―Even your parents abandoned you, so who in the world would like you?
―Well, since you’re an orphan, it can’t be helped that you’re uneducated.
―Your parents wanted you to die. That’s what it means to abandon you on the street in the dead of winter. You were just lucky.
Wonyoung clutched his face. He could feel his cheeks damp with cold sweat and tears.
‘I was lucky. I know that.’
He met good people at the orphanage, had a talent for studying, and miraculously got onto the elite track. Compared to Narae, his life had been far happier. So then……
‘What the hell am I supposed to do by comparing that, fuck.’
His emotions were a jumbled mess. He didn’t know how he should face Siyeon.
Unlike when he had confidently said he would pay the price, Wonyoung was hesitating. Because he was afraid he might not be able to forgive him. Because he was afraid he might not want to.
If he failed this time, there would be no turning back. He might end up ruining the life of one person named Ki Siyeon.
‘Forget all that bullshit about this being a game or characters.’
There was no way this could be a game. Narae’s cruel past couldn’t all be something someone created. There was no need for that either.
If it was all made up, then the creator of this game was definitely a crazy psychopath.
“You must return now.”
The System’s mechanical voice echoed through the space. Wonyoung remained silent with his face covered. But time didn’t wait for him.
“Player-nim. You will soon return to the world you are playing in. Please prepare.”
At the same time, there was a ‘click’ sound and the surroundings returned to their original state. Wonyoung blinked. Before he knew it, Siyeon was looking at him.
“Rae hyung.”
Whether fortunately or unfortunately, the choices had disappeared. Now the choice was Heo Wonyoung’s to make.
Wonyoung hesitantly opened his mouth.
“I, I’m okay. It’s not your fault…… It’s not.”
“But……”
He understood it in his head. It wasn’t Siyeon’s fault. But having experienced Narae’s past pain and adding his own past pain on top of it, Wonyoung could no longer think normally.
To Wonyoung, who couldn’t properly look at himself amidst the confusion, Siyeon said:
“But that person’s blood flows in me too. Just as hyung is paying off his parents’ debt, I also have to pay off my parents’ debt. So how can I like hyung, how can I be with hyung?”
“……”
“I’m sorry. I should have told you earlier, but I couldn’t say it. I absolutely couldn’t say it…… I’m sorry.”
Being unable to speak was the same for Wonyoung. It was difficult to say he would forgive him, that it was okay to be together. Having seen Narae’s terrible choice…… no matter how much he wasn’t Narae himself, he couldn’t easily say it was okay.
Watching Wonyoung struggling, Siyeon said:
“Don’t forgive me.”
“……Siyeon.”
“I’ll live my whole life atoning. I don’t know if you’ll believe me, but never seeing hyung again for the rest of my life, living as hyung’s enemy—that’s the biggest punishment for me. Being alone again is more terrifying than death. So I’ll live that way.”
At Siyeon’s words mixed with resignation, Wonyoung looked at Siyeon with wavering eyes. Before he knew it, Siyeon had slipped out of Wonyoung’s embrace and was kneeling before him.
“You don’t have to forgive me. Don’t even try to understand. No matter how kindhearted Narae hyung is, what can’t be done can’t be done. I know that too. What kind of things hyung went through, how much you had to endure.”
“……”
“I’ll take responsibility for everything. I’ll carry it. For life.”
Wonyoung looked down at Siyeon with his head bowed. His tears fell onto the floor like rain.
Was this right? Is this what Narae wanted? Did the game want this kind of development?
He was just a young kid, only twenty-two years old. He was too young, too kind, too tender to carry this burden for life.
Looking at Siyeon bowing his head like a sinner, Wonyoung traced back a memory from some time ago.
―Hyung, I’m sorry. From now on, I’ll at least believe in hyung. So hyung, you believe in yourself too.
And then, after some time had passed, what had he said?
―Ki Siyeon, I believe in you too.
He had said he believed in him.
Right, if it were Narae, he wouldn’t have been able to forgive. Even now, the resentment toward Siyeon’s father, whose face he didn’t even know, seemed like it would turn toward Siyeon.
But he wasn’t Narae. He was Heo Wonyoung.
And he knew about Ki Siyeon, things that Narae didn’t know. I believed in him, and he believed in me……
He told me to believe in myself.
‘……I will.’
Wonyoung answered that feeling. That he would believe. Not in Narae, but in Heo Wonyoung.
And Heo Wonyoung chose. As if selecting the choice that had now disappeared.
“Siyeon, I won’t forgive you.”
“……Hyung……”
Despair and resignation flashed through Siyeon’s eyes, but at the words that followed, his eyes colored with bewilderment.
“You’re not a bad person. You’re not someone who should be punished that much. We haven’t done anything wrong. So I don’t need to forgive you or anything.”
Wonyoung said with a voice trembling from surging emotions.
“It’s not our fault.”
That I was alone, that you have to be alone again…… even Narae’s sadness.
“I know what kind of person you are. And I believe in you. So……”
Wonyoung exhaled a trembling breath and somehow managed to create a smile.
“You believe in yourself too, Siyeon.”
“……Hyung.”
At that moment Siyeon’s expression changed, but soon he pulled Wonyoung into a tight embrace.
“Is it really okay? Really, can I, can someone like me really be okay?”
“……”
“I’m a piece of trash. The truth is, I was hoping hyung would forgive me. Even though I knew it didn’t make sense, I……”
“Yes. It’s okay. Sometimes there are days when it’s okay. No matter who we are.”
Even if we’re a little selfish, it’s okay to have days when we can release our suppressed hearts, days when we can be greedy.
Even if we were born as lives no one wanted, even if we carry the label of being a criminal’s child, it’s okay.
Wonyoung too, since entering this game, had times when he was greedy for the first time, made choices that put him at a disadvantage, and followed his emotions rather than reason. It’s not that he didn’t regret it, but didn’t it all work out well in the end?
“I don’t want to lose you either. So I’m going to be selfish. You do the same.”
“……”
“Wouldn’t it be a bit better if we do it together? We’re accomplices, after all.”
At those words, a low laugh came from Siyeon. Only then did Wonyoung, slightly relieved, pat Siyeon’s back.
“Let’s not be in pain, Siyeon.”
Only after a long while did an answer come back from Siyeon.
“……Yes.”
It was a voice steeped in tears.
* * *
After sending Siyeon home, explaining everything to Heegang, and arriving at the alley in front of his house in Heegang’s car, quite some time had passed.
Forcibly putting aside Heegang’s farewell—who had a schedule from tomorrow morning—Wonyoung walked alone through the dark alley.
But when he reached his house, he saw a large silhouette standing still in front of the door. He peered carefully through the dark view without streetlights, when he heard a voice from that direction.
“Narae-ssi.”
“……Director Kyung?”
At the appearance of an unexpected person, Wonyoung hurriedly approached. It was indeed Taerim. But what was he doing in a place like this at this hour?
“Director-nim, what’s the matter?”
“Are you injured anywhere?”
“Pardon?”
Taerim, who had asked the sudden question, examined various parts of Wonyoung’s body, then his gaze landed on the eye area, swollen red from crying.
“You were crying.”
“……”
The fingertips touching his eye area were cold. It seemed he had been waiting for quite a long time.
But before Wonyoung could ask why he came, Taerim answered first.
“I came because I was worried.”
“……Worried?”
“I couldn’t reach you, so I was waiting.”
Only then did Wonyoung belatedly check his phone and discover several missed calls.
“Ah, I’m sorry. I had some things to deal with today.”
“Did it resolve well?”
“Of course, who do you think I am?”
As Wonyoung tried to dispel the awkward atmosphere by acting cocky, Taerim smiled faintly and said:
“Well done. It must have been hard.”
“……”
But why was it that at those words of encouragement, tears suddenly poured from Wonyoung’s eyes?
“Narae-ssi?”
Taerim was flustered seeing Wonyoung suddenly start crying. He kept wiping Wonyoung’s tears with his hand, then eventually pulled him into his embrace.
“Was it very difficult? I thought about going to help, but figured I’d only be in the way so I just waited, but that was a mistake. I’m sorry.”
Wonyoung sniffled and mumbled.
“Why are you apologizing, Director-nim……”
“Didn’t I make you cry?”
“I’m not crying because of you. ……Probably.”
“What do you mean by ‘probably’?”
A low laugh rang out above Wonyoung’s head. Soon he quietly opened his mouth.
“I’ve been thinking. About how I can regain your trust.”
“……Aren’t you working?”
“Even in the middle of all this?”
“Still, it hasn’t been long since you got confirmation for the successor position. You shouldn’t take your hands off work. You should be showing your best side at times like this.”
As Wonyoung sniffled while laying out his logic, Taerim let out an incredulous chuckle.
“Really, everything about you is unexpected.”
“You’re just realizing this now?”
“Yes, I’m feeling it anew again.”
Wonyoung grumbled inwardly while returning the topic to its origin.
“So, what is this ‘method to regain trust’ you pondered while throwing aside your work?”
“Waiting.”
“……Pardon?”
Wiping away Wonyoung’s remaining tears as he asked with wide eyes, Taerim continued:
“Hovering by your side, proving that I won’t change, that I’ll never make that kind of mistake again.”
“……”
“So allow me to hover by your side. So that I can wait for you like this, and comfort you.”
This heart must be tireless—after struggling all day long, it started beating again.
