Would my father really go that far? If he did, not only would my reputation be destroyed — I would never be able to set foot in social circles again. That is, if I still had any shame left in me. Even so, I could hardly believe he would do it. It was no different from burying his own child socially.
I should have pressed hyung for more details. At the time, the blow had been too great and I hadn’t been able to say a word.
So I had been here alone, filling in the outline of my worst imaginings — when the butler came to tell me that Bert hyung had arrived at the house. He had come to discuss something with my father.
Hearing that, I couldn’t contain my curiosity. I opened my bedroom door and stepped outside. Coming down to the first floor, I found no one in the hallway — the two of them seemed to be inside the study. I looked around cautiously to make sure no one was watching, then crept toward my father’s study.
Before long, voices reached me.
“What do you intend to do with Rowell?”
That was Bert hyung’s voice. He happened to be speaking about me, and I flinched, pressing close to listen.
“Well, as I said — after the ceremony, I’ll submit the notice of ineligibility for succession and transfer the rights to you. I’ve already thought through the grounds, so you needn’t worry yourself over it.”
“And after that?”
“Hmm — keeping him in the house would be embarrassing, so I was thinking of sending him somewhere far off under the pretense of convalescence. Why — do you find yourself concerned about him, having known him so long?”
Standing there listening, I felt my clenched fist begin to shake. I had known I meant nothing to my father. But even so — I was his child. He hadn’t given a single thought to what would become of my life. It seemed he didn’t even see me as a person. He was speaking of me as casually as one might speak of moving an object from one place to another.
My worst-case imaginings had come true to the letter, and I felt despair settling into my bones.
Then came the words that shoved me further into the pit.
“No.”
Bert hyung’s flat, dry voice. He answered my father’s question without a moment’s hesitation, without a trace of wavering.
Even if hyung couldn’t feel emotions — we had been close. And yet he was going along with a conversation like this, treating me as though I were less than a stranger.
“Right, think of him as someone who doesn’t exist. Makes the whole thing easier to move forward. The more I think about it, the more I regret that remarriage. I should have devoted myself entirely to my one daughter — I only made trouble for myself by stirring things up…”
As my father continued on, uninvited, to speak ill of his second wife, I took a step back. The despair was complete.
I drifted up the stairs, hollow, and returned to my room. But I couldn’t bring myself to cut off my attention entirely — I stopped just short of closing the door and left it slightly ajar.
I sat on the bed in a daze, staring at nothing.
I had believed I was someone special to Bert hyung. After all, I was the only one who could claim to be close to him. I had loved seeing the things hyung did only for me grow more and more over time. I loved being his exception. That was how I had fallen so deeply for Bert hyung.
Even if hyung couldn’t feel emotions, I thought he at least had loyalty.
I thought he would show me at least a basic measure of decency. In all the years we had known each other, he had never treated me so carelessly. More than that, in his own way, hyung had always looked out for me fairly well.
And yet — I hadn’t imagined he would go along so easily with something that would ruin my life. What was that smile when he held out the ring to me? Had it been an act?
How could he do this?
“Are you leaving now?”
While I sat there in a daze, a sound drifted up from the first floor through the gap in the door. It was the butler’s voice. He continued,
“Young master Rowell has been unwell for two days now — if you were to look in on him, I’m sure it would cheer him up.”
It seemed the butler was speaking to Bert hyung. I held my breath and listened for what hyung would say in reply.
A single, brief response came.
“That’s alright.”
After that, nothing more. He seemed to have taken his leave shortly after — and silence followed for a long while.
Hyung had always been like that. He considered visiting the sick unnecessary. A visit, after all, doesn’t suddenly cure the patient.
But the very same thing that had always been the same — in this moment, it landed so much more painfully.
It felt like a death sentence.
A verdict that the bond I had believed in all this time — was over.
“You’ll be entering the Academy soon, and once you graduate, you’ll be an adult. I don’t think this mother of yours will be much needed by you anymore.”
“Mother… why would you say something like that?”
“Rowell, there is something I must tell you before the end — please listen carefully.”
I had just turned fifteen and was about to enter the Academy for the first time. My mother held me still and spoke to me with a solemn expression.
She said that a special magic had been passed down through her family line. She called it Bloodline Magic.
The name of the magic was Raptor Corpus — a magic that allowed one to enter another person’s body and live within it.
She had told me because she herself intended to use it.
“When the life you were born into becomes too heavy or too wearying and you don’t know what to do — remember this. We can live a second life.”
As she said those words, her eyes held the most brilliant light I had ever seen in them.
“I’m not leaving you, my love. This mother of yours will always be watching over you. Do you understand? I love you, Rowell.”
She pulled me into a tight embrace one last time — and was gone before I could even fully process what she had said. Not a single thing about it hadn’t been sudden. At the time, it was very difficult for me to understand her choice.
“Bert hyung… my mother…”
But after I went to find Bert hyung and cried my heart out, I had calmed down somewhat. And I decided to respect my mother’s choice.
Even from where I stood, my mother’s life had been a wretched one. She had always gazed up at the window like a bird that longed for the sky but could not fly. That was the image that came to me first whenever I thought of her.
The fact that she had left me did not mean she didn’t love me. I, more than anyone, knew how great the love she had given me was. And so even though the parting made me sad, I decided to cheer her on.
And now, time has passed — and I find myself turning her words over in my mind.
“You only get one chance, so you must think carefully.”
“Mother, I find myself wondering about that too, now.”
My conversations with her had been coming back to me again and again lately.
On a surge of frustration, I had begun to think — maybe I should just throw everything away and leave. Though that, too, would not be easy.
The first thing I considered was calling off the wedding. But stopping something that had already received His Majesty the Emperor’s approval, with a date set — that was no simple matter to undo alone. It would be impossible without a truly unavoidable reason.
What lay before me might well qualify as an unavoidable reason — but whether I could prove it safely, I didn’t know. I would certainly end up at odds with my father, and the situation would only spiral. How much would he reprimand and humiliate me in the process?
Just thinking about it already made my head ache, and the will to begin any of it drained away before I could even start.
Everything felt sealed off in every direction. Utterly hopeless.
Even so, there were things that still needed doing — and so I got myself ready to go out.
I had opened a free art class near the square when I was nineteen, after finishing my degree at the Academy. I held classes on weekdays for young people. It was something I had now been doing for four years. Today was a weekday with a class, and so I left the house.
“Is something the matter, Sir Rowell?”
I had been moving my brush in a half-daze, not quite present, when one of my students — the knight Edgar — spoke up.
My students were usually people who had never learned art before, and they came from all walks of life. I had first met Sir Edgar two years ago; back then, he had been in a very dark place.
He had been hovering around the classroom, and I was the one who spoke to him first. He told me that an injury had kept him from going off to battle, and he had been at a loss, drifting without direction.
So I suggested he come and learn art here. Sir Edgar became my student that very day, and he had kept his place ever since.
Over time, Sir Edgar had brightened considerably. He and I had grown quite easy with each other. I think it was fair to say we had become something of friends.
I had been weighed down with worry — turning over in my mind how I might possibly call off the wedding and leave this place. It seemed it had shown on my face.
I tried to brush it off with an awkward smile.
“No, it’s nothing.”
“Nothing? You look deeply troubled. How about we have a meal together after class?”
“Hmm…”
I continued dabbing paint onto the canvas, my thoughts adrift, not really knowing what I was even painting anymore — then nodded.
Thinking alone was liable to make me lose all objectivity. It might not be a bad idea to seek out advice from someone I could trust.
Sir Edgar smiled, looking pleased.
“Wonderful. I’ve finally managed to get some of Sir Rowell’s time.”
Sir Edgar had always been trying to treat me to something, saying he wanted to express his gratitude. I had declined every time — but here we were.
That day, after the art class ended and the two of us finished tidying up together, we headed outside.
“I’d prefer somewhere without many people, if possible…”
I said it half to myself, thinking aloud about where to eat, and Sir Edgar answered without missing a beat.
“Then why not come to my place? I’m no exceptional cook, but I’m decent enough to put a proper meal on the table.”
