“Then don’t go.”
“……”
“Don’t go, Heo Wonyoung.”
At those words, Wonyoung choked up. When did you choke my neck. After making me suffer like that.
But contrary to the resentment that rose, what came out of his mouth were different words.
“I also wish I didn’t have to go.”
Wonyoung said as if sighing.
“I want to be with you all.”
“……”
“But I’m not Narae. I’m Heo Wonyoung. Heo Wonyoung isn’t like this. The appearance, the personality, it’s all fabricated. My existence will only hurt you all.”
Wonyoung deliberately wasn’t making eye contact with Heegang. He knew Heegang had also suffered a lot. While trying to forgive him for not being Narae, he tried to hold onto him. That was enough.
“I’ll be going now. We’ll never see each other again.”
Wonyoung unbuckled his seatbelt and tried to get out of the car. At that moment, Heegang urgently pulled Wonyoung into his arms.
“No. Don’t go.”
“……Baek Heegang-ssi. I.”
Wonyoung, feeling his throat tighten, barely continued speaking.
“I’m not Narae. The things that happened in the past between us…… I might have been able to forgive because they weren’t my affairs.”
Gauging how much he had longed for this warmth, Wonyoung said.
“You’re only wavering because you’ve just been seeing me as Narae. If you saw my real self, it would be different.”
“Even so, if I don’t care.”
“Baek Heegang-ssi.”
“Be Narae’s substitute. Do as I say. Stay by my side. That way it’s fair. Since you deceived me, you have to do as I tell you.”
Those words might be right. No, even if they weren’t, if Wonyoung could do it, he wanted to do so. But if he said he’d stay by his side here, Wonyoung would be telling Heegang another lie.
Wonyoung opened his mouth in a calm tone.
“Heegang-ssi. Heegang.”
“……”
“I’m going to leave. You know that too.”
“……I love you.”
Wonyoung’s heart sank at Heegang’s confession.
“I love you.”
“Wait, Heegang. Let go of this and……”
But Heegang hugged Wonyoung even tighter.
“I like you. I like you who forgave me, I like you who cares for me, even though you deceived me I like you. I feel like I’m going to die from liking you.”
“That’s.”
That’s fake. It must be fake. Because this is a game…….
He had a lot to say, but at the same time had nothing. Even if this was a game and virtual, his feelings of cherishing Heegang were real.
“You’re already my Rae.”
At those words, ripples formed in Wonyoung’s chest. Are you real too? Are you also, by any chance.
The brief expectation died before reality.
Then all the more…… it was something he shouldn’t deceive about.
Wonyoung opened his mouth, heavy as a thousand pounds.
“I don’t know when I’ll have to leave. I can’t promise to stay with you forever. It’s not something I can control.”
“Why. Why does it have to be that way.”
“Because I’m not Narae. Because I’m Heo Wonyoung who came into Narae.”
The inside of the car was quiet. At the end of it, Heegang opened his mouth.
“Then I’m wrong again?”
“What?”
“Are my feelings wrong?”
“……”
“Will you be happier if I’m not here?”
It was something he asked before disappearing too. Wonyoung finally understood. From that time, Heegang already…… wished for happiness even if it was Heo Wonyoung and not Narae.
Why did he only realize that now?
Wonyoung stroked Heegang’s head.
“What wrong could you have done? You’ve never done anything wrong. Narae would think so too.”
Surely he would. Because he was the one who first became friends with Heegang.
“Then don’t go.”
“So that’s not something I can control……”
Feeling troubled by the repeating conversation, Wonyoung paused at Heegang’s next words.
“Even just until it’s possible is fine.”
“……”
“Even just one day is fine, so stay by my side more. Stay as long as you can.”
“……Baek Heegang……”
Perhaps, that was the best option.
At least it was clearly the best he could do right now. Not avoiding, not running away, but accepting.
The courage he lacked seemed to exist in Heegang. Wonyoung felt pathetic about himself anew.
“Okay.”
If even that way Heegang could feel at ease for a moment.
“I’ll promise. That I won’t leave until it ends.”
Whether smashing through the choices or breaking the system, he’d endure as much as he could.
“One more thing.”
“What?”
“When the time comes that it must end…… tell me.”
“……”
“You can’t just suddenly disappear.”
When the time comes that it must end. Just hearing it was chilling, but Wonyoung silently answered that he would.
“Instead, you promise one thing too, Baek Heegang. That you won’t die even if I disappear.”
“……That’s.”
“You think I don’t know you? Whether Narae is your world or Heo Wonyoung is your world, if it collapses you’ll give up everything and try to die. That absolutely can’t happen.”
“I……”
“Live while remembering me. Whether living with resentment or living with longing, you must live. Only then can I go back without worry.”
Heegang was silent for a while. Then he made his decision.
“Okay, I will.”
To you who deceived me, I’ll also tell one lie.
On the day you leave, Heo Wonyoung will learn. That this promise right now is a lie.
He will live carrying worry for me, self-blame because of me, even after going back.
For his whole life, he will live and die thinking of me.
That was enough.
That way too, I’ll bind you and gnaw at you.
That’s my revenge and my affection, Heegang thought while feeling the warmth of the person in his arms.
* * *
The next day, Wonyoung, who visited Semi’s house, asked.
“Semi-ssi.”
“Yes?”
“Can a game…… I mean, can a character in a game perceive the player outside the game?”
“……What?”
He knew it was absurd. Wonyoung hit his own head once.
“Never mind. Such a strange thing to say……”
As Wonyoung quickly tried to gloss over it, Semi brought up an unexpected term.
“Ah. Are you talking about something like metafiction?”
“……Metafiction?”
“It’s when characters recognize themselves and their worldview as fiction. They even talk to the player outside the screen. It’s not a common setting in games, but it occasionally appears in horror or comedy works.”
“Ah.”
Then it’s not a bug in the game? Was <Is Being Abangsu Also a Sin?> a metafiction game from the start?
‘No, no. The System said it was a bug……’
In the end, back to square one. Wonyoung naturally sighed.
“Haah.”
At Wonyoung’s long sigh, Semi tilted her head.
“Is something wrong, Rae-ssi? Did you play a horror game?”
“……It is a bit like horror.”
How many times had his heart nearly dropped because of Heegang? Just yesterday too. After barely reconciling, what he said was.
―Should I call you Wonyoung now?
―What?!
―You’re not Rae, so you’d hate it if I called you Rae. I hate it.
―No, that’s…….
―Wonyoung.
At that call, Wonyoung felt like he couldn’t laugh or cry. Whether he should like this or not.
Thinking that his crazy obsession had truly transferred to him, the back of his neck felt chilly.
―Come to think of it, I don’t even know your age. Are you the same age as me?
―……Uh…….
Wonyoung couldn’t bring himself to say he was 31 years old. That way, there was an 8-year age gap with Heegang. He’s a thief, a thief. To Siyeon, a grand thief.
―You’re older?
―Just…… you can do as you have been.
―Yeah, I was going to anyway?
Right, as long as you’re happy. He let it go like that at the time, but anyway nothing was resolved and Wonyoung still had a headache.
“Semi-ssi…… This might be rude but please remain as Semi-ssi……”
“What?”
“Please.”
Watching Wonyoung holding both her hands and speaking earnestly, Semi had a premonition of her next work. Next time I’ll write chuyeonsu.
Returning home like that, Wonyoung went to the bathroom and was horrified when he saw the mirror.
“Wha, what’s this!”
He had become Heo Wonyoung again.
“Sy, System-ssi! System-ssi!”
“Oh my, what is it this time, pla, kyaaaaaah!”
The System also screamed upon seeing Wonyoung. Wonyoung slapped the System’s cheek to stop the screaming.
“What do we do now? Is this coming back again?”
“We-well. I’ll try to restore it for now. Just a moment.”
The System then froze in place while floating. Watching him emit light as if doing something, when Wonyoung blinked, he saw he had returned to Rae’s appearance.
“Ah, I’m back.”
At Wonyoung’s relief, the System also sighed “phew.”
“How did you do it?”
“I temporarily restored the player’s time to the past.”
“Then does that mean when time passes I’ll become Heo Wonyoung again?”
“We have to take measures so that doesn’t happen. In the meantime, try not to meet anyone if possible. And this.”
The System spat something out from the sphere. Wonyoung didn’t really want to receive it, but he silently took it anyway.
It was like some magical girl’s transformation device. Soon the System’s explanation followed.
“If you press the center button, you’ll enter restoration mode very briefly. You can only reverse about 5 minutes and the maximum usage is only 3 times, so please use it only when a dangerous moment comes.”
So it really was like a magical girl’s transformation device. Wonyoung thought that and replied that he understood.
“Additionally, right now I’m in the middle of backing up to do a full restoration without touching the player’s progress. Please wait just a little until then. And because of that, I’ll be too busy to come for a while. That button is also being given for that reason, so I ask for your understanding!”
After hearing the System’s story, Wonyoung thought for a moment then carefully asked.
“By any chance, when the full restoration proceeds…… will everyone forget that I’m Heo Wonyoung?”
“Yes, so you don’t need to worry.”
Worry, worry. Wonyoung smiled bitterly.
“How long will it take?”
“Mm, since this is all manual work…… probably about a week.”
