It might have been psychological, but his skin felt hot enough to burn. Sitting face to face with him like this, his vocal cords felt scratchy when he tried to answer. Yeo Dowoon squeezed out his voice without hesitation.
“I’m sorry.”
“…….”
“Hyung…, I want you to be my hyung.”
“…….”
“Let’s not cross the line, us.”
At the rejection that showed no room for him to dig into, Kwon Jeonghoo muttered to himself, ‘We already crossed it….’ But he didn’t redden his eyes like someone who’d been rejected in love, nor did he show any sign of heartache.
He shifted his firm thighs and pulled Yeo Dowoon closer into his embrace, then answered.
“Just stay in my arms for ten minutes. I’ll take you home.”
Yeo Dowoon felt the bridge of his nose approaching his neck. When he flinched, Kwon Jeonghoo whispered soothingly.
“I’m hugging you as a hyung, you bastard.”
So Yeo Dowoon felt troubled.
He wondered what kind of siblings held each other in such a tender position, but having just kicked him away, he felt sorry when his own past confessions flashed through his mind, making it hard to refuse him coldly.
Those times when he’d followed Cha Haseong around desperately confessing his feelings.
On days when he was coldly rejected, he’d soothe his aching heart with high-proof alcohol. The person who clinked glasses with him each time was Kwon Jeonghoo.
‘It’s not like you’ve only been rejected once or twice, why are you so miserable?’
‘Because my heart hurts. My heart.’
‘Haven’t you heard the saying that you grow through pain?’
‘If I grow any more, I’ll become Goliath…….’
Yeo Dowoon missed that selfless palm that supported and comforted his shoulders. He wanted to see the Kwon Jeonghoo who didn’t follow him with sticky gazes even when they shared spoons and chopsticks.
They’d become people who’d intertwined tongues and mixed saliva, so it couldn’t be like before, but he still believed they could go back.
Even when he reflected on how the situation had gotten to this point, he couldn’t grasp any plausible cause. Kwon Jeonghoo had always been a brother to him, always a teacher.
Since he hadn’t even noticed when Kwon Jeonghoo started developing feelings, Yeo Dowoon hoped all of this was his dream or fantasy.
“I think ten minutes have passed.”
When he spoke at an appropriate time, Kwon Jeonghoo let him go without delay. He somehow managed to move over to the passenger seat, but the atmosphere had become gloomy, making him read the mood.
Only now did he seem to understand why Cha Haseong had always responded coldly right after rejecting a confession. That could be a more considerate action than roundabout comfort.
“Let’s consider today’s events as if they never happened, so Captain, please go on in. I’ll be going too.”
“Stay. I’m going to start the car.”
“I’m uncomfortable. I am.”
Yeo Dowoon opened the car door and got out the moment Kwon Jeonghoo started the engine. He consciously withdrew the nerves that kept trying to turn toward him.
Anyway, human emotions are so tiresome and problematic. Even when you want to give up and quit, you end up agonizing and hoping every time.
Since he’d experienced that process himself, Yeo Dowoon’s heart just kept filling with complicated feelings. He hoped Kwon Jeonghoo wouldn’t be trapped in the same kind of misery he’d felt.
***
Even after arriving in front of the entrance, he wavered consistently. His two hands, carrying various gifts he’d selected at the department store, urged him to enter the password quickly. But Yeo Dowoon only endlessly grew more worried.
If he opened this door and went in, he’d surely be able to see Cha Haseong. Just seeing that face that made his heart burn would bring satisfaction.
‘How angry must he be.’
Since he’d requested support, Cha Haseong, who’d been comfortably spending his vacation, must have joined too, and even if he apologized and offered gifts, it seemed like a sneer would hang on his lips.
He might be offended, asking if he was trying to cover things up by throwing money around. Anticipating the sharp words that would fly at him, his breathing already felt distant.
“…Yoon Minoh, that son of a bitch.”
So Yeo Dowoon ended up hesitating for a long time even though it was his own home before entering the password. He didn’t forget to bite at Yoon Minoh, who could be called the root of all evil.
A legend should remain a legend to be a legend, shouldn’t it? He wanted to turn his arrows of criticism toward the Tartaros Guild that had suddenly stopped in his life.
“Guide-nim, are you here?”
After passing through the entrance, he awkwardly walked down the corridor.
The way he asked as if looking for the homeowner made him look exactly like a visitor. There couldn’t be a more reversed situation of master and guest. When the long corridor ended, he muttered as if puzzled. This is strange.
“……Did he go out?”
There was no sign of anyone.
Now that Cha Haseong wasn’t visible, he felt a bit disappointed. Yoon Minoh was hospitalized, and Kwon Jeonghoo had returned to his own officetel, so it was a golden opportunity to be alone together with him.
I’m really quite a fickle bastard.
Yeo Dowoon made a proper evaluation of himself for the first time in a while as he took a step. He wanted to go into his room and change clothes. Since he’d only had time to buy gifts, he planned to at least write a card.
“……Ah.”
But the moment he opened the door to his room, his breath caught in his throat. He could see the blanket rising up like a mountain.
Cha Haseong was sleeping on his bed. Yeo Dowoon stopped blankly, about to turn on the light. He couldn’t even put down the various shopping bags.
“…….”
Tap, the door closed with only minimal noise. Yeo Dowoon walked while even killing his breathing.
Cha Haseong was sleeping while looking at the ceiling like a princess who’d eaten a poisoned apple.
At least it was fortunate he wasn’t curled up. If he’d looked uncomfortable, he would have thoughtlessly reached out to adjust him. Yeo Dowoon smiled slightly.
‘Why is he sleeping in my room.’
The question arose, but he had no desire to kick him out. Yeo Dowoon knelt down by the bedside. Cha Haseong with his eyes prettily closed looked pitiful.
He seems to be sleeping deeply, so I shouldn’t wake him. Having finished looking, Yeo Dowoon slowly raised his legs to stand up. He put down all the gifts he’d bought near the nightstand.
“……Dowoon-ssi is really oblivious.”
But Yeo Dowoon turned his head sharply, having been about to tiptoe away quietly.
Before he knew it, Cha Haseong had opened his eyes wide and was getting off the bed while throwing off the blanket. His legs in black training clothes dropped onto the floor with a thud.
“I’ve often been told I can’t pretend to sleep.”
He spoke leisurely while stretching. He extended both arms above his head and stretched his muscles thoroughly.
Yeo Dowoon answered as if bewildered.
“…I think you’re pretty good at it.”
“I’m not.”
“I’m telling you you’re good at it.”
“Dowoon-ssi’s sense is at your toes.”
When he brought up sense regarding him, Yeo Dowoon’s curiosity surged. Cha Haseong would refer to him using a mix of the expressions ‘lacking sense’ and ‘meticulous.’
Since those two words didn’t seem like the kind that could be used side by side, Yeo Dowoon asked subtly.
“Didn’t you praise me before for having a meticulous personality?”
“A person isn’t an existence that only shows one aspect. Just like someone can be indifferent yet perceptive.”
However, Yeo Dowoon couldn’t quite agree with the example Cha Haseong added. He thought, if you’re indifferent, you’re indifferent—how does being perceptive make sense? But he didn’t raise an objection.
“I was surprised you were in my room.”
Setting that aside, there were plenty of conversation topics. Yeo Dowoon got slight goosebumps at the scene of Cha Haseong looking up at him with the corners of his eyes curving in a smile.
He was certain. If actions had scents, Cha Haseong would be someone who exuded a sweet scent with even the smallest habit. Cha Haseong opened his mouth.
“I was surprised too.”
He spoke intermittently.
“Since you weren’t here, I kept thinking of you.”
“…….”
“Is it inertia, I wonder?”
Yeo Dowoon couldn’t answer carelessly and delayed. It seemed like some kind of unusual atmosphere was forming, but if he asked what exactly inertia meant, he’d probably be treated like an idiot.
Just as he was trying to at least guess, Cha Haseong added much more specifically.
“I said it because thinking of Dowoon-ssi seems to have become part of my daily life. I think of you like a habit.”
The evaluation of being perceptive must surely be what people like this receive.
Only then did Yeo Dowoon recall the vocabulary he’d forgotten and became solemn. Besides inertia, he definitely remembered elasticity clearly, but of all words, the one he encountered was inertia.
A difference of one character embarrasses a person like this. Yeo Dowoon muttered while hiding his embarrassment.
“It feels good that you think of me.”
“Do you have times when you think of me too, Dowoon-ssi?”
Then Cha Haseong asked in a warm tone. Fortunately, this time he could choose an answer as soon as he heard it. His honest feelings burst out noisily.
“Times when I don’t are rarer.”
Yeo Dowoon added as if not embarrassed.
“Except for when I’m sleeping, it’s almost always.”
“What kind of thoughts do you mainly have?”
Then Cha Haseong asked back playfully.
“Hm?”
He was pressing both hands on the bed. Perhaps because his shoulder line was slightly raised, he looked exactly like a man full of romantic expectations.
Yeo Dowoon just stared at the tops of his feet as if glaring.
If possible, he wanted to present a creative answer instead of a cliché response. An explanation like saying he seemed to redraw the image of him smiling sweetly thousands of times would obviously leave lasting regret.
“Guide-nim.”
Was that why? Yeo Dowoon’s voice flowed out endlessly serious.
“What if you hadn’t awakened.”
“…….”
“What if we’d finished the operation faster, even just that day….”
Rather, what if I had died during the operation.
Making belated hypotheticals upset him. He could only lament why abilities like time warp didn’t actually exist.
If even one Esper with such an ability existed on Earth, Yeo Dowoon would have burned his entire body if necessary to turn back time to that point before Cha Haseong awakened.
Then, Cha Haseong reflected with a hollow laugh.
“I must have run my mouth wrong. That story I told wasn’t to get an apology from Dowoon-ssi.”
Yeo Dowoon backed away little by little as he left the bed and approached him.
It wasn’t because he was flustered by the suddenly narrowed distance. It was just because he didn’t have the face to stand still and greet him.
Cha Haseong was threatening beyond being affectionate.
“I didn’t know Dowoon-ssi would feel guilty.”
“…….”
“Espers don’t usually care about that kind of thing.”
Occasionally, Yeo Dowoon wanted to examine closely how he defined Espers, those intimate feelings. Cha Haseong kept stepping forward as much as Yeo Dowoon retreated.
Feeling like he’d really end up with his back against the door at this rate, Yeo Dowoon muttered midway.
“Guide-nim, perhaps…….”
It was the moment he was going to say that if he intended to guide, today didn’t seem like the day, so please reconsider.
“Do you perhaps pity me?”
Cha Haseong intercepted and asked.
