“Don’t get hurt. Inhan.”
That everything was a choice for Inhan’s sake might truly have been Yuho’s cowardly excuse. But Yuho still thought the best thing was not to drag Inhan into his selfish love.
“I’m the only one who needs to get hurt, so don’t become a mess too.”
– This is the end. Hyung.
Perhaps displeased with Yuho’s answer, Inhan’s voice was sunken low.
– You don’t have any other choice now, hyung.
Hearing Inhan’s words that were like a warning, Yuho felt suffocated. It was like his feet had fallen into a swamp he could never escape from.
– By the way, I’m already a complete mess and I have no intention of hurting because of you anymore, hyung.
With those words, the call ended. Like someone who had really fallen into a swamp, Yuho sat on the bed for a long time until Jueon came to his room and pulled him out.
* * *
It was the night two days later.
“Inhan. Are you sleeping in our room today?”
“Yeah. I have filming at dawn tomorrow.”
At Yeomin’s question, Inhan answered shamelessly. He hadn’t even gotten permission from Yuho, the actual owner of the bed.
“Don’t wake our Hyo hyung when you leave.”
“Why? I was planning to get Yuho hyung to see me off this time.”
“That’s a roommate’s privilege. Don’t even dream about it.”
Watching Inhan confidently enter the room, Yuho’s head spun. The “end” Inhan was talking about didn’t seem to be the end of their relationship. But whatever it was, it wasn’t interpreted in a good way.
“You’re all ready for bed, right?”
“Yeah.”
At Inhan’s question, Yuho obediently nodded. Inhan approached up to the bed and said to Yuho.
“How about going inside?”
“What? You didn’t get permission from Hyo hyung?”
At the strange current flowing between the two, Yeomin asked Inhan with suspicious eyes. Inhan answered Yeomin while keeping his gaze fixed on Yuho.
“Of course I got permission. Right, hyung?”
“…Yeah. I said it was okay.”
At Inhan’s look that seemed like something bad would happen if he said no, Yuho had no choice but to answer obediently. And he quickly lay down inside the bed. Before Inhan could even lie down, Yuho pressed himself close to the wall, widening the distance from Inhan. Inhan was watching that action with a displeased expression. But with Yeomin here, nothing should happen. Yuho felt relieved, but things in the world didn’t always go according to Yuho’s thoughts.
“Yeo, Yeomin. Where are you going?”
At Yeomin’s action of suddenly heading toward the door, Yuho sat up and asked urgently. Yeomin answered Yuho, puzzled.
“To the bathroom. Why? Should I bring you something?”
“No. Just, be careful coming back. The living room might be dark, so take your phone.”
“As expected of our Yuho hyung. Got it.”
At Yuho’s words, Yeomin waved the phone in his hand and left through the door.
After Yeomin left, silence settled in the room. Yuho held his breath without moving, then only rolled his eyes to look toward Inhan. And his eyes met with Inhan who had been looking at him. Huk. It was just like a horror movie.
“I make you uncomfortable?”
“Th-that can’t be.”
“Be uncomfortable. It’s not like I can do anything about your feelings.”
Saying that, Inhan placed one knee on the bed and bent down. And he reached out his hand and pulled Yuho’s wrist with strong force. Yuho’s upper body was dragged toward Inhan, and his palm ended up pressed against the bed. Inhan warned in a low voice while facing Yuho head-on.
“I’m not going to beg or plead with you anymore, hyung. So you make a proper choice you won’t regret. I’m planning to go all the way now, whatever ending we meet.”
The distance between them was close enough to feel each other’s breath. In that state where they could feel each other’s emotions in detail, Yuho was being scraped by Inhan’s words defenseless.
“Why are you being mean to me?”
In the end, Yuho couldn’t endure it and spat out resentful words toward Inhan.
“Is liking you something that deserves being tormented like this?”
Tears were brimming in Yuho’s eyes as he said that. Even with tears filling up as if they would spill at any moment, Inhan didn’t withdraw his cold gaze.
“You think I’m tormenting you, hyung?”
Rather, Inhan scolded Yuho. As if everything was Yuho’s fault, he poured out his resentment toward him as is.
“Hm? Tell me. Is being by my side still a torment for you, hyung?”
“Yes.”
“Why?”
“Because it’s not what you want.”
Eventually, tears poured from Yuho’s eyes. As if it were raining, his cheeks and chin tip became thoroughly wet.
“Right? You just want me to be a good hyung for you. You want me to be precious family and a friend. But I didn’t want to be that. I didn’t want to congratulate you on getting a girlfriend, and I didn’t want to know about you having things with actresses. Even if you get married later, I won’t be able to congratulate you sincerely. But how can I say that? When I know you’ll be disappointed like this, how can I tell you?”
Yuho said while wiping away the continuously flowing tears with the back of his hand. Inhan just watched that appearance without reacting.
“But why do you keep saying I’m bad? In the end, I can’t even run away and I’m caught by you every time and being swayed around like this. Why do you keep only saying bad things to me?”
“Have I ever been a good person to you, hyung?”
When Yuho looked at Inhan’s face again, tears were also brimming in Inhan’s eyes. Yuho faced head-on the grief and wounds Inhan had been holding.
“Has there ever been a moment when you were happy because of me?”
Inhan asked Yuho with a thoroughly distorted face. Perhaps Yuho had been most afraid of this kind of moment. He could endure being cursed at and yelled at, but he never wanted to see Inhan hurting from betrayal again.
“When I think about it, it really was like that. You kept being uncomfortable and pushed me away, but I didn’t know that. Without any sense, I was the only one overjoyed with happiness. You should have told me more firmly not to do that. You shouldn’t have made those moments that were precious to me into something fake.”
“So are you paying me back the same way now? By fake dating me?”
Yuho asked Inhan with a “surely not” feeling. Was it the intention to return what he received? Or was he trying to make him hate him so his love would stop?
For whatever reason, the ending they would reach was obvious. Neither of them could be happy.
“If I said I would, do you plan to agree?”
Even so, Inhan continued to try to go down a path he shouldn’t take.
“No.”
Yuho answered immediately. After how hard he’d worked to cut off this messily tangled relationship, he couldn’t make everything come to nothing now.
“I thought so.”
Saying that, Inhan smiled bitterly. Yuho found it hard to understand the meaning of the tears finally flowing down Inhan’s cheeks.
“Hyung.”
Inhan called Yuho in a low voice. And continued with questions whose intention he couldn’t understand.
“Do you really love me?”
What could change even if he answered yes here? Looking at Inhan who still doubted his love, Yuho realized his situation once more. It felt like even the hope he’d briefly had was slammed to the ground.
“No.”
So Yuho tried to stop this damn love.
At Yuho’s firm answer, Inhan squeezed his eyes shut. At that face that looked despairing, Yuho poured out harsh words once more.
“I don’t love you.”
It was like words of resolution.
“I don’t love you anymore.”
“Don’t lie.”
Inhan flatly denied Yuho’s words. Then he surprised Yuho with an unexpected statement.
“You’ve never loved me even once, hyung. You’re lying to get away from me.”
It was the moment when all the efforts Yuho had made until now became bubbles.
“What you kept being jealous of wasn’t my girlfriend, it was me. You just find me terrible and hate me. Isn’t that right?”
“…What?”
“You said I’m annoying for only doing what I want and living. That I’m bothersome and you hate me touching you. That you’re tired of living as my sidekick so please get out of your life… You said that with your own mouth, hyung. Did you already forget?”
All the words enumerated through Inhan’s mouth sharply stabbed Yuho.
Now Yuho realized why Inhan had forced him into this corner, even going as far as a fake romance.
Inhan was regarding Yuho’s confession as a lie. He believed it was just a means to hurt him. The reason was simple. Because Yuho had made it that way.
“You confirmed it like that with your actions every moment too. But now love? No wait. You just said it’s not that either. But I almost got swayed being fooled by those words again. That you really love me, hyung… I almost believed it for a moment. Like an idiot.”
It was like an ending of the boy who cried wolf. The lies Yuho had spat out to push Inhan away had eventually distorted even Yuho’s sincerity.
“If you were going to deceive me anyway, you shouldn’t have shown you disliked it. You should have pretended to love me at least once.”
At Inhan’s resentful words delivered with sad tears, Yuho was at a loss for words.
When he thought about it, he wondered if he’d really loved him. Whether he’d ever sincerely wished for his happiness, even he himself had doubts.
“I said I’d ruin myself, but you didn’t like that either? Were you worried it might affect you, hyung? Tell me. Hyung. It’s time to be a bit honest now.”
“…Yeah. You’re right.”
So Yuho decided to choose escape once more.
