Munyeong stood frozen, his face completely blank. Even watching it happen right in front of him, he couldn’t believe it — he was rooted to the spot, unable even to breathe properly.
“Hhgh…….”
The sound of someone holding back tears began to grow. As the tall, large-framed man started to sob, more and more eyes were drifting their way. On top of that, they were near his company building. Worried that someone might recognize him and make things worse, Munyeong found himself pulling at his collar before he’d even thought about it. He tugged him toward an alley — somewhere with fewer people, somewhere no one passed through. Haejeong followed without resistance, keeping his face covered the entire way.
Crying. Yeon Haejeong, crying. That arrogant, high-handed bastard. Munyeong still couldn’t believe it as he scanned their surroundings and spoke, fumbling awkwardly.
“Y-you’re… crying…?”
“…….”
“…Why, why… are you crying…….”
It felt as though he had been the one to make him cry, and Munyeong was at a complete loss. I was the one who wanted to cry — why is he…. Munyeong was struck speechless, unable to hide how bewildered he was. As he stood there sputtering like something had short-circuited, the hand covering Haejeong’s face finally dropped. He was met immediately with eyes gone red and bloodshot. His emotions were laid bare with nothing to shield them.
“…What am I supposed to do.”
The voice, heavy with emotion, resonated low between them. The world outside was bright and clear, full of sunlight — but the alley where the two of them had hidden was drowned entirely in shadow. Haejeong’s face, drawing closer step by step, had grown darker still. At that wet voice, at those unguarded eyes, Munyeong unconsciously stepped back. Two steps back — and something hard met his spine. He found himself leaning against a wall before he’d realized it, and looked up at Haejeong with an expression caught somewhere between cornered and helpless.
“I’m asking… what I’m supposed to do.”
Out of nowhere — what am I supposed to do, he says…. Munyeong had no clean answer to give.
“…I was going to say everything properly today.”
“…….”
“I wanted to… meet with you properly. A real meeting. I even made a restaurant reservation. You seemed like you liked flowers, so I booked flowers too. You seemed like you liked the night view, so I reserved the restaurant with the best view in Seoul. That’s what I’d planned, and yet…….”
It came to him without warning. The memory of Haejeong chiding him as he faintly smiled at the flowers at the inauguration ceremony. The memory of Haejeong muttering what a weird thing to like as he stood admiring the night view from the apartment. And yet Haejeong had remembered all of it.
“……I’m sorry.”
“…….”
“Yeah. I’m a fucking…. I’m a complete piece of shit.”
Haejeong’s eyes were the ones that looked wounded now. A deep, uncharacteristic remorse had settled into them — heavy and full. Watching him cut himself down like that and laugh through tears so unlike anything he’d ever done before, Munyeong still couldn’t make it feel real.
He swiped once at his tears with his fingers, then turned and disappeared with long, decisive strides. His legs were long enough that he was gone from sight in an instant — Munyeong stared after him with a dumbfounded expression — and then just as suddenly, he reappeared. He’d vanished and come back just as fast.
He came back without hesitation, closing in with urgent speed, like someone afraid Munyeong would be gone if he took his eyes off him even for a moment. Close enough for Munyeong to catch his scent, he forced out his words as though barely keeping something in check. The veins along his throat stood out sharply against his skin.
“…But.”
“…….”
“I am a fucking piece of shit, aren’t I?”
“…….”
“I am — but can’t you just…… can’t you just let it go?”
He pressed his fist against the wall and trembled.
“This is just who I am.”
“…….”
“Didn’t you fall for me knowing that? Huh?”
He looked like someone burning with frustration — and at the same time like a child stamping his feet, worked up to the point of tears. Then he crumpled his face again, forced his voice back down, and spoke once more, desperate.
“……I’ll make it up to you. All of it.”
“…….”
“Your hand, too.”
“…….”
“Being humiliated by me, being spoken to that way by my mother, every miserable thing you’ve had to live through — all of it. Every single thing― I’ll make it right.”
“…So…….”
“…….”
“……Can’t you just take me?”
He knew even this plea was shameless. But he couldn’t give up. He fell back on his usual brazenness — he had no other way. He couldn’t help it. He was desperate, right now, this very moment, to keep Munyeong where he was. He felt like if he so much as looked away, Munyeong would disappear — so Haejeong had changed his mind and come running back immediately. He’d thought he should give Munyeong a little time, that this must be overwhelming for him too — but no. That wasn’t going to work. Munyeong would definitely run. He was already someone who’d had nothing but escape on his mind. Someone who’d done nothing but draw lines between them.
He had to hold him here, even if it meant throwing a fit. Dignity, conscience — those could wait. Losing the person right in front of him felt like it would drive Haejeong out of his mind. And it was only in that moment that Haejeong understood, more deeply than before, what this meant. That he had well and truly lost his head. No — that it had been far longer than that. That for a long, long time now — he had been in love. That the feeling he hadn’t believed in, had only ever laughed at — he had been carrying it for longer than he knew.
“…This is why… I didn’t want to say anything.”
Munyeong, who had only been listening in a daze, finally let his voice out. Haejeong, who had been waiting anxiously for a response, reacted at once.
“What?”
“……I was afraid you’d feel sorry.”
“…….”
Haejeong knitted his brows as if he had no idea what Munyeong meant. His eyes were still red.
“…This hand.”
“…….”
“It’s not because of you.”
“…….”
“……It was my choice.”
“…….”
“It wasn’t because of anyone.”
Munyeong thought the shift in Haejeong’s attitude had been because of the hand. He had known Haejeong found him interesting, that he felt something physical toward him — but it had never once crossed his mind that Haejeong would think of something serious. Something serious didn’t suit Haejeong at all… and as he’d kept saying — their circumstances were simply too different for anything real to work between them. Even if they did try, he would only ever end up being helped by Haejeong. One was at the very top, the other at the very bottom. The gap between them was too wide — far too wide.
“…So there’s nothing to make up to me, either.”
“What I’m saying is―!”
Haejeong, growing more and more agitated, opened his mouth urgently — but a quiet voice stopped him.
“Haejeong.”
A soft, gentle address. But there was something somewhere in the tone that was resolute, and Haejeong stilled.
“…Let’s stop.”
“…….”
“I’m… tired…….”
“…….”
“…That’s why.”
It was an answer that amounted to a clear refusal. Confession or whatever else — Munyeong’s face said he was beyond caring. It was the face of someone truly exhausted by everything, worn down by it all. For a moment, only the sound of ragged breathing filled the quiet alley. That weary face was somewhere also unyielding. The premonition swept through Haejeong that none of it would be any use. He knew that even if he threw a fit here for hours and pushed and pushed, it would all be for nothing. The fist Haejeong had been resting against the wall dropped.
Munyeong averted his eyes from Haejeong’s deflated reaction and got to the point.
“……As for the apartment…, I’ll just pack my things and leave.”
“…….”
“……I’m sorry to ask this, but…… could I stay in what was originally my place for a little while.”
“…….”
“…Since the landlord is you now…….”
