“……Huh?”
“I like you, hyung.”
Before they knew it, the two had stopped walking and were looking at each other.
Yuho was momentarily flustered by Inhan’s sudden confession, but quickly regained his composure.
“I know. You like me a lot.”
Yuho said with a nonchalant smile.
For the past five years, Inhan had confessed his affection to Yuho like a habit. Of course, it wasn’t the kind of love Yuho had hoped for.
Each time, Yuho would awkwardly change the subject, but now he could respond properly.
“Hyung likes our Inhan a lot too.”
“I love you.”
At Inhan’s following words, Yuho gasped in surprise.
But the Inhan that Yuho knew was someone who wouldn’t hesitate to say he loved him. So he thought he shouldn’t jump to conclusions.
“What, why are you suddenly saying that? I don’t hate you anymore.”
Yuho spoke with a playful smile, trying to lighten the mood. But the smile had long since disappeared from Inhan’s face.
“I’m serious.”
“……I know. That you’re serious.”
“I like you as in romantic feelings.”
“Inhan, stop it.”
Yuho urgently cut off Inhan’s words. He didn’t want to be swayed by Inhan’s words anymore.
“We agreed to stop doing this.”
“I’m not saying this impulsively. I’ve thought about it for a long time and I’m certain.”
“……”
“I’ve liked you for a very long time, hyung. Actually, from the very beginning……”
“That’s a lie.”
Yuho thought Inhan’s words couldn’t be true. The two had already exchanged countless lies, and he thought this confession was just an extension of those things. So Yuho kept asking Inhan back.
“How can those words be sincere? Are you still mad at me?”
“It’s not like that.”
“I was wrong. I was wrong, so please let’s stop this. I want to get along well with you for a long, long time now too. So……”
“Yuho hyung.”
“How can you do this?”
Yuho thought everything had found its place. He believed there would be no more reason to cry because of Inhan. He was relieved that there wouldn’t be any more incidents of hurting Inhan with words. That’s why he had given up on love.
“How can you like me? You like girls. You……”
“Whether it’s a girl or a guy, it doesn’t matter, I just like you, hyung.”
Yuho thought everything was going down the drain. He couldn’t ruin everything when he had finally found this peace.
“Did you forget? We broke up once. We dated fake and broke up fake. So how can those feelings become sincere now?”
“Hyung. Back then, I……”
“You’re lying again. Just like back then, you’re just saying it in the heat of the moment. Right?”
Before he knew it, Yuho was shedding tears and pleading with Inhan.
At that pitiful sight, Inhan had no choice but to take a step back. It was hard to figure out what went wrong and where.
“Do you want that?”
“……”
“If that’s what you want, hyung, I’ll do that. If that’s what you want, I’ll say that.”
“Why?”
“Because as long as I can just be by your side, hyung……”
“Why do you like me now?”
“……What?”
“I don’t like you anymore, so why do you like me now?”
At Yuho’s following words, Inhan was at a loss for words. He couldn’t grasp the meaning of the question Yuho threw at him.
Yuho continued to question Inhan, filled with resentment.
“How did I give you up, with what feelings am I giving up everything and staying by your side, why are you saying you like me now?”
“What do you mean by that……”
“You’re mistaken.”
“……”
“Because I’m getting closer with other people, you’re confusing the jealousy you feel with love. Right?”
Yuho asked Inhan with a desperate expression. Inhan couldn’t nod his head. His mind went blank at the truth he finally faced.
“……There’s no way you’d like me.”
“……”
“Right? Inhan.”
Inhan couldn’t answer in the end.
Yuho looked at Inhan like that with a despairing face, then backed away and escaped from the spot as if running away.
“……Hyung.”
Inhan just stood there frozen, unable to hold onto Yuho.
Only then did he realize what mistake he had made in the past.
It was real. That confession of liking him was real. His stupid self had ruined everything. Now that he realized it, it was horrifying and unbearable. Meanwhile, Yuho kept getting farther away.
Yuho, who quickly left the beach, ran and ran. And he immediately caught a taxi that came into view. The destination wasn’t the dorm but his family home in Jamsil.
Throughout the taxi ride, Yuho shed endless tears.
“Are you okay, student?”
The driver asked worriedly while handing him tissues, but Yuho could only nod without answering properly.
Even though he wasn’t okay at all.
Inhan, left alone at the beach, sat quietly in the car and organized his thoughts.
After committing such acts in the past and now hoping for Yuho’s love, he found himself so pathetic that it was hard to bear.
Before he knew it, the sun was setting and Inhan started the car again.
His life, where he couldn’t even despair as he pleased, felt particularly harsh.
The birthday party at the dorm proceeded as planned. Yuho didn’t attend, giving an excuse.
“Yuho hyung said he can’t come today?”
Raulie brought it up first, having received prior notice, and Inhan casually conveyed an excuse on Yuho’s behalf.
“Ah, yeah. So he came to my house yesterday to celebrate. He even bought me shrimp.”
“What? Why didn’t you call me?”
“You were busy today too, hyung.”
“Damn.”
“Why are you fighting over something so trivial? Let’s just start the party already.”
There was a brief protest from Yeomin, but the situation was lightly wrapped up with Raulie’s mediation.
The birthday party proceeded noisily.
Inhan deliberately laughed louder and acted like he was more okay than anyone else.
Every time he saw Yuho’s empty spot, grief welled up, but he held it in well until the end.
The party ended quickly due to the next day’s schedule, and Inhan even briefly did a live broadcast for fans in his room.
Only after about 30 minutes of communication did Inhan find himself left alone in the quiet room.
And he began to shed tears silently.
It was the worst birthday of Inhan’s life.
* * *
It was 18 days later.
To be exact, it was the night of December 24th, Christmas Eve.
Inhan was sprawled on the living room floor in his outdoor clothes, having skipped dinner.
He wasn’t hungry or sleepy. Even the alcohol he’d been drinking so much these past few days didn’t appeal to him. In the midst of it all, tears kept flowing.
Fortunately or unfortunately, Inhan had spent the past time frantically busy with schedules.
Then whenever he had free time, he would endlessly ruminate over past events, forgetting even to sleep.
For the past five years, there wasn’t a single day when he hadn’t wronged Yuho. To say he didn’t know was an excuse—that very fact of not knowing was the biggest mistake. Without knowing, he instinctively kept pulling Yuho toward him.
Look at me. Love me. And yet he’d been going on about his girlfriend. Looking back, it was so horrifying he couldn’t even continue thinking about it.
Now there was nothing Inhan could do. He thought even hoping for forgiveness was shameless. He was prepared to accept whatever punishment Yuho gave him. He thought it couldn’t be helped even if it meant never seeing each other again.
In the midst of all this, Inhan’s phone kept ringing.
Unseong – [Are you busy? We’re gathering at the studio today, come if you have time] 6:36 PM
Taylor – [It’s chaos here, don’t come and just stay home] 7:49 PM
Yeomin – [If you have nothing to do, pop over to the dorm and let’s drink] 8:24 PM
Messages kept coming from acquaintances, but Inhan didn’t reply and just stared at the SNS screen.
[seonchan_joo ⓥ Joo Seonchan · 3 hours ago
Two guys spending Christmas Eve together
#MerryChristmas #RestaurantMate
#I’mNotLonelyIfI’mWithYouButWhyAmICrying]
The photo Seonchan uploaded with the post showed him having dinner with Yuho at a hotel restaurant.
On Christmas Eve of all days, at a place that required reservations of all places, just the two of them having dinner—no matter how you looked at it with blurred vision, it was hard to accept as simply friendship.
If you don’t like me anymore, does that mean you like someone else? And that’s Seonchan hyung.
Inhan’s thoughts kept jumping in bad directions.
Just then, the doorbell suddenly rang as someone came without notice.
“Who is it?”
Inhan asked without much thought. He thought at most the visitor would be Yeomin or Suhyung. But no answer came from outside the door.
Inhan swallowed his irritation and got up to check the wall pad screen. As if someone had played a prank, no one was visible on the screen.
Sasaengs, seriously. Bothering me even on a day like this.
Inhan headed toward the master bedroom with an unpleasant feeling.
Then suddenly a thought crossed his mind. Even as he thought it was absurd, his feet were already heading toward the entrance.
Inhan cautiously opened the door.
There were days like that. Just as there are days when you’re particularly lucky, there are those unlucky days when you’re driving and get caught at red lights in succession, when you’re waiting for an elevator and it stops at every floor from the top, when it pours rain at just the right timing whenever you step outside.
“Hyung.”
In a city filled with carols and bustling people, having to realize alone that the person you love is happy with someone else—that kind of painful day.
“……Yuho hyung.”
On such a day, Yuho came to Inhan.
Yuho was crouched in front of the door, crying pitifully.
At that dream-like sight, Inhan was swept up in an indescribable feeling. Tears welled up instantly and he poured out tears of relief.
What kind of day is today? Was it an unlucky day since he’d been consumed by depressed feelings until the day was almost over? Was it a happy day since he met the person he most wanted to see at the end of the dying day?
“Can I hug you just once?”
Of course it was a day overflowing with unbearable happiness.
Hearing Inhan’s words, Yuho got up from his spot and slowly walked into Inhan’s arms.
That’s how Yuho came to Inhan.
