Chapter 6
Translation Notes: Usang and Woosang are the same person just in case you might get confused I will be sticking to Woosang and might also change into Usang on a different scenarios because Woosang is the name of Usang websites, to be cleared I will be using Woosang Yun for cosistency.
A few days later, without telling Woosang, I went to see his performance again. The show was so popular that most of the dates were already sold out, so I booked one of the few remaining slots. This time, I dressed more casually than before. Looking back at the photo Woosang had taken and sent me, I cringed at how stiffly I’d dressed last time—like I was heading to a job interview. So this time, I made a point of wearing something relaxed.
Stepping out of my apartment, I squinted against the sunlight streaming through the window. Even after two years in this neighborhood, it still felt unfamiliar, crowded with people who never met my gaze. This was how the city worked. A place where everyone was surrounded by others, yet utterly alone. It was all so foreign to me.
I watched the people passing by, then boarded the bus without thinking.
***
The second performance was much clearer to me than the first. Now that I understood what Woosang had explained, the dance that had once seemed so difficult no longer felt overwhelming. The movements of the dancers seemed even more extraordinary. Woosang, too, seemed more at ease than during the first show—the tension in his expression had vanished.
What would it feel like to devote yourself to one thing, to find happiness in it, to make a living from it? I spent the entire hour and a half lost in thoughts about Woosang rather than the performance itself. I wanted to know exactly what that felt like.
Before I knew it, the show ended. As I was leaving the venue, my phone vibrated. Confused, I checked the screen—it was a call from Woosang. I had never answered his calls before, so I hesitated, unsure of what to do. But before I could think, my hand moved on its own, and I answered.
“H-Hello?”
“Hello. Teo. Did you leave?”
“What?”
“You were in the audience earlier. Are you still nearby?”
“Y-Yes.”
“I’ll be out soon.”
How had he even seen me?
Still confused, I stared blankly at my phone when I spotted Woosang at the far end of the lobby. Unsure of what to do, I waved at him. He waved back and walked toward me.
“You should’ve told me you were coming. I didn’t know you were here. I only recognized you during the final curtain call.”
“I just… wanted to see you again. Did I make you come out because of me? You must be busy.”
“No, it’s fine. Let’s go back together.”
I nodded, looking at him. Honestly, I never expected to meet him like this after the show, and my heart was pounding wildly. I was happy that he had recognized me and come to me, but at the same time, I felt uneasy—was it really okay for us to meet like this so often? But I wanted to lean on this person a little, to have a proper conversation with him. I wanted to experience the kind of affection I had never known in my life.
Affection.
The thought startled me, and I froze in place. Was that really how I felt?
“What’s wrong?”
“Oh, nothing.”
Really?
Woosang seemed to hesitate before asking me another question.
“Have you eaten?”
“No.”
“Want to grab something to eat?”
“Uh… sure. Then I’ll treat today.”
Okay.
Woosang smiled slightly and pulled out his phone.
“Teo, do you know any good places around here?”
“No, I don’t really know this area… Can you recommend something?”
“Sure. How about pho? Do you like it?”
Pho. I’d had it a few times before, but it had been so long that I couldn’t quite remember the taste. Still, I thought I’d liked it, so I nodded and followed him again.
My heart was racing so much that I couldn’t speak. If I opened my mouth now, my voice would probably tremble. I hated how inexperienced I was, how it made me feel so stifled. Woosang walked ahead confidently, while I struggled just to keep up with him.
Before long, we arrived at a Vietnamese restaurant, still packed with people despite the late hour.
“This place is good. Cheap and delicious. The pho is only 5 euros.”
“Ah…”
5 euros—was that cheap? It seemed cheap. The pho at the small-town Vietnamese place I used to go to was 5 euros, so in Paris, 5 euros was probably a steal.
Most of the customers were eating pho, and ours arrived almost immediately after we ordered. Woosang, saying he was starving, started eating right away.
“Ah, sorry. I get so hungry after performing…”
“It’s fine. Eat as much as you want. You can even have another bowl.”
Woosang smiled, looking genuinely happy, and thanked me.
Eating in this lively restaurant, the atmosphere between us felt less awkward than last time. I liked that, so I silently ate the food in front of me. I accidentally bit into a piece of ginger, and my face scrunched up. For some reason, Woosang found that hilarious and laughed for a long time.
“…Don’t laugh.”
“Sorry. It’s just a little funny.”
His laughter gave me a strange feeling, and I couldn’t eat properly. Woosang kept glancing at me, smiling.
After we finished eating, Woosang stretched slightly.
“Tired?”
“No. I feel better after eating. Want to walk a little?”
“Sure.”
I followed him as he walked, talking about what I liked about today’s performance. When I said I enjoyed it more than the first time, he smiled and then turned his attention to some tourists taking photos. Even as he responded to me, his eyes stayed on them.
I casually asked, “Want me to take a photo for you?”
“Huh? No, it’s okay.”
Woosang laughed again at my words, as if something were funny. Puzzled, I stopped and stared at him. He turned to me, grinning.
“That’s the first time anyone’s ever said that to me.”
“Taking a photo for you?”
“Yeah. I mean, I don’t really want a photo, but… it’s not bad to hear.”
I stood there, watching him take a step closer under the evening sky, his back moving steadily forward.
“When I’m with you, Teo, I don’t have to deny who I am.”
I couldn’t understand his emotions at all. Everything about him was fresh, good. It was a strange feeling—I didn’t understand what made him so happy, but I wanted to. I didn’t know. But I wished that when I asked, he would answer me honestly.
And then it hit me again—I was drawn to him. I didn’t know if it was because he was a dancer, or because he was Yoon Woosang himself. But I wanted to see him more. He had said he didn’t want to meet anyone. Hearing that, I felt a strange relief that I wasn’t a woman. For the first time, the long daylight made this street, where he stood so clearly, not feel so unpleasant.
***
I woke up to a stuffy warmth. Even though it was summer, my place was usually cool, but my chest and stomach felt unusually hot. I wasn’t fully awake, so I just reached out to touch my stomach. Then I felt a warmth on my arm—one that didn’t belong to me.
Startled, I tried to open my eyes, but someone was covering them. I held my breath, trying to figure out what was happening, when a familiar voice whispered in my ear.
“Are you awake?”
It was Woosang’s voice.
How did he get into my house? And why was he on top of me? I couldn’t make sense of any of it. I wanted to speak, but my throat felt clenched shut. Then the hand covering my eyes slowly slid down. A finger traced my nose, then my philtrum, before pressing deeply against my lips.
I cautiously opened my eyes to see what was in front of me. There, sitting lightly on my stomach, was Woosang—dressed in almost nothing. His pale body, the one I had seen on stage, flawless, without a single tan line, was right in front of me. His usual small smile and the hand brushing my lips felt surreal.
I had no idea how he had gotten in or why he was like this. But I couldn’t bring myself to ask. When our eyes met, he whispered softly, “Your eyes are beautiful.”
I had heard those words before. Had Woosang said them to me like this? No, last time, it had been something deeper, heavier than this.
Ignoring my reaction, he slid his hand from my lips to my throat, gripping it with just the right amount of pressure. The sensation of being restrained and the strange tension made my heart race wildly. I still couldn’t make a sound.
He leaned down, pressing his head against my chest, listening to my heartbeat. It felt like my heart would burst. Was this how it felt to die? I had always thought I wouldn’t feel anything at the moment of death, but I was wrong. My heart was pounding so fast I thought it would explode, and it showed no signs of stopping.
He chuckled softly, then murmured again, “Your heart’s going to burst, Teo.”
Without lifting his head from my chest, he whispered.
Woosang had never said things like this before. He had never given me this strange, overwhelming sensation. I couldn’t be sure. But I couldn’t reject him, not even a little. Words clogged my throat, refusing to come out. I still didn’t understand what was happening.
A ridiculous thought crossed my mind—What if I die like this?
“W-Wait a minute…”
I flailed my arm desperately. I squeezed my eyes shut and thrashed. I still hadn’t figured out what Woosang meant to me. He was a good person, but I had never imagined my feelings for him would turn into this.
His breath still lingered near my ear, showing no sign of fading.
This isn’t right.
Then, suddenly, I didn’t understand what wasn’t right. What was it? Had I really never considered this possibility?
I gasped, inhaling deeply, and opened my eyes again. Fortunately, my eyes obeyed and opened easily. Sweat was pouring down my forehead. The air was cold, but my body burned as if I’d been rolling in the desert. And the warmth of Woosang’s body that I had felt just moments ago was gone.
Outside the window, sunlight was streaming in. My damp shirt, the brightening day, my racing heart. I took a breath.
“Filthy private life.”
Woosang’s words flashed through my mind. The wine I had drunk that night seemed to hit me now, my face burning as if it would explode. There was no excuse for why those words came to mind. His gaze from that moment lingered in my vision.
I took another deep breath. Maybe—just maybe—he had already noticed something in me that even I hadn’t realized.
