Already weak and hurting from his wounds, hearing words this absurd on top of it all left his mind blank.
What, what did they say? A kiss? Sexual intercourse? Se — sex? With a man?
Hee-young stared with wide, startled eyes, muttering blankly as though questioning whether he’d heard right or imagined it.
“Has everyone lost their minds…. What are you telling me to do?”
“Guide—”
“Guiding my ass…. You’re calling sex Guiding now….”
You understood perfectly well…. The employees stood there dumbly. With no idea what the problem was, silence settled over the hospital room again.
“Hey, kids. Let me give you one piece of sincere advice.”
“Pardon? Yes….”
Hee-young swallowed a sigh and spoke, looking at the employees’ uncomfortable expressions. Right, I’ve been more than patient. I’m honestly still on the fence about all this too, but fine — I’ll give you a hundred concessions and accept that fire-breathing, sky-flying superpowered people actually exist and there are people who can fix them just by touching them, as absurd as that is. But. What? Men doing what with each other? Sex?
“All of you should see a psychiatrist. These days, having mental health issues isn’t something to hide or be ashamed of. If you’re sick, you need treatment — hiding it, or well, it’s not even hiding it…. Either way, do you think just leaving it alone makes it better?”
What is he going on about? Is this a self-confession?
The employees tilted their heads.
“And what you’re saying right now — don’t go around spouting it in public. Hey, I’m an old man who’s seen everything there is to see in this life so I’m fine, but go around talking nonsense like that elsewhere and you’ll get reported and end up behind bars. Why would young kids want to ruin their lives? Hm?”
“What do you mean by that….”
“Or do you actually believe in that stuff? Some kind of cult? Whatever it is — don’t go back to wherever taught you things like that.”
It’s our workplace though.
The employees’ expressions grew increasingly strange, and Hee-young stopped mid-ramble.
Wait, for real?
“Seriously? All those Espers and Guides actually do that?”
“Pardon…? The Guiding?”
“The sex! Sex!”
Hee-young said, trembling with rage. Out of nowhere they bring some stranger in and ask for sex — anyone would flip out at that, and — Hee-young pressed his fingers hard against the corners of his eyes. His head was throbbing.
Despite his former gangster title, Hee-young was actually quite conservative when it came to matters of sex. Of course, relatively speaking — compared to those around him — but he wasn’t the type to fool around recklessly like the other members. On top of that, being asked for intercourse as though it were a job duty, not something freely chosen — Hee-young felt resistance rising from somewhere deep inside him.
“Ah, you’re shocked because of the sexual Guiding. Not every pair goes as far as sexual Guiding.”
Maybe about 0.001%? Or thereabouts. There were pairs that held together through friendship despite an Esper’s terrifying obsession — not zero, but not many.
But…. The employees hesitated, thinking of Shin-yul who had just been in the room. The golden eyes that had gazed at Hee-young were filled to the brim with obsession and desire. Seeing the state Shin-yul had been in — groping the unconscious body, slipping his hand beneath the clothes to stroke bare skin — it was obvious he’d have Hee-young stripped the moment they were officially paired.
“Right? No — in an era of declining birth rates like today, grown men? Hm?”
“Declining birth rates…? No, same-sex relationships—”
Where on earth is this declining birth rate thing from — for one thing, South Korea had never once recorded a declining birth rate in this world. On the contrary, the entire world had been struggling with overpopulation, and after going through the global upheaval caused by the emergence of dungeons, Espers, and Guides, the population had settled at a manageable level — and the world had come to actively encourage free and open relationships, which had shaped the modern society free of prejudice. Something they themselves had not lived through but learned from history books.
Spouting old-fashioned ideas as though they were obvious facts, making statements that wouldn’t be out of place coming from an ancestor — the employees sighed deeply at the sight of Hee-young. What are we going to do with this, Shin-yul. There’s a long road ahead.
At the employees once again sighing as though they didn’t understand, Hee-young’s own mind started to go hazy. What on earth is wrong with this insane world…. His brain seemed to be nearing its limit, on the verge of overloading.
“Hey — for now, for now…. That’s enough for now. Everyone out.”
“Just a mo—”
“No, I’ll hear the rest tomorrow. Tomorrow…. I’m exhausted.”
The frail body trembled and a miserable expression took over the pale face — the employees felt a pang in their hearts. What kind of person could not feel sorry for a beautiful boy, fairy-like in his prettiness, trembling and turning his already-pale face even whiter as he said he was exhausted.
“Yes…. Then get some rest. We’ll come again tomorrow.”
“Hah…….”
Flustering about, the employees fussed over getting Hee-young settled in for sleep. After they had carefully closed the door and left, silence fell over the hospital room, and Hee-young scrunched up his face as if fed up with everything in existence, and closed his eyes.
***
Whether the stress piled onto that frail body had been too much, not long after the people left, the quiet sound of sleeping breath filled the room. With a soft creak of the door, a large man entered and slowly blinked his bright golden eyes. His long legs crossed the hospital room in easy strides, yet he made no sound at all.
Shin-yul stood watching the pale face with closed eyes in silence, then moved his hand through the air just above the surface — tracing without touching, from the exposed forehead down to the rounded tip of the nose. When the slight body flinched and stirred, Shin-yul’s hand trembled faintly as he hesitated — then gently took the slender hand in his.
“Hah…….”
Through their joined hands, Hee-young’s Guiding energy surged and flowed into him. Even the mere act of holding hands was unbearably sweet. Shin-yul closed his eyes, sank to his knees, and curled his body close toward Hee-young.
Gazing at the pale, slender fingers fidgeting in his palm, Shin-yul slipped Hee-young’s index finger into his mouth and sucked. The moment it made contact with the mucous membrane inside his mouth, Guiding came pouring through him, and his whole body shuddered. Not wanting to wake Hee-young, he worked to steady the overwhelming breath rising in him, keeping it low and quiet.
Shin-yul had not been in his right mind from the very moment he arrived at this hospital. Well — when was he ever.
From the moment he had felt the radiant Guiding that Hee-young, who had not learned how to control his Guiding, had unknowingly released in his panic and pain — Shin-yul’s heart had been pounding and the world had been spinning.
Even from the faint trickle of Guiding that had flowed into him, he felt, for the very first time, that he was complete. That feeling was so sweet that Shin-yul desperately sought out the source from which the Guiding flowed.
Even with the hospital lobby crowded with people, the only thing Shin-yul’s eyes could clearly see was the small figure, streaked with sweat. The thrill of the moment their eyes met was so intense it turned his mind completely white.
The very existence of his savior — the one who could make him whole — being here was already enough to move him. The one who erased with a single breath all those days he had feared he might live forever, incomplete and alone. His own god.
He slowly drew out the slender finger he had been languidly rubbing with his tongue. A thin thread of saliva trailed from the pale finger like a thread of silk, then broke. Even that was too stimulating — Shin-yul dragged his tongue in a long lick down Hee-young’s finger, then, unable to hold back the rising obsession and desire, suddenly pushed himself upright and wedged his body into the patient bed — wide for a hospital bed, but still.
Wide as it was, it was still a single bed, and as Shin-yul squeezed his door-sized body in, the space shrank dramatically — Hee-young furrowed his delicate brow and shifted in his sleep. Without missing that moment, Shin-yul pushed himself even closer and tucked the slender body neatly into his arms.
Clear, cool Guiding energy surged and seeped in from the body pressed flush against his. Shin-yul breathed out a languid hah and rubbed his face against the soft cheek. The sensation of his Guide being right here in his arms granted him a happiness and overwhelming satisfaction that no words could describe.
If he had never known it, perhaps it wouldn’t matter — but having felt the sensation of a soul filled to the brim, Shin-yul instinctively knew he could never go back to before.
“I’m yours…. Even when I die, I want to die by your hand….”
His golden eyes blinked slowly. The years of insomnia born from that hollow emptiness seemed like a lie — feeling the warm, wriggling presence nestled in his arms, he slowly drifted off to sleep.
***
“Did you sleep well?”
“……”
“No discomfort during the night?”
“…Can’t you see what’s uncomfortable right now?”
Hee-young gestured at the articles about Espers and Guides, the morning news recording, books, and research papers the employees had spread all across his bed since morning — and answered the doctor in a disbelieving voice. He had slept over ten hours yet felt oddly stiff and irritable, and on top of that the employees had piled materials all over him so he couldn’t even lie down properly, all because they desperately wanted him to believe them — his face was thoroughly soured, yet the doctor flipped through the chart and answered brightly:
“I hear you spoke with the Center staff quite late into last night — it seems your basic social knowledge has come back to you. Now that you’ve manifested as a Guide, your willingness to actively accept your changed circumstances is very encouraging. Good.”
“As long as you’re satisfied, everything’s fine? I’m not fine.”
At Hee-young’s irritated reply, the employees who had visited so early in the morning whispered from behind the doctor. He didn’t remember any of it. He kept saying he couldn’t trust us, so we just put the materials there and asked him to read through them….
“Ah….”
The doctor nodded as if understanding, but seeing that he took no particular action, Hee-young trembled with rage.
Maybe I’ll wake up back in my real body? — he had hoped when he opened his eyes, but nothing had changed, and being bombarded with unbelievable texts and explanations to the point of near madness, he felt like he’d suffocate from the frustration. He tried his best to understand, but being told what men were supposed to do with other men — hands and hugs now seemed downright saintly by comparison.
From that point until now, his fury had been building steadily. He said he understood, but honestly Hee-young hadn’t believed a word the employees said — does that even make sense. Superpowers? Just touching skin and someone gets better? He had scoffed. But then seeing the articles and news footage the employees brought as proof, the various research papers, interviews, and books — he felt like he had been hit hard over the back of the head, utterly dumbstruck.
No — waking up in the body of some kid he’d never seen, penniless, turned into a Guide or whatever and being given demands he couldn’t even comprehend — isn’t it normal to be furious? Hee-young grabbed a handful of the papers scattered around him and threw them at the doctor.
“This is genuinely — hey. There are limits to how crazy people can be, right? Hm? A patient lying in bed in pain, and some bastards bring in the most degrading things to say and papers to stress him out, and other bastards just standing there watching without stopping any of it. Hm? I genuinely cannot believe this.”
“Yoo Hee-young.”
“Think about it logically. Logically. They call it Guiding or whatever and tell two men to get all over each other. And apparently someone who’s nearly dying gets better from that. That’s insanity. You hear me? That is flat-out insanity. What? Espers? Abilities? Give it a rest, give it a rest! Before I report every single one of you and have you thrown in a psychiatric ward!”
“Yoo Hee-young, please calm down.”
“Do I look calm? There’s a limit to how stupid you can treat a person. I got stabbed in the stomach, not the head. Hm? All of you just sitting there spouting nothing but nonsense!”
Huff — huff —
The slight body heaved with rough breaths. The pale face flushed red with rage.
“Hmm…. Yoo Hee-young.”
“Damn it, I told you that’s not the name!”
“But you checked the mirror, didn’t you? Was that your face?”
“……”
Hee-young’s mouth snapped shut.
“Hearing what you’ve said, it seems you’re experiencing confusion because this world’s common sense and your own don’t align — but what do you think the reason for that might be?”
“How would I know? You’re the doctor — or whatever superpower person — you figure it out!”
The body, heaving with agitation, soon closed its eyes and let out a long, deep breath. He rubbed at the corners of his eyes with his hand. The body’s owner was so weak — just raising his voice a little and he was already dizzy and drained.
When the young, reedy voice stopped its shouting, only silence drifted through the hospital room. Hee-young exhaled deeply. Getting it out had helped somewhat, but nothing had changed — he bit down hard on his lip.
Woke up in a different world, a different body. He wanted to stay here for the time being and find a way back, but trying to accept all this nonsense when he was nearly fifty was genuinely difficult.
He roughly dry-washed the delicate face with his hands. With the pain bringing him back to his senses slightly, he felt he might have let his temper run too far — and Hee-young spoke in a deflated voice:
“Ah, that…. I’m sorry. I’ve been listening to nothing but nonsense since yesterday, hm? It’s enough to make a person blow their top. Just be straight with me. Even if it’s not them but me who’s crazy — I’ll try to accept that. Because the current situation doesn’t seem normal.”
At Hee-young’s words, the doctor hesitated and fell silent for a moment. He’s not in a stable state, and only aggressive responses keep coming out…. Just then, Hee-young pulled the hand rubbing at his aching brow away and met the doctor’s eyes. Not the faint-hearted Yoo Hee-young, but the steady gaze of Ryu Gwan-tae, who had weathered every hardship life could throw at him.
The doctor swallowed a sigh, opened and closed his mouth a few times searching for the right words, then spoke carefully:
“Yes, I will give you my medical assessment. Right now, Yoo Hee-young is experiencing very severe post-traumatic stress, and is going through a temporary period of confusion. It appears that post-traumatic dissociation or mental health complications have intervened as an intermediary stage, resulting in the current situation — in other words, the confusion Yoo Hee-young is currently experiencing is a form of mental illness.”
“What — what did you say…?”
Wait, so I actually am out of my mind?
