# Chapter 87
After feeling with his palm, the size and shape of the chest were completely perfect no matter how he looked at it. Could Jaei have made some mistake? The chest Jaei should have been looking at wasn’t that one but this one. He tilted his head, feeling doubtful. When he desperately called for Jaei with his chest, Jaei’s gaze returned to him.
Jaei, who had been staring at Doha’s pectoralis major and subclavian muscles, shifted his gaze to look into his eyes. As soon as their eyes met, Jaei smiled cutely. Doha interpreted this as a victory for his chest. He felt sorry for Mr. Sean Alex who, regardless of his own will, had suddenly been made to participate in a chest war at their first meeting.
Perhaps because they were in a hospital room, the meeting was conducted in a very serious atmosphere and in a business-like manner. It wasn’t the kind of atmosphere where Sean Alex would randomly confess his love to Jaei or flirt with him. Jaei also mobilized all the English he knew to make an effort for his new challenge.
In reality, Jaei had deleted all of Hong Duyoung’s films from his filmography on his official profile. At the same time, he had also removed all the film festival awards he had received for those films.
Currently unemployed, Jaei had been examining his newly changed career details for a long time this morning. When he really removed Hong Duyoung from actor Lee Jaei, there wasn’t much left. This doesn’t mean that works by other directors were insignificant. It means that he couldn’t deny that the decisive moment when Lee Jaei differentiated himself from other young actors originated from Hong Duyoung. Of course, every role he had played in every work was precious, but he felt like he had become an actor who wasn’t any different from countless others and didn’t have anything particularly outstanding.
He had thought his career as an actor and his love with Doha were both perfectly fulfilled. The two things that Lee Jaei, who didn’t originally have much energy, had loved by consuming his life were Ryu Doha and acting. The things he had achieved by dedicating his entire life had sunk back to the bottom.
His sensitive reaction to Doha and Seo Eunho’s relationship—he thought it was all because he couldn’t sleep. He thought it would be fine if he slept a lot and rested well. But it was the opposite. Until now, he had been constantly pushing his thoughts back while carrying out his busy schedule, and thanks to that, his depression had also been pushed back. After completely finishing filming the drama, he was given the luxury and time to think. The moment he started thinking, depression flowed in like water.
Hong Duyoung, Hong Duyoung’s victims, Lee Jaei who had been thriving as an actor. Lee Jaei, an accomplice who must bear responsibility for Hong Duyoung’s crimes. Seo Eunho the victim, and Ryu Doha the victim. Ryu Doha and Seo Eunho, both victims.
All of these were piling up on Jaei’s head one by one like a tower. After Seo Eunho appeared before him, he had vaguely sensed that his heart had become very painful, but hadn’t realized it accurately. Only after his busy schedule was wrapped up and he had taken enough rest did he properly feel the weight of the punishment on his head.
He also realized that unconsciously bundling Doha and Seo Eunho together, constantly feeling anxious about their relationship, and the feeling that he might be revenged by them ultimately stemmed from the guilt forcibly created by Hong Duyoung. Seo Eunho had touched that guilt that had been well-sealed while being loved by Doha, plunging him into pain.
As his thoughts kept spreading self-destructively, he swallowed the medication he had been prescribed along with sleeping pills. Even so, when he took the medication, the thoughts that filled his head disappeared. While blinking vacantly, he recalled finishing his lead role drama with high ratings the other day. In that moment, positivity bloomed in his heart. Getting rid of Hong Duyoung’s ghost from Lee Jaei was just beginning in earnest now. He would definitely succeed.
He thought he should quickly start working again. Everything would be fine if he kept his body busy. Then he would be able to escape from the imaginary souls that Seo Eunho had placed on his head. Only then could he avoid tormenting Doha.
If, while living diligently like that, Doha were to say, “Jaei, give your life to Eunho. After all, you achieved it all with our lives—mine and Eunho’s,” he was ready to willingly give everything and leave this world without any regrets. Of course, he knew Doha would never do such a thing. He was saying that he loved Doha so much that it wouldn’t matter at all if such a thing happened.
What would Doha think if he poured out all these complex and dizzying thoughts to him? No matter how much he loved Lee Jaei, wouldn’t there be a limit to what he could accept? Being a simple and positive child, he would become tired of Lee Jaei as a human. However, at the exit of his maze-like thoughts, Jaei always found himself loving Doha even more.
He reviewed projects with staff members who had worked with actor Lee Jaei for a long time. It took a very long time for the contract to be completed. In particular, Lee Doha checked the script and filming environment very meticulously. Doha had many reasons to want Jaei to do this film, but naturally, he intended to oppose if there was anything concerning after the final review.
Since he would be joining a film that had already started shooting, the sooner he departed, the better, and it was possible to finish filming within 1-2 months, including the adaptation period.
Only after Doha’s final approval did Jaei sign the contract. Sean Alex, who had known Doha only as a rookie actor belonging to the same management as Jaei, realized that Doha was exercising much more influence over Jaei’s project choices than expected and questioned it. He asked what position Doha held. Jaei almost answered like this:
The company representative’s lover! The real power behind our company!
If there weren’t other employees around, he would have clearly explained with Doha’s permission. Jaei, who tactfully kept his mouth shut, smiled brightly and then asked Doha:
“Doha, what position should we go with? Will you make a business card for Doha?”
“Team Leader. Jaei Team Leader.”
Doha answered innocently. Since the company only had exactly two affiliated entertainers, the teams weren’t divided by actor. The members of the “Jaei Team” created by Doha were Jaei and Doha, and the team leader was Doha. Jaei would be the leader of the “Doha Team.”
Jaei looked at Doha and covered his mouth with both hands, muttering:
“So cute…”
Since he couldn’t shout loudly that Ryu Doha was cute during business, he had to physically cover his mouth.
After the meeting, all employees left work. Sean Alex, who had continuously expressed his personal interest in Jaei, asked if he could spend time alone with Jaei. Jaei, who had needed an opportunity to let him know that Doha was his lover, willingly nodded. Doha, who had been pretending to leave work among the employees, walked backward and sat on Jaei’s bed.
“Talk comfortably. It might be difficult for you to be comfortable since you can’t communicate well.”
As soon as Doha finished speaking, Jaei pointed at Doha with his finger and shouted in a bright voice. Boyfriend! My boyfriend!
At Jaei’s uninhibited shout, the man said to be the second sexiest in the world tilted his head with a cool smile typical of Western people. Doha, an Eastern person, had the mindset of a national representative competing in the Olympics, planning to take the position of the sexiest man in the world in four years. He clearly read the sense of rivalry directed at him in the eyes of Sean Alex, who was pretending to be cool in front of him. He also felt his confidence that he could fully steal Jaei away.
Doha, as Jaei’s guardian and Jaei Team Leader, knew better than anyone that Jaei’s heart was currently in a broken state. Jaei, who had rested while receiving IV fluids after the drama ended, had instead become even more emaciated after a few days. Being the person who knew Lee Jaei’s complex nervous system and body mechanisms best in the world, he had fully grasped specifically what was troubling him.
It seemed like he would go through quite a mental struggle after sending Jaei to the United States. However, he believed that time would be the most important period in their lives, and days that were absolutely necessary.
Doha looked intently at Jaei’s pretty face and then pressed his lips against Jaei’s lips. It was the first time he had kissed him in front of someone else. Jaei showed signs of surprise but didn’t avoid Doha’s lips. Instead, he kissed Doha’s lips once more on his own and then apologized to the one who ended up witnessing this scene.
Of course, this was also excessive consideration from an Eastern couple, and the foreigner seemed not to mind this level of skinship at all.
* * *
Jaei ended up leaving Korea in the early morning without informing anyone except his closest confidants about his departure. Doha embraced Jaei, who had pulled his hat down and hidden his face with a mask. Doha had also completely concealed his face with a hat and mask.
“Jaei, I’m sorry for making things difficult for you.”
“What? Why are you saying what I should say? I’ve got nothing to say now.”
“Why don’t you have anything to say? Make something up quickly.”
“I’m sorry for being such a weak and complicated person.”
“That’s why you’re lovable.”
At Doha’s words, Jaei tilted his head back and pressed his lips against Doha’s while still wearing his mask. As soon as their lips parted, Doha, who had immediately pressed his lips against Jaei’s, said:
“I’ll be doing well here with what I need to resolve. Cheer for me.”
“I love you so much, good baby. Never do anything dangerous.”
Though they didn’t explicitly say it, Doha and Jaei were parting while embracing the possibility that the other might come to love someone else. But that feeling was actually a conviction that “I will never love anyone but you.” The most unstable heart was, in fact, the most stable heart.
