His mother was an actress who had retired long ago with marriage, and she still maintained a beauty that made her age seem meaningless. People who remembered her were always very surprised by the fact that her current appearance wasn’t much different from what it was on screen 20 years ago.
Hakyoung was the spitting image of his mother’s appearance. The glossy, voluminous hair texture, the smooth milky-white skin that radiated from within, and especially the beautiful, deep eyes that seemed full of stories beneath thick eyebrows. Anyone who saw the two standing together could easily guess that God had carefully sculpted each man and woman using the same materials.
“I’ll come home often.”
Seeing his mother who couldn’t withdraw her affectionate gaze, Hakyoung held her hand tightly once more.
Spending his adolescence in a foreign land, her son had developed his own stubbornness. His mother, who let out a deep sigh, soon left to tour the school facilities with her secretary.
Hakyoung, left alone to organize his room, sat on the edge of the bed that had only a mattress.
Soon he would meet his childhood memories.
Every time that thought occurred, his heart irregularly raced and then settled down repeatedly.
Hakyoung calmly steadied his breathing while picturing what the current Yumyeong might look like. Yumyeong didn’t do things like SNS at all, so it was difficult to find recent photos. Whenever he became too curious about how he’d grown, he would search social networks, and all he could barely find were glimpses of him tucked into photos posted by kids who had attended the same middle school as Yumyeong.
A white face in group photos that seemed to glare at the camera with a blank expression.
Even though it was blurred out of focus to the point of being unrecognizable, only those vivid eyes were impressive.
Hakyoung still secretly saved that photo on his laptop.
If asked whether his feelings were exactly the same as in childhood, he couldn’t be certain. He wasn’t a fool either, so he knew that the texture of emotions gradually changed as one aged. Moreover, he had never seriously thought about carrying on a same-sex relationship.
Of course, if Yumyeong wanted it, he would seriously consider it.
“Yeong-ah, let’s get married. When we become adults, let’s always be together.”
A smile gently bloomed on Hakyoung’s lips as he unconsciously recalled the childhood promise.
Only one thing was certain.
Right now, he couldn’t hide his excitement in anticipation of reuniting with Shin Yumyeong.
The reason he insisted on finishing his studies in Korea, and the reason he specifically chose this school among many candidates, was all because of Yumyeong. Being able to decorate his last school years with his favorite childhood friend felt like the greatest gift of his teenage years to Hakyoung.
He was very curious about what the current Yumyeong thought about and what worries he lived with.
Yumyeong might be dreaming of becoming a scientist. Or perhaps an astronaut. Not many people nurture their childhood dreams as they are, but somehow it seemed possible if it was Yumyeong.
From childhood, Yumyeong knew how to explain all kinds of scientific facts romantically. Stories like breathing to store memories as olfactory information, or that the universe was beige in color, were still Hakyoung’s favorite stories from childhood until now.
[Yeong-ah, you said you like space.
I saw on the news yesterday that actually space is latte-colored.
The night sky we see is pitch black, but if you actually look down at space from above, galaxies, stars, and gas clouds and such clump together to create a soft beige color.
It has many other names too. Clam chowder, cappuccino cosmos, Big Bang beige…
Anyway, they all sound delicious.
Looking at the names, space must definitely be the color of soft milk foam.
Should we become astronauts when we grow up and go see the sky?
They say to become an astronaut you have to study well and have good stamina too.
I think both of us can do it.
There’s just one problem. We need to figure out how high we have to go to see the beige-colored space.
I thought your eyes were like stars in the night sky.
Black and deep but sparkling with light.
Since space is beige, now what resembles space are your cheeks.]
He wondered if Yumyeong still remembered those letters.
Would he dismiss the promises they made in the past as children’s playing house?
Or would he remember and be glad to see him…
Hakyoung unconsciously bit the inside of his lips.
In the worst case, he might just feel awkward and avoid him. So instead of getting too ahead of himself, he prioritized picturing realistic situations. Thinking about what form of friendship the two of them, having grown this much and meeting again, would build going forward.
Then, if they confirmed that the parts they liked about each other remained the same, perhaps their childhood feelings might naturally bloom again.
However, for now, he was only worried that the moment of their first reunion might be more awkward than expected. His tension was as high as his anticipation and excitement. Because of this, until this day came, he had simulated the reunion in various ways in his imagination.
Just then, a bell rang from outside the window. It was unusual that the bell ringing on the school grounds could be heard even from the dormitory a little distance away. In the quiet dormitory from which all the students had left, Hakyoung looked out the window. Wondering if there might be a familiar child among the uniformed friends running toward the main gate.
***
“You’re nervous, right? But all the kids in our class are nice. You’ll be able to adapt quickly.”
The homeroom teacher, who thought Hakyoung had lost his words due to nervousness, encouraged him right until they entered the classroom. However, right now he was only curious whether he could recognize Yumyeong at a glance. He couldn’t bear it, anticipating what Yumyeong would look like at eighteen years old.
The moment he took a step into the classroom like that, Hakyoung’s calm eyes swept through the entire classroom.
However, Yumyeong’s appearance didn’t immediately catch his eye.
They definitely said this class.
Hakyoung took in the students slowly several times over with a slightly anxious heart.
“I’ll introduce him to you. He’s a friend who’ll be in the same class as you from today.”
Could it be that guy?
Hakyoung scrutinized a male student with an indifferent expression with doubtful eyes. Jet black hair that seemed to bounce light, a white face with a clear outline of a smooth forehead and jawline stood out particularly. Especially sparkling eyes glanced at Hakyoung with a hint of laughter, then immediately passed by.
It was eye contact that lasted less than a few seconds, but the emotion Hakyoung felt in that moment was intense. He tingled from his scalp to his fingertips. He couldn’t even hear what the teacher was saying.
After barely finishing a brief self-introduction, he left for the hallway again following the teacher.
“I’ll just have you fill out a few documents and send you off. You can sit in that seat I showed you earlier.”
“Teacher, is there anyone absent from this class today?”
“Huh? No one.”
The homeroom teacher answered like that with a puzzled face.
Even after returning to the classroom and sitting in his seat, Hakyoung unconsciously turned around occasionally as if possessed. However, he never made eye contact again with the male student presumed to be Yumyeong.
Soon class began. In that quiet midst, Hakyoung was engulfed in tranquil chaos.
The child who had been very pretty and cute in childhood had indeed grown into outstanding looks. However, his impression had changed significantly from his round childhood, and the eyes that had been purely innocent now held indifference and sharpness. Especially the forearm muscles revealed under the shirt sleeves roughly rolled up to expose his arms were so distinct it felt alien.
Yumyeong had even grown tall.
…Even more than expected…
Even through middle school he hadn’t looked this big, so what on earth had happened in the two years since entering high school?
Of course, appearance wasn’t everything. Still, seeing Yumyeong who had such a huge gap from his childhood appearance, Hakyoung felt confused. He had clearly recognized that the person he liked and desperately wanted to meet again was a boy, but actually witnessing the masculinity of that physique before his eyes left him a bit dazed.
A realization also came of how much of a false fantasy he had been nurturing.
In the midst of all this, what bothered him was that Yumyeong was persistently pretending not to know him. Hakyoung tried to understand even that. Since he himself felt this way, it was natural for him to feel burdened. Right now, he himself had grown even bigger than Yumyeong. To think that they had smooched and promised marriage in childhood with a same-sex friend as tall as a house… he could understand pretending not to know even out of embarrassment.
Hakyoung tried to embrace even the embarrassment that such a Yumyeong would feel.
But lo and behold, as if to show off, Yumyeong was confessing to some girl from the very first day of their reunion.
“Then you’re asking to date even though you don’t like me?”
The moment he followed Yumyeong and witnessed that scene, a shock like striking an iron bell rushed through Hakyoung’s head. He couldn’t believe the sight of him confessing to, no, begging for a relationship with another female student as if the past connection they’d met again didn’t matter at all.
What on earth had he expected from Shin Yumyeong?
One thing was certain: the disappointment was bone-achingly painful in proportion to how great his expectations had been. Hakyoung, famous for always being calm, was at that time engulfed in a whirlpool of disappointment he’d never felt in his entire life. Anger surged up to the point where he couldn’t control his emotions, then his blood ran cold at the thought that only he had been serious.
He almost cried at how miserable he felt, lost in his own delusion.
