Chapter 18. So, We (2)
His head became dizzy at the voice he could faintly hear.
He had become completely intoxicated by the endless waves of heat. It was a night of only releasing heated breaths at the touch that groped his body, the soft sensation touching his skin.
When he barely came to his senses, the sun had already risen and morning had arrived.
“…What the hell.”
Before he knew it, his heat cycle had subsided once. It wasn’t completely over, but it wasn’t as painful or difficult as the night before.
What on earth had happened? When he was just blinking and half-raised his body, he stopped moving abruptly at the unfamiliar sensation.
This feeling of not wearing a single thread. Certainly, he could tell it was a situation that wasn’t unfamiliar but also not familiar.
When he swallowed dry saliva and carefully lifted the blanket.
‘Is he crazy?’
He hastily covered himself with the blanket. He had hoped he was at least wearing underwear, but below was empty. His exposed skin was glistening and shining toward Dohyeong.
His blurry gaze turned to the large TV hanging in the bedroom. His rapidly blinking eyelids began to tremble finely.
After thinking about something for a while, Dohyeong covered his mouth with one hand. He denied it couldn’t be so, denying it again, but what had already happened wouldn’t disappear.
His mouth went dry and his chest began to beat wildly. His head shaking that he thought it absolutely couldn’t be gradually slowed down.
If he hadn’t heard an auditory hallucination, someone had come to his house. And he had spent a night full of heat…
“Slept? With that person, me?”
It didn’t make sense logically, and it was something that shouldn’t have happened. If he were to pick a few reasons…
One. He was in his heat cycle period. If they were to have relations somehow, it was a period with high risk of pregnancy.
And two. He had just decided on his comeback work and even shot the poster. He was only waiting for the day to start script reading in earnest.
Such a scandal would be dangerous. It was something that could harm not only him but also his agency, the production company, and even Director Na.
“First, I need to check who…”
When he lifted the blanket with trembling hands and picked up the underwear that had fallen to the floor, he heard the sound of someone approaching the door.
While swallowing dry saliva, he bit his lower lip hard.
He both hoped the door would open, but in truth, he also hoped no one would come in.
Even though he didn’t want to know who it was in a situation he couldn’t bear to face.
Since something had already happened, shouldn’t he know who the other person was? Such conflict arose.
His mind couldn’t be quiet. The worst-case scenarios were coming to mind one by one.
If he had to pick one of them, it would definitely be the certainty that the person who would open that door and come in would be someone not very welcome.
When he gripped the blanket tightly with a feeling of dread.
At the sight of Haesung opening the door and entering, a sigh naturally escaped.
“You’re awake.”
Dohyeong nodded at his calm words.
“…Wait a moment.”
Click. As soon as the door closed, his strength drained away, but then his whole body tensed up. His shoulder muscles stiffened to the point of aching.
It was a reality he didn’t want to believe. Please let it not be him of all people, he had desperately hoped it wasn’t an accident with Haesung.
Even when the door opened again and Haesung entered the room carrying a tray, Dohyeong couldn’t quite gather his complexly tangled thoughts.
Steam was rising from the warm porridge placed on the wooden tray.
Dohyeong, who had been looking at the porridge without saying anything, opened his mouth with difficulty.
“…What I’m thinking, is it right?”
Haesung seemed to think for a moment, then placed a bed table on the bed. Then he carefully set down the tray and sat at the foot of the bed, looking at Dohyeong.
“What are you thinking?”
“Hyung, no… Jung Haesung-ssi and I.”
When he cautiously raised his head, he could see Haesung’s eyes trembling finely. What could it mean? Why was he so shaken?
Dohyeong, who had been biting his lower lip, carefully pulled the blanket toward him.
“I’m thinking we slept together.”
Hmm, Haesung, who had been sighing long, crossed his long legs. As if something didn’t please him, he was still looking at Dohyeong with a crooked gaze.
And Dohyeong kept glancing at him.
What Haesung was wearing was the couple pajamas they had received as sponsorship when shooting their newlywed pictorial together. Of course, they had never worn them since and had been neatly sealed away in the closet.
How did he find that again? Did he go into the dress room? Should he say something about that part? Various thoughts were sprouting up.
But Haesung’s answer came first. He tried to ignore the thoughts that kept adding up and carefully watched his expression.
“What if it was?”
At the following answer, Dohyeong unconsciously shook his head vigorously. He couldn’t swallow saliva or speak due to the lump he felt in his throat.
No. Even the plea-like word only circled inside.
His upper stomach seemed to ache for no reason. He didn’t know why he was suffering from such sensations while believing nothing had happened.
“Really?”
The words he barely managed to utter were trembling. Gulp, as soon as he swallowed dry saliva, Haesung smirked faintly and lowered his head.
“No.”
“…What?”
Dohyeong’s eyes furrowed.
He had given an affirmative answer just moments before, but now he threw a firm negative answer. He couldn’t quite grasp which answer to believe.
Moreover, what did that dejected expression mean? For him, it was just a world full of difficult things.
“What’s real?”
At the following question, Haesung turned his head at an angle and looked at Dohyeong. He hoped it was his imagination that his already long, narrow eyes looked a bit more fierce.
“You.”
He always made such incomprehensible sounds. It would be so nice if he would give a proper answer.
“Which one would you want to be real?”
“Don’t play around.”
“What benefit would I get from playing around with you? I’m asking because I’m really curious.”
Why did the current Haesung feel closer than Haesung just before their breakup? Even his subtle facial changes that he hadn’t noticed back then caught his eye.
“…I’d prefer it wasn’t.”
He answered as calmly as possible. Only after confirming that Haesung’s brow furrowed slightly as he faced him did he avoid his gaze.
“I’d prefer that hyung and I, that nothing happened between us.”
Haesung said nothing. He only looked at the steaming porridge and then let out a sigh similar to a lament.
“It’s as you wished.”
Whether he was running his hand through his hair, his arm movement was vaguely visible. At the following self-deprecating laugh, Dohyeong gulped and swallowed dry saliva.
“I gave you suppressants and helped you release once with my hand. Does that count as nothing?”
At the same time, his face turned bright red. Heat rose even to his earlobes, making him unnecessarily conscious of it. He felt like he couldn’t face Haesung anymore. Dohyeong quickly shook his head.
After a moment, Haesung’s answer, sinking low to the floor, could be heard.
“…Right, nothing happened.”
It was strange. Today, for some reason, there were frequent inexplicable silences. The bitter voice and tone piercing his ears also kept bothering him.
“How did this happen?”
“Eat first. I’ll clean up the kitchen.”
It was essentially avoiding an answer. But Dohyeong couldn’t hold Haesung back. Because it had always been that way. Drawing answers from him was the most difficult thing in the world for him.
Haesung left the room, and silence flowed with the sound of the door closing. Dohyeong, who had been looking down at the still-warm porridge for a moment, carefully picked up the spoon.
***
Haesung came into the kitchen and plopped down on a chair. There couldn’t be anything to clean up. He had already made everything and cleaned up afterward.
He had just been continuously cooking porridge every hour because he didn’t know when Dohyeong would wake up.
He found himself absurd too. The great Jung Haesung doing this. It was something that could be simply ordered, but he wondered if it was necessary to go this far.
He leaned his back against the wall and raised his head to look up at the ceiling.
‘How did this happen?’
Dohyeong’s question brushed past his ears, and he recalled the events of dawn.
Somehow, even after Dohyeong left, his heart remained uncomfortable. He knew it was his heat cycle period, but it was something that could manifest at any time.
This might be arrogance, but he thought he was the one who knew Dohyeong best at that scene. No, maybe he wanted to believe that.
His turning face, his flushed cheeks, and his somehow moistly wet eyes. He foresaw something ominous.
So, the next day, he rushed to Dohyeong’s house using a non-existent schedule as an excuse.
He just wanted to check his condition. He thought that once he confirmed with his own eyes that nothing was wrong, he too would return home.
‘Dohyeong-ah, Kim Dohyeong!’
Even when he knocked on the door, he didn’t come out. All he could feel beyond the tightly closed door was complete silence.
‘Is it okay to go in?’
He had to pace in front of the door for a long time, overwhelmed by the flood of worries.
**Manager Ji Wootae (Dohyeong)**
Manager Ji-nim, is Dohyeong really okay?
He had also left a message to Wootae’s contact number he had received from Seonghyeok, but there was no response.
He might have fallen asleep exhausted from the suddenly increased schedule. But why, at a time like this?
The longer his hesitation lasted, the more anxiety surged that Dohyeong’s condition could worsen.
Finally, Haesung came to decide on the things he had only been thinking about.
‘Right, let’s just check if he’s okay.’
That was all. What Haesung had aimed for was confirming Dohyeong’s appearance with nothing wrong. Nothing more, nothing less.
If a heat cycle had come, he thought he was the only one who could endure and bear it.
It might have been arrogance, but that was his momentary thought.
At the naturally pressed password, the door opened with a cheerful notification sound. It hadn’t changed from when they lived together. Even the fragrance that brushed his nose the moment he entered the house wasn’t different from long ago.
Was that why? He naturally opened the door to the room that had been used as a bedroom. He was even arrogant enough to think he would be lying there, having not let go of the time they had spent together.
But what he saw were clothes hanging in a row. It had been transformed into a dress room.
After struggling to gather his distant gaze, he closed the door.
Then, smelling Dohyeong’s pheromones, he slowly moved his steps relying on his sense of smell.
The place he finally reached was in front of the room he had used as his study.
At that moment, he felt like the ground beneath his feet was instantly collapsing. Dohyeong, who he had naturally believed was struggling to escape from his grasp.
The moment he thought he was still under his shadow, all kinds of emotions surged.
‘Dohyeong-ah.’
He gently called his name, but there was no answer. When he gripped the doorknob and opened the door wide. Haesung had to forcefully swallow his breath at the scene unfolding before his eyes.
Dohyeong was lying curled up on the bed. He had pulled the blanket up to cover himself to his neck, but he couldn’t seem to block the pheromones.
Even in a situation where he could easily lose his reason, Haesung remained calm. He approached Dohyeong slowly, step by step. He knelt on one knee on the floor and carefully brushed away the hair wet with sweat.
He mustn’t say it. Never, he mustn’t call him affectionately in front of him.
All the things he had resolved and vowed so much crumbled to pieces. They scattered beneath his feet and flew away without a trace.
As if there had never been such things from the beginning, as if he had foreseen this would happen anyway.
‘Dohyeong-ah.’
The moment he spoke that name, Haesung abruptly stood up.
‘…Hyung.’
He was certain he wasn’t calling him. Because that title, which he was sure was spoken while thinking of Wootae, made the area around his chest not just tingle but hurt as if being squeezed.
And what had he done then?
He opened the drawer to find suppressants. Seeing the medicine packet with only a few pills left made him sigh spontaneously. Though he was barely holding back now, if he didn’t give him suppressants, his own rut would certainly come too.
Should he praise himself for usually controlling well?
Just before bringing water from the kitchen and putting the suppressants in his mouth, Haesung fell into contemplation once more. It was pondering whether it was right for him to play this role.
Then who, and what came to mind at the following question was Yuchan’s brightly smiling appearance. Casually touching Dohyeong, sticking close to him without separating, looking at Dohyeong with eyes that held special feelings pressed down tight.
While forcefully suppressing the swirling emotions that surged up for a moment, he put the suppressants in his mouth.
‘This is all Kim Dohyeong’s fault.’
After cowardly placing all responsibility on Dohyeong, he transferred the suppressants.
From Jung Haesung’s mouth to Kim Dohyeong’s mouth. While savoring the burning heat with his lips, he gripped his head forcefully.
That sensation was still vivid in his hands. Gripping his empty fist, he let out another sigh.
‘…I think I’m going crazy. Jung Haesung.’
His muttering voice was buried in the air. It was a moment when he, who concluded that this was all Dohyeong’s fault, seemed so foolish and pathetic to himself.
