# Chapter 73
I stared at him with a slightly dumbfounded feeling.
“How does that connect…?”
“…Just. You look different somehow.”
Since it was partly true, my expression became a bit stung. The memory of whispering words for the first time while embracing Kadilen came to mind. And the memory of candles that had seemed only sad somehow burning hot. And the memory of lying side by side with him in a dark room, listening to the pounding heartbeat that felt like it would burst.
Sharp guy. It wasn’t something I needed to hide from Devan, but it was difficult to tell the truth. It felt like someone was poking my chest with the sharp end of a twig. Devan turned his head, following me as I subtly averted my gaze. His face became complicated, as if suppressing emotions about to burst forth.
“I don’t like you feeling guilty.”
“…”
“But I also don’t like seeing you prettily happy. Cowardly of me. I’m really terrible.”
He spoke honestly. It was impossible not to understand, but I awkwardly changed the subject. Meaningless sentences flowed out of my mouth without passing through my thoughts. Devan stared at me as I blurted out irrelevant things. Perhaps I was the more cowardly one. Because I chose to ignore his obvious emotions, afraid of hurting him once more. But this time too, Devan graciously accepted my flimsy act. Just like when I had once tightly bundled up wounds I wanted to hide from him.
“So what’s this plan you mentioned?”
He asked casually. As if he’d already forgotten what just happened, with complete nonchalance. I brightened and told him the plan Kadilen had decided on. Devan focused silently on my explanation. It was a plan that utilized the nobles’ contempt for Pamel Island.
Kadilen had created fake documents. They appeared to contain management protocols for soldiers stationed near the temple, but in reality, contained content about transferring ownership of the nearby land to Ruffel, who had returned to the kingdom. While Ruffel would never actually get the land including the temple at the border, it was suspicious enough to look that way. I needed to pilfer it and bring it to Luan, and make him believe it was good information.
If that document we fabricated were real, it would be madness. No matter how much Kadilen worked to save the people, Pamel Island was a different story. Helping the people there would not be welcomed by any noble. Above all, there were those who had been exiled after being unjustly blamed for the nobles’ wrongdoings. If Kadilen, who hadn’t even held the national wedding ceremony yet, started to uncover past wrongs, the families who had held power for generations would suffer.
Once Luan fell for this plan, everything needed to be handled quickly. Kadilen had prepared a defense strategy in advance for after the nobles found out. So we needed to finish our strategy before Luan noticed. Once rumors began to spread among the nobles, Kadilen would need to reveal evidence that it was false at the appropriate time. We had to completely bind Luan in that short interval.
“From now on, we’ll need to move even faster.”
As Devan said, the investigations by him and Wimu became even more important now. The goal was to get a second dose of medicine from Luan and then corner him immediately. For that, we also needed information.
“How was Arzel’s castle?”
“As you said, it seems there’s extra medicine in Luan’s quarters. There’s a space no one enters.”
“It won’t be easy to get in, I suppose?”
“Impossible for now.”
If we could just get that, everything would be solved… Capturing Luan himself wasn’t a big problem. His power was surprisingly pathetic. Without Arzel, he would even struggle to find safe lodging. But he had the antidote. We were developing a strategy that precariously affected Kadilen’s position ultimately because Luan held the only medicine. If Luan destroyed it, killing him would be meaningless. Devan reassured me that he would find another way.
“Then I’ll leave it to you. It will be easier if we know the location of the medicine.”
“I’ll do my best to find it.”
He promised me. His voice, seriously lowered, gave me confidence. A surge of gratitude welled up, but I stood up without showing it. There were too many obstacles to pouring out my honest feelings. Like a weak person facing difficult situations, I turned away like a coward.
“Ludin.”
Devan lightly caught me as I was about to leave after merely moving my lips. He smiled gently, as if he had already read all my thoughts. Though I thought I had grown used to Devan not getting angry, seeing him so calm now was both grateful and surprising. I knew well how intensely he would push when he wanted something. But his current demeanor was different from before when he would constantly push. He looked unbelievably relaxed and peaceful. Devan, who had been carefully choosing his words, spoke quietly:
“If there’s one thing I’ve learned painfully through all this, it’s how to love you.”
My gaze wavered, losing its place at the word that came from his lips. Though I had been proven the obvious fact countless times, his confession was always new.
“I know it’s uncomfortable. But don’t hide it. You don’t have to anymore with me.”
Devan was letting me go. The method he said he had learned over a long time. It was something completely unsuited to Devan, but that’s why his sincerity came through even more strongly.
“Make the decision that will make you happy. Whatever it is, it won’t make me unhappy.”
“What if… it’s not you? Are you really okay with that?”
Knowing it was a foolish question, I asked almost in a whisper. Devan laughed softly and withdrew his hand from me.
“It doesn’t matter. As long as you’re happy.”
“…”
“It’s about time you were happy, isn’t it?”
He truly smiled. His red lips were forming a perfect arc. Looking at that smile, the confusion that had been jumbling my thoughts gradually subsided. He had ultimately made me feel at ease.
As if knowing he had succeeded, Devan looked at me with satisfaction.
* * *
Time flew by. Daily life back at the palace was much more complex, but there was vivid hope. We moved according to plan. While Wimu and Devan checked Luan’s residence in more detail, I gave Arzel a hint. He sent a reply saying he would visit the palace soon.
Seeing Rio regain his vitality was always joyful. He couldn’t run around the palace as usual, but he looked so happy just to be free from being stuck in bed. Kadilen often visited the infirmary. Though he must have been busy dealing with work that had piled up during the temple visit, he accommodated all of Rio’s trivial whims.
Jiman quickly noticed the somehow changed relationship between Kadilen and me. It was difficult to hide the truth from someone who was always watching me. When he caught me conversing with Kadilen, I nervously hovered around him, unable to predict his reaction. But he made no mention of Kadilen. Knowing that his not asking separately was tremendous consideration, I inwardly poured out enormous thanks to him. Jiman only worried about my physical condition without showing it.
While all plans were progressing steadily, the only variable was my health. Unlike other things, my physical condition was deteriorating. The tenacious poisonous energy that had begun its activity was felt throughout my body. Having already conquered my breathing and stomach, it slowly spread throughout my body, shaking each muscle. Each time, I looked at Rio’s sleeping face. The angelic face of a child sleeping peacefully without pain. Looking at that made clear what I needed to do now. What pain to endure for what purpose, and what I could gain at the end.
Time flowed, and the date promised with Arzel approached. Since I had thrown up everything from my stomach that morning, Jiman’s worry was at its peak. He seemed even more nervous than I was.
“Don’t worry. It’s rather fortunate. How embarrassing would it have been if I had vomited in front of Arzel?”
“You can joke at a time like this?”
“Today is a good day. If everything goes according to plan, we can get the medicine.”
Though the medicine’s effect was good, more antidote was needed for Rio to maintain a healthy state continuously. So today would be a very important day. Especially considering our future plans.
After attempting a few more jokes but failing to see Jiman smile, I left the room in a somewhat deflated state. After walking a bit, I heard Jiman calling me from behind. Turning around happily, he waved his hand while endlessly repeating the same nagging. Avoiding those familiar but tiresome words, I entered a familiar, dark building.
Arzel had already arrived and was waiting for me. He had chosen a building with little human traffic where we could avoid people’s gazes. I caught sight of him standing alone in the quiet corridor. His gaze, coldly surveying the surroundings, was excessively icy.
“What information do you have to pass on?”
He went straight to the point. I, who had no intention of dragging out time, immediately responded to him.
“Evidence that Kadilen has contacted someone from Pamel Island.”
Arzel took the document I handed him. His eyes widened as he carefully examined the paper. He looked back at me with an expression of momentary speechlessness.
“You know what that means? Ruffel is an exile. No matter how close they are, giving land to someone who has already become a resident of Pamel Island is foolish. Especially at the border.”
“In the end, a weak heart has backed itself into a corner.”
Arzel sneered.
“Though cleverly deceived, Ruffel has gained power. The rights as a citizen of the kingdom.”
“Is Kadilen stupid enough to do such troublesome things for a mere criminal?”
“This isn’t simply an act of kindness for one person. Kadilen is planning to gradually bring exiles into the kingdom. It’s extremely like him. But what do you think will happen if the king starts digging up those who were falsely accused one by one?”
“…There would be quite a few people sweating.”
A cynical smile hung on his lips. But soon, Arzel looked at me sharply.
“How did you find this out?”
I hadn’t expected him to accept it without a single doubt. Without panic, I quickly recalled the words I had prepared.
“You sent a spy while Kadilen and I were at the temple, didn’t you?”
Arzel was silent. My guess that the footprints in the underbrush were Luan’s had been correct.
“I regret that you didn’t trust me, but fortunately, thanks to that, I can prove it. If someone was watching the temple, they would have seen a visitor coming there in the middle of the night.”
“Was that visitor Ruffel?”
“Yes. I followed Kadilen as he moved under the cover of darkness.”
I held my head high and added to Arzel:
“I’ve passed on sufficient information, so you should have something to give me too.”
