Hakyoung regretted having said it.
Even more so because Yumyeong said nothing immediately after he spoke. Yumyeong, who had been staring at Hakyoung blankly with his mouth slightly open, asked in a vacant voice.
“Conscious… What do you mean conscious? Don’t tell me in that way?”
“…”
“You said it doesn’t happen with just any guy, right?”
Seeing him even stutter, Yumyeong seemed quite flustered too. Hakyoung let out a long sigh before continuing.
“No matter how much I have feelings for someone else, if you keep clinging, holding hands, breathing, laughing… like you did just now, my body reacts.”
“Reacts?!”
And with that, Yumyeong’s gaze automatically tried to go downward. Exasperated, Hakyoung pulled the blanket over to block Yumyeong’s view while scolding in a whisper.
“Put yourself in my shoes! Think about what it would be like if you were me.”
At those words, Yumyeong couldn’t say anything with a dumbfounded face. His expression seemed even more bewildered than his own, which was suffocating. Yumyeong, who had only been gaping his mouth, cried out with a pale face. In a desperate voice as if telling him to find his reason.
“Hey, but we’re not like that!”
Not like that, my ass! You idiot!
Suppressing the urge to grab him by the collar, Hakyoung bit his lower lip firmly.
“Then if not us, try thinking of the guys in our class. If they were alone in a room with a celebrity they usually think is pretty, and that person acted like you just did, what do you think would happen?”
“The premise is wrong. I’m not your type and I’m not pretty like a celebrity…”
“…”
“In your eyes, I’m not that great… was I?”
Yumyeong looked at him with fervent eyes as if seeking an answer. At that reaction, Hakyoung would rather lie face down and cry.
However, he calmly composed his expression and just lay back down in bed.
“…This is why I didn’t want to sleep with you.”
“Hey, Ryu Hakyoung.”
“Forget it, let’s stop talking about this. Let’s just sleep.”
And with that, when he firmly pulled the blanket, Yumyeong tapped his shoulder with the back of his hand.
“Hey, are you the only one covered? Give me some blanket.”
“You have yours.”
It was a rather cold remark, but Yumyeong sighed briefly and soon silently pulled over the blanket that had been left intact on his own bed. Before, he would have clung to him even more, pretending to be oblivious, but seeing Yumyeong bring his blanket without a word left a bitter taste. Being seen as ‘that kind of’ object by a guy was definitely uncomfortable.
‘It’s natural. If you get involved with a guy in that way, it would be physiologically repulsive.’
Even though he thought there was no reason to be shocked anew, facing Yumyeong’s reaction directly like this made his heart feel miserable. He also blamed himself for not thinking about this situation. If there are ways of loving at 3 years old and at 10 years old, there’s also a way of loving at 18. Unlike their childhood, they’d grown up considerably, and naturally became aware of desires they didn’t have when young…
Wanting more contact with someone you like is a natural instinct. But now that instinct only felt like a nuisance. If only it hadn’t rained, and if the thunder and lightning hadn’t been so fierce, he’d want to run out of the dormitory right now and run through the mountain behind.
“Sleep well.”
Yumyeong’s voice came from behind. Hakyoung remained silent. He stubbornly didn’t move at all, afraid that if he tossed and turned, it would be discovered that he wasn’t sleeping.
And so Hakyoung endured the sleepless night with open eyes.
All he did until then was occasionally look at the person lying next to him. Wondering if he was suffering, if he was in a nightmare. He was going to shake his shoulder if he seemed to have sleep paralysis, but after shaking Hakyoung’s heart, Yumyeong slept comfortably. While looking down at those neat eyelashes and round forehead from slightly above, Hakyoung tried to calm his stirring heart.
***
After that night, Yumyeong gained a very newfound realization.
‘Ryu Hakyoung really does like guys.’
He’d known it, but actually feeling it directly was completely different. Enough to make his hair stand on end every time he recalled the fact.
Even without particularly liking someone, he could feel attraction if it was a male body. At the same time, he recalled Hakyoung’s words about not needing pornography. Something about why would he need such things when he could look at naked bodies as much as he wanted if he put his mind to it?
‘Then this place must be heaven!’
Yumyeong secretly gasped. Come to think of it, the male dormitory itself could be Sodom and Gomorrah to Hakyoung. After thinking that far, Hakyoung, who had been very familiar until now, suddenly became unfamiliar, and he became somewhat dispirited unlike himself.
That feeling showed outwardly too. Yumyeong acted cautiously around Hakyoung throughout the exam period. If their hands touched while borrowing a pen, he’d flinch in surprise and drop the pen, and if their bodies happened to bump, he’d jump back.
It was obvious enough that even Hanju secretly asked.
“Did you guys fight? That’s why I told you to go easy. I thought you’d end up getting hit.”
Yumyeong was dumbfounded. Hanju seemed to have misunderstood that he’d been beaten badly and had come to fear Hakyoung’s fists.
“It’s not like that.”
“Then why?”
There was nothing else to say to that question. He couldn’t carelessly reveal Hakyoung’s circumstances.
And the only person who guessed why Yumyeong was acting this way, Hakyoung, pretended not to notice all these awkward moments.
When hands brushed and he dropped the pen on the floor, Hakyoung silently lowered his eyes and picked it up himself, and toward Yumyeong who was awkward after their bodies bumped, he asked “are you okay?” and quietly passed by. It was a natural progression to gradually feel sorry toward Hakyoung who acted as if nothing was wrong, unlike himself who was awkward.
And so final exams ended.
“Everyone quiet, quiet!”
Once the last exam was over, the classroom was a crucible of excitement that simply couldn’t be suppressed. The homeroom teacher struggled to calm the unbridled colts.
“You’re all very excited. I understand you feel relieved right now, but you know it’s not time to let your guard down, right? The summer vacation of second year is a very, very important point that determines whether you get into the university you want or not. Among those staying in the dorms, if you want to apply for the special lectures or camps the school is offering, they’re still accepting applications so come to the teacher’s office… Friends going down to their hometowns…”
Even amid the commotion, the homeroom teacher’s words continued. Yumyeong glanced toward Hakyoung.
Finally, the time had come to confirm the results of their bet.
During the exam period, Yumyeong had made a bet with Hakyoung. They’d agreed to grant the wish of whoever got the higher final exam score.
Awkward was awkward, and the bet was the bet. Since he had no intention of losing from the start, Yumyeong did his best in his own way. He compared answers with friends after each exam, so he knew his expected score. Out of all subjects combined, he’d at most get one or two really tricky questions wrong, so naturally victory was a done deal for him.
‘See. When I say I’ll do it, I do it.’
The problem was…
‘What if he says he doesn’t have a younger sister or cousin?’
It was uncertain whether Ryu Hakyoung had female siblings. He thought he should have investigated beforehand. If he said no, he’d have to get something else. But nothing particularly good came to mind yet.
“Report cards will be sent home soon. Students staying in the dorms can also pick them up directly, so keep that in mind.”
Just then, Hakyoung glanced back. Since talk of “report cards” came up, the bet must have come to mind for him too.
As soon as their eyes met, Yumyeong raised one corner of his mouth in a smile. It was a smile anticipating victory. Immediately, Hakyoung lowered his eyes and turned back around.
He must be expecting defeat.
Yumyeong believed that without a doubt.
***
When vacation starts, many students leave the dormitory to spend vacation at their family homes. Thanks to that, the dormitory on the first day of vacation when people leave is very bustling. Outsiders like parents enter and exit the temporarily opened dormitory, busily moving luggage, and some greet and pay respects to their close friends’ parents.
Amid the noisy hallway, Hakyoung was calmly keeping to his room without any packing. Thanks to that, Yumyeong belatedly realized he had applied to stay. While Hanju and Sunmin, who always went down to their hometowns every weekend, going home during vacation was expected, he didn’t know Hakyoung would stay.
It was unexpected. But it was also true that he was a bit excited about being able to be together during vacation.
Yumyeong excitedly flung open Hakyoung’s door.
“You’re not going home?”
Then Hakyoung, who had been quietly looking at Yumyeong,
“Dormitory life suits me well.”
Only answered that. It was a somewhat weak answer, but Yumyeong inwardly thought of ‘Hakyoung’s own Sodom and Gomorrah’ and let it go at that.
And some time later.
“Ready?”
“Ready.”
Yumyeong and Hakyoung faced each other, each holding their report cards. Inside the neatly folded envelopes were report cards with the same content as those sent to their respective homes.
“We’ll take them out when I say one, two, three.”
“Okay.”
“Alright. One, two, three…”
The two simultaneously took out their report cards. Yumyeong, who unfolded the folded paper and checked the scores and rank, suddenly raised his head. His eyes met Hakyoung’s.
Yumyeong hastily snatched Hakyoung’s and checked it.
‘Why…? Why??? Why???’
The exam was almost a perfect score!
Hakyoung’s rank was higher than his. The final exam scores even showed a relatively clear difference.
Looking at Yumyeong’s expression of disbelief, Hakyoung said softly.
“It includes the performance assessment.”
