04. Blackout
“Hello there!”
Hyeong-seok’s booming voice announced Lee-yeon’s arrival.
“Wow……”
“Oh…… It’s Lee-yeon.”
It was the usual reaction that erupted wherever she went, but Lee-yeon found it difficult to manage her expression every single time.
In truth, from the first day her picture was hung in the middle of Seoul until now, nothing had been easy. To be more honest, she still frequently wondered if deciding to walk this path was the right choice.
“Lee-yeon, hi! We’re seeing each other again after just seeing each other the day before yesterday. You’ll have tea, right?”
“Yes, please look after me well today too, Director.”
At the very least, she was relieved to be on familiar terms with the beauty staff. Thanks to the people who handed her a warm cup of tea instead of a noisy welcome, Lee-yeon was finally able to breathe easily.
Amidst the staff moving about busily, she briefly greeted the photographer, the main assistant, and the advertising editor who came to the waiting room, before immediately starting her preparations for the shoot.
Before she knew it, it was already her fourth year. Lee-yeon was now accustomed enough to filming to accept herself as a ‘model’, but thinking back to when she first started this work still made her break into a cold sweat. It had been so distressing.
Now, it was well-known that she had a deeply introverted personality, so things had improved, but for the first while, she faced various misunderstandings, and once or twice it had escalated into quite serious conflicts.
The biggest issue was her ingrained habits and way of speaking. Even when she tried to correct them, they would slip out unconsciously and cause misunderstandings.
For instance, her naturally casual tone and the way she directed her gaze at others.
<I I air? be but can days, her high how in know mean, nose popular pretty she’s that the these>
<She down I Am Merely can’t head. Is she ignoring me just like looking at me? She is this! tilting work>
Whenever a shoot ended, she always had to be dragged by Hyeong-seok’s hand to deal with angry people. Explaining the situation to them one by one, apologizing, and bowing her head was a daily occurrence.
The situation improved slightly only after a major public broadcasting station aired an extensive, in-depth documentary about ‘Socheon Bridge’.
At that time, ‘Model Lee-yeon’s’ popularity was already on the rise, so she had been worried that the content covered in the broadcast might become a problem for her future work.
But contrary to her fears, the existence of ‘Yeon-hwa’ was never mentioned in the broadcast at all, and Lee-yeon actually benefited from the documentary.
People who learned about the absurd social hierarchy and the excessively strict rules created by the cult leader began to overlook Lee-yeon’s blunders.
However, Lee-yeon wasn’t entirely happy about that. Because she knew a day would come when the truth would be revealed, she had to shoulder the things people did not know as a heavy emotional burden all by herself.
Every day felt like walking on a tightrope. As the praise and support for ‘Lee-yeon’ grew larger, she felt anxious and guilty that what she had done might be exposed at any moment.
“Sweetie, you look a bit pale today. Is your condition not good?”
“No. I’m fine.”
Lee-yeon stared at her face reflected in the mirror. Since she had suffered from a hangover all weekend, it was only natural that her complexion was poor.
“The areas around your eyes are red, and, huh? It feels like you have a bit of a fever too……”
“I think it’s because I couldn’t sleep well.”
Since waking up in the hotel room the morning before last, her condition had literally hit rock bottom.
The massive headache from the hangover was a problem, but the shock that came from the fact that most of the previous night’s memories had vanished was immense.
Experiencing a blackout for the first time in her life was pure terror.
Ransacking her splitting head, she barely managed to recall retrieving the room key left behind by Jeong Si-heon.
But after that, no matter how hard she tried, it was useless. She had to take comfort in the fact that there were at least no traces of anyone else inside the room. She had no choice but to reach the convenient conclusion that although she was incredibly drunk, she must have entered the room on her own two feet and gone straight to sleep.
Even up until she left the hotel room with a severe headache, a sense of shame, and a bottle of spring water, she had tried to dismiss it as just an unlaughable, single-night happening. Along with a vow to never disrespect champagne again.
However, even that small wish was shattered to pieces the moment she stepped out the door.
It was because of the paper shopping bag hanging quietly from the doorknob and the jet-black dress shoes that suddenly flashed through her mind.
Not only could she not remember who the owner of those shoes was, but inside the shopping bag were low-heeled flat shoes and a hangover cure, with no card or note with a message written on it, making her even more confused.
“Sigh……”
Just thinking about it made her head throb, causing her brow to furrow repeatedly.
“Sweetie, are you really okay? Should I call Manager Hyeong-seok?”
“No. It’s just…… I had a bad dream, and it keeps coming back to me.”
“Ah. Is that so? It must have been a very scary dream for it to stay in your mind like this.”
It would have been better if it were just a nightmare.
Memories that did not return even after time had passed were scarier than any nightmare.
“But what to do, sweetie? Today’s shoot will be incredibly long…… That photographer is famous. For shooting indefinitely until he gets a cut he likes.”
What she had heard from Hyeong-seok on the way to the set was a similar story.
Since he was someone who mainly took artistic photographs, he never shot roughly just because it was an advertisement. He apparently directed down to a single strand of hair.
If that was true, it was bound to be an exhausting shoot, but Lee-yeon actually thought it was for the best. Rather than repeatedly digging through her chaotic head, she felt it would be better to focus on something instead.
“The model is ready. Moving into the shoot!”
From the very first shot, it was a close-up cut.
It was the most difficult type of work because it had to be accomplished entirely through expressions and gazes without any help from backgrounds or props. However, since the success or failure of the work was always decided in the first cut, she absolutely had to concentrate.
“Now, Lee-yeon. I absolutely detest explaining things multiple times, so listen carefully, okay?”
The photographer, who had a sparse beard on his philtrum and chin, abruptly gave a sharp warning.
“What I want is a ruined feeling. An extremely fragile existence that has bloomed amidst the apocalypse and death. Do you get what I mean? Even so, an expression that is merely too sad or pretty won’t do. You know, like those photos of children in conflict zones. That kind of…… heavy, suffocating feeling just from looking at it must come alive. Do you understand?”
The prepared set was full of flowers, so the demand to evoke a battlefield feel left her slightly flustered. However, he began to demand even more absurd things on top of that. Instructing her to loosen her pupils and then slowly constrict them, to part her lips slightly but ensure her teeth weren’t visible while creating a nuance as if breath were escaping—he continued a difficult, arcane directing style.
“I’ll try my best.”
Since they were incomprehensible demands, that was the only thing she could say for now, but he sighed heavily as if he found her utterly unreliable and added:
“You’ve experienced it yourself. Hmm? That photo that made Lee-yeon debut, right? That one. Try to recall the emotions you felt back then. That should be easy for you. Isn’t that right?”
In an instant, the expressions of all the staff members, excluding the photographer, crumpled simultaneously.
Their faces showed that they wondered if he really had to bring that story up. Because telling her to recall that time was telling Lee-yeon to drag up a horrific memory. Hyeong-seok’s face, in particular, hardened so stiffly it looked terrifying.
Even as a quiet whispering spread and the air on the set sank heavily, the photographer acted unbothered, and Lee-yeon nodded calmly.
“Yes. I’ll try.”
“Great! Then let’s go!”
It would be a lie to say she wasn’t angry at the photographer’s inconsiderate directing.
However, she couldn’t refute his words that it shouldn’t be that difficult. Just as he said, Lee-yeon could recall that exact moment even without trying hard.
“Alright, staff clear out. Quiet so the model can get into character! Hey, Kim, raise the side more. The lines are overlapping!”
As soft background music began to flow, Lee-yeon took a deep breath and closed her eyes.
Quietly within the pitch-black darkness, she sent her heavily sinking consciousness back to that day five years ago.
Before long, the exceptionally clear sky, the air that had been dry because it hadn’t rained for a long time, and even the smell of the cornbread she had eaten for breakfast that morning arose vividly.
It was something she had repeated tens, hundreds of times, so there was nothing difficult about it.
Rather, it felt as though it grew more distinct every time she recalled it.
The thoughts she had when she took out and put on her newly made ritual vestments, her briefly disrupted breath, and even the throbbing pain—when all of it arose…… Lee-yeon finally opened her eyes atop the altar where sparks flew.
<S-save Save me! me……!>
<Aaaargh! Gaaah…… Gaahhh……>
Pitch-black smoke billowed as if to cover the sky, and a pungent smell pierced into the mucous membranes inside her nose.
Everything that entered her field of vision was burning. The chapel, the altar, and the people.
Filled with horrific screams, groans, and weeping, that place was, literally…… a living hell.
And in that place, Lee-yeon—no, Yeon-hwa—could do nothing.
<Yeon-hwa……!>
Except to look helplessly at the people who were dying while praying to her for salvation.
<Why…… For do reason this to us…… what you>
Except to watch the desperation filling the people’s eyes turn into bewilderment, and eventually, into rage.
“Great! Lee-yeon, that gaze right now! Nice!”
