“Cut! Let’s go one more time.”
Already the fifth time. Director Na was looking at the monitor with very dissatisfied eyes, and Haesung let out a deep sigh and pressed down hard on his head.
Dohyeong, who had been standing across from him, looked back and forth between the two of them as if something was strange.
It wasn’t the usual Haesung.
He was far from his old self, who would immerse himself in his role to construct and build up his unique world.
As if sensing Dohyeong’s feelings, Haesung raised his head and met his gaze.
“I’m fine.”
And he silently conveyed his feelings.
“It’s nothing, so please don’t worry too much.”
He clearly thought so, but Dohyeong absolutely couldn’t fully accept his words.
Other people would all think he was ‘fine.’
‘…No, this person. He’s different from usual.’
Because at least to Dohyeong, it didn’t look that way.
But even if Haesung really wasn’t fine, there was nothing he could do right now.
Because he didn’t know how to make him truly fine, as the words suggested. Haesung had never once reached out his hand to Dohyeong.
When he was suffering, when it was hard, even in those moments when he was handling a schedule so packed he couldn’t even breathe.
‘It’s not something for you to worry about.’
He always waved his hand dismissively saying that. Then he’d go into his room.
That’s why he tried to agree with his words. Yeah, if he says he’s fine, then he must really be fine.
But that was the extremely personal thought of the person named Kim Dohyeong. If he stepped in as actor Kim Dohyeong, the story would be different.
“I’m worried.”
Right, because right now he was Kim Dohyeong filming *Glass Holding Stars*.
“……”
It wasn’t strange that Haesung was looking at him with surprised eyes.
“If sunbae-nim can’t focus on acting, this drama won’t be able to sail smoothly to the end.”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean exactly what I said. You’re the protagonist of this drama.”
There seemed to be some regret for a moment, but Haesung quickly returned to his original poker face.
Dohyeong let out a short sigh.
“At least tell me why. If you don’t like my acting, or if the emotional line seems off—”
“No.”
Cutting off his words meant that it wasn’t the reason he had mentioned.
Then there must be another reason. He stared intently at Haesung, but he couldn’t quite read his heart.
“There’s no problem with Kim Dohyeong-ssi’s acting, and I don’t dislike it, so just stop worrying about it. It’s a problem I can solve on my own. And I have to.”
For a moment, Dohyeong felt an emotion that had been buried for a long time.
The sensation of all the sounds in the world disappearing and only him being left alone. Everything was moving away from him. Just like drawing a line saying this was a place he couldn’t come.
But he quickly returned to reality. Taking in the noisy voices and busy movements of the staff with his eyes and ears, he took a deep breath.
“Then help me so I can do that.”
At Dohyeong’s continued words, Haesung narrowed his brows as if a little flustered.
“I’ll stop worrying, so help me so I can stop worrying.”
Was he always this good at speaking? No, this was his original personality.
He had spent a long time by his side unable to straighten his shoulders, so he thought that was natural too.
Dohyeong passed by Haesung’s side. Since it was a scene where Yujin came looking for Yehyun, he was clearly returning to the lab.
But why was this?
“Kim Dohyeong-ssi.”
He stopped him. Because those steps passing by him didn’t feel like they were just for acting. He wanted to tell him not to move away.
No. He wanted to say something ridiculous like, couldn’t you stay by my side a little longer.
“Yes?”
The expression he wore when turning around was very different from the old days.
He didn’t look sad, nor did he show a desperate expression as if desperately ignoring the end with him.
“…Thanks for worrying.”
Was that why? He ended up spitting out a completely different story.
Words that didn’t fit the current conversation, and weren’t what he himself wanted to say either. Those words.
Soon Dohyeong smiled brightly. At the brief response of “not at all,” his throat unknowingly became sore.
Why was this happening? The question toward himself wandered more and more, unable to find its way.
***
He was barely holding on.
Of course, it wasn’t getting better. The number of NGs had decreased, but Haesung still couldn’t get his bearings.
“Do you have something going on?”
On the way to the filming site. Even at Seonghyeok’s pressing voice, Haesung couldn’t say anything.
Normally, he would have dismissed it by retorting that he’d handle it well on his own.
“……”
Today he remained consistently silent.
“It’s chaos lately. Isn’t Jung Haesung in an acting slump, isn’t he being pushed back by his ex-husband Kim Dohyeong. Do you know how much talk there is? At the filming site.”
“…I know.”
“You know, so why are you doing this? Is it something difficult to tell hyung?”
At Seonghyeok’s seemingly admonishing words, Kyungsu, another manager who was driving, smiled awkwardly.
“Ey, Manager. It hasn’t been long since Haesung hyung returned.”
“Hey, Kyungsu. Is he just any actor? He’s a guy who never took off the title of acting genius for a single moment. But for him to—”
“Ey, this is the first time he’s had a break this long. So maybe he hasn’t adjusted yet.”
“This kid still doesn’t know. Hey, man. Do you know what a monster Haesung is?”
He hated the words going back and forth. When they didn’t know even this much of his heart right now. When they didn’t even know what scenes were tormenting his head every time he immersed himself in acting.
“My mind is complicated.”
So in the end, he threw it out honestly.
“There’s one scene I saw sometime that won’t leave my head.”
The words Seonghyeok had been continuing finally stopped. Kyungsu was also just glancing at him through the rearview mirror.
Was that why, he could speak a little more comfortably. Not that he planned to tell every detail of his circumstances.
The words that burst out with a deep sigh were his true feelings.
“So my mind keeps getting complicated.”
This must be why people make confessions like going to confession.
Once he actually said it out loud, he felt relieved. For Haesung, who had never properly unburdened himself until now, this moment’s experience felt very special.
“That’s really not like Jung Haesung.”
But it didn’t seem that way to Seonghyeok.
“If you’re an actor, you should focus on your role without being shaken by anything. That’s what you always said. To Dohyeong too… you said it pretty often.”
Right, that’s true.
Again he realizes his wrongdoings like this. And by someone else at that.
When was it. It was what he said to Dohyeong, who had relaxed right after announcing their marriage and made several NGs.
So snap out of it. That to become a true actor, you must immerse yourself and concentrate on the given role without being shaken by anything.
How ridiculous. To become someone who can’t even keep his own words.
“I don’t know why you’re doing this, but let’s snap out of it. Jung Haesung-ssi. The CEO’s worry is no small matter these days. You didn’t know, did you?”
“…How would I know.”
“This bastard, really.”
“Hyung, hyung! I’m driving. Driving!”
If Kyungsu hadn’t stopped him, he might have somehow climbed over from the passenger seat to the back and hit his back.
But rather, hoping he would do so was also Haesung’s true feeling.
He hoped someone would hit his back hard. So that even by doing that, he could return to his right mind. So he could regain the original Jung Haesung’s appearance.
That was Haesung’s hidden desperate wish.
The filming site they arrived at after going through various ups and downs. Haesung thought it might have been better if he’d had a burning fever today and collapsed in bed.
“Hello, sunbae-nim.”
Standing in front of him was the person he didn’t want to face if possible. It was Yuchan.
Of course, even if he didn’t want to face him if possible, as long as they were filming the same drama, it was difficult.
“Yes. Hello.”
He responded indifferently and turned his head. As soon as he sat in the chair the staff had prepared, Yuchan sat next to him.
“This is the first time filming alone with sunbae-nim.”
Haesung, who hadn’t given any answer, snorted briefly and stared at the script.
Today was the scene where Yujin and Onyoung first establish an emotional confrontation. Onyoung who couldn’t understand Yujin excessively protecting Yehyun, and Yujin’s conflict in trying to stop Onyoung who approached Yehyun with such a light heart.
They had to raise one question here. That was the writer’s intention.
Why does Yujin overprotect Yehyun so much?
Of course, the past would always remain at the bottom of it. The fact that Yehyun was hurt because of him. And the heart of Hyea, his lover who cherishes Yehyun very much.
The emotions arising from that would have made him overprotective of Yehyun.
Was it a heart just like his own right now? Or was he overthinking it even though it was a completely different heart?
“Sunbae-nim.”
Then, Yuchan’s call was heard.
“They say we’re ready.”
At the sight of him already standing up and taking off his coat, Haesung also stood up from his seat without a word.
When he handed the blanket to the stylist approaching his side, Yuchan held out his hand to Haesung.
“For our first shoot, I’m counting on you.”
Haesung looked down at Yuchan’s hand for quite a while.
Should he shake this hand or not? It was also the first time having such worries about someone he met for work.
If he thought of him as a junior who was surging forward, he should shake it.
But thinking of Dohyeong, it wouldn’t be strange not to want to shake it.
After much deliberation, Haesung shook Yuchan’s hand.
“I’m counting on you too. Choi Yuchan-ssi, I heard rumors that you act well. Let’s see if you’re more than expected.”
“Of course. My goal was you, sunbae-nim.”
Haesung knew better that those were barbed words.
Because he felt keenly that the goal wasn’t just acting.
“Watch me. I will definitely become someone who surpasses the name Jung Haesung.”
Was it his imagination that it sounded like a declaration of war?
Haesung barely pulled up his lips and smiled.
To others, it had to look like a great senior encouraging and leading his junior.
That was the image Jung Haesung had built, and it was the appearance he would have to construct going forward.
“Let’s do that. I hope Choi Yuchan-ssi follows behind me too. Please…”
But hostility that rises up can never be suppressed.
He couldn’t help being wary of him to an extent even he didn’t understand, and thinking it couldn’t be helped, he put strength into their clasped hands.
The words that followed were surely Jung Haesung’s true feelings that he didn’t reveal well.
“I hope you follow well without tripping over a stone or getting lost down a side path. Choi Yuchan-ssi.”
