Hyedam kicked off his shoes and jumped into bed, pulling the blanket over his head completely.
It was just one word. A single word that people use so frequently and easily.
Ondal’s simple phrase had lodged itself firmly in his heart. Hyedam buried his face in the soft blanket as his breathing became slightly rougher. Everyone who knew his situation told him the same thing. Each time, he would respond with a small smile and say, “I’m fine.”
While saying those words, they would sometimes pat his shoulder or hold his hand. He would nod along as they continued with their comforting words and well-wishes.
Since he’d heard the grandmothers gossiping that morning, Ondal must know about his situation. That’s why he’d said those words. Hyedam couldn’t give the formal, public response to those words that implied so much. His lips trembled, and his throat tightened, preventing any sound from coming out.
I’m not okay. Not okay at all.
It’s scary and frightening, and I don’t know where to start or what to do. I don’t know if I can do this well. Nothing is easy. Because imagination and reality are different.
When he entered university, Hyedam believed he had achieved true independence. He worked part-time jobs, cutting into his sleep hours to earn living expenses, and took out student loans for the tuition he couldn’t save up for. He was afraid of becoming a burden to his grandmother here. He even lied about receiving a full scholarship. He lived each day diligently.
When he became tired, he would call his grandmother. But now, even when he’s exhausted, there’s nowhere to call.
[“My puppy. Are you eating your meals properly?”]
He could never bring himself to say he was struggling or tired. Did you eat? Are you dressed warmly enough? Are you attending school regularly? Listening to his grandmother’s voice, always full of concern for him, would make everything feel alright.
Now what would he do when things got tough? What would he really do?
His hands gripped the blanket tighter. There were rustling sounds from outside, but Hyedam, overwhelmed by his own emotions, didn’t move a muscle.
By the time the rustling and water sounds stopped, Hyedam let out a deep sigh. His head felt foggy, and drowsiness washed over him. He was usually good with alcohol, but perhaps Ondal hadn’t given him enough, and he’d drunk more than two bottles by himself. His mind, usually crowded with countless thoughts and fantasies, now felt completely empty.
Wrapped in his blanket like a silkworm cocoon, Hyedam closed his eyes and breathed slowly. He sensed a presence and felt something behind his back. When the blanket covering his head was slightly lifted and then lowered, there was something warm and solid beneath his head.
A wall-like source of heat settled behind his back, and his body tilted slightly backward due to the weight. Something heavy rested on his waist.
A coffee-drenched scent clearly revealed who was doing this to him right now. Still, as a man himself, it wouldn’t be difficult to turn around or push away this unnecessarily large, overly-warm guy.
Yet. He couldn’t reject the warmth and breath coming from him. The heavy coffee scent, different from last night, seemed to caress him. The negative emotions that had been constricting his chest—fear, terror, uncertainty, loneliness—began to disappear one by one. His heavy mind became comfortable, and his tensed body relaxed with the sense of security and warmth.
Surrendering to the subtle coffee scent gently enveloping his body, Hyedam slowly turned around when the aroma intensified. A small space formed between them, and facing Ondal in the moonlight streaming through the window beside the bed, Hyedam raised one hand to touch his cheek.
Just as Ondal had touched him earlier on the bench, Hyedam placed his palm against his cheek and stroked the corner of his mouth with his thumb. Beneath his thumb, Ondal’s soft and supple lips yielded.
The sensation, like touching warm jelly, brought a small smile to Hyedam’s face.
In that moment, the scent that had been tenderly embracing him until now became rough and wild. As the green eyes reflecting the light darkened for an instant, Ondal’s lips found Hyedam’s.
Without anyone initiating, hot breath passed between their parted lips. Hyedam surrendered himself completely to Ondal, experiencing electrifying sensations wherever Ondal’s touch landed.
He couldn’t tell if he was intoxicated from the alcohol, the coffee scent, or the atmosphere with moonlight illuminating the bed. What was certain was that it was Ondal caressing his body, and that wherever Ondal’s lips landed, a burning fire ignited.
It was thrilling yet sensual, blazing hot yet cool. It began with their lips, but soon Ondal’s attention moved down to his face, jawline, and nape. When Ondal buried his face in Hyedam’s chest, a gasp escaped Hyedam’s lips.
For Hyedam, who had never been this intimate with anyone before—embracing, feeling someone’s touch and breath—rational thought was impossible. He was desperate just to hold onto Ondal, who was diving in relentlessly, teasing, and bringing unfamiliar sensations.
When Hyedam’s fingers, which had been wandering aimlessly over the pillow and sheets, delved into Ondal’s thick hair, a low laugh lingered in his ear.
The layers of clothes Hyedam had been wearing against the cold disappeared, revealing bare skin. Hyedam’s legs curled up at the feeling of another’s skin against his own, but such a small movement couldn’t stop Ondal.
When Ondal’s soft, warm, and supple lips found Hyedam’s again, they weren’t as gentle as before. Viscous saliva that couldn’t hide their instincts was exchanged as their tongues became entangled in disarray.
Hyedam’s fingertips dug into Ondal’s shoulders, lost in the pleasure brought by Ondal’s tongue, which swallowed even his moans.
“Ondal.”
Whether it was Hyedam’s plea, unable to keep up with Ondal’s lead, or simply calling his name, what he met next were eyes that shone like beautiful jewels.
Before Ondal could seek out his lips again, Hyedam was quicker to cup his face. Their gazes intertwined, and heated, rough breathing filled the space.
Could a coffee scent be this seductive? The heavy, dense, and bitter aroma filled with sensuality flowing over his skin made Hyedam tilt his head back.
With every touch of Ondal’s hands and lips traveling from his chest to his abdomen, from his calves to his thighs, Hyedam’s breathing grew rougher, and red marks appeared all over his body.
The heat that started deep inside his belly spread throughout his body, and when Ondal’s fingertips and lips found the thoroughly moistened area, an unrestrained moan burst from Hyedam’s lips.
Hyedam’s fingers, unable to resist the pleasure, once again ran through Taeo’s hair. A sensual and intimate sensation writhed, and as everything was released, Hyedam fell into a distant darkness.
Ondal seemed to be saying something, but Hyedam couldn’t understand. His vision turned white as if fireworks had exploded in his head, and his ears felt muffled. His upper body jerked at the strong sensation that came before his tense body could completely relax.
The hot breath of Ondal, who had buried his face in Hyedam’s neck, and the heat starting from below continuously evoked surprising sensations.
Ondal was like a raging wave rushing in, yet gentle like a spring breeze. Hyedam’s waist naturally undulated in Ondal’s hot and firm embrace.
His buttocks were gripped by Ondal’s hands, and his legs, suspended in the air, shook violently with their movements. Only the creaking sound of the old bed, the friction, and their unrestrained rough breathing filled Hyedam’s long night.
* * *
Sitting alone on the bed, Hyedam blankly stared at the large figure busy moving back and forth in front of him. The guy who made the small house look even smaller seemed as if he had always belonged there.
His body sagged as if he’d done heavy physical labor, his waist was stiff. The top he wore was different from what he’d been wearing last night. All these things vividly told him that what had happened wasn’t a dream.
As Ondal, who had been moving here and there, locked eyes with him, he approached with a smile. Ondal gently cupped Hyedam’s chin and leaned down, pressing something soft like a rice cake against his lips before pulling away.
Having just finished showering, droplets of water clung to the ends of Ondal’s hair, and he smelled of fragrant body cleanser.
“Good morning.”
At the small voice tickling his lips, Hyedam slightly turned his head, and Ondal, after ruffling Hyedam’s hair with his large hand, went to the kitchen.
Their eyes had met without either initiating, and something incredible had happened. Just remembering last night made his lower abdomen feel heavy and tingling, so Hyedam quickly shook his head to dispel the fantasies.
Anyway, he needed to get up, but sitting alone on the bed with the blanket around his shoulders, Hyedam’s gaze remained fixed on Ondal standing in front of the sink.
“There’s only apples.”
“I don’t usually eat breakfast anyway.”
After standing in front of the sink for a while, Ondal offered him an apple the size of a plum. Accepting it, Hyedam mumbled softly. Taking a bite of the small apple, Hyedam looked up at Ondal, who was eating a large apple that had only been washed, not peeled.
“What time is it?”
“A little past 8.”
“Want to go to town? I won’t suggest going to the hospital or police station or anything like that.”
There was no answer, but Hyedam emerged from the warm blanket. With the apple in his mouth, he was about to stretch languidly when he let out a sigh at the dull pain that washed over him. When Hyedam came out of the bathroom, Ondal was already prepared to go out.
When they had eaten grilled meat together while wearing ill-fitting clothes, going in circles with their pointless and strange conversation, it had seemed so comfortable that they had even dropped formal speech. But suddenly, Ondal felt too distant.
