Beneath the cutesy tone, Gyujin could feel the obsession packed tightly underneath. He reached up and casually ruffled Kwon Dajung’s hair.
“Oh, Dajung’s here?”
Like stroking a dog he kept as a pet — the unrestrained gesture only made Kwon Dajung smile. This was, well, a habit. What could he do when looking at Kwon Dajung made him naturally want to reach out and touch him?
I really am something else.
He’d told him they should break up, and here he was acting like this — he knew better, in his head. He’d been actively trying to keep his distance from Kwon Dajung, and yet it stubbornly refused to be easy. Five years of being inseparable, practically fused at the hip — how could anyone be expected to live like strangers overnight?
A bitter smile spread across Gyujin’s lips. How had his life gotten this hardcore? Just a few days ago he was still more or less on the normal end of things…
“No field work today, right?”
Kwon Dajung, who had already settled into the seat beside him, asked in his most endearing tone. Gyujin answered absently.
“None. Won’t be any for a while.”
Field work, desk work, overtime — he’d rearranged his entire schedule, so things would be quiet for the time being. He’d also asked another guide to take over Team 1’s guiding duties.
Ever since Center Director Yoon Palsik had heard the news about Gyujin’s pregnancy, he’d been looking after him more attentively than a doting father. Beyond rescheduling his workload, Palsik was sending over food and supplements that were good for expecting mothers — out of his own pocket, practically every single day.
The funny thing was that on the other hand, he was pressuring Gyujin to terminate the pregnancy as soon as possible. If it weren’t for the fact that the situation was so unusual that surgery wasn’t immediately feasible, Gyujin might have been marched straight to a hospital room by Palsik’s own hand. On this matter, Yoon Palsik was that resolute.
Gyujin understood where he was coming from. Not out of any inflated self-importance, but Gyujin was genuinely irreplaceable at the Guide Center. He was the one and only guide managing the four Espers of Special Operations Team 1 — a unit widely regarded as a collection of the most “bottom-of-the-barrel” cases — so it was, in a way, only natural that Palsik couldn’t let him go. And if Gyujin risked everything to give birth and something went wrong? That would be a loss for all of humanity — that was Yoon Palsik’s position.
Mixed in with those worries of Palsik’s were concerns about the baby’s father as well. The first thing he’d said after coming to after fainting at the hospital had been exactly that.
‘What are you going to do if the baby takes after its father, you!’
What would he do? If it took after its father, it would be born pretty. Gyujin had thought that in a daze at the time — he must have been in shock from the news himself.
The father was obviously Kwon Dajung, and if it took after Kwon Dajung, the looks alone would be exceptional. Kwon Dajung was, to put it plainly, drop-dead gorgeous.
The established academic consensus was that when God was molding him, He had poured every last ounce of effort and devotion into the exterior — and then, thoroughly exhausted, had thrown the interior together in the most disastrous way imaginable. Gyujin agreed wholeheartedly. So if the child took after Kwon Dajung, the face would certainly be beautiful — and the personality… well, the personality would have to be shaped through upbringing. What other choice was there?
He’d already done it once, so it didn’t feel impossibly daunting. Gyujin had been with Kwon Dajung for a full five years, from the time he first entered the Center at nineteen until now. Thinking about repeating all of that was a little overwhelming, but he had learned from experience that with enough effort, it could be done. So there was no need to panic prematurely.
Underlying that resolve was a heart that had begun to lean toward keeping the child. Yoon Palsik was firmly opposed, and the attending physician had also advised that it would be better not to go through with it — and above all, Kwon Dajung, the baby’s father, had never once wanted children. And yet…
‘But if it’s born, it’ll be my family.’
They say there’s no bond tighter than the one between parent and child. Isn’t that what people always say — that the happiness a child brings is unlike anything else? Gyujin had lost his parents when he was young and had been on his own ever since. Maybe that was why he clung to the idea of family so fiercely. No — it was certainly that reason.
After becoming a Guide, after meeting Kwon Dajung, he had resigned himself to the thought that a child was simply not in the cards for him. And now, like a miracle, one had arrived. How could he so easily let that go?
That was also why he had brought up breaking up with Kwon Dajung, even knowing the reaction wouldn’t be good. Partly because he couldn’t guide for the time being — but also because if he was going to have the baby, stepping back from everything was the right thing to do. With all of that factored in, Gyujin had been trying to quietly sort things out on his own.
“Hyung, I’ve had this pain right here since this morning.”
Kwon Dajung whined and pointed to his chest. Gyujin snapped out of his thoughts and looked him over.
“Where?”
“Right here. And I feel like it might get better if hyung guided me…”
He murmured slyly, slipping his fingers between Gyujin’s. It was obviously an excuse — Gyujin knew full well this was a request for physical contact disguised as needing to be guided.
Under normal circumstances, Gyujin would have caved to that charm and gone ahead with the guiding — but not today, at least. The warning the doctor had delivered like a curse was still echoing around in his head.
‘Guiding is strictly off-limits until twelve weeks. Given that this is suspected to be a side effect of guiding addiction, it could be extremely dangerous — both for the fetus and for yourself. Especially for the birth-giver — or, well, what do I even call you, the birth-parent… anyway. Regardless, it’s not good.’
His own body was one thing, but if it was dangerous for the baby — what could he do? No guiding until twelve weeks. That was that.
Gyujin stood from his seat and picked up his glass. He quickly averted his gaze from Kwon Dajung, who was staring at him with wide, rounded eyes.
“Go to the Guide Center and ask one of the guides who’s free.”
That’s my cue to leave. Driven entirely by the need to escape before Kwon Dajung could say another word, he strode off at nearly a run. He set his cup on the return counter and pushed open the café door — and at that very moment, a familiar warmth pressed in from behind.
“Hyung, did I do something wrong?”
The arms that wrapped around his waist yanked his body sharply backward. Kwon Dajung locked his arms tight around him, making sure there was no chance of escape. Gyujin turned his head in surprise. He could read it instantly from the expression alone.
He is pissed.
Those cold eyes fixed on Gyujin with a terrifying intensity. He’d been like this in the morning too, but back then he’d at least kept up the pretense of being composed — right now, Kwon Dajung was teetering right on the edge of something feral. One rejected guiding session and it had come to this — how was Gyujin supposed to manage going forward?
“Are you angry with me? Is that what this is? You hate my guts so much that you’re saying that bullshit about quitting, and now you’re turning down guiding too?”
“Bullshit…”
“Then what the hell is it. Why are you being such an ass about everything, hyuung.”
He says it like a threat and then tacks on that little lilt at the end — does he think that makes it sweet? Gyujin let out a tired sigh. He patted the back of Dajung’s hands where they were locked around his waist.
“It’s not like that, so let go for a second.”
“No. If I let go you’re going to run. Like I wouldn’t know.”
He made a point of squeezing even tighter. Gyujin’s breath caught instantly. He waved his hand urgently.
“Hey, wait — you’re pressing on my stomach, just a second—”
Of all things, he had to wrap his arms around his stomach. It wasn’t like the baby would dislodge from something like this, but still — you never knew.
“My body hurts, my heart hurts, my mind hurts — it’s all because of you, hyung. There’s not a single part of me that doesn’t. My mental state is in shreds and I’m not going to be able to go to work like this. How am I supposed to function? If I go off the rails, that’s on you. Which means you’d be going to prison too.”
“Stop talking about prison and let go first.”
He let Kwon Dajung’s raving go in one ear and out the other and focused entirely on peeling him off. Kwon Dajung was clearly full of resentment, but when Gyujin told him to stop he did listen — Gyujin swallowed a sigh as he looked at him.
Kwon Dajung stood his ground beside him, making it abundantly clear he had no intention of backing down, and raised an eyebrow as if to say — go on then, say what you have to say. After a long, wordless exchange of looks, Gyujin surrendered.
“…Fine. I’ll guide you, alright? Let’s go to the guiding room.”
The doctor had warned him not to. He’d been cautioned it was dangerous for the baby and not good for himself either — but surely once wouldn’t cause any serious harm. And more than anything, with Kwon Dajung clinging to him like this, it was hard to keep saying no.
This was exactly why he’d wanted to resign. With Kwon Dajung right there beside him, it was all too easy to see the future where he’d be dragged along indefinitely. Gyujin simply could not win against Kwon Dajung.
Walking ahead, Gyujin rubbed at his forehead. If there are going to be side effects, I hope they come to me and not the baby. Was this something he’d have to leave to chance too?
Unlike his own gloomy mood, Kwon Dajung looked purely, effortlessly happy. He draped his arm over Gyujin’s shoulder, and smiled brilliantly — as though the threats of moments ago had never happened. Even that wildly swinging reaction at the slightest bit of physical contact was something Gyujin had come to know well enough.
One floor up from the ground floor where the café was, and they were already at the guiding rooms. He scanned down the row of doors lining the hallway, found a vacant one, and pressed his hand to the fingerprint reader. The door clicked open, and a recorded announcement began to play.
— Guiding Room 211 is now open. Authorization code DS3844.
— Please observe guiding protocol. First, inappropriate physical contact is to be refrained from. Second, please cooperate fully with your guide’s instructions. Third, use of abilities inside the guiding room is prohibited. Fourth, all activity within the guiding room is recorded and monitored in real time, so…
“Sit.”
Gyujin jerked his chin toward the recliner placed at the center of the guiding room. He dragged a simple chair over beside it and called over to Kwon Dajung, who was still lingering at the entrance.
“Today’s going to be short, though.”
Kwon Dajung trotted over with a sheepish look on his face and promptly settled into the recliner. He pressed the button to tilt the backrest down, then held out his hand. Gyujin gave a small smile and took hold of Kwon Dajung’s wrist.
“Starting now.”
From here on out, it’s up to chance. Like feeling for a pulse, he focused on the heartbeat tapping steadily against the inside of Kwon Dajung’s wrist, and slowly lowered his gaze.
Twenty years of guiding — it was as natural to him now as breathing. An invisible energy flowed out through his hands. Kwon Dajung’s warmth, built up through five years of daily closeness, spread through their joined hands, and Gyujin’s energy traveled along the well-worn path he knew by heart.
And in the very next moment, Gyujin lost consciousness entirely.
