I seriously contemplated.
‘What should I do, Haesu? Your oppa met a crazy bastard and feels like his lifespan is being shortened. Or wait. Since I died in a hit-and-run, I guess my lifespan has already been completely cut short.’
I couldn’t decide whether I should take off my top in front of Baek Sahyun, or argue that I couldn’t possibly change clothes with him around.
Baek Sahyun was watching my indecision with bored eyes.
He was sitting on the bed while I was standing, so I should clearly be looking down on him, but strangely, it kept feeling like he was looking down on me.
‘This young bastard, really. While he was just learning to walk, I was already going to school.’
I gritted my teeth with an old-fashioned thought. Whether it was because of a sudden competitive spirit or because of Baek Sahyun’s lofty-looking face, I crossed my arms and lifted my top to reveal my stomach.
But my brave action was short-lived. Feeling Baek Sahyun’s persistent gaze, I stealthily turned my body away.
“Hey. Don’t look.”
As I turned around and spoke, I heard Baek Sahyun snort.
“Is there anything worth looking at?”
Then why the fuck are you sitting there watching me?
I wanted to shout immediately but gave up. It’s not that I’m afraid of a dog with shit on it—I’m avoiding it because it’s filthy. I pulled the damp clothes over my head, and the cold air of the room touched my wet skin.
By the way, what clothes should I change into? As I was glancing around, I felt a presence behind me.
“Shall I go get your clothes for you, Heejae?”
Baek Sahyun’s deep voice softly resonated in my ear. His trademark pretend-kind tone couldn’t be more absurd. Just a moment ago, he was thinking about dunking me in toilet water.
“Wear a knit sweater. Knits suit you well.”
A knit sweater? Give me a break. With Nam Heejae’s face, he’d look stylish even wrapped in a straw mat.
I stubbornly replied.
“I looked in the closet earlier, and there were no knit sweaters. Only shirts.”
“Then there’s no choice. Bring a shirt. That won’t be bad either.”
“…Okay. Got it.”
Baek Sahyun is just so strikingly handsome, but Nam Heejae’s looks aren’t bad either.
To be honest, from a man-to-man perspective, Nam Heejae looked better. Baek Sahyun was too pretty and fair-skinned, making him look a bit like a gisaeng’s brother. And his personality was like a ghost consumed with too much resentment.
In contrast, Nam Heejae had exactly the kind of warm college student look that Jang Haesu would like. The type that somehow seems like he’d smell nice. He’d probably wear shirts well too, thanks to his broad shoulders.
Following his orders, I grabbed a shirt from the closet and asked sarcastically.
“Are you planning to monitor me while I put on the shirt too?”
Maybe it was because my upper body was undressed, but I felt like his gaze was particularly fixed on my chest. …Come to think of it, this bastard is gay. Damn it. Am I in danger?
“It’s uncomfortable, so get out a bit. With you here, I can’t move my hands well.”
Of course, the real Nam Heejae also seemed to be gay, but the problem was that I wasn’t. As I hurriedly tried to expel him, Baek Sahyun immediately retorted as if he didn’t understand.
“Why is it uncomfortable?”
“Well, of course…”
“You always changed clothes fine before.”
“…Really?”
The relationship between Nam Heejae and Baek Sahyun, and their past, were only briefly described in the book.
I tried to mutter vaguely.
“Did I… used to change clothes well? In front of you?”
“There’s no reason why you couldn’t, right? We’re friends.”
“Is that so? …We are close friends, right?”
Baek Sahyun slowly nodded his head. Thanks to that, I enjoyed a small bit of joy.
Seeing that he agreed with the term “close friends,” it seemed like he hadn’t yet harbored negative feelings toward Nam Heejae. I had hope that the point at which I was possessed in this gay novel might not be “Trap.” Perhaps it was still before Chae Eunwoo was captured, in the early part of that chapter, “Trap.”
“Fine. I’ll change. Like you said, we’re friends.”
With a big grin, I diligently put on the shirt. After putting both arms through, I was busy buttoning it up, but damn. The buttons were misaligned.
Looking at the messily buttoned shirt, I felt slightly embarrassed. I started unbuttoning from the collar down. But that’s when it happened. Baek Sahyun sighed as if hurrying me.
“We’ll be late, Heejae.”
Just as I was about to argue that there was no need for him to sigh about it, I froze.
“I’ll do it for you.”
Because his delicate hand landed on me and started undoing the remaining buttons. Flustered, I stopped his hand a beat late.
“Hey, hey! It’s fine.”
Gulp. When our eyes met, I unconsciously swallowed.
Up close, he’s really, fucking pretty. How can a guy be so delicately beautiful? But because he was naturally tall with broad shoulders, he didn’t give off a fragile impression.
“Nam Heejae when drunk…”
Baek Sahyun slowly began.
“Talks more than usual.”
He insisted that I was drunk and unbuttoned all the buttons. As my bare body was exposed again, a chill covered my skin. Baek Sahyun lightly stroked near my heart with his finger and said.
“Your heart is beating, Heejae.”
Unable to overcome the tension, I sharply pushed his hand away.
“…If you’re human, of course it fu-fucking beats.”
But I also knew that wasn’t what Baek Sahyun meant. My chest was pounding loudly and turbulently. To be trembling so helplessly just because another man touched my bare skin.
Ah, I belatedly realized something. Given that he was attracted to Chae Eunwoo, in the end, Nam Heejae must be of the same sort.
‘Nam Heejae’s heart is beating because he likes men.’
Blaming the real Nam Heejae, I firmly buttoned up the loosened buttons. Fortunately, Baek Sahyun didn’t torment me further and just gazed at me steadily.
When I finally finished changing, he spoke as if he had been waiting.
“Why is your face so red?”
Feeling intense shame at those words, I hurriedly touched my face. Fuck, it really was warming up.
How much must Nam Heejae like men…! I was about to start excessive criticism when:
“Earlier, your pants got wet too.”
The second round began in an atmosphere so awkward it was hard to swallow.
I froze instantly. I thought about telling him not to worry, that they’d dry in the sun outside, but I couldn’t speak carelessly, not knowing how Baek Sahyun would react.
As I just watched him anxiously, Baek Sahyun granted permission with a smile.
“It’s fine if you’re okay with it. Take care, Nam Heejae.”
What a relief. I almost ended up unbuckling and dropping my pants in front of him. If I had shown my bare legs, I might have been so overwhelmed with shame that I would have banged my head against the wall.
“Have fun for a change. You two get along well, right?”
Baek Sahyun patted my shoulder with a meaningful farewell. His touch was gentle yet domineering.
When I nodded stiffly, he tilted his face and locked eyes with me.
“Right?”
Since I still wasn’t answering, he asked again in a calm voice. Cursing Jang Haesu’s taste for reading a novel with such a character as the protagonist, I barely managed to answer.
“…Yeah. That’s right. Because we get along so fucking well, I’ll go have fun as you cheered me on.”
Haesu. Why on earth did you buy a novel featuring such a psychopath? How preciously your oppa raised you. You were even someone who shuddered at all kinds of romance. What happened to that?
As if I could hear Jang Haesu’s mocking laughter from somewhere, I felt even more sorrowful. Out of all the gay novels, why did Haesu specifically buy one featuring a psychopath like Baek Sahyun?
‘Was she venting her anger at the world through this?’
Or was it anger toward me?
…Well, she would have soared much higher if it weren’t for her incompetent and stupid oppa. She could have gone to the good academies that other kids attended, had private tutors, and taken herbal medicine with every meal, then she wouldn’t have had to review the same problem books over and over until she got nosebleeds.
In fact, I wasn’t unaware of why Haesu only reviewed the same problem books. Despite her rough and prickly words, no one cared for me as much as Jang Haesu did.
“I left 50,000 won on the table, Jang Haesu. You have a test soon, right? Buy any problem books you need with that.”
“What are you talking about? I told you I don’t need it. You went to the construction site at dawn yesterday too, right? Instead of groaning about back pain, save that money and go to the hospital. Or at least buy a truckload of pain patches.”
To leave such a Haesu behind by dying. I was completely ashamed as an oppa. Perhaps due to the guilt settled in a corner of my heart, even as I was pushed by Baek Sahyun toward the meeting place with Chae Eunwoo, I couldn’t let go of thoughts about Haesu.
I wonder if my insurance money was safely delivered. I hope it was enough for Haesu’s study abroad… I believe that as a death benefit, it should have been enough for both her studies abroad and later for her wedding.
Looking at it this way, death doesn’t feel entirely sorrowful, just somewhat bitter.
