Maybe it’s too extreme a conclusion — but then again, thinking about how my social circle had narrowed over eight years of dating, it didn’t seem so bad.
My life right now was fixed between the library and home, so it wouldn’t hurt to meet new people and get some fresh stimulation.
Having made up my mind, I finished my meal, came out, and immediately grabbed my phone and started searching.
I was curious where people met others these days — after looking it up, it seemed like most people connected through apps based on shared hobbies.
Huh, apparently some people even meet on secondhand trading apps and end up getting married.
It wasn’t likely a common case, but the saying that the right person will find you no matter what suddenly felt very real. The problem was that I didn’t have much energy left over for activities like these.
As someone working five days a week, the idea of regularly doing something in my free time — meaning after work or on weekends — felt like a burden in itself.
In my case especially, unlike most people, I didn’t get a consistent break every weekend — my days off were variable, which made it even harder.
Of course, if I had a hobby I was deeply invested in, the kind that made even that level of inconvenience feel like nothing, it might be a different story — but that didn’t apply to me either.
If I had to name something that seemed relatively manageable…
A book club might actually be okay.
Though the requirement to read a book every week and share thoughts about it felt like a lot. I was the type to read and quietly mull things over on my own — not someone who enjoyed expressing what I thought out loud.
On top of that, groups like these tended to have a higher proportion of female members.
If I want to date, I should be going to places with a higher ratio of men……
But places like that tended to be either too physically active or ones where drinking was basically mandatory. And even if I went, if they were all straight men, it wouldn’t make any difference. The recruitment posts reading women welcome that kept popping up in a row told me my assumption wasn’t far off.
In the end, after ruling things out one by one, everything got rejected. Then again, if I’d had the will and energy to actively attend gatherings like these, I would’ve done it long ago.
I was mulling over whether to just try a book club as a test run when a review for a bar in Itaewon caught my eye.
A bar that only men go to.
That one line caught my attention, so I read through it — it seemed like a regular person had posted a review after visiting a gay bar.
“……This might not be bad.”
If I casually drop by, have a look around, and happen to meet someone I like, can’t I just start as friends?
Ideas started flowing and a plan began to take shape.
“Maybe I should go on a Friday.”
I muttered to myself, lost in thought, when Cha Jae-woo, who had been deep in his work, took off his headset and looked up.
“What did you say?”
“……Nothing, just that it’s nice having Saturday off this week.”
Caught off guard by the sudden question, I blurted out something without thinking — and Cha Jae-woo seemed to lose interest and put his headset back on.
I let out a quiet breath of relief and patted my own chest, then scrolled through reviews of gay bars said to be popular in Itaewon and picked the one that looked the most promising.
I’d never been to one before, so I had no way of knowing if it would be good or not — but something like this had to be left to chance anyway.
Who would show up that day, who I’d end up meeting — all of it was up to fate.
* * *
Friday finally arrived, and the moment I got off work, I had dinner and changed my clothes.
I felt embarrassed about looking too dressed up, so I put on a plain, neat shirt to head out — when Cha Jae-woo, having just finished his shower, came over with a puzzled look.
“Hey, where are you going?”
“Just, to meet someone.”
I gave a vague answer, and Cha Jae-woo raised an eyebrow with a skeptical expression.
“Who are you meeting?”
“……An acquaintance?”
“An acquaintance. Who exactly, and from where.”
I’d been trying to brush it off and leave, but Cha Jae-woo kept pressing. This wasn’t in my anticipated scenario, so after some deliberation, I ended up telling the truth.
“I’m going to find myself a partner.”
“……A partner?”
“Yeah.”
I couldn’t very well tell him I was going to meet someone new partly to put more distance between us, so after some thought, I came up with a reasonable excuse.
“Just, it’s spring, and I figured it’s about time I got into a relationship too.”
Saying it that way, there was nothing more he could say. That should be enough for him to accept, I thought, and turned to leave — when Cha Jae-woo grabbed my arm.
Does he have something more to say? I turned around, and Cha Jae-woo was staring me down.
“……Let’s go.”
“Huh?”
“I’m coming with you.”
With that, Cha Jae-woo went into his room before I could say a word. The sound of a hair dryer started up — it seemed like he was rushing to dry his hair.
“……You’re coming with me?”
This was another unexpected development, and it left me quite flustered. I was going to meet new people to put some distance between me and Cha Jae-woo — and now the man himself was coming along. Was this right?
But there was no excuse I could give now to refuse. More than anything, Cha Jae-woo and I were in no position to get in the way of each other’s romantic endeavors.
What if Cha Jae-woo ends up clicking with some other guy when we go together?
We’d already broken up, but the thought of potentially watching my ex-boyfriend get close with another man in front of my very eyes made me feel dizzy.
No — think positively.
My goal was to draw a clearer line between me and Cha Jae-woo.
Whether it was him or me, if either one of us started a new relationship, the living arrangement would naturally come to an end too. Maybe the goal would be achieved automatically. I tried to tell myself that.
* * *
And so, Cha Jae-woo and I headed to Itaewon. We made our way to the bar I’d already scoped out, found seats right away, and looked over the menu.
Under the dim lighting, with soft music drifting through the air, the inside of the bar was quieter than I’d expected — probably because of the atmosphere, everyone sizing each other up.
In a little while, I’d be mixing in among them too.
Figuring I should order first, I looked over the menu again.
I knew nothing about the whiskeys and cocktails sold at a place like this — soju or beer, maybe, but this was a different story — so I was puzzling over it when Cha Jae-woo tapped my shoulder lightly.
I looked up and was met with a face that was visibly thrown off. Had something happened already? I lowered my voice slightly and asked,
“What’s wrong?”
“Maybe it’s just me, but……”
Cha Jae-woo frowned and scanned the room again, then answered with equal care.
“It seems like it’s all men in here.”
The fact that he said it like he was sharing some great secret when it was the most obvious thing in the world left me feeling oddly deflated. Thinking what is wrong with him, I let out a sigh and picked the menu back up.
“Obviously. This is a gay bar.”
“……What?”
Cha Jae-woo’s eyes went wide, even more caught off guard than before. I couldn’t figure out why he was reacting that way, so I just blinked — and then Cha Jae-woo furrowed his brow.
“……Ha Yun-su, you like men?”
“Hey, then what are you — a man or a woman?”
I shot back with undisguised bewilderment, and Cha Jae-woo went quiet.
Sure enough — this guy seemed to have no awareness whatsoever that he and I had been in a relationship. When I said I was going to find a partner, he must have assumed it meant a woman, and had followed me all the way here on that assumption.
I was irritated that Cha Jae-woo naturally thought of a woman when I said dating — but I didn’t let it show. Then Cha Jae-woo, still with a complicated expression, pressed on as if interrogating me.
“……You’ve only ever dated women up until now, haven’t you?”
“From now on, I’ll be dating men too.”
When I fired back in a slightly petty way, Cha Jae-woo’s brow furrowed ever so slightly. He didn’t say it out loud, but his blatant distaste was palpable — and I found it infuriating.
Of course, from the perspective of a Cha Jae-woo who had lost all his memories, the very premise of two men being in a relationship might genuinely feel repulsive.
But if that was the case, he shouldn’t have followed me in the first place. I never asked him to come — and yet here he was, having insisted on tagging along, now making no effort to hide his displeasure. What was that about?
I was going to let it go quietly, but instead I exhaled and closed the menu.
“If it’s that disgusting to you, go home first.”
“……Who said it was disgusting?”
“Then are you having fun?”
Unable to actually say yes, Cha Jae-woo’s expression twisted.
I genuinely could not understand him. I told him to go home if he didn’t like it, and yet he clearly didn’t want to do that either — he just clamped his mouth shut and held his ground. I found myself shaking my head without even meaning to.
In the end, Cha Jae-woo stubbornly stayed put with a face that looked like he could bolt at any moment, right up until the drinks arrived.
I did my best to mentally erase Cha Jae-woo’s presence as he continued to sip his drink with obvious displeasure, and brought a piece of orange from the fruit platter to my mouth.
Contrary to the reviews that claimed there were a lot of good-looking people, the inside of the bar had no one who looked particularly good — or even anyone who looked similar to me, for that matter. Meaning even average-looking faces were rare.
Every person whose eyes met mine sent a sticky, lingering gaze my way, which was more off-putting than anything. I was quite disappointed, but since we’d only just arrived, I decided to wait and see a little longer.
Just then, the bartender set a cocktail down in front of me. It seemed like a mistake, so I said I hadn’t ordered it — and was told it had been sent over by someone over there.
I instinctively turned my head, and the man whose eyes I met sent me a wink.
I was genuinely taken aback. Is this just how it works here? I had no way of knowing, never having been before — so I smiled awkwardly and fixed my gaze back on the cocktail.
The drink, with its layers of differently colored liquid, was vibrant and boasted a pretty palette. Resting on top, alongside a tiny umbrella, was a slice of lemon that seemed to be letting off something like smoke.
It was a very pretty and impressive sight — but no matter how I looked at it, it didn’t suit someone as rough-edged as me, which left me feeling a little flat.
Honestly, I doubted it would even taste good. I wasn’t much of a fan of sweet drinks.
Still, out of consideration for the person who sent it, I should at least try a sip.
Thinking I’d drink a moderate amount since it didn’t seem high in alcohol content, I reached out for it — when Cha Jae-woo intercepted it and downed it in one shot.
