He didn’t even know how he spent his time.
He just sat on the bed, quietly staring at the rain pouring down outside the window.
Wootae was saying something and moving busily, packing the things needed for tomorrow’s shoot.
But Dohyeong could only lie on the bed without moving an inch or sit on the sofa, watching outside.
Time passed like that, and before he knew it, evening had arrived.
Wootae bit his lips as he alternately looked at Dohyeong and his wristwatch. It was because of a message that had come from Seonghyeok a little while ago.
**Manager Do Seonghyeok**
Let’s meet at the 8th floor restaurant at 7
The pub and restaurant are separated there
If it was 7 o’clock, there wasn’t even 20 minutes left.
He should start bringing it up now to leave on time, but Dohyeong’s condition was so bad that he couldn’t open his mouth at all.
What should I do? After hesitating for a long time, Wootae cleared his throat loudly with a “whatever happens, happens” attitude.
“Ahem! Ah, I’m hungry. Dohyeong-ah. Aren’t you hungry?”
“Yeah. Hyung, go eat and come back.”
First attempt failed.
“No, how can hyung go eat alone? Let’s go together.”
“You eat well alone, so what…”
Second attempt also failed.
What should he do in times like this? He thought he’d known Dohyeong for quite a long time, but cases like this were always difficult.
His head throbbed as he tried to squeeze out a way to deal with this. With an “I don’t know anymore” attitude, he approached Dohyeong.
“Hey, Dohyeong-ah. Hyung is really hungry. But you know all the people here are staff or actors. If I go there alone, then people will talk about whether you’re feeling well or not, how your mood is, and all that. Hey, that won’t do. Right?”
It was pure nonsense, but this was the only excuse that could get Dohyeong to move right now.
Though he felt sorry for bringing it up, knowing that public attention and talk were burdening Dohyeong.
‘If I don’t do this, you won’t move. I’m sorry, Dohyeong-ah.’
He said it with his eyes tightly shut.
Dohyeong, who had been looking up at Wootae for a while, nodded.
“…That’s true too. Okay. Let’s go.”
Dohyeong got down from the bed and picked up his phone. It seemed he was going to go out just as he was, in the comfortable clothes he’d changed into as soon as they entered.
He wondered if he should stop him, but it should be fine.
There wouldn’t be anyone going around all dressed up anyway.
The important thing was getting out, so Wootae rubbed Dohyeong’s shoulders and took quick steps outside the room.
“They say the restaurant here is really good.”
“Yeah.”
“What are you going to eat? Buffet? Or à la carte?”
“I’ll see when we get there.”
It’s suffocating. Behind Dohyeong’s back, Wootae deeply bowed his head down and then raised it back up with a sigh.
The entire time going up to the 8th floor, Wootae was busy alternately looking at his wristwatch and phone.
Dohyeong, who would normally have added a word or two, said nothing.
No, Wootae’s appearance probably didn’t even register in his eyes.
When they arrived at the 8th floor like that, beyond the opening doors, the figures of Seonghyeok and Haesung were revealed.
“O-okay, let’s go. Let’s go.”
Wootae acted jovially and moved forward, but.
“……”
Dohyeong couldn’t get off the elevator.
The moment the door was closing smoothly, Haesung walked over with large strides and tapped Wootae’s shoulder.
“Leave the rest to me. Thank you.”
Wootae blankly watched Haesung’s retreating figure as he approached Seonghyeok.
As Haesung pressed the button and entered the elevator where Dohyeong was, Wootae gulped.
“…Is it okay to leave them alone?”
“Right now, Haesung is the only one who can fix this.”
“I suppose that’s true?”
“I suppose it will be.”
Exchanging words back and forth, the two people nodded and started walking.
Something felt off somehow, but there was nothing they could do about it right now.
The sound of gentle music was hurrying their steps.
***
How was the situation flowing? Dohyeong sat quietly and recalled what had just happened.
When he followed Wootae up to the 8th floor, Seonghyeok and Haesung were there.
His legs absolutely wouldn’t move so he couldn’t get off, and then Haesung opened the elevator door and came inside.
‘That place would be uncomfortable, right?’
At that question, he nodded without realizing it.
‘Then let’s go to my room.’
At those words too, he ended up nodding.
And so, as if being dragged by Haesung, he ended up entering his room.
Haesung asked if he was hungry and naturally ordered room service.
Not long after, all the food placed in the room was stuff that Dohyeong liked.
Abalone porridge, salted squid, white kimchi. And plum tea.
These were the menu items he’d always asked Haesung to buy whenever his heat cycle approached.
“…This is.”
“You seemed really shocked earlier. I thought it would be good to eat something soft at times like this… Should I have ordered something else?”
“No, no. I was just, surprised.”
Not asking specifically why he was surprised—that must be because he too knew the reason for Dohyeong’s surprise.
“But hyung, are you going to eat porridge too?”
I’m one thing, but Haesung could eat regular food.
Haesung stirred the porridge a couple of times with his spoon, then shrugged his shoulders.
“Well. I wanted to eat together.”
“…Could it be that hyung is also not feeling well somewhere—”
“I’m healthy. Perfectly fine.”
Haesung, who had tapped his own chest a couple of times, smiled.
Soon a faint smile spread across Dohyeong’s lips as well.
The two ate their meal in silence. Haesung had sent a message to Wootae. The content said they were eating porridge in the room now, so don’t worry too much.
After checking the reply saying thank you, he put his phone face down.
It was a silent meal time. Finally, when the bottom of the bowls became visible, Dohyeong put down his spoon and moistened his throat with plum tea.
“Thank you for the meal.”
“Me too. Thank you for the meal.”
And then the two people looked into each other’s eyes and smiled.
It’s been a long time. Eating a meal together and exchanging greetings saying they ate well.
This moment that was unfamiliar yet not unfamiliar somehow tickled one corner of his heart.
But the awkward atmosphere rolling in thickly couldn’t be helped. Dohyeong sitting on the sofa and Haesung sitting on the bed next to him were trapped in silence, racking their brains.
What words should they bring up?
What words should break this stillness?
After pondering for a while, Haesung opened his mouth first.
“Earlier—”
“You know.”
At the same time, Dohyeong also opened his mouth.
The two surprised people made eye contact and smiled slightly.
“You speak first.”
“You speak first.”
It came out simultaneously again. Hmm, clearing his throat briefly, Haesung raised his index finger and brought it to his lips. Then he drew a smile and spread his other hand wide toward Dohyeong.
“You talk first.”
Dohyeong nodded and mulled over his thoughts for a moment. Where should he start and how should he say it? Unraveling the tangled thread in his head, he opened his mouth quietly.
“…I tried not to say this.”
In an instant, the atmosphere became even heavier.
But Haesung nodded and listened attentively. It was something they’d have to face someday. A situation he’d avoided, thinking he wouldn’t have to deal with it at that time.
“But if I don’t unburden myself, if I don’t say it… I thought I’d never be able to escape in the end.”
“Yeah. Tell me. It’s okay.”
How differently the words “it’s okay” could feel.
What others said and what Haesung said showed a clear difference. That made him feel inexplicably sad again.
A person he couldn’t grasp with his own hands anyway.
The lingering attachment he thought he’d shaken off always clung to him like a shadow. Yes, just like this very moment right now.
“The day hyung left the house… I mean, the day the movie casting fell through.”
“Yeah.”
“I cried a lot.”
Haesung, who couldn’t give any answer, hung his head deeply.
He wasn’t unaware. It wasn’t something unexpected either.
He’d just thought he’d figure it out well on his own. That he’d have the resourcefulness to overcome it.
“And it was really hard. Wherever I went, it felt like that label followed me around. Kim Dohyeong who has no talent for acting. Kim Dohyeong who’s still immature in acting.”
“…That’s.”
“Kim Dohyeong who’s riding on Jung Haesung’s back, trying to get dramas and movies for free.”
At Dohyeong’s voice looking at him while answering calmly, Haesung shut his mouth tight.
He hadn’t thought the story had stretched that far.
He knew he was trapped in his shadow. Jung Haesung’s husband, the rising star married to Jung Haesung. He also knew that those countless modifiers were tormenting Dohyeong.
However, the story about trying to ride on his back was the first time he was hearing it.
No, he must have heard it but forgotten. He must have dismissed it lightly saying it was nonsense and moved on.
How complacent and arrogant that thinking was.
He who hadn’t thought even a speck about what period Dohyeong had gone through was a person too lacking to even be called selfish.
“In the end, I even said that it was natural for hyung to leave me. Since I couldn’t act but was desperate to land work somehow. I said I understood that hyung got tired of me… and I, I couldn’t say anything.”
“…Ha, what kind of—”
“Everyone looked at me and said, if it weren’t for Jung Haesung….”
Dohyeong clasped his hands tightly together and moved his lips.
He bit his lower lip hard, then breathed in again and moved it.
“That if it weren’t for hyung, I would be a terrible actor who couldn’t even attempt acting.”
Finally, the tears he’d been holding back burst out.
It was true that he entered this industry following Haesung. It was a fact that he challenged it wanting to get even a little closer to him.
But he liked acting. Living a fleeting life through completely different people’s perspectives.
The fact that a character that was nothing but fiction came alive and breathed through his acting.
It was attractive, and he was happy. Being immersed in the moment of acting felt like a destiny given to him.
“From the moment I married hyung, I’ve heard those stories to the point of being sick of them. So I thought there was nothing left to be hurt by anymore…”
“……”
“The day the casting was canceled, I really… felt like I had become that kind of person.”
At Dohyeong’s words spilling out soaked in tears, Haesung’s face also contorted in despair.
Everything originated from him.
With one carelessly thrown word, one word he spit out thinking it was nothing.
Dohyeong’s entire life became twisted.
“I… had only hyung, one place to reach my hand out to.”
The moment he couldn’t hold back anymore and collapsed crying out loud, Haesung quickly approached and grabbed his body.
He seemed to hesitate for a moment, but then naturally pulled Dohyeong into a tight embrace.
Two strong arms pulled his body toward him. With one hand, he grasped his head tightly.
“I’m sorry.”
The quietly thrown voice made Dohyeong’s crying even deeper.
“With these words, I can’t… I can’t turn everything back.”
And Haesung swallowed his breath again. The soft hair tangled between his fingers made him newly buried in the past.
No, it welled up so much that he could no longer contain it and burst.
The things he’d been missing.
The feelings he’d almost forgotten forever.
And even the sincerity he only now realized.
“Just hold my hand one more time.”
At his voice dropping to the floor, Dohyeong also burst into tears at the top of his lungs.
Though the accumulated aged emotions couldn’t be resolved right away, it was still a moment that felt somewhat relieving.
The rain hitting the window became even fiercer.
As if hiding Dohyeong’s crying, as if sympathizing with his heart.
Like the fiercely falling rain, transparent streams were also pouring down Dohyeong’s face.
