“Why would I do that? I love the members and I love performing on stage.”
Yuho tried to dodge the situation by redirecting the conversation. However, Taylor continued to look at him with suspicious eyes.
“Then why does it seem like your mind is somewhere else?”
“It’s just that I’m getting older now, and I’m worried about making a living in the future and all that.”
“Is it because of Inhan?”
At Taylor’s question, Yuho became anxious again. But he tried his best to act nonchalant as he spoke to Taylor.
“Because of Inhan? Why would I want to quit the group because of Inhan?”
“It’s not?”
“No. Of course not.”
At Yuho’s answer, Taylor showed a lukewarm reaction. And in a calm tone, he offered Yuho some advice.
“Just avoiding something unconditionally won’t solve the problem. Yuho.”
“What?”
At Taylor’s words, which somehow felt double-edged, Yuho felt confused. This is about the group, right? Even as he thought “no way,” he couldn’t help but feel suspicious.
“Just covering your eyes doesn’t make what happened unhappen, does it?”
Saying that, Taylor tilted his head toward the TV. When Yuho turned his eyes back to the TV screen, Inhan was lying on a bed with Eunseol, sharing an affectionate kiss. This time, Yuho couldn’t close his eyes.
Taylor had already left the sofa and was heading toward his room. Yuho urgently called out to him.
“Taeyoon-hyung.”
“Why?”
There were mountains of things he wanted to ask, but he couldn’t bring himself to say them out loud. He couldn’t reveal the secret he’d been hiding for five years based on another assumption. In the end, Yuho chose to keep his mouth shut.
“No. Just. Sleep well.”
“Okay. You too, Yuho.”
Taylor nodded roughly and went into his room. Left alone in the living room, Yuho mulled over Taylor’s words again and again.
In the end, he concluded it was an overreaction.
Inhan – [What are your viewing impressions today, Mr. Seon Yuho]
Yuho had just finished preparing for bed and entered his room when a message arrived from Inhan.
Yuho thought about what answer would be most appropriate, then recalled the most impactful scene from the drama and sent a reply.
Yuho – [You were quite the kiss master] [Is it okay for an idol’s kiss to be that sexy]
Inhan – [ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ] [Were you satisfied as a viewer]
Yuho – [I don’t know about as a viewer, but as a fellow member it was uncomfortable to watch]
Inhan – [Ah I see ㅋㅋㅋㅋ] [I’ll work harder]
Work harder at what. Yuho smirked as he flopped down on the bed. And he continued to maintain his best friend mindset as he typed his message.
Yuho – [So were you happy?]
Inhan – [I just thought of it as work]
Yuho – [Liar ㅋㅋㅋㅋ]
Inhan – [Kiss scenes, what’s the big deal, you just do it like you normally do ㅋㅋㅋㅋ]
Like you normally do? There was a strangely irritating phrase, but Yuho deliberately ignored it and moved his fingers again to type a message.
Yuho – [Jung Inhan’s work environment is something else] [As expected, you gotta be doing well to get this treatment]
Inhan – [What are you talking about] [Hyung, you’ll have a kiss scene in your web drama too]
Yuho – [ㅇㅇ Once]
Inhan – [It’s just lips touching, right?]
Yuho – [Well, I don’t know]
Inhan – [Only peck kisses] [Nothing more than that]
“Who does he think he is.”
Yuho blurted out loud and thought “oops.” Fortunately, Yeomin was out, and Yuho tapped the phone screen again with his thumb.
Yuho – [Who are you to say ㅋㅋㅋㅋ] [You did everything you wanted]
Inhan – [I think it’ll be uncomfortable for me too as a fellow member]
It wasn’t like he was expecting some grand reason, but Yuho didn’t like Inhan’s response. Even though he’d given the same answer as himself. In a fit of anger, Yuho moved his fingers rapidly and pressed the send button.
Yuho – [I don’t care, I’m going to do kiss scenes and bed scenes, everything] [If you don’t want to see it, don’t watch]
Should I have added ㅋㅋㅋ? He regretted it for a moment, but thought, whatever, screw it.
I really need to fix this habit of lashing out when I’m pissed. Yuho had a brief moment of self-reflection as he squirmed on the bed.
But why isn’t he replying? Yuho looked at his phone screen again. The “1” had disappeared but there was still no reply from Inhan.
Did he go into filming? Yuho was about to give up and put down his phone when it suddenly vibrated loudly.
Thinking messages were coming in succession, he looked and saw it was a call. Yuho answered the phone in surprise.
– Hyung?
Inhan’s voice was trembling. Yuho asked back in puzzlement.
“Why?”
– Oh. Never mind.
At Inhan’s words that followed as if in relief, Yuho thought “oops.” He thought he should have added ㅋㅋㅋ after all. Yuho acted nonchalant and asked Inhan.
“What? So suddenly?”
– No, I just…
Inhan hesitated. Then he changed his voice and said to Yuho.
– I wanted to hear hyung’s voice.
At Inhan’s affectionate words, Yuho felt a surge of sadness.
In truth, Yuho knew that their relationship wasn’t whole. Every time he saw Inhan watching his reactions like this, he felt like he was being confirmed in that fact and was about to collapse.
“Inhan.”
– Yeah?
Yuho struggled not to cry as he spoke to Inhan.
“Don’t watch my reactions. I hate when you watch my reactions.”
– Huh? I’ve never done that?
Inhan pretended not to know and redirected the conversation. It was an attempt to avoid the situation becoming serious. Inhan added more words to reassure Yuho.
– Really. I wasn’t watching your reactions, I called because I was worried.
“Worried about what?”
– Just. I was curious if hyung was okay.
At Inhan’s response, going around in circles because he couldn’t quite lie, Yuho’s heart hurt even more. How did we become a relationship that gnaws at each other? Everything felt like his fault. His wrongful feelings were ruining everything. Such thoughts kept circling in Yuho’s head.
– Hyung.
“Yeah.”
When Yuho didn’t respond, Inhan spoke again. And he conveyed affectionate words to Yuho as if comforting him.
– I like you a lot, hyung. You know that, right?
Will there come a moment when he won’t be moved by these words anymore? They say love has an expiration date of three years, so why is his love so tenacious? Yuho resented his own feelings that wouldn’t fade away.
“Yeah. I know.”
– So if I do something wrong or if you come to hate me, hyung has to tell me. I’ll fix everything.
“Yeah.”
– Hyung, don’t you have anything to say to me?
Yuho knew very well what Inhan was hoping to hear. Even knowing that Yuho always redirected and avoided answering, Inhan persistently asked Yuho. Don’t you like me, hyung? To that question that even felt frightening, Yuho had never properly responded.
But sometimes he wanted to let those words out. Now was that moment.
“Me too.”
– Huh? What?
“I like you.”
– Wow.
“I like you too.”
– Crazy. I should have recorded it.
I really like you a lot. If he said it one more time, he felt like he’d be completely exposed, so Yuho closed his mouth and choked up. With perfect timing, Suhyung’s voice calling for Inhan was heard through the phone, and Inhan hurriedly wrapped up the call.
– Hyung. I came out during filming so I have to go back in? Sleep well. Have good dreams. And think about me a lot.
“Yeah.”
– See you the day after tomorrow.
“Yeah.”
– Bye.
“Yeah.”
Along with Inhan’s deflating laughter, the call ended. I wanted to tell him to do well with filming too. Yuho wiped away his tears with the back of his hand, reproaching himself for being such a fool.
* * *
– 2 months before 7SPOT’s disbandment discussion –
“Yuho-hyung. Are you really hot? Should I get you some water?”
“No. I’m fine.”
“Okay. Let me know if you need anything.”
In the middle of everyone struggling with the heat during an outdoor photo shoot in midsummer, Inhan pointed a mini fan at Yuho’s face and even volunteered to be a water shuttle.
Yuho waved his hands in refusal and turned the fan’s direction toward Inhan’s face.
“You’re hot too. You’re more sensitive to heat than me.”
He didn’t forget to add a reason so as not to hurt his feelings.
This was the compromise the two had reached after several conflicts.
Inhan was in the process of fixing his habit of acting first without asking, and Yuho also decided to be careful not to hurt him with unconditional rejection.
The one who proposed that compromise was Yuho, and the one who followed it was Inhan.
“I’m fine though.”
Saying that, Inhan’s nose was covered in beads of sweat, so Yuho couldn’t help but laugh.
“I’m fine too.”
Saying that, Yuho wiped Inhan’s sweat with the end of his sleeve. At that action, a smile spread across Inhan’s tired-looking face.
“Hyung. My makeup.”
“Ah.”
“Look.”
Inhan grabbed Yuho’s wrist to check if makeup had gotten on his sleeve. Foundation had transferred slightly, but it wasn’t noticeable.
“It’s fine. You can’t tell.”
“Yeah. Just don’t turn it this way. But didn’t your makeup come off?”
“Not because of hyung, it already came off from sweat, probably?”
“I should ask them to touch it up later.”
Jueon, who had been standing next to Inhan like an invisible person, his existence forgotten, watched the two young lambs flirting with a pleased expression.
They get along so well, so why did they clash so badly two years ago? The conflict from that time still remained a mystery. They say kids grow through fighting. He decided to consider it as something that made them stronger. Not knowing what kind of time bomb was contained within.
