“Pretty, isn’t he.”
“That’s not all — he’s obedient, too. I’ve trained him thoroughly.”
The moonlight pouring through the floor-to-ceiling windows was bright, but Yeonwoo’s heart was dark. He pretended not to notice, yet he was aware that every person in the room had their eyes fixed on him, on Assemblyman Cha, and on the man being called Chairman. He found them all repulsive. But the most repulsive thing of all was himself — smiling so hard his cheeks ached.
“If it weren’t for that face of his, I wouldn’t have brought him at all. Ha ha.”
It was sad. It would have been better not to have been born at all. That thought refused to leave his mind. Yeonwoo buried it skillfully, and smiled back at the people smiling at him.
“Do you like what you see?”
“Mm, I’d prefer him a little thinner. I like them lean.”
Assemblyman Cha’s eyes lit up at the man’s words. The already meager meals he’d been giving Yeonwoo — barely enough to get by — dropped from two a day to one, starting from that moment.
What struck Yeonwoo more than the fact that the man called Chairman had appraised him like an object was that a man old enough to be his father could look at him that way at all. But as always, he had no choice but to keep smiling brightly. He turned up the corners of his mouth as if he didn’t understand a thing. The conversation about how much he was worth — he pretended not to hear it, acted as though the sound didn’t reach him. Because that was the only way to survive. Screaming and fighting back changed nothing.
Haa…
Every time he was brought to a place like this — more times than he could count on both hands — Yeonwoo imagined things. He imagined someone coming to rescue him. He went further and imagined throwing himself out of a moving car and running away. But both were wishes that would never come true.
Who would bother saving someone like him. Not a chance.
And he didn’t have the courage to jump out of a moving car.
So he went, again and again, to those gatherings disguised as drinking parties — places that were really just Assemblyman Cha begging someone to buy him. Just a little longer and I’ll be sold off, Yeonwoo told himself. Assemblyman Cha had always acted as though he couldn’t sell him fast enough.
But contrary to Yeonwoo’s expectations — one day, two days, three days, four days, and then a full year passed — and he still hadn’t been sold.
Yeonwoo was still in that hellhole of a house.
The longer the days of not being sold stretched on, the crueler Assemblyman Cha’s family became. Before, they would walk past and hurl insults just loud enough for him to hear. But lately, they raised their hands at the slightest provocation and kicked him. They locked his door from the outside and told him not to crawl out of his room.
For Yeonwoo, that was actually preferable. If he had to choose between being hit and being locked up, being locked up was far better.
“God, what the hell. When is that thing finally leaving?”
I want to leave this house too. Yeonwoo murmured to himself inwardly. He didn’t say it out loud, of course. He simply lowered his head as if he had no defense. Bowing his head for things that weren’t his fault had become second nature. It was better to keep his head down. He was supposed to look as though he was overwhelmed with guilt and remorse — but he wasn’t sure he could perform that expression to the degree they wanted.
“Father says he’s looking for a good place, so be patient a little longer.”
“It’s so annoying. Can’t you just sell him off to whoever pays the most?”
The cursing went in one ear and out the other. It would have hurt him once, but he’d grown numb to it. They were never his family to begin with — he shouldn’t have expected anything like affection from them. Thoughts like then why did you bring me here, why did you take me from the orphanage where I was fine — he didn’t think those anymore. To them, he was not a person. He was simply something that would bring in money.
It had taken him far too long to grasp this truth, small as it might seem. Yeonwoo cast his eyes downward. The words were meant to be heard, so he had to stand there and listen quietly. Early on, he hadn’t understood that, and he’d walked back to his room — only to have his hair grabbed and be beaten mercilessly.
“We raised him carefully — we have to wait until we find a proper buyer. Do you have any idea how much it cost to raise that little bastard? We need to recoup the investment. Selling now would be a loss. I told you — you sell when it’s ripe for the picking.”
“Well, he’s definitely got the face that’ll make perverts go crazy.”
They snickered and jerked their chins in Yeonwoo’s direction.
“Hey!”
“…Yes. Go ahead.”
Yeonwoo bowed his head even lower. Whatever they said didn’t matter. He only hoped they wouldn’t hit him.
“Starting today, your only answer is ‘yes.’ Got to train you properly before then.”
“…Yes.”
And so Yeonwoo thought that whoever ended up taking him away was going to be unfortunate. Spending money on something like him. It was like a mouse pitying a cat — but he genuinely thought so.
Love, affection, care — of course he wouldn’t receive any of that. There didn’t seem to be a single person anywhere who would cherish him, who would love him.
Who in the world would ever think of him that way. Any normal person wouldn’t buy him in the first place.
“You’re gonna get sold to some twisted, sick pervert, you know that? You think any of the guys panting to get their hands on you are normal? They’re all freaks. Every last one.”
“Then again, for someone like you, even getting sold into a household like that is something to be grateful for.”
Words he’d always heard. They would go on and on about the kind of perverts who liked boys his age. And in the same breath, tell him exactly how miserable his life was going to be.
They told him how many people had come out of those men’s beds half-dead. How some had been unlucky and died. How some were in psychiatric hospitals. How some hadn’t been able to endure it and had killed themselves.
They even added that he should make sure to kill himself in a way that would secure a large settlement — for their sake. And still, Yeonwoo simply nodded with a smile. Because saying no, saying he didn’t want it — the only thing that ever came back was violence.
Am I going to die? Or will I end up in a psychiatric hospital?
Thanks to everything they said, it wasn’t hard for Yeonwoo to picture his future. He knew that if he was sold to that sick, twisted pervert, a difficult life would be waiting for him. Difficult enough to die — or to want to die. But no matter how hard life was there, it would be better than now. No — he was certain there was no life worse than the one he had here.
Why would I die?
He had no intention of dying, not the way they described. Who would that be dying for? He planned to cling to life by any means necessary. He would survive, and survive fiercely. That was the greatest act of revenge he could take against them — and the best choice he could make for himself.
I absolutely will not die.
But to do that — what did he need to do? Yeonwoo rolled his eyes in thought. What kind of person was this twisted, sick pervert they never stopped talking about?
Based on what they said, the man sounded like someone impossible to deal with… but that was fine. He had spent over thirteen years living face-to-face with people who barely qualified as human. Unless this man was some extraordinary kind of lunatic, he didn’t think he’d be shocked or frightened.
I should do some research.
If he prepared in advance, he thought he’d be able to handle it properly when something terrible actually happened. Less psychological damage that way, too. Yeonwoo nodded to himself, picked up his thickest notebook, and sat down at the desk.
And then he began thinking in earnest.
What kinds of things might he say?
If he was a twisted, sick pervert…?
Yeonwoo wrote seriously. He created an imaginary figure in his mind. Since he didn’t know what the man looked like, he decided to picture him as a vague dark shape.
Bark.
…Not bad. Sometimes Assemblyman Cha’s biological children would throw wads of cash at him and shout “Bark! Bark for me! Bark, you dog!” So that much wasn’t even abuse, really.
If that person told him to bark — should he go “woof woof” or “arf arf”?
Assemblyman Cha’s children had sometimes screamed at him for barking the wrong way. He hoped that twisted, sick pervert would be magnanimous enough not to care about something that petty.
Why is a dog walking? Crawl.
This one wasn’t bad either, but it was too mild. Assemblyman Cha’s family had always called him “you dog” anyway. And if he’d already been made to bark, crawling on the floor was far too easy. So that didn’t count. Yeonwoo carefully drew an X next to it. He drew an X next to “get up on something and bark” as well.
Spread open.
Hmm. Yeonwoo rested his chin in his hand. This one gave him real pause. Just imagining it was humiliating — but spreading open was, well… if he had to, he had to. He hesitated over this one for a moment before marking it with a triangle. It seemed like something he’d probably hear often, so it would probably be better to get his eyes and ears accustomed to it.
