The hesitation only lasted a moment. Tears streamed down from Chae Jinyeong’s reddened eyes, which had been trembling as though he was in pain. Still unable to tear his gaze away from me, unable to tell whether this was a dream or reality, the one shedding tears one after another was unmistakably Chae Jinyeong.
“Jinyeong.”
“……”
“You really are that sick, aren’t you. You couldn’t even recognize me.”
At that moment, Chae Jinyeong’s eyes wavered. I walked straight toward him. His face was tinged with bewilderment, as if he thought my arrival was a dream. I placed my hand on the forehead of someone who still hadn’t fully surfaced from sleep. It was hot enough that it made sense he couldn’t get his bearings.
Just from the touch alone, I could tell — and my expression creased on its own. Now that I looked, the desk was piled with medicine packets.
“You’re this sick, and you thought you could just figure out when to come on your own?”
“……”
“Why are there so many medicine packets. At the rate you’re taking them, you’ll end up with more problems than you started with.”
Chae Jinyeong’s eyes went wide. That face — startled beyond startled, like a frightened rabbit — made me laugh despite everything. I let out a small snicker, then, remembering the state he was in, hardened my expression again. And then I wiped away the tear tracks left on Chae Jinyeong’s cheek with my thumb.
“Hey, can you still not tell if this is a dream?”
“……”
“See — what would you do without me.”
Chae Jinyeong’s eyes couldn’t seem to leave me. They followed the movement of my hand against his cheek, and at last he blinked, letting a teardrop fall, before meeting my gaze again. His dark eyes brimmed, wet and glistening with clear tears.
“……Ah.”
“……”
“It’s really Yuhan……”
The relief in his voice was the most at ease he’d sounded for the first time. As if a breath that had been trapped finally broke free, he held my gaze and leaned his cheek into my hand. I said nothing and slowly stroked Chae Jinyeong’s cheek.
I didn’t know what was making Chae Jinyeong struggle like this, or why he was so sick — but seeing him find relief the moment he saw me, the anxiety I’d been carrying quietly began to unravel as well.
“Im Yuhan……”
“Yeah.”
“I’m sick.”
“……”
“I’m sick, Yuhan……”
If you’re going to cry like this, at least don’t be alone.
“I know. That’s why I came.”
I watched Chae Jinyeong cry with small, hiccupping sobs, then climbed onto the bed and opened my arms.
“Come here.”
In an instant, a large body pressed into me with complete ease, putting its full weight on me.
“Ugh.”
I toppled back onto the bed from the weight, but I couldn’t tell him to let go. The arms holding me were clinging with a desperation so palpable that I couldn’t bring myself to say it hurt.
I was the one holding Chae Jinyeong, yet somehow I was the one who ended up buried. Even so, he tightened the arms he had wrapped around me and curled his body in small, wriggling movements, burrowing further in as if trying to fit even a little more of himself into my arms.
The arms Chae Jinyeong had wrapped around my back felt heavy against me. I wondered when the difference between us had grown this great — but even that grip, that force, seemed to be saying that he wanted me desperately.
If I said I’d even grown used to that weight by now, would the others make that face again — the one where they can’t believe what they’re hearing. But even so, this closeness was familiar to both me and Chae Jinyeong.
“Jinyeong.”
“……”
“I really think I hate it — not knowing when you’re hurting.”
I felt Chae Jinyeong’s body pressed into mine and patted his back. Like when we were little, lying on soft blankets and sleeping together in the cool summer breeze that drifted through — like those childhood days when we’d wake up and find each other right there, and smile at the relief of it.
All I could do was be here with him.
“You idiot, as if I wouldn’t know you.”
I kept my arms tight around Chae Jinyeong as I stroked his back. Beneath my touch, he panted, then clenched his teeth, over and over. Then, murmuring apologies again and again, he buried his nose into the crook of my neck.
Even if he breathed in, there’d be nothing to smell but the scent of my skin — yet for Chae Jinyeong, it seemed to work like a painkiller.
“I’ll stay by your side, so don’t cry. Okay?”
All I knew was that Chae Jinyeong was hurting — but if this was what let him endure it, then that was enough. I gave him the crook of my neck through the night as he whimpered on, and repeated only one thing: that it was okay.
That he’d be okay. That I was fine with all of it, so he didn’t need to be sorry.
All while having no idea what was actually going through Chae Jinyeong’s mind.
Even after that, Chae Jinyeong spent several more days fully bedridden. Though unlike before, he seemed able to keep his head on straight. That, at least, was a relief.
[Did you take your medicine?]
Jinyeong- [i took it]
[Don’t take it all at once again —]
[Are you feeling any better?]
Jinyeong- [still hurts]
Jinyeong- [come see me then i’ll hurt less]
[lol]
[You’ve come back to life, I see.]
I watched the 1 disappear as his replies came in one after another, and smiled to myself. I could picture it — him lying on his side in bed, eyes glued to his phone.
The image came to me so naturally that I nearly laughed out loud, so I cleared my throat to cover it. The sound earned me a look from Lee Seono, who sat at the far end of the row right next to me, clearly wondering what I was doing. I shook my head — nothing — and kept checking the messages as they kept coming.
Jinyeong- [i can come to school tomorrow]
Jinyeong- [aren’t you gonna come see me?ㅜ]
Jinyeong- [class moved on without me i need the notes]
Jinyeong- [do it yourself lol]
“……That’s exactly why he’s cute.”
Every time I called Chae Jinyeong cute and doted on him the way I did, the friends who knew the two of us would make a face like they’d heard something they shouldn’t have. Lee Seono was no different. But to me, there were still many moments when Chae Jinyeong felt fragile. The others didn’t understand that — but I didn’t particularly need them to.
“Im Yuhan, do you have a question? Why are you smiling like that? Share the joke!”
At that, the teacher’s voice snapped me back. I hit send and shoved my phone quickly into my desk drawer.
“No, I’m sorry.”
“Then let’s get back to it. This paragraph……”
[lol yeah I’ll come see you]
[Just got scolded because of you —]
The screen kept lighting up after that, but there was no way I’d be checking it until class was over. Chae Jinyeong was probably delighted. That big body of his, curled up small, grinning away.
“It’s Chae Jinyeong again, isn’t it.”
“Yeah.”
“Naturally. If you’re texting and smiling like that, it’s always Chae Jinyeong.”
“What do you mean, always.”
Lee Seono gave me a look like he couldn’t believe I was genuinely asking. Not understanding what the issue was, I just smiled silently as a wordless apology — sorry for bothering you. At that, Lee Seono shook his head as if to say, forget it.
“It’s only natural for a dog to look for its owner — but if the owner does the same, they’ve both got separation anxiety.”
