# Chapter 83
Those moments when I’d send a message alone and constantly check if Sijin had seen it, waiting for his reply.
And when I realized he had seen it, I couldn’t take my eyes off my smartphone, wondering what kind of response he would send.
But now there was no need for that anymore.
I didn’t have to wait for replies. If I wanted to tell him something, I could just turn my head and speak to Sijin directly.
I wondered if that was really why he did it, so I asked him.
“Sijin. Was dropping out of this album because of me?”
I asked like that, thinking I’d be embarrassed if he responded by asking what I was talking about and commenting on my ridiculously high self-esteem, but surprisingly, Sijin just laughed freely.
What came after was even more outrageous.
“You just figured that out now? It really took you a long time.”
“…Huh? It was really because of that?”
“Of course.”
I didn’t think it was quite that obvious.
I stared at Sijin in surprise.
“Why? Seriously, why?”
“When I’d see messages you sent while I was practicing, I’d feel bad. It was worse when I realized I hadn’t checked them for hours. When I thought about you waiting, I felt endlessly sorry. It made me think about what I really wanted. At first, I was desperately trying to become someone worthy of you, someone suitable for you, but I started thinking maybe that wasn’t necessary anymore. I’ve already climbed high enough, and I realized it was more important to look at you, waiting for our eyes to meet.”
“Hey…”
I thought that no matter what, this opportunity was too good to pass up, and it didn’t make sense that he gave it up because of me.
I felt sorry and didn’t know what to say.
“Sijin… Do you really not regret it? Are you sure you won’t regret it?”
He laughed as if such a question wasn’t even necessary.
No. Actually…
“Then, was your throat problem also a lie?”
I looked at him, thinking surely that couldn’t be true.
Sijin just stared at me quietly.
I learned the answer to that question that night.
When he sang for me in bed together.
Though he didn’t sing passionately like he would on stage, I realized his throat condition wasn’t bad at all.
I thought the hospital had said his condition was poor, but what do you know, he must have arranged it with the doctor.
Come to think of it, I recalled that I hadn’t actually seen any detailed examination records, only heard explanations about Sijin’s condition.
Normally, I would have checked everything.
And I think I did ask the doctor a few times to show me those records.
But the doctor only gave explanations and moved on.
It seems Han Sijin himself didn’t want me to know, so the doctor didn’t show me either.
So that’s how it was…
Thinking about it, it was somewhat absurd, but knowing he wanted to be by my side even if it meant doing something like that made me feel indescribably grateful.
“Sijin. Do you really not regret it?”
“No. I think I made the right choice. It’s nice to see you looking at me, but I want to be by your side, doing things together with you. I don’t want to make you wait alone.”
Knowing how difficult such a decision must have been for a core member of Crop Five, I stared at him for a while, unable to take my eyes off him.
“It’s not like I announced my retirement. I just sat out for this one project album. It seemed like a good opportunity. Since Sunbae-nim Hyunshin was collaborating with them, I thought it might be okay if I stepped back.”
Thinking about it, that made sense too.
He had previously left a concert early due to his throat, so many people thought of this as an extension of that incident.
If he had dropped out of the album production due to conflicts with the members, that would be different, but he occasionally appeared on broadcasts with them, showing their unchanged teamwork.
“And this is something I’ve thought about several times before, but if I get the chance, I’m considering leaving Crop Five. The fact that it’s specifically ‘Crop Five’ makes the decision even more difficult.”
“What do you mean? Do you have issues with the members?”
“No. Crop Five is fantastic. All the members are really great. They’re like my limbs. Everyone feels like a part of my body. But the team name literally has ‘Five’ in it, indicating our number, so it’s difficult to step away even when I want to do other activities or take a break.”
“You wanted to do other activities?”
“Yes. There are times when I want to focus on being Kang Seomin’s boyfriend.”
I looked at him wondering if he was joking, but his expression was too serious for that.
“I want to spend the prime of my life with you, Hyung. It’s difficult to make time, like it is for other people.”
“That’s why I agreed to be your manager. That should give us enough time together.”
“I hate situations where I can’t reply to your messages for hours.”
“You don’t need to worry about that. It didn’t happen that often, and I knew what you were doing all that time.”
I forcefully attached such reasons.
I was worried that Sijin might be giving up too much for me.
But Sijin smiled and cupped my cheeks.
“I’m not giving up or sacrificing for you, Hyung. I’m doing this for myself; it’s my decision. Watching Sunbae-nim Hyunshin, I was really envious. I wondered how he could be so full of emotion, and I realized I could become like that too. But even though I had someone beside me who could help me become that way, I had been rushing forward so urgently that I didn’t take time to fill myself up.”
If he was confident he wouldn’t regret it, then I was glad too.
I was grateful.
“These days, I’ve been trying to write lyrics. I think I write lyrics well.”
Sijin said this and smiled as if embarrassed, and I nodded to him.
“You do write good lyrics.”
“I don’t mean just listing pretty words. I think I can capture the emotions I want to express. That’s also why I’m by your side.”
As he spoke, he gazed at me intently.
He seemed to be thinking about how best to express those things.
Eventually, his hand came forward and cupped my face.
“You’re soft.”
“You’re warm.”
His lips approached and captured mine.
The warmth touching my parted lips.
His goodwill toward me was infinitely kind.
He interlaced his fingers with mine and gave me an endlessly gentle smile.
“Even with you this close, I always feel thirsty. I love you, Hyung.”
“I love you, Sijin.”
I said it with much more certainty than before.
I was in love with him.
More and more with each moment.
Like that.
* * *
Ki Hyunshin and Crop Five dominated the broadcasting industry.
It was good for us.
But while it seemed like bad news for those promoting during the same period, analysis showed that the megaton-level firepower had a considerable trickle-down effect.
The collaboration between these two super-sized singers was drawing enormous attention and having a positive influence on other singers as well.
Ki Hyunshin and Crop Five, who had been planning to end their broadcast activities early, were relieved by this analysis and changed their plans, thinking there was no need to rush to finish early.
That time seemed to be a definite opportunity for tremendous growth for both Ki Hyunshin and Crop Five.
It was clear to everyone that each of them was achieving growth at an incredibly fast pace, growth that would have been impossible to expect had they been engaged in separate activities rather than collaboration.
Dance singer Ki Hyunshin.
A phrase that would have been used as a joke before now became easy to imagine.
Videos of Crop Five teaching Ki Hyunshin to dance in the waiting room spread widely, receiving tremendous response.
The four members of Crop Five without Sijin each teaching Ki Hyunshin to dance became hugely popular, with Crop Five fans especially loving how each member’s personality was revealed in their teaching style.
Lee Dagyeong, the universally acknowledged dance genius, in particular took Ki Hyunshin as his pupil and meticulously passed on his techniques, including premium skills on how to look like you’re dancing well even when you’re not, which was useful for many ordinary people.
[Crop Five definitely seems talented not just in dancing themselves, but in teaching too. Honestly, making Ki Hyunshin like that would be impossible for anyone other than Crop Five.]
[I think it’s possible because Ki Hyunshin feels really comfortable with Crop Five. Honestly, there are many people who dance better than Crop Five. But would Ki Hyunshin want to learn from them? It’s not because Crop Five’s dancing is the best, but because with Crop Five, he can listen to criticism without getting hurt feelings.]
[I owe Crop Five an enormously large debt. Without Crop Five, today’s Ki Hyunshin would have been unimaginable. Among other things, his current bright appearance would have been unimaginable.]
[Crop Five has also changed tremendously because of Ki Hyunshin. Their musical growth is visibly enormous, especially the emotion that permeates their lyrical expressions. It’s seriously no joke. I acknowledge that Crop Five was excellent before too, but it was definitely different from now. Really completely different.]
[Grand Tamer definitely hit a home run this time.]
Fan evaluations were positive as well.
Meanwhile, there were people curious about Sijin’s recent activities, and some who hadn’t forgotten the scene where I was hosting with Cheon Hojae at the showcase.
The combination of those two demands finally led to the current situation.
