I scattered my gaze and stared at the young lord again. Piercingly, I tried hard to look at the kid, but it was difficult to breathe.
The child’s face, the people’s admiration scattered piece by piece like a slow-motion scene.
In confusion, I retraced the moment I had just encountered.
Under the chandelier light sparkling like jewels, Prince Benedict was looking at me.
Looking at me, and smiling.
Everyone was looking at the child and Rilke, but only the prince was looking at me.
It was as if the chandelier light had descended into the air and stopped.
Our eyes met. Unlike my startled self, he didn’t seem surprised at all. When our eyes met, his already smiling eyes curved even more. I could no longer avert or avoid my gaze.
As if. Because he looked at me as if I were more lovable than the child,
“…”
But you’re even more lovable.
As I reflected on it, my heart sank to the bottom once again. Those breathtakingly lovable eyes that curved as if looking at something precious.
Don’t look at me like that. I wanted to say it immediately. You smiling like that are far more lovable! More than that child! The words that couldn’t come out rang through my head like a scream.
My chest swelled painfully like a boy seeing a rainbow for the first time.
I bowed my head deeply. Please, I hoped my face wasn’t turning red. My heart pounded wildly in my ears.
I felt that one lovable smile, which even evoked tenderness, had completely defeated me.
I don’t know how I got home after that.
As if the moment I’d admired the child’s prettiness was a lie, I couldn’t even remember what the child was like.
I felt deflated.
Deflated, yet somewhat happy.
I wanted to sigh while looking at the sky. I wanted to walk through the garden aimlessly. Or I wanted to contemplate alone.
I didn’t want to do that, yet it came to mind again.
The air in the hall when our eyes met, the warm commotion, the eyes that were more lovable than the child. Things like the light of the chandelier that shattered more brightly than the afternoon.
“…! Damn it,”
He looked at someone like me as if I were lovable, but the prince himself was ‘lovable.’ There was no other way to express it except with that word.
The prince’s smile that remained like an afterimage was so lovable it made breathing difficult, and my heart ached as if it would tear apart.
I returned to bed and retraced the situation.
I was acting stupidly like a boy who had fallen in first love, but I needed to organize things coolly. I seriously took out a quill pen, ink, and the best paper I had. I solemnly organized that brief moment into even smaller units.
- I’m obtuse. Yet the prince was continuously looking at me enough for even me to notice.
But this is speculation. Although I was certain our eyes met, it might not be true. Pathetically retracing things like the angle of his head, I wrote [speculation] next to number 1.
- Did I really see him smiling?
This is certain. Because I just now recalled that there was a similar incident 5 years ago. Whatever he was looking at while smiling, it’s certain he smiled. His smiling appearance was so shockingly lovable that it’s difficult to even recreate it in my mind… As I was writing [certain] next to number 2, I fell into another shock.
Five years ago, on the same day, I had been playing with the mansion’s cat. The time was night. Today, although it was daytime, I had gone to meet the cat as if it were natural. Could it be that I unconsciously wanted to meet the prince?
No, this isn’t important now. I dipped the quill pen deeply in ink again.
- Was he smiling while looking at me?
My mood became serious. First, he already had a smile when our eyes met, and I felt—that when our eyes met, he curved lovingly. I remember wondering in the past whether he smiled looking at the cat or looking at me… I almost threw the quill pen but tried hard to stay calm and wrote [speculation].
Like an idiot, I repeatedly retraced the above three things. The important 1 and 3 had [speculation] attached to them.
Could it have been a dream? It might have been a mistake.
I rolled around groaning like that for a while. It seemed like it would be more accurate if I closed my eyes. I lay on the bed reverently. As I repeatedly retraced the earlier situation, I sat up like lightning.
Sparks flew in my head.
Like a poet trying to record genius inspiration, I quickly scrawled with the quill pen.
- One surprised man followed the prince’s gaze and turned to look at me! [Certain]
“…!”
This is a very significant result.
Until just now, it seemed like I had been standing there dreaming. But according to number 4, fortunately it wasn’t a dream, or the prince did something worthy of being misunderstood(?).
I couldn’t bear the overwhelming feeling again. I punched the air. I wanted to play the piano right now, or now I wanted to run wildly through the garden.
At that moment when I was captivated by Prince Benedict and couldn’t move, someone between the prince and me had flinched in surprise and turned around following the prince’s gaze. As I turned my trembling gaze away to avoid the prince who seemed to be staring intently, I made eye contact with that person, so I remembered. That person also felt as if the prince was looking at me.
I wanted to run to that man right away and ask if he felt the same as me, then drooped my shoulders again.
- The prince was smiling while looking at someone behind me, and person number 4 might also have turned to look at that person behind me… – Not certain. Speculation, speculation, speculation!
I scrawled wildly, forgetting even to write [ ]. Then, wondering what I was doing, I let out deep sighs.
Really, what is this, anyway it was pathetic. The prince probably won’t even remember.
Still, there was something as certain as number 2.
Whoever the prince was smiling at while looking, he smiled.
It wasn’t his usual ceremonial smile, and that gaze and expression were so lovable that the world before my eyes seemed to crumble momentarily. It disarmed everything about me.
Suddenly my stomach seemed to hurt. What had been buried, what had become quiet through deliberate ignoring, tried to come back to life. It tried to turn my insides upside down.
It came alive fresh and green like a place that sprouted when spring came again.
As I organized the messy paper while holding back a laugh, I suddenly realized something.
That man.
That man who turned around with surprised eyes following the prince’s gaze.
With black hair, a bloodless face, and eyes like a bird of prey—
It was Yorick, the Regent Duke.
* * *
The first time I saw Duke Yorick was at a point before I had entered the annex yet.
Seven years ago, the Empire was engulfed in a more intense scandal than ever.
It was a rumor that the Empress, bewitched by a man, killed her husband and sold her child’s future.
It was a point when not even four months had passed since the late Emperor’s death. The Empress hurriedly passed the approval for Grand Duke Yorick’s regency plan as if someone were chasing her.
‘A greenhorn brat who has nothing but a title becoming regent!’
That occasion was a place to celebrate the Regent Duke’s inauguration before all the nobles.
Father, who had been one of the late Emperor’s favorites, had a displeased face throughout the celebration banquet. I was holding the hand of Father, who had become a blunt statue as if he had forgotten how to smile, and looking at the main characters.
The Empire’s most noble lady was whispering something while affectionately linking arms with Duke Yorick, who had just received the regency position. From the smile on those lips and the trembling of that upward gaze, even young me could feel something.
A young man with the smile of a ruler. A noble lady clearly in love. And the prince, a boy who had lost his father, standing one step behind the two people, had dead eyes like a fish out of water.
Seven years had passed, but the Empress was still irresolute. The Empire’s most noble lady was still caught somewhere between love and maternal affection.
She loves the Regent Duke but fears him having complete power. She cherishes Prince Benedict so much, yet endlessly postpones him having the title of Crown Prince, postpones the grown him rightfully ascending to the throne.
By her will, the throne remains vacant.
* * *
Stefan returned to his territory.
Since he’s a cousin who visits every spring, I probably won’t see him next spring. With that thought, the strange feeling became such that it seemed regrettable to see Stefan’s back for the last time.
“To the Regent Duke’s residence?”
But even that feeling flew away in two days.
“Hasn’t it only been a month since you went?”
Mikhail asked Rilke while wiping his mouth. It was at breakfast.
Rilke was on friendly terms with the Regent Duke.
From some point on, the Regent Duke and Prince Benedict were known to be getting along reasonably well, and the two enjoyed hunting like Empire men. In particular, they enjoyed falconry, flying a white hawk and a goshawk respectively to snatch small and precious animals.
Rilke too, probably from about a year ago, had purchased a good hawk and was participating in falconry. It was a natural course for Rilke to catch the Regent Duke’s eye. The Regent Duke was famous for being particularly promiscuous with omegas.
“This time, the court music director said his entry piece was completed.”
Even Mikhail showed interest in that story.
The Empire’s summer music festival was coming up soon. The previous competition winner was sponsored by Mikhail, and the winner before that, the current court music director, was receiving the Regent Duke’s sponsorship.
To know information about a competitor’s work in advance—naturally it would be an enticing matter.
“It’s uncomfortable that you’re getting too close with Duke Yorick, but the court music director must have been sharpening his blade for two years,”
Mikhail, who usually obviously disliked Rilke going to the Regent Duke’s residence, pretended to ponder.
“I can’t deny it’s a good opportunity.”
“Yes, so about that,”
And I found it funny that I was listening intently to their conversation. In the past, I had no particular interest in the Regent Duke, but I was eavesdropping because of that not-even-funny incident from two days ago. It was when I had almost finished the cooled Formenschma.
“How about taking Joachim along?”
The bird meat got stuck in my throat.
“He plays piano well. He’ll give a richer musical interpretation than me.”
“That’s nonsense.”
Mikhail frowned.
I barely suppressed a cough and gulped down the bird meat with water. Through my teary vision, I saw Rilke’s brightly smiling face.
“Hyung-nim, you’re misunderstanding him. He’s a gentleman among gentlemen.”
“Surprisingly, it seems he hasn’t taken off that mask in front of you. That person who’s famous as a gentleman—you must have heard the rumors about how he actually is with omegas?”
Rilke remained quietly silent. Avoiding Mikhail’s gaze, he served food as if nothing had happened.
I unnecessarily fumbled with the emptied bowl. It seems like in the past, Rilke never once said he’d take me to the Regent Duke’s residence, but I’m confused whether it’s changed from the past or if I just don’t remember.
“As I’ve always said, I hope you carefully consider maintaining friendly relations with Duke Yorick.”
“I understand.”
“And if you really want to look after Joachim, take him to the imperial palace. Didn’t you say you’ve been meeting Her Majesty the Empress frequently these days?”
Rilke answered with a smile instead. Mikhail was serious.
“It’s a very good thing for the Meyer family to build friendly relations with Her Majesty the Empress. If there should ever be an occasion for travel, tell Her Majesty that we always have our front gates wide open in welcome. And let’s see, as for Joachim—”
Mikhail’s face hardened.
“You’ve grown a bit.”
“…Pardon?”
Suddenly the spark flew to me.
