wait for me like a dog, and come out when I tell you to. If not—’
Laughter came again.
‘I’ll burn the other half of your remaining face too.’
Rilke’s words were a curse.
Without escape, I became bound as if chained.
Rilke really brought Prince Benedict to that room.
They made love.
The lovers’ act I saw for the first time looked quiet and beautiful. The Prince treated Rilke sufficiently carefully. Rilke, receiving him, seemed a bit strained but looked happy. Face flushed, smiling radiantly, embracing the Prince’s neck.
I couldn’t properly look at Benedict. So in that moment, I focused on Rilke, who looked happy. The lovers’ peaceful-seeming atmosphere was sharply carved into my chest. I wanted to forget, but sometimes it revived like a sharp burr, startling somewhere inside my chest with a prick.
* * *
And even now.
I was recalling the bed scene between Rilke and the Prince I’d seen then.
The peaceful lovers’ atmosphere. On the well-arranged bed, Rilke smiled sparklingly. Face flushed, bashful unlike their usual self, but looking happier for it.
“This too—”
At least the current atmosphere wasn’t like that, it seemed.
“—Do I need to take it off?”
It was probably because Prince Benedict was in rut. I decided to think that while suppressing my churning stomach.
He was in the middle of unbuttoning my shirt. As if the question was strange, Benedict raised his gaze. My body shrank as if encountering a dangerous situation.
“Since you’re in a hurry. I thought just taking off the bottom would be enough,”
The atmosphere that seemed about to crush me wasn’t what I’d seen. Then another intercourse. The others’ intercourse I’d happened to see in back alleys, in secluded places, they did it with just the bottom removed. I also knew that was because they were in a hurry. The Prince was in rut.
Benedict, who’d swallowed a sigh, laid me down flat and climbed on top. The shirt silently slipped from my arms. Then in one motion he created a position I’d never imagined, making me reveal for the first time all the places I didn’t even know about myself, completely exposed.
I looked up at him with wide eyes. He too was looking down there with slightly surprised eyes.
“Like this,”
A lowered voice resonated through the space.
“—It seems I’m about to do something a bit cruel.”
“……”
“……”
“…Let go, let me go,”
He reached out his hand. I saw his surprised eyes focus intensely. I felt firm fingertips carefully pressing the tightly closed place.
I saw his thick eyebrows narrow.
“—Uh,”
It was more embarrassing than I thought,
More bewildering.
I pushed away his hand and pulled my legs together. Without realizing it, I turned my back and moved as if escaping, when from behind, as if snatching me, he easily embraced my waist. Surprised by the hand that too naturally touched even my genitals, I rolled my body sideways.
I hastily pulled the sheet over. Benedict stared blankly down at me until I frantically covered my lower body.
He undressed while looking at me.
Beneath thin eyelids, long eyelashes, eyes dwelling with beauty held the light.
Meeting his gaze, my ears burned. My face seemed to heat up too. I was speechless. I lowered my head deeply. I couldn’t bear to look at his naked body.
Like an afterimage, the scene I’d just seen floated before my eyes. Comparing with him, my body felt inadequate and lacking.
A large, strong body built with trained muscles, different from mine in places, approached. I only pressed down on the sheet covering my lower body with both hands.
“What are you trying to do in that state?”
With a chuckle, he reached out and lightly brushed down my chest.
“Are you going to cover here now too?”
I stared as if enchanted at his slightly curved eyes. His pupils sparkling with excitement were clearly beautiful. Red lips that lightly kissed my forehead and cheek, as if not expecting an answer, pressed close to my ear. Whispering lowly with warm breath, as if it was fine to keep covering myself, he embraced me along with the sheet. Our lips overlapped just like that.
It was very strange.
Really strange.
The considerable difference in physique where we touched, being easily subdued even when I pushed away.
The pressing weight being too heavy, my ankle fitting in one of his hands.
Just lying there but constantly becoming breathless was also strange.
And the gaze looking down intently while burrowing into me made me even stranger.
“Hng… ah, st-stop—”
I couldn’t take all of him in.
“St… stop, ah…! Ngh!”
So the Prince was moving slowly with only half inserted.
Really
I felt naked.
I was naked,
but I really felt naked.
It felt like being spread open by something like a hotly heated lump of metal. Unable to pull or push away Benedict’s shoulder, only my awkwardly placed hand trembled. What had entered slowly withdrew.
As the back of one knee was lifted sharply, crunching fingers dug in. Even though we were using oil someone had hastily brought, it continued to feel dry and tight.
Mixed with all kinds of shame and confusion, I looked up at Benedict.
He was looking down with desperate eyes at the place that closed as if resisting. I tried to bring my knees together while pushing away, but they were pressed to spread wider. Oil-soaked fingers were pushed in as if wedging. As if impatient, he kept trying to push his fingers deep and kept trying to spread inside.
“Stop… ah!”
Then he entered again.
“Ah…! D-don’t,”
“You, here, are shaped like this,”
He fixed my resisting legs wide apart again. The gaze watching the place receiving him while slowly pushing in was unbearably hot-faced.
“Hng, no… hngh,”
“Just how, are you trying to,”
Unable to bring my knees together, when I covered there with my hands, they were thrown aside. Covering again with both hands, I shook my head frantically. It really wasn’t a place for that, yet he kept wanting to look as if excited by seeing something pretty, showing interest, which was strange.
“Don’t look, don’t look, ah!”
My hands were removed again. He entered. Examining intently, continuing to pour out questions I didn’t know how to answer while burying his lips at my ear. He sucked my heated ear and turned my head to bite my lower lip. The inside of my mouth that couldn’t answer was ravaged.
I couldn’t breathe. Hot air rippled.
“……!”
Finally, at the feeling of deep flesh being spread, I pushed him away. But this time he wouldn’t be pushed away at all. He persistently dug in deeper.
“Ah, stop, ugh, ……!”
Unable to even breathe comfortably, I grabbed the firm hand braced beside my head like a lifeline. When I gripped with both hands, the Prince raised his gaze. The moment our eyes met and my wet vision shook,
“…hng……”
From the shock, my fixed legs trembled.
It all went in.
I really felt him put it all in.
The straight forehead before my eyes was furrowed. He caught his breath and slowly caressed my body.
The pheromones enveloping my body grew thicker. Like a cold dawn, like being buried in rose bushes, it was a cool and sensual fragrance. I became a person lying naked in a garden like that. Becoming someone whose many things were discovered, I helplessly gave everything.
I don’t remember how it ended.
I saw a ceiling that seemed blurrily crumbled in my wet vision. Soaked in pheromones, my body twitched convulsively. Because of that, I belatedly realized I’d been lost in a daze, unaware that below, holding semen, was being slightly spread by fingers.
When I shrank weakly, it spread open again. I looked up desperately at the person climbing on top while firmly pressing my shoulder. I wished he would stop. Staring painfully with a damp vision, he instead pressed me down.
“It hurts, ah… now, no,”
“I know. I’m sorry……”
He embraced me and kissed me deeply. Fingers entered again where it ached. That time started again. He slowly entered again. I really don’t think I’ll get used to it.
Do all alphas going through rut do this?
I opened my eyes at the feeling of my mouth getting wet.
Only then did I realize I’d lost consciousness as if fainting. I urgently received and drank the kiss wet with clear water. It was cold and refreshing. A small laugh was transmitted through our touching lips.
Laid down again, I forced my vision clear. The room was blue like dawn.
I saw the organized surroundings as if someone had been and gone. I was laid across the white-arranged bed like clothes to wear today, not wearing a single thread. Benedict was drinking water. With his gaze fixed between my legs spread in two to show my private parts.
“Will you drink more?”
Below my buttocks was damp. Something had been leaking since earlier. The sheets will get dirty…….
“It’s not rut, is it,”
In a dazed voice, I voiced what I’d been thinking.
Blatantly clear pupils met my eyes distinctly.
“No matter how I look… it’s not rut—”
A hand reached out. My words stopped from fear. Benedict lifted my knee and exposed the place that had been the object of intercourse.
Our eyes met. The dark crimson pupils were like an unreadable dark curtain. From within that vast curtain, I only read one viscous desire.
I was penetrated hard. Breath stopped from the sudden attack. Shaking beneath him, both my cheeks were grabbed and I was kissed. The kiss that had been cold with moisture soon grew hotly warm. It was a kiss like an excuse, as if trying to block my mouth.
