“M-mom…. Mom! Don’t do this. I was wrong. Mom! Mom!”
“Why are you stopping me? You like that woman just like your father, don’t you?”
“I-I’m sorry! That’s not it! Mom, Mom! You weren’t answering, so I asked Father, but I didn’t know he would do that! Mom, n-now I’m a King, you know? I’ll protect you, Mom, Mom!”
Unknown emotions boiled up in his chest. It felt like his heart would burst and his head was burning up.
His mouth was parched dry. With trembling hands, he embraced his mother.
“M-mom…. If you’re okay with it, let’s just live together, the two of us. Let’s just leave Father, okay? Y-you and me, just the two of us…. Let’s live together. That would work, right? I’ll, I’ll do everything. I’ll do everything you need. Let’s leave Father and just the two of us live together. That would work, right? Mom, don’t do this.”
He held onto his mother and pleaded desperately, but his mother’s eyes remained unchanged.
Empty eyes staring at somewhere unknown. He grabbed his mother again and shook her. Thinking he absolutely couldn’t let go, he put so much strength into it that his wrists ached, but his mother showed no change.
“Mom, don’t do this. Okay? I’ll, I’ll earn money, and I’ll do everything you want to do. Let’s just be happy together now. M-mom, let’s grow the flowers you like, and raise a dog too. Okay? Mom, please, please answer me.”
“Jaehee.”
“Yeah? Mom, t-talk to me. Mom, is there anything you want to do? Should we, should we go on a trip? Is there anywhere you want to go?”
Jaehee didn’t even know what he was babbling. He just spouted whatever came to mind. Obsessed with the idea that he couldn’t give his mother even the slightest opening, he chattered incessantly.
But the words he was spouting weren’t reaching his mother and were just disappearing. That made him even more anxious.
I can’t leave Mom like this. If I do, something terrible will happen.
Something I’ll regret for a lifetime, again and again.
He was breathless. All he was doing was holding onto his mother on top of a chair and talking nonstop, but he was breathless and cold as if he had climbed a high mountain.
“Jaehee. I… I, you see.”
His mother stopped talking and turned her head. The moment their eyes met for the first time as his mother had been staring into space, goosebumps rose. He bit his lip hard at the unpleasant nausea. It seemed like a rotten smell was coming from somewhere.
No. No.
I can’t give up on Mom.
It’s not just parents who can’t give up on their children. Children also can’t give up on their parents.
His stomach churned and boiled. Something sticky wrapped around his ankles. But Jaehee didn’t let go of the hand holding his mother.
“Son, I, I hate you.”
If there was a sound of a heart dropping, wouldn’t it be similar to this?
His mother’s words became a sharp blade and dug into his chest, but Jaehee didn’t care.
Would he give up from being hurt by just this much?
“I hate your face that resembles that person, and that pathetic generosity of pretending to think about me. Son. I don’t have anything I want to do. I don’t want to do anything. Just leave me like this.”
“That’s not true, Mom. Think about the things you used to like. The roses that bloomed in the flower bed, sweet coffee, the music you like…. There are so many things you liked. When spring comes, let’s go see the cherry blossoms together. Cherry blossoms are pretty even when you see them at night. In summer, let’s go to the beach you like. We’ll swim in the cool ocean and eat delicious food. In autumn, let’s go see the fall foliage together. If you don’t like that, we can go on an overseas trip somewhere. In winter, we’ll go see the snow falling…. Mom!”
Before Jaehee could finish speaking, his mother jumped down from the chair.
Hanging her neck on the rope above.
“No! No! Stop it! Mom, Mom!”
He tried to grab his mother’s legs, but his hands kept slipping and he couldn’t catch them.
He screamed a sound that was either a scream or a cry.
“Son. You know, don’t you?”
Then, his mother’s voice came from above. Goosebumps rose along with sticky malice. Unable to dare look up, he looked at the floor.
“That Mom already died a long time ago. Does it feel good to pretend not to know? Son?”
Hearing those words, the strength drained from Jaehee’s legs. Unable to stand anymore, he crumpled to the floor.
“M-mo, Mom….”
– No matter how much you call, your mother won’t come back.
In an instant, a scene unfolded before his eyes.
– Oh my, what should we do with that poor thing.
– How could she take her own life and leave that child behind? Cruel thing. How is that young thing supposed to live?
– They say she originally had severe depression. She was going to the hospital, but it got worse after the divorce.
– Huh? That’s funny. She’s the one who had an affair, she’s the one who remarried first, what kind of mess is this?
– No, they say she didn’t remarry? If she had remarried, that man would have come. It’s not a remarriage, but it seems true that there was a man.
– Really, only the two men left are pitiful, what kind of situation is this, really.
His head felt like it would split. People kept whispering and talking about his mother’s story that Jaehee didn’t even know. No, actually Jaehee wasn’t unaware. He just didn’t want to know, didn’t want to acknowledge it, so he forcibly pretended not to know.
He had noticed his mother was strange. At some point, he couldn’t guess when his mother would be in a good mood and when she would be in a bad mood. He was just busy watching his mother’s mood.
Some days she was his mother who laughed and was cheerful like before, and some days she just lay in bed listlessly for no reason. She fought with Father every day, and the house gradually became messy.
He knew something was going wrong, but he didn’t know what to do.
Father spent less and less time at home, and only the two of us, Mother and I, remained in the house.
It was probably a difficult time for everyone. Mother, Father, and I all seemed to have been pushed to our limits.
Divorce was a matter of time, and eventually Mother and Father got divorced.
He didn’t know exactly, but around this time, it seemed both Mother and Father each had other people they were seeing.
After the divorce was decided like that, Father left the house and Mother cried every day.
Seeing Mother like that, he couldn’t say he would go with Father.
He said he would go with Mother because he was worried about her. If he wasn’t there too, Mother would just drink alcohol every day and not eat. He thought that even if Father didn’t know, he couldn’t abandon Mother too. After divorcing, Father and Mother would eventually be strangers, but he wasn’t, so he couldn’t abandon Mother.
He didn’t know where his mother’s depression originated from.
It seemed like Mother was just too fragile to live in this harsh world. When he looked at Mother, she was always precarious, and he felt sorry for Mother like that.
He did his best, but his best wasn’t enough for Mother. Mother became even more anxious and depressed after the divorce.
So when Mother said she wanted to remarry, he thought it was fortunate. Around that time, he was exhausted too.
That day was the day he contacted Father and said he wanted to leave Mother’s house.
He remembers standing outside for a long time that day with an inexplicable discomfort.
He felt sorry for betraying Mother, and uncomfortable. But if Mother was going to remarry, living together seemed impossible.
When he went home late that night, Mother came out to meet him.
The moment he saw Mother’s face, he knew Father had contacted Mother.
Mother looked at him for a long time without saying anything, and he was a bit uncomfortable.
He thought Mother would be a bit uncomfortable too but would understand him.
That was his mistake.
Thinking the other person would understand without saying anything.
A few days later, Father came to pick him up, and he left Mother like that.
And that was the last time he saw his mother alive.
There was luggage he left behind, and he was a bit worried about Mother who wasn’t answering. Because Mother’s sleeping hours were irregular, sometimes she didn’t answer, but there had never been a time when she didn’t answer at all. However, anxiously, this time there had been no contact at all since he left home.
That day, his heart was strangely pounding. He thought he was just very nervous about seeing Mother for the first time since leaving home.
He rang the doorbell several times, but there was no response. Was she still sleeping?
When he casually opened the door, he knew something was wrong.
A foul smell stung his nose.
He slowly raised his head. His heart stirred with unknown anxiety.
And he was able to find his mother swaying weakly.
