‘Tartaros? Come on, that guild doesn’t actually exist. I wandered around wanting to join a guild too and met all sorts of scammers, and they all said the same thing. That it’s all lies. If it existed, I would’ve joined. Demeter is honestly too demanding. You can enjoy it because you’re you… ordinary espers can barely endure it.’
An esper who had been rummaging through monster corpses with him and passed away from fatal poison damage had claimed this. Yeo Dowoon made one resolution while burying that person’s blue-tinged corpse in the ground.
That from now on, it would be better to drink small amounts of poison in advance. If he built up tolerance, he would be able to survive longer.
“…An illusion.”
He enunciated clearly and abruptly sat up straight.
Phantoms and illusions were distinctly different. If a phantom was merely a slogan indicating non-existence, an illusion could be seen as a means of expressing an idealized subject.
Besides the espers who doubted whether Tartaros Guild existed, there were also plenty of espers who believed they were waiting for them and set out to find them.
‘Ahjussi will definitely go to Tartaros, Dowoon-ah. They say there’s a cognitive-type esper there once you get in. Cognitive-type, have you heard of it?’
‘No. I only found out I was nature-type after joining here.’
‘Well, to explain simply, it’s a type of psychic ability. It’s a derived ability, and psychic types with cognitive abilities can find other espers. Like that bastard secretary-general at the base.’
‘…Why would you deliberately seek out a place with bastards like that?’
On a day when he had crawled into a pitch-black mine-type dungeon because he couldn’t meet his daily quota, a man who had skillfully evaded the government’s eyes to work as an illegal miner despite being well over fifty had whispered.
‘If they can expose you, they can also hide you. If you’re protected by a cognitive-type, you can live pretending to be a civilian.’
He was the person with the most sparkling, bright, intelligent eyes Yeo Dowoon had ever seen.
‘If you get caught by rotten bastards, even if you’ve been quietly hiding away, you’ll get dragged off. If you sign a contract while being treated like your life is worthless, huh? You’ll just work like a dog until you die.’
‘Demeter works you like a dog too, doesn’t it?’
‘You punk. But at least there’s freedom here, isn’t there? Freedom.’
He didn’t know about such a grand word as freedom, but Yeo Dowoon, who had been satisfied with illegal mining work because he could live causing trouble as he pleased, remembered in his body the moment when that man noticed the small explosion starting and suddenly embraced him.
He was a physical-type who used body enhancement as his special move.
‘…Ahjussi.’
Yeo Dowoon felt despair for the first time in his life at the fact that a human shield burned black had saved him.
‘Ahjussi!’
When that man used to ask him like it was nothing to be his son, he felt sorry for only shaking his head stubbornly.
He felt deep blue guilt that the reason they couldn’t meet the quota that day was because of his mistake, and he felt contempt for himself for not even saying thank you once to the man who had accompanied him because he couldn’t use his abilities when his vision was blocked.
‘Fuck, snap out of it. Huh? You’re not dead yet. You’re not dead yet!’
That was the first sacrifice of another person that Yeo Dowoon experienced in his lifetime.
If he had noticed the explosion first back then, would something have been different?
There’s nothing more foolish than clinging to past situations, but the act of ruminating on the past always accompanied trivial regrets like this.
“…I’m going to burst my head from thinking.”
That’s why it was very meaningful in many ways that Kwon Jeonghoo personally taught and showed him sacrifice after he joined. Yeo Dowoon ended his unproductive worrying and rubbed his face.
Setting aside all sorts of conditions, he knew all too well that he wouldn’t become an outstanding person enough to be a role model for a much younger junior.
“Miners are all the same anyway.”
So he didn’t want to offer unlucky comfort and pioneer a relationship in a different direction than before. But a moment of remorse passed by, and his firm resolution seemed to waver.
Even while thinking he shouldn’t get caught up with that crazy bastard, shouldn’t get caught up… when he saw his dejected appearance, the past days inevitably poked their heads out.
Knock knock. Yeo Dowoon recited curses as if programmed at the sound of someone knocking on the door.
“Get lost, Yoon Minoh.”
Just as he was about to freeze the door entirely because it seemed like that big-bodied bastard might break down the door and barge in, a familiar voice mixed with a hollow laugh came from behind it.
Whirl. The doorknob turned.
“It’s me, you punk.”
Kwon Jeonghoo, changed into a comfortable t-shirt, was standing crookedly at the doorway. After slowly looking around the room that was extremely gloomy because the lights weren’t on, he whistled briefly and asked.
“What were you doing with all the lights off?”
“…I was just lying down. Don’t have delusions.”
“What delusions did I have?”
Then he pressed the switch to turn on the bright light. When the room became dazzlingly bright, Yeo Dowoon squeezed his eyes shut. Various colored lights flickered beyond his dark vision.
“It hurts my eyes if you turn it on suddenly…!”
At Yeo Dowoon’s complaint, Kwon Jeonghoo, who had been standing far away, approached with long strides. Perhaps because he was wearing the slippers placed at the entrance, his footsteps were particularly soft.
The bed mattress sank deeply, and Kwon Jeonghoo closed the distance.
“Keep your eyes closed.”
A rough hand wrapped around his nape and pulled him close. Yeo Dowoon’s forehead bumped against a sturdy shoulder. Despite his rejection saying “move away,” Kwon Jeonghoo only pressed their lips together close enough to hear breathing.
But there was no further skinship. He asked quietly like a fading day.
“You were having useless thoughts, weren’t you?”
“……”
“You always have the lights off when you do that.”
Yeo Dowoon let out a pfft of laughter without even realizing it. He couldn’t help but envy Kwon Jeonghoo’s judgment.
How could he always find only the right answer?
He felt regretful that he probably couldn’t catch up to him even if he died and came back to life. The man named Kwon Jeonghoo possessed a mysterious power that couldn’t be explained by just experience or maturity.
“You can act pathetic, so try talking.”
“……”
“I’ll just listen without responding.”
Yeo Dowoon, who had been hesitating, murmured as if he’d given up, with a much more relaxed air.
“…I was just thinking, I’m glad.”
With that voice that made Kwon Jeonghoo conflicted beyond words.
“That I met Captain.”
With a voice filled with solid trust and steadfast respect.
“Otherwise, I would have just felt relieved watching people die.”
“……”
“Now I like the role of saving people.”
He also liked the role of reassuring them.
Yeo Dowoon pressed his moist eyelids firmly against Kwon Jeonghoo’s shoulder and confessed.
“Thank you, Captain. For teaching even someone like me to live like this.”
***
It was good to reconfirm the warmth between master and disciple, but after spending several dozen minutes embracing each other, it gradually became hot and embarrassment came along with it.
Kwon Jeonghoo, noticing Yeo Dowoon’s embarrassment, asked in the form of a joke.
“I didn’t know, but was today Teacher’s Day?”
After embracing him tightly enough for their chests to press together, he let go plainly. Yeo Dowoon cleared his throat awkwardly as he spoke. It was a small habit that came out whenever he felt shy.
“Let’s say it was Parents’ Day. If you want, Captain, you can be my dad.”
His nape was burning. He tried pressing it with his palm to cool it down, but it only added to the heat, making it worse. Kwon Jeonghoo slowly swept his gaze down over Yeo Dowoon, who was still wearing the same clothes he came in with, with a deep stare.
“Son… should daddy help you change clothes too?”
When he even grabbed his waist on top of that, Yeo Dowoon screamed in alarm.
“Are you crazy? I’ve never even had parents!”
“Isn’t that why you’re asking me to do it?”
But Kwon Jeonghoo was still shameless. “You can call me daddy if you want.” When he whispered greasily, Yeo Dowoon struggled, wondering if this man had really lost his screws.
Kwon Jeonghoo laughed heartily and rolled around the bed with Yeo Dowoon. The thick blanket got crushed beneath them. The blanket dried in the sunlight gave off a cozy yet sweet fragrance.
“I taught you because you’re that kind of person.”
Kwon Jeonghoo, who had mounted Yeo Dowoon and trapped his face between his arms, affirmed in a tone still tinged with laughter. It wasn’t with the intention of giving comfort.
It was cliché, but it could be seen as courtship that missed its timing.
“Because it’s you.”
There were certainly times when he felt like he would go mad because he wasn’t even sure of his own feelings. Didn’t he even get psychiatric counseling wondering if it was empty nest syndrome?
When he stood in front of the ownerless room where Yeo Dowoon had stayed in his cold, empty officetel, he desperately wanted to see that child’s face. That clear face that would scratch his messy bed hair saying “You’re here?”
“Do you only feel grateful?”
Kwon Jeonghoo felt both sadness and disappointment every time. It was hard to accept, but he felt quite regretful that Yeo Dowoon had left his embrace. He wished he could close the separated distance again.
